Swann Quotes in My Favorite Year (1982)

Swann: You see, people like me wear targets. I'm blamed for a lot of things I had absolutely nothing to do with. On the other hand, because of who I am, I get away with murder in other areas. I suppose it all balances out in the end.

Belle: Does it really, Swannee?

Benjy Stone: Ma, he's an actor, not a river.

Uncle Morty: So, Mr. Swann, now that we sat nice, broke bread together, shared a glass of wine, I feel I know you a little.

Swann: Morty, I feel I know you even better.

Uncle Morty: Good! Then you won't mind if I ask you a question?

Benjy Stone: Uncle Morty!

Uncle Morty: What are you worried? It's not personal. What was I - born in Minsk or Pinsk? I know my way around.

Swann: Morty, ask your question.

Uncle Morty: That paternity rap a couple of years ago - did you shtupp her? Did you go all the way? What? What?

Swann: Comedy is such a mystery to me. I feel the way Edmund Kean did.

Benjy Stone: The great English actor?

Swann: Mmm. On his death bed, Kean was asked how he felt. He answered, "Dying is easy. Comedy is hard."

[Alan Swann pours himself a drink]

Benjy Stone: Mr. Swann, I was supposed to watch you, remember?

Swann: Good. Watch this.

[Pours another drink]

Swann: What's in a name? A rose by any other name would wither and die.

Swann: [waking up] What is the time?

girl in bed: I don't know. Don't you have a watch?

Swann: No. I'm not allowed to wear a watch.

girl in bed: Why not?

Swann: I don't trust them.

girl in bed: Why?

Swann: One hand is shorter than the other.

Belle: Something to drink before dinner?

Swann: Some soda water.

Belle: [yelling into the kitchen] Rookie, a glass of seltzer!

Rookie Carroca: [yelling back] Pick it up!

Swann: [watching a movie] Oh, good God! It's Renfield! I thought he was dead!

[Renfield's character "dies" on screen]

Swann: Oh, yes! So he is!

Scalfoni: Scalfoni, 1R. You're the best!

Swann: How did you get into the building?

Scalfoni: I'm the Super.

Swann: By-the-by, Stone, where is this - Brooklyn?

Benjy Stone: Another world.

Swann: [looking at a smashed liquor bottle] That's a sad sight!

Benjy Stone: Mr. Swann, I think I'm going to be unwell.

Swann: Stone, ladies are unwell. Gentlemen vomit.

Benjy Stone: Mm-hm.

Swann: [to a random gentleman] Alfredo, you needn't wait. We shan't need the car any more. We're going to throw up in the park and then walk home.

Benjy Stone: Why did you marry so many of them?

Swann: Stone, I didn't marry any of them. They - married me.

Sy: A week's salary, Swann takes a dive. Hey, Swann dive! Bam-Boom!

Benjy Stone: You're on!

Swann: [Wakes up, stands up] Double the lad's bet for me, you toad!

[Passes out]

Swann: We'll talk over dinner.

Benjy Stone: Me? You? The Stork Club?

Swann: Well, after that rather eloquent speech you made earlier this morning, I didn't think you'd mind having dinner with me.

Benjy Stone: You heard that? But, you were out?

Swann: There's out and there's out.

K.C.: If there's anything you need, I can take care of it for you.

Swann: Anything?

K.C.: Within reason.

Swann: Well, let's begin with some tea and see where that leads us.

Swann: Stone, I want you to know that this morning I had absolutely no idea I was in the process of inserting myself into an arrangement that already existed between you and Miss Downing.

Benjy Stone: Would it have made any difference?

Swann: No.

Swann: Are you in love with the girl?

Benjy Stone: I think I am. But, I don't know what she wants.

Swann: Romance, Stone. That's the only thing that you can be sure they all want.

Swann: This is the most fun and the hardest work I've done since the world was young.

Swann: Our needs must take leave of you, for Stone and I journey to dine in some far off land called Brooklyn.

Belle: Mr. Swann...

Swann: Alan, please. And what may I call you?

Belle: How 'bout, yours?

Belle: Shame on you, Swannee.

Swann: Yes, you're right Belle. Shame on me, in deed.

Benjy Stone: Mr. Swann, may I tell you something? Benjy Stone is not who he seems to be.

Swann: Who is Stone, who is?

Benjy Stone: This is live television.

Swann: Live? Live? What does live mean?

Benjy Stone: It means the exact moment your cavorting and leaping around that stage over there, 20 million people are seeing it.

Swann: What a minute. What a minute!

Benjy Stone: Swann, you're white.

Swann: You mean it all goes into the camera lens and then just spills out into people's houses?

Benjy Stone: Yeah.

Swann: Why is it nobody had the goodness to explain this to me before?

Benjy Stone: Is that think or drink?

Swann: Yes!

Benjy Stone: Mr. Swann!

Swann: Oh my god, it's Stoneburger. Will you ever let me alone?