Suzanne Quotes in Postcards from the Edge (1990)

Doris: Will you please tell me what is this awful thing I did to you when you were a child!

Suzanne: Okay, you want to know? Do you?

Doris: I want to know! Tell me!

Suzanne: Okay, FINE! From the time I was 9 years old, you gave me sleeping pills!

Doris: That was over-the-counter medication, and I gave it to you because you couldn't sleep!

Suzanne: Mom! You don't give children sleeping pills when they can't sleep!

Doris: They were not sleeping pills! It was store-bought and it was perfectly SAFE! Now don't blame ME for your drug-taking! I do not blame my mother for my misfortunes or for my drinking!

Suzanne: Well, you don't acknowledge that you drink. How could you possibly blame your mother for something you don't even do? Remember my 17th birthday party when you lifted your skirt up in front of all those people, including that guy, Michael?

Doris: I did not lift my skirt, it TWIRLED UP! You only remember the bad stuff, don't you? What about the big band that I got to play at that party? Do you remember that? No! You only remembered that my skirt accidentally TWIRLED UP!

Suzanne: And you weren't wearing any underwear.

Doris: Well...

Suzanne: Thanks GOD I got sober now so I can be hyper-conscious for this series of humiliations.

Doris: I was such an awful mother... what if you had a mother like Joan Crawford or Lana Turner?

Suzanne: These are the options? You, Joan or Lana?

Lowell: You know, you're not going to get a lot of sympathy. Do you know how many people would give their right arm to live your life?

Suzanne: But that's the problem. I can't feel my life. I look around me and I know so much of it is good. But it's like this stuff with my mother. I know that she does these things because she loves me... but I just can't believe it.

Lowell: Maybe she'll stop mothering you when you stop needing mothering.

Suzanne: You don't know my mother.

Lowell: I don't know your mother, but I'll tell you something. She did it to you and her mother did it to her and back and back and back all the way to Eve and at some point you just say, "Fuck it, I start with me."

Suzanne: Did you just make that up?

Lowell: Yeah, well, I was working on it when you came in. If you'd shown up a half hour later like you were supposed to, it would have been better.

Suzanne: It's pretty good as it is.

Lowell: Yeah, you just like it because it sounds a little like movie dialogue.

Suzanne: That's right, I don't want life to imitate art, I want life to be art.

Suzanne: When did you see Jack last?

Evelyn Ames: Umm, Saturday. Saturday night.

Suzanne: I was with him Saturday afternoon. That's two girls in one day.

Evelyn Ames: And that's just the ones we know about. Think what you could find out if you had one of those satellite things.

[laughs]

Suzanne: How can you laugh? It's completely disgusting! Especially in this day and age.

Evelyn Ames: You look like someone who can take care of herself. Buy some condoms. Don't feel bad. He probably really likes you. If you can just... enjoy yourself with him like he's enjoying himself with you... That's what I do. I'm in it for the "endolphin" rush.

Suzanne: Endorphin.

Evelyn Ames: Whatever.

Doris: Are you less mad at me now?

Suzanne: I am always less mad at you, Mom.

Doris: You know what they say. No pain, no gain.

Suzanne: Well, no wonder I'm so hefty.

Doris: Hefty? If you ask me I think you're too thin. Now my stomach, that's hefty.

Suzanne: I was kidding.

Doris: I don't get your generation's humor most of the time.

Suzanne: I don't have a generation.

Marty Wiener: Then I think you should get one.

Doris: What is wrong with your hair?

Suzanne: I dunno; it's all the rage in the rehab.

Doris: How was work today, dear?

Suzanne: They made me do a drug test.

Doris: I knew it. I knew you shouldn't do this film.

Suzanne: You knew I shouldn't do it because it's a bad film, not because they were going to make me do a drug test.

Doris: No, I knew it was wrong from the start, I had a dream that it wasn't right. I know you don't believe in my dreams, even the one that predicted your kidney stone. I had a dream the other night that I was drowning in the ocean...

Suzanne: I really wish I had a Percodan right now. Or two, maybe three.

Doris: ...a very heavy sequined gown pulling me under.

Suzanne: I'm going to kill myself.

Doris: Don't say that, dear, even in jest. You just got out of drug clinic. People might take it the wrong way.

Doris: I have some news.

Suzanne: What? You had a dream I lost some weight? Endorsed a line of clothing?

Doris: Don't be fresh, dear.

Suzanne: Mom, this is my roommate, Aretha.

Doris: Aretha, what an unusual name.

Aretha: Yes, I think my parents were expecting someone black.

[Suzanne laughs]

Doris: [confused] Are you black?

Aretha: Ummm, no. It was nice to meet you; Suzanne has told me so much about you. I think I'll just go weave a basket or something and let the two of you visit.

Suzanne: Can I ask you something personal?

Evelyn Ames: You mean asking me who I have sex with isn't personal anymore? What do you want to know, if I smoke?

Aretha: Flowers for you, Suzanne.

Suzanne: Who died?

Aretha: Both of us almost did for a start. Who are they from?

Suzanne: They're from the guy who pumped my stomach.

Aretha: Bullshit!

[Reading card]

Aretha: "Dear Suzanne. Hope your stomach is better. You seem to be what my mother warned me about: A beautiful, overly-sensitive person." He can tell all that by the contents of your stomach.

Suzanne: I'd have to be sensitive to need all that dope. I'm tempted to marry him so I can tell people how we met.

Suzanne: [knowingly] Irish person. You just drink to relax. You just enjoy your wine. I know, you've told me, mother. You don't want me to be a singer. You're the singer, you're the performer. I can't possibly compete with you. What if somebody won? You want me to do well... just not better than you.

Doctor Frankenthal: Would you maybe like to go out with me sometime? Catch a movie or something?

Suzanne: Sure. We can go see "Valley of the Dolls." We'll say fate brought us together.

Doris: You feel sorry half the time for having a monster of a mother like me. Everything about you says 'look what you've done to me'.

Suzanne: [innocently] I never said you were a monster!

Doris: You don't say it, but you feel it. Somehow, you lay the entire blame for your drug-taking on me.

Suzanne: [annoyed] I do not! I DO not, mother. I took the drugs, nobody made me.

Doris: [darkly] Go ahead and say it: you think I'm an alcoholic.

Suzanne: Okay...I think you're an alcoholic.

Doris: Well, maybe I was an alcoholic when you were a teenager. But I had a nervous breakdown when my marriage failed and I lost all my money.

Suzanne: That's when I started taking drugs.

Doris: Well, I got over it! And now I just drink like an Irish person.

Bart: Excuse me, Suzanne, can I meet your mother?

Suzanne: Sure. Bart, this is my mom...

Bart: Oh, Miss Mann, I've loved you my whole life. Ever since I was seven, I wanted to be you.

Alan: Bart does you in his drag show.

Bart: Oh, this is my lover, Alan. Yes, I wear a costume exactly like the one you wore in "That Marvelous Mrs. Markham."

Doris: Oh, the one with the corset? That was so difficult to wear...

Suzanne: Mom?

Doris: Oh, I must go, sorry, boys. It was very nice to meet you.

[whispering to Suzanne]

Doris: Sorry, dear, but you know how much the queens love me.

Suzanne: Aw, shut up, Grandma.

Grandma: I beg your pardon?

Suzanne: I should think you would.

Grandma: You see there? Now if you washed her mouth out with soap when she was little, like I told you, maybe she'd have some respect now!

Suzanne: [talks over] I'm simply suggesting we all try to enjoy one each other without having to assign blame.

Grandma: Ooh, listen to Miss Snootybritches. "Assign blame," hee hee.

Suzanne: [pushes her towards the door] Come on!

Grandma: Just what do you think you're doing, young lady?

Suzanne: I'm moving you out to the waiting room.

Grandma: Well, there's no need to shove! I'm going! You know what you need? I good pop on the butt like I used to give your mother! I--

[Suzanne shuts the door on her]

Doris: If I thought I made you feel like that, I'd kill myself.

Suzanne: Don't say that, even in jest, Ma, particularly when you're in a hospital. People might take it the wrong way.

Suzanne: I've been approached by hundreds of people who've felt the need to address the lack of relaxation in my work.

Simon Asquith: Really? Hundreds? Well, I'll have a chat with them.

Suzanne: In the future, I would prefer to receive direction solely from you. I mean we're talking about one day of work here. A day in which I was tied to a cactus and assaulted by snakes. Like I was a child. Maybe they should bring my mother on the set and she can make sure I'm relaxed!

Simon Asquith: That's it! That's her! That's the character! What you're doing right now!

Suzanne: But, Simon! This isn't relaxed! This is incredibly upset!

Suzanne: Do you know Jack Faulkner?

Evelyn Ames: [laughs] Oh, yeah.

Suzanne: You've... slept with him?

Evelyn Ames: Well, I don't know how much of a rest I got. Wait, he hasn't got...?

Suzanne: No! Oh, God, I hope not.

Evelyn Ames: You scared me. I thought maybe you were from some celebrity AIDS notification board or something.

Suzanne: Ma, I'm middle-aged.

Doris: Dear, *I'm* middle-aged.

Suzanne: Really. And how many one hundred and twenty year old women do *you* know?

Suzanne: Did you want some more cashews, Grandpa?

Grandpa: Did I already have some?

Grandma: [under her breath, to Aretha] He gets worse every day.

Grandpa: Who gets worse? I heard that! Get off my back, woman! I wanna go home!

Grandma: We're going home, dear.

Grandpa: Not with you! I wanna go home.

[smiles at Aretha]

Grandpa: Are we going soon?

Aretha: Soon, sir. Very, very soon.

Grandpa: You know what my daddy did?

Aretha: What?

Grandpa: [confused] What were we talking about?

Grandma: [under her breath, to Aretha] I told ya.

Grandpa: I heard that! Get out my back, woman! Yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap--that's all you do all the livelong day!

[singing]

Grandpa: And the farmer hauled another load away...

[wanders off across the lawn]

Grandma: [sighs] The other night he punched me when I was trying to put some clean pajamas on him.

Suzanne: Run Judy, run! See Judy run!

Suzanne: Do you guys have sour balls?

Convenience Store Clerk: Why sure we do.

Suzanne: Too bad. I bet you don't get many blow jobs.

Angela: [shouts] Come on! Your face looks fine. I have never seen anyone spend so much time in a mirror!

Suzanne: Relax! I just wanna look good for the boys. You did remember to invite some cute boys to the party I hope.

Angela: Of course I did, and we're gonna scare the shit out of them.

Suzanne: [Helen turns on a flash strobe] Far fucking out!

Helen: I found it in my mother's closet, she used to be an acid head.

Frannie: Hey guys, how about a past life seance?

Suzanne: A what?

Frannie: A past life seance. You know, we all sit around, look in a mirror, and see our past lives.

Stooge: What kind of drugs are we gonna need for this?

Suzanne: Cool.

[holds up her compact]

Suzanne: Will this do?

Angela: I'm afraid not, Suzanne, we need one we can all look into at once.

Angela: Would you feel awkward undressing in front of men?

Suzanne: No, I despise everyone.

Angela: Me, too!

Suzanne: No one puts a finger on my diviner.

Orville Ketchum: They found the bodies splattered all over the place.

Suzanne: Oh, my God, that must have been totally gross.

[after the ouija board's planchette inexplicably flies off of the board and into the fire, which erupts in flames; the girls scream]

Suzanne: Hey, fuck this!

Linda: This is getting too weird.

Kimberly: I mean, really, what was that?

Janey: Look, lightning must've hit the house and caused a huge electrical charge, or something.

Linda: Yeah, right, that explains everything.

Suzanne: Have you ever been married?

Michael Williams: No.

Suzanne: It does strange things to people.

Suzanne: [at the dinner table, Edward hands her some meat with his scissors] I can't eat that, he used his hands. I think it's unsanitary.

Suzanne: Drop it, mom. Jeez!

La mère: Our aerobics song. I'm obsessed, it's a real find.

Suzanne: Everybody found it, mom.

La mère: Translation said it's about Picasso being in love, or Picasso... anyway it wasn't clear.

[they both start dancing to O-Zone - Dragostea Din Tei]

Suzanne: I'm only happy when I'm with a guy.

Suzanne: Sometimes I feel like killing myself, you know? Sometimes I'm sick of living.

Suzanne: Why all these scruples all of a sudden? When you found me, you knew I was a slut.

Suzanne: Alec, darling, where have you been?

Alec Walker: Hello, Suzanne. It looks as though your spouse is soused.

Suzanne: I told you I had to see you.

Alec Walker: Now that you've found me, what about it?

Suzanne: Honestly, Alec, you're so direct!

Alec Walker: You're not exactly oblique yourself.

Suzanne: Merely because I happen to think you're attractive, you want me to throw my whole life away. What kind of a person do you think I am anyway?

Alec Walker: An Easter bunny.

Alec Walker: You call that love, huh?

Suzanne: Who are you to be so high and mighty about love? You and that thing you've got with Maida! Of all the shams I've ever seen, that's the worst. You didn't think you could make a fool out of me, did you?

Alec Walker: I tried.

Alec Walker: Oh, Suzanne, you wouldn't. Surely, you wouldn't. You know, when the cat's away, the mouse will play.

Suzanne: It might be a mouse and it might be a rat. But, if it does play, why can't it play with me?

Suzanne: That wasn't my husband, that was a friend. He is still a live. My husband died eighteen months ago.

Tony: Oh, thank god. I mean, that your friend's still alive and your husband is dead.

Suzanne: I don't date.

Tony: It wouldn't be a date, just a meal. As a matter of fact, we could sit at different tables.

Suzanne: What about your girlfriend? Doesn't she like sailing?

Tony: She's not my girlfriend.

Suzanne: You know, I always thought it was the bottle of champagne that makes the boat move forweard.

Tony: You mean it doesn't?

Suzanne: [to Diane who is holding Tony's hand] Please let go of his hand. I said let go of his hand. Thank you. A woman must fight for her man, mustn't she? After all, I'm sagittarian and it's time for my afternoon delight. Call me?

Dr. Fiedler: I was going to ask you if you like this man Tony?

Suzanne: Yes.

Dr. Fiedler: I have to write this down. Otherwise I simply forget it.

Suzanne: [makes a dismissive gesture] That's all right.

Dr. Fiedler: No, no. That's because otherwise I forget to pick up the dry cleaning.