Susan Quotes in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)

[on why Ricky should resume his racing career]

Susan: It's because it's what you love, Ricky. It is who you were born to be. And here you sit, thinking. Well, Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver. He is a doer. And that's what you need to do. You don't need to think. You need to drive. You need speed. You need to go out there, and you need to rev your engine. You need to fire it up. You need to grab a hold of that line between speed and chaos, and you need to wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra! And then, when the fear rises up in your belly, you use it. And you know that fear is powerful, because it has been there for billions of years. And it is good. And you use it. And you ride it; you ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell, and then you win, Ricky. You WIN! And you don't win for anybody else. You win for you, you know why? Because a man takes what he wants. He takes it all. And you're a man, aren't you? Aren't you?

Ricky Bobby: [pauses] Susan, I've never heard you talk like that... Are we about to get it on? Because I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.

[on Ricky's new 'corporate sponsor']

Susan: "Me" is you. Because it's just you out there. We don't have any corporate sponsors, we don't have any fancy team owners. We have you. And this car, and this cougar, which symbolizes the fear that you have overcome. It's all there for you.

Glenn: Ricky, this car is like your Excalibur, the mighty sword that Sir Lancelot used to bring together the Knights of the Round Table, until Lancelot betrayed him by laying with his queen...

[whispers suggestively]

Glenn: ... in the biblical sense.

Ricky Bobby: Okay, Glenn. Everything cool that Susan said, you wrecked it.

Susan: Hi, I'm his lady. I'm Susan. I painted the car, I... we had sex.

Reese Bobby: Is that right?

Susan, Ricky Bobby: Yeah.

Reese Bobby: Well, I wish I coulda been there for that.

Susan: [Ricky inadvertently begins autographing Susan's forehead] "No, it's me, it's me, Susan. Your assistant."

Ricky Bobby: Susan you gotta watch it when I get into autograph mode!

Daniel: What's the matter? The truth hurt?

Ali Mills: So you really think that's it?

Daniel: I know it is.

Ali Mills: Yeah well, you're wrong.

Daniel: Oh, you bet I'm wrong.

Ali Mills: You know Daniel, I didn't go out with you because of a car or where you live.

Daniel: Okay, since we're on the subject, why did you?

[silence]

Daniel: Huh? Why did you?

Ali Mills: I thought maybe you and me we're different.

Daniel: Oh yeah, I'm from Reseda, you're from the hills, that's how we're different.

Ali Mills: Oh, shut up.

Daniel: Admit that you just can't handle the situation the way it is.

Ali Mills: You know I can handle it fine. But you can't.

[exits]

Susan: What makes you so sensitive? She's never been anything but nice to you.

Daniel: Yeah she even used to me to make what's-his-name jealous.

Susan: She doesn't even like what's-his-name!

Daniel: Yeah I couldn't really tell, by the way their faces we're stuck together at that country club.

Susan: Oh, that's right. You didn't stick around for the um... exciting conclusion.

Daniel: Oh what was that? His hand on her ass?

Susan: Her right hook, you think she sprained her wrists doing her nails?

Daniel: She hit him?

Susan: An understatement.

Daniel: I don't get it, why didn't she say something?

Susan: She shouldn't have to? Should she?

[walks away]

[at the Halloween dance party, Barbara and Susan watch Ali joins Daniel in his shower costume]

Barbara: I don't know what she sees in him.

Susan: She must be into fungus.

Doug Roberts: I'm not a cheeseburger.

Susan: No, you're way better, all protein, no bread, now all I need to take with you is eight glasses of water.

James Duncan: Give me the architect that designed you, and who needs Doug Roberts?

Susan: I do.

[about breeches buoy lottery]

Doug Roberts: We'll send the kids out first, and then the women. Number this up to, I don't know - a hundred or so.

Susan: High-rise roulette.

Doug Roberts: High-rise roulette. That's right.

Susan: This is hard to say, but I've been thinking a lot about it... and we can't have a relationship.

John Moss: Sure we can, 'cause I can change. I'll try harder.

Susan: It's not that. It's not you. You're fine. It's what you do. It's... it's all the violence. I have spent my life trying to run away from that. I cannot put Bonnie in a position where she doesn't know if her father's gonna come home alive.

John Moss: Yeah, I understand. Sure. Cops are too angry, too violent... too risky to care about... until you need one. Then we're the Second Coming, aren't we? I understand that one all right.

Susan: Are you hungry?

Karel Vojtí?ek: Not really... Yes.

Susan: Not really - yes?

Karel Vojtí?ek: I mean yes. Sorry... My English isn't very well. I mean good.

Susan: Who are Danzer and Goro, anyway?

Col. Wier: Haven't you heard? They're the kind of people who can start a war, if the price is right.

Nicki: What kind of woman are you?

Susan: As of now, your kind.

[last lines]

Susan: When I was a little girl I was pretty scared of a monster that I thought was under my bed.

Lucas: Uh oh...

Susan: [Lucy is cleaning doorknob] What are you doing?

Lucy: Willy told me he wanted his knob polished.

Susan: Dumbass.

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!

Susan: Oh, I know, please help!

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!

Susan: I know...

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!

Susan: Why do you keep saying that?

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Because internet bloggers love when I say, "I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!"

Susan: Why are you yelling?

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Shut up, bitch! I'm always yelling! I'm Samuel Goddamn Jackson!

Susan: [Shocked] Bitch?

["Samuel Jackson" grabs Susan and throws her from the plane]

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: [From unrated version] Enough is enough! I've had it! With these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!

Susan: So have I!

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Enough is Enough! I've had it! With these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!

Susan: Right...

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I've had it! With these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!

Susan: Why do you keep saying that?

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Because internet bloggers love it when I say "I've had it! With these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!"

Susan: Alright, we get it already. Okay?

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: No! I don't think you do! I've had it! With these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!

Susan: Why are you yelling?

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Shit, bitch! I'm ALWAYS yellin'! I'm Samuel motherfuckin' Jackson!

Susan: Bitch?

[Gets thrown off the plane]

Susan: Welcome! My name is Harry Potter!

Lucy: Aren't you a little old to be still a student here?

Susan: Nonsense. I am but 14.

Susan: [seeing a shark swimming right in front of them] What kind sharks are those?

Daniel: Big ones.

Susan: Oh God! Something's rubbing against my foot!

Daniel: The only reason we are out here in the first place is because of your fucking job!

Susan: What?

Daniel: If it were not for your job, we would not have thrown our plans out the window, rushed around at the last minute and settled on this fucking trip! We would be at home, in the middle of our hectic lives, which right now sounds like heaven to me. And in a month's time, seven months ago, we would be where we were supposed to be in the first place, and paying less than we are now to be shark bait!

Susan: Was that a shark?

Daniel: I don't know. I think it was a dolphin.

Susan: No it wasn't a dolphin, because if it was you would be over there playing with it!

Susan: I guess it could go either way. I'm sorry, honey.

Susan: Daniel, where's the boat?

Daniel: That's a good question.

[looks around]

Daniel: I guess it's one of those.

Susan: You gotta be kidding me.

Daniel: It better be one of those.

Susan: Well which one do you think?

Daniel: I don't know.

Susan: [surfacing from the water] Where's the boat. Daniel. Where's the boat?

Susan: Daniel, did you just pee?

Daniel: Yep.

Susan: You're disgusting.

Daniel: Hey, you said you were a little cold.

Susan: We're stuck in the middle of the ocean!

Susan: I can't even believe you'd bring that up right now. You were the one who picked the dates.

Daniel: Oh yeah, of my whopping two choices - this was the better date.

Susan: I wanted to go skiing!

Oscar: Who says you can't go home again?

Susan: Oscar, maybe you can get your friends to tell us where Elmo is.

Cookie Monster, Telly, Zoe: Oh, yeah! Yeah!

Oscar: In a minute. First I have to look at the old neighborhood here. Hey, I wonder where that old septic tank is.

Susan: Hey, wait a minute!

Gordon: No, Oscar, we've got to find Elmo first!

Cookie Monster, Telly: Elmo! Elmo!

Susan: Let's go this way.

Dr. Who: There, my latest invention.

Ian: What? A Police Box?

Susan: Of course not!

Dr. Who: This is TARDIS.

Ian: Tardis?

Susan: It stands for Time And Relative Dimension In Space.

Ian: [Stepping inside TARDIS] But, its so big in here and yet its so small from outside. How come?

Susan: In electro-connective theory, space expands to accommodate the time necessary to incorporate its dimensions.

[first lines]

[Susan makes her way through a line at an airline checkpoint]

Susan: Excuse me... Excuse me... Excuse me... Excuse me.

[she reaches Billy in line]

Susan: Nervous?

Billy Hayes: No.

Susan: Geez, I hate flying.

Billy Hayes: It's something I ate. I think I've been poisoned.

Susan: Or you're just excited about getting home.

Billy Hayes: No, I think it's the baklavas.

Susan: I told you not to eat 'em.

Billy Hayes: Look, I gotta go to the john again. You go on through and I'll catch up to you, OK?

Susan: So I'll wait.

Billy Hayes: No, go. I'll... I'll catch up to you. I'll... I'll only be a minute. OK? OK?

Susan: OK.

Susan: Would you like me to visit you?

Mark O'Brien: Are you married?

Susan: No.

Mark O'Brien: Do you have a steady boyfriend?

Susan: No.

Mark O'Brien: Then please visit as often as you can.

[On the phone with an operator]

Susan: I was just speaking to my party before you so rudely interrupted me... for God's sake!

Operator: You cannot speak to me in that tone of voice. I am a high school graduate.

Susan: [Slams down the phone] Oh, those operators are so damn stupid.

Susan: Speed is the ultimate, all-time high. That first rush. Wow! Just that burning, searing, soaring sense of perfection.

[... ]

Susan: There's no way to explain it unless you've been through it. There's no way to tell anyone who hasn't tasted it. I'd like to turn the whole world on just for a moment... just for a moment. I'm greedy. I'd like to keep most of it for myself and a few others, a few of my friends. Keep that superlative high just on the cusp of each day so that I radiate sunshine.

Susan: It's sort of like a mockery, in a way, of reality, because they think everything is smiles and sweetness and flowers, when there is something bitter to taste. And to pretend there isn't is foolish.

Susan: I got my first introduction to heavy drugs at the Factory

Susan: Where the fuck's my lighter? I've gotta find it. My brother Wesley gave it to me. He gave it to me just before he committed suicide. It's funny. He was the only one who had no sexual interest in me. All my... all my other brothers did. And the ranch hands, the butler, the foremen... and Daddy.

Susan: I'm not so sure we should do this.

Josh: Do what?

Susan: Well, I like you, and I want to spend the night with you.

Josh: Do you mean sleep over?

Susan: Well, yeah.

Josh: OK... but I get to be on top.

Paul: What is so special about Baskin?

Susan: He's a grown up.

Susan: All he said was he didn't get it.

Paul: [Mimicking Josh] "I don't get it." "I don't get it". "Let's make it a bug".

Susan: It happened again. David, the girl is absolutely useless. You've gotta get me someone who knows what she is doing. Excuse me. I'm not getting any of my mail, nothing has been filed. Ever since she got engaged, my life has been a disaster.

Personnel Director: You know, she came so highly recommended.

Susan: She spent the last three months writing down her married name. "Mrs. Judy Hicks", "Mrs. Donald Hicks"; "Mrs. Judy Mitchellson Hicks", sometimes with a hyphen, sometimes without a hyphen. Sometimes, she spells the hyphen.

Susan: [talking work at the office party] I thought if we could get everyone together.

MacMillan: Susan, have a drink. Have a couple of drinks. It's a party.

Susan: Patty, why don't you play with Justin?

Patty: I don't understand what he's doing.

Susan: Well, he's... spinning.

Patty: What for?

Susan: Uh... no reason, just for fun.

Patty: It doesn't look like fun.

Nathan: It isn't.

Susan: [gives Nathan a funny look] You tried it?

Nathan: What are you so upset about?

Susan: Nathan, she's weird. She's a weird child. I think a few days a week of preschool could be very helpful.

Nathan: This is not the right age for Patty to be socially activated. We went through this.

Susan: She's not a bomb, she's a little kid who has no ability to relate to other little kids.

Nathan: [points at Justin] You want her to relate to him?

[Justin currently has his head stuck in the back of a sun lounger]

Justin: Help, help, help.

Susan: You see, when I met him, I was a little wild, I was a little out of control and he kind of... took me in hand. I liked that. He's very... commanding. He got me into teaching, he got my shit together. Boy, he really turned on.

Karen: [incredulous] Really?

[changes her tone of voice]

Karen: I-I mean, uh, of course. Really?

Susan: Oh, Nathan and I used to be hot. I know he doesn't look it but, I mean, we were like rabbits. I used to give him... you know... oral, you know... on the highway.

Karen: What?

Susan: You know, he was always trying to get a research grant.

Karen: And you thought that would help?

Susan: No. But, I mean, he kept getting turned down and he'd get real, real tense. So, if I saw him getting, you know, really tense, I'd just... lean over while he was driving and, uh...

[Chris Knight is trying to hit on Susan, a beautiful woman he finds in Professor Hathaway's house]

Chris Knight: So, if there's anything I can do for you - or, more to the point, *to* you - just let me know.

Susan: Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?

Chris Knight: Not right now.

Susan: A girl's gotta have her standards.

[She walks out]

Chris Knight: Hey how's it going, Jerry?

Professor Hathaway: What do you want, Knight?

Chris Knight: World peace, but I don't think this is the time to discuss it.

Professor Hathaway: Get out!

Chris Knight: There's something that might interest you, Jerry.

Professor Hathaway: I'm not interested in anything you have to say.

Susan: [Coming downstairs in just a rumpled man's shirt] Dr. Hathaway...

Chris Knight: [Surprised to see her] Susan!

Chris Knight: [Turns back toward Dr. Hathaway who looks guilty] I solved the power problem, Jerry.

Susan: Jerry?

Professor Hathaway: [Turns to Susan] Take a cab.

Chris Knight: So you'll hammer later!

Susan: I need happy, I need romantic, I need love, and I need it from you.

Kelvin Moore: You need Jesus...

Susan: Go, go right now!

Susan: A real woman could stop you from drinking.

Arthur: It'd have to be a real BIG woman.

Susan: Arthur, will you take my hand?

Arthur: That would leave you with one!

Cigarette Girl: Susan! My God, we thought you were dead.

Susan: No, just in New Jersey.

Gary: Susan! What are you doing?

Susan: I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?

Gary: You said you were going to leave!

Susan: All right, good news first. Roberta's not working with the greaseball.

Gary: My wife just got picked up on the lower east side escaping from her gun-toting pimp.

Susan: He's not a pimp. Problem is, he's probably going to try to kill her because he thinks she's me.

Susan: Roberta kept a diary. Great stuff.

[Reading]

Susan: "Couldn't sleep. Went into kitchen. Gary came in, turned on light. Gary left. Finished birthday cake." Pages of it. It's got to be a cover, nobody's life could be this boring!

Gary: You shouldn't be reading that, it's personal.

Susan: Yeah, well it's not about her, it's about me.

[Reading]

Susan: "He's looking for Susan again. This is the fifth ad he's run. Why does he want to see her so badly? Who is she?" And here's my picture.

Gary: I didn't know about all this.

Susan: Between you and me, how much do you really know about Roberta? Why didn't you tell me she read the personals? We could have settled this yesterday.

Gary: She read them all the time. I didn't think...

Susan: Yeah, well, fortunately for everyone, I'm here and I'm thinking.

Jim: You were with this guy?

Susan: He was breathing when I left.

Susan: Good goin' stranger!

Susan: [answering Gary Glass's phone] Glass house!

Oliver Rose: Barbara, Susan is here. She wants to know if you are all right.

Barbara Rose: Never felt better.

Oliver Rose: [opens the door for Susan] Thank you for dropping by, Susan.

Susan: Will you go outside with me, Mr.Rose?

Oliver Rose: Let's go.

[pauses]

Oliver Rose: Wait a minute, I forgot something.

Susan: What?

Oliver Rose: Barbara!

[shuts the door in front of her nose]

Susan: [on the phone with Lee lying dead] Andy? You busy?

Arthur: What was that?

Susan: A French kiss.

Arthur: Really? Because the French always surrender, that was decidedly German.

Susan: You're running from yourself Arthur.

Arthur: I wish I was, because I'd let me get away.

Susan: I believe... I believe... It's silly, but I believe.

Fred: That baseball player sure looks like a giant to me.

Susan: Sometimes people grow very large, but that's abnormal.

Fred: I'll bet your mother told you that, too.

Susan: My psychiatrist thinks we should break up.

Philip: What? I didn't know you were going to a psychiatrist.

Susan: Well I'm not actually going to one. I've been dating one for four months.

Philip: This is so sudden!

Susan: I didn't want to tell you this over the phone, I really wanted to fax you. But you don't even *have* a fax!

[hangs up]

Susan: I wish we could afford a place in the Hamptons. Everybody who's anybody has one.

Hobie: Yeah, but if you're somebody who's nobody, it's no fun to be around anybody who's everybody.

Hobie: What? What's going on? Wait, all? we used to make love all the time and now, there's always an excuse.

Susan: I told you, I'm going through an emotionally difficult time creatively.

Hobie: You feel like we don't communicate anymore?

Susan: Of course we communicate. Now can we not talk about it anymore?

Melinda: Uh I've been having a bad time so I just took some sleeping pills.

Hobie: Sleeping pills? How many?

Melinda: Uh... twenty-eight.

Susan: Oh my god, Hobie make some black coffee.

Melinda: No, I'm allergic to coffee, but do you have any vodka?

Susan: Try it, Hobie, it's good manners.

Hobie: Since when do I have good manners?

Susan: You look a little carsick.

Hobie: Why, 'cause I'm the color of guacamole?

Susan: Isn't he charming, and don't tell me he's not gorgeous!

Hobie: If you like perfect features.

Susan: [talking to pet raccoon] It's all right, Rover. These friendly robots are obviously not mischievous trespassers.

Susan: Weren't we happy, Arthur?

Arthur: Of course. Then we met.

Montego: Everything is going to change, I promise, so long as you have faith in me.

Susan: You're a very pursuasive man.

Montego: It's all done with mirrors.

[on Gregory's doorstep, after their first date]

Susan: At least you've stopped kissing me like I was your aunty.

[he kisses her again, then pretends to look horrified]

Gregory: What's my aunty going to say when I kiss her at Christmas?

Susan: Why are boys obsessed with numbers?

Susan: Have you ever married?

Richard Nugent: No.

Susan: Have you ever been in love?

Richard Nugent: Yes I have. Tell me what kind of paper does this school run?

Susan: Oh, all the students read it.

Richard Nugent: I'll bet they do.

Susan: Did you have many ordeals before you became a success?

Richard Nugent: No, I...

Susan: You can talk to me. I want you to think of me, not as a newspaper woman, but as a friend.

Richard Nugent: Well, in that case, I'll tell you. I did suffer. When I was 10, my mother and father had a double suicide pact, they made it. I was sent to an orphanage. Some days they didn't beat me. Then one night I escaped, I ran away to New York. I used to steal.

Susan: What did you steal?

Richard Nugent: Beg your pardon?

Susan: What did you steal?

Richard Nugent: Crusts of bread... and things. One time I stole a valise. There were paints and paintbrushes inside. So I began to paint. Then they got me. I was sent to a reform school, but I escaped again.

Susan: Go on.

Richard Nugent: Back to new York. A weathly society lady saw my work, fell in love with me and sent me to art school. The rest is history.

Susan: How wonderful. How terribly wonderful.

Richard Nugent: Could we do this some other time? I've got a date.

Susan: Then you're not married?

Richard Nugent: No.

Susan: I knew you weren't. You just couldn't be.

Richard Nugent: Oh I've had some offers.

Susan: Have you ever thought of me as a model?

Margaret: I can't honestly say that I have. Why?

Susan: Dickie wants me to pose for him.

Margaret: Oh, isn't that nice... DICKIE?

Susan: You're going to make me an old maid.

Margaret: Only until you're 18.

Susan: Well, my attitude is that one female judge in the family is enough.

Richard Nugent: Did you say that your name was Turner?

Susan: That's right! My sister is Judge Margaret Turner.

Richard Nugent: Nice to have met the family, bye.

Helen Gurley Brown: Does your husband Frank come home to you every night?

Susan: Well... I don't know.

Helen Gurley Brown: You DON'T?

Susan: No, because, you see, I don't go home every night.

Bob Weston: I need a plan - something that's vicious, low, filthy, and dirty.

Susan: Well, you'll think of something, Angel.

Eve: [after a dinner where Terry Randall has evidently spoken very eloquently about Shakespeare] Well, I don't like to gossip, but that new gal seems to have an awful crush on Shakespeare!

Susan: [jokingly] I wouldn't be surprised if they get married!

Mary Lou: [with genuine naiveté] Oh, you're foolin'! Shakespeare's dead!

Susan: [Feigning surprise, playing along to entertain the others] No!

Mary Lou: Well, if he's the same one that wrote "Hamlet", he is!

Eve: [playing along, too] Never heard of it.

Mary Lou: Well, certainly you must have heard of "Hamlet"!

Eve: Well, I meet so many people.

Susan: Hang onto your chairs girls, we're going to get another load of Shakespeare.

Terry Randall: Is it against the rules of the house to discuss the classics?

Eve: No. Go right ahead. I won't take my sleeping pill tonight.

Frank: You were supposed to show up here at 7:30 in the morning.

Susan: Ah, in the morning, I thought you meant 7:30 at night.

Frank: I'm not giving you anymore prescriptions, so you can just leave.

Susan: I came here to get my tooth fixed. Now are you going to do that, or not?

Susan: We're all of the same flesh, Duane.

Bill: You are really beautiful, you know that?

[leans in to kiss Susan]

Susan: I have a really sensitive gag reflex.

Susan: Maybe sometimes it's better *not* to know your father all that well.

Susan: Do you ever get depressed?

Steve: No, depressions are for the middle classes, the rest of us have got an early start in the morning.

Steve: I'm into merchandising myself.

Susan: Really.

Steve: Aye, boxer shorts, colored socks, things like that... that's where I'm heading.

Captain J.T. Spaulding: I'm gonna have to be taking your car today. See I have some top secret clown business that supersedes any plans that you might have for this here vehicle.

[mutual laughter]

Susan: What's that about clown business?

[laughs nervously]

Captain J.T. Spaulding: [pause] Do I stutter, bitch?

Ramon Miguel 'Mike' Vargas: Susie, one of the longest borders on earth is right here between your country and mine. An open border. Fourteen hundred miles without a single machine gun in place. Yeah, I suppose that all sounds very corny to you.

Susan: I could love being corny, if my husband would only cooperate.

Ramon Miguel 'Mike' Vargas: This could be very bad for us.

Susan: For us?

Ramon Miguel 'Mike' Vargas: For Mexico, I mean.

Susan: You know what's wrong with you, Mr Grandi? You've being seeing too many gangster movies. Mike may be spoiling some of your fun.

'Uncle' Joe Grandi: Mike?

Susan: My husband, yeah! And if you're trying to scare me into calling him off, let me tell you something Mr. Grandi. I may be scared, but he wont be.

Susan: He was a ladykiller. But don't get any ideas. I ain't no lady.

[first lines]

Susan: [narrating] There was darkness. There is light. There are men and women. There's food. There are restaurants. Disease. There's work. Traffic. The days as we know them, the world as we imagine the world.

Susan: Aren't you going to ask why I haven't been to work?

Stephen Montgomery: Well you've been sick.

Susan: Not sick, just unhappy.

Stephen Montgomery: It's the same thing.

Susan: Unhappy, on account of a man.

Susan: All beyond fat and flour...

Susan: [narrating] First, the terror. And then a moment of hunger. This is how the sense of taste disappears from our world. They don't even have time to give the disease a name.

Susan: [narrating] They call it Severe Olfactory Syndrome, SOS.

[last lines]

Susan: It's dark now. But they feel each others' breath. And they know all they need to know. They kiss. And they feel each others' tears on their cheeks. And if there had been anybody left to see them, then they would look like normal lovers, caressing each others' faces, bodies close together, eyes closed, oblivious to the world around them. Because that is how life goes on. Like that.

[Susan walks alone with Henry in the woods to talk about Richard]

Susan: Henry?

Henry: Yes, Mom?

Susan: You have to tell me the truth now. What happened the night Richard died?

Henry: Don't you know?

Susan: I'd like to hear it from you.

Henry: I was downstairs playing.

Susan: [Susan gets down in front of Henry's face] Henry, don't lie to me, alright? Just don't lie to me. Now you tell me... Did you kill Richard?

Henry: What if I did?

Susan: Well, um...

Henry: What, Mom?

Susan: We'll get you help.

Henry: You don't look too good, Mom. Looks like you need the help.

Susan: You have to trust me, Henry.

Henry: No. No, I can't. You just want to send me away, don't you?

Susan: Why, no. No, I don't.

Henry: You wanna put me in one of those places.

Susan: No, Henry.

Henry: Well, I'd much rather die, you hear me? I'd much rather be dead!

Susan: Henry! Henry, No.

[Susan runs after Henry into the woods]

Susan: Henry? Henry!

Susan: [Susan runs to the cliff of the hill where Henry might've jumped off] Henry! Henry! Henry!

Henry: [Henry comes walking up behind Susan] Looking for me, Mom?

Susan: Oh, Henry

Henry: You really thought I was going to jump, huh? I guess you don't know me very well, Mom.

[Henry runs to take a dash into Susan]

[Mark heads towards Uncle Wallace's work study to tell him that Henry caused the freeway accident]

Henry: [Henry comes up behind Mark outside of his father's work study] Go ahead, tell him. Or better yet, why don't we tell him together?

[Henry quotes himself sounding like an innocent child]

Henry: It was Mark, Dad. He talked me into it. We were just playing a game. I had no idea he was gonna do something like that. Please, Dad, go easy on him. It's not his fault he's all screwed up 'cause he misses his Mom. What are we waiting for? Let's go.

[Henry opens the door with them two outside the room]

Henry: Dad, Mark has something to tell ya!

Wallace Evans: [Mark runs off to go upstairs] What is it? What's wrong with Mark?

Henry: I don't know. He's been acting pretty weird. I'd better go see if he's okay.

[the camera cuts to Henry entering the upstairs bedroom where Mark is]

Henry: I told my Dad I'd see if you're okay. Well, are you okay, Mark?

Mark: Leave me alone.

Henry: Leave you alone? This is my room.

Connie Evans: [Connie runs into Henry's room] Guess what? Mom says we can go skating tomorrow.

Henry: Connie, what did I tell you about coming into my room?

Connie Evans: But you guys weren't working or anything.

Henry: You didn't answer my question, so I'm gonna have to do it for you.

Connie Evans: [Henry pulls on Connie's ears making her cry] Ow!

Henry: You're not allowed to come into my room. Not now, not ever! Never!

Mark: [Mark grabs and slams Henry into the wall by his shoulders] You're wrong about that! This is my room too. And I say she can stay.

Connie Evans: [both boys start to grab and pull on each other's hair as Connie runs out, still up against the wall] Mom, Mom, they're fighting!

Henry: [continuing to pull each other's hair] You like my sister, don't you? Such a sweet little girl. Too bad if something were to happen to her, if she got hurt. You'd be sad, wouldn't you, Mark? But, hey, accidents will happen. Just ask my mom about Richard.

Susan: [Susan arrives upstairs when the boys let go of each other] Boys, boys! Henry! What's going on?

Henry: I'm sorry, Mom. We were playing this really dumb game. We weren't fighting. We were just playing. Weren't we, Mark?

Mark: [pauses before answering] Yeah, playing.

Susan: Well, all right, but just not so rough, okay? You two looked like you were trying to kill each other.

[Susan walks out of the room as Henry just stares back at Mark]

[Mark tries to tell Susan the truth about Henry]

Mark: There's something I have to tell you.

Susan: What?

Mark: I'm not sure. I wasn't real close. At the pond - I don't think what happened at the pond was an accident.

Susan: What do you mean?

Mark: The ice was too thin. Henry was spinning her around. They were going way too fast... and then he just let go. He threw her told the thin ice.

Susan: Mark.

Mark: Henry said he hated her.

Susan: What are you trying to tell me?

Mark: I've told you. I'm telling you. Connie didn't just slip. You don't know what he is. Henry tried to kill Connie and he can do it again...

Susan: [Susan slaps Mark across the face with tears in her eyes] Oh! Stop it! Stop it, that's a lie.

[Susan grabs and hugs onto Mark]

Susan: Henry is my son. He's my little boy and I love him. Don't ever come to me with these lies again.

[Mark wakes up late at night only to find the kitchen fridge door open]

Henry: [Henry appears behind Mark] Looking for a midnight snack? Go ahead. Eat, drink. Don't let me stop you.

Mark: What did you do?

Henry: Do? Me? Oh, I get it. You think I put something in my family's food. You think I - Mark, come on. Do you really think I'd do a thing like that?

Henry: [Henry wakes up his parents] Mom, Dad, it's Mark! Better come quick!

[Mark stands over the kitchen sick dumping and stabbing food into the garbage disposal]

Susan: No, Mark, stop. Honey, stop, stop.

Mark: No, please, you don't understand.

Susan: I know it's a hard time...

Mark: [shouts out] He's trying to poison you!

Susan: Oh, Mark.

Mark: No!

[Uncle Wallace and Henry stand outside of the kitchen watching Mark look crazy]

[Mark tosses and turns in bed quietly crying for his mother]

Mark: [a figure in white passes by the bedroom door] Mom?

Mark: [Mark gets up to follow the white figure down the stairs] Mom?

Susan: [Susan then turns around in her white night gown] Mark?

[Mark sits at the bottom of the stairs in tears]

Susan: Honey... What's the matter?

Mark: It is you. You came back. I knew you'd come back.

Susan: Oh, sweetheart. I'm right here.

[Susan sits with Mark]

Susan: Okay? I'm right here.

[Mark cries in Susan's arms as she rocks him back and forth whispering to him]

Susan: Oh, it's okay. Shh, it's okay. Oh, baby, it's alright. I'm right here. I'm right here.

[Mark continues to cry]

Susan: I know you miss her. I know you do. It's okay. It's gonna be okay. It's okay. It's okay.

[the camera moves to the second floor balcony, where we see Henry staring down at both Mark and his mother]

[Susan talks to Henry alone in his shed]

Susan: Henry, if something were wrong... You would tell me, wouldn't you?

Henry: What do you mean?

Susan: I mean, sometimes when we're kids, we do things that, um...

Henry: What kind of things?

Susan: Things we feel bad about.

Henry: I don't feel bad about anything.

Susan: [Susan holds up Richard's rubber duck] Look what I found.

Henry: [Henry whispers] Where did you get that?

Susan: You know where I got it. I couldn't find it after Richard's accident. Have you had it all this time?

Henry: [Henry whispers] It was mine before it was his.

Susan: But you knew I was looking for it. How did you get it? Henry? How did you get this?

Henry: I took it. I'm sorry, Mom. I took it because I wanted something to remember Richard by, that's all. So can I have it back, please?

Susan: No, you can't have it back.

Henry: But it's mine.

Susan: Henry!

Susan: [Henry dashes forward to pull the rubber duck away from her] Give it to me!

Susan: [Henry repeatedly grunts and tries pulling it away from her] Henry! Henry?

Seth: Can I ask you something?

Susan: Yes?

Seth: What did you like best?

Susan: Pajamas.

Jonathan: Do you always answer a question with a question?

Susan: Do you always date your best friend's girlfriend?

Susan: Roger has this advice - he says forget about the people who score you in the twos and threes, because they're never going to like your show. Instead, look for the nines.

Susan: Do you feel like a man? Because I'll tell you a little secret - you're not.

Susan: [Very ill] I don't look too good, hunh?

Herman Kaplan: Ah, liebschoen, even now you make me wish I was fifty again!

Robert Harmon: You know I think that all beautiful women have a secret. And the interesting thing is to get that secret out, you know, if they volunteer that secret, d'you know what I mean?

Susan: Yeah I guess.

Susan: What do you want from this house?

Hugo Barrett: Want?

Susan: Yes. Want.

Hugo Barrett: I'm just the servant, miss.

Susan: Get my lunch.

Tony: By the way I've got to tell you. I've found a male servant.

Susan: [laughing] A what?

Tony: Do you want to go there?

Susan: Where?

Tony: The jungle.

Susan: No. Not now.

Tony: Not now.

[kisses her]

Susan: Barrett, come here. Do you use deodorant?

Mr. Jones: I'd like to close my account, please.

Susan: You just opened this account last week.

Mr. Jones: Yeah, I'm a fickle kind of guy.

Susan: Oh, my goodness.

Susan: Okay, you have $12,752 in your account. Do you want that in hundreds?

Mr. Jones: I'll leave that up to your impeccable judgement.

Susan: Next time can you take your walk on a different trail?

Mrs. Tsui: You're a strong girl, Cathy. I didn't expect you to hold up.

May Ho: Grandma, my real name is May.

Susan: Daniel said your name was Cathy.

May Ho: Who knew if he was for real? I made it up.

Mrs. Tsui: Why isn't your father here? Busy in meetings?

May Ho: He could've come, but his sentence just got extended.

Mrs. Tsui: Sentence? Your father's in jail?

May Ho: Yes. For smuggling pigs.

Susan: Isn't he a diamond tycoon?

May Ho: I lied to Daniel.

Mrs. Tsui: Why?

May Ho: Because he made up stories.

Mrs. Tsui: What did he say?

May Ho: He bragged about himself. Said he represented top fashion labels, went to Stanford, came from a good family, started his own business, and won many honors.

Mrs. Tsui: That's all true.

May Ho: I didn't know, so I made up stories.

Mrs. Tsui: Did Daniel know the truth before he died?

May Ho: Yes and no. I didn't tell him everything.

[Susan shrieks and walks off]

Susan: [to May] Are you crazy? Stealing our own products?

Tina: At least it's ours.

Susan: I knew for a long time I should ask Jesus into my heart, but I thought I could do it at any time. And then today...

Jenny's mom: It'll be alright, honey.

Susan: I want to accept Jesus into my heart right now.

Jenny's mom: Well you've heard it plenty of times before, you know how to do it.

Susan: [prays] Dear Lord Jesus, please come into my heart, I know You died for me, and please forgive me of all my sins.

Jenny: Sue, could you run next door and ask Mrs. Thompson if I could borrow a stick of butter?

Susan: Okay, but you be sure to be here when I get back.

Jenny: Don't worry, sweetie, if I'm gone, you'll be gone, too.

Pastor Balmer: I'm reminded of a neighbor I had back in Nebraska who got up one night in the middle of the night, took off his pajama tops and went downstairs for some ice tea. In the meantime his wife had awakened out of her sleep and discovered her husband was gone, turned on the light, found his pajama tops, and was immediately convinced that the rapture had taken place and that she had been left behind. Well from our studies in the past few weeks, we can conclude that we're living now in the end times, the days in which we live are seeing many prophecies being fulfilled that we have never seen fulfilled before. And surely this serves to remind us that the time is short at best, and if we would be followers of Jesus Christ, we must join His band now.

Susan: [cut to Susan coming home] Mom, I'm home. Sandy had to go to her aunt's so I came home early. Mom?

[goes in the kitchen and finds a pot on the stove boiling and burning]

Susan: Mom? Mom? Mom?

[screams]

Jenny's mom: [rushes in from the back] What's the matter?

[Jenny rushes in too]

Susan: I thought you were gone.

Jenny, Jenny's mom: Gone, gone where?

Susan: I thought you were gone.

Jenny's mom: What's wrong?

Susan: I thought you were gone.

Jenny's mom: Gone where?

Susan: I thought you were gone.

Jenny's mom: Gone where? It's alright honey, it's alright.

Susan: Oh, go smoke a test tube!

Susan: Why do you look like James Mason?

Angel: Do I look like James Mason?

Susan: I should say you do!

Angel: (admiring himself in a mirror) So I look like James Mason, do I?

Millie Opdyke: You can't get along with just Amy!

Susan: We get along all right with just Amy!

Susan: Maybe we're to early? Do you think the mosquitos will be up yet?

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: They'll be up. Don't worry.

Susan: I hope so. It seems a shame to wake 'em up just to kill 'em.

Susan: Look, I know you don't like Henry Opdyke.

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: He's a load of hay.

Susan: And I wish you would remember that Millie is my cousin and my closest friend.

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: She's a load of hay, too.

Susan: She is not!

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: She's a breed of cat that's dyin' and deserves to die.

Susan: That's a terrible thing to say. Millie is devoted to me. She's a fine woman.

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: And I'm Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: [Yosemite] I think it'll do you good.

Susan: Sure, it'll do me great!

Susan: When you decided to leave at six o'clock, did you know it came so early in the morning?

Susan: Separate bedrooms - it does, sort of, a lonesome way to sleep. Don't you find it hard to fall asleep when you're alone?

Millie Opdyke: Certainly not! You get to like it.

Susan: Oh, I don't know. And my feet! What about my feet? You know, when they get cold, I kinda like to...

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: Yeah, well, eh...

Susan: Oh, pooh!

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: Oh yes, the secret crushes on movie stars. Millie's married to a load of hay; so, she takes it out on Robert Taylor.

Susan: Gregory Peck!

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: All right, Gregory Peck, then!

Susan: Maybe I annoy you. But, let me tell you something, you annoy me too! You spilling ashes all over the place. If I didn't trail around after you, picking up lighted cigarettes, you'd burn holes in every piece of furniture in the house!

Susan: And this thing!

[Picks up Larry's squeezebox]

Susan: Aw-he, Aw-he, Aw-he, Ah-he! It drives me crazy! You'll never learn to play it properly. It's a perfectly ridiculous hobby.

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: I don't agree! Albert Einstein played the fiddle!

Susan: Well, you're no Einstein!

Susan: I saw, Larry, I saw something. It wasn't there; but, there it was. I mean it wasn't; but, it was.

Dr. Edward R. Winter: Why are you so sure he's an angel?

Susan: Because, I saw him that way. I did! Because I prefer not to think of him as a man! I refuse to go about saying that there's an extremely handsome man following me. Why, if I ever heard a woman say that, I'd know what I'd think of her! You see, I know he's not there. I know its just something in my mind. But, if my mind insist that there's a very attractive man running after me; why, well, it's just comic!

Dr. Edward R. Winter: When did this hallucination occur for the first time?

Susan: Last night.

Dr. Edward R. Winter: Where?

Susan: Well, it, he started on the roof and then he came on into my bedroom.

[Dr. Winter smiles]

Susan: Oh, nothing happened. He just - walked through.

Dr. Edward R. Winter: Nothing?

Susan: Was there ever any insanity in our family?

Charles Y. Bewell: Oh, no. Not more than in most. Your Great Aunt Agatha was a suffragette and your Uncle Louie was a trifle on the jolly side.

Susan: Why do you look like James Mason?

Angel: I look the way you want me to look.

Susan: Oh. You mean, if you were Millie's angel you'd look like Gregory Peck?

Angel: That's the idea. And if I were Larry's angel, I should look like Ava Gardner.

Susan: You would not! Larry's not like other men!

Angel: Isn't he?

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: I had the darnedest dream last night.

Susan: Did you? That's very interesting.

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: I dreamed, sitting at the foot of my bed was Ava Gardner and she was wearing a kind of a beautiful manteiga...

Charles Y. Bewell: What's this you were saying about Ava Gardner?

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: Oh, I dreamed about her last night.

Charles Y. Bewell: Hmmm. Nice going, boy.

Angel: [talking privately to Susan] Well, I can't help it if he dreams about her. Do you remember the time you dreamed that you and I were caught in an elevator alone, between floors, and you...

Susan: Quiet!

James Mason in Jungle Film within a Film: Are you my woman? Are you? Are you? Answer me. Are you my woman?

Susan: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Angel: Cut is out! Snap out of it, baby!

Susan: What did you call me?

Angel: Baby.

Susan: That's very sweet of you, Angel.

Susan: All right, why did she love him?

Angel: Because, the man with the face of a mountain goat - had the heart of an Abraham Lincoln.

Susan: I know what you're going to say, "The husband and wife are one and the husband is the one." Look, that's a very old fashioned idea. Why should the wife always go the husband's way?

Angel: [laughs] Not always! But, in your case, there's no other way to go.

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: It's a beautiful world, Susan. And someday they'll be no hunger and no struggle. Men will have time to understand each other. This thing is going to come, all right. The question is how soon? For twenty years or must it be a thousand? Never was danger in the world as great as it is today; but, never was paradise so near.

Susan: You know something, Larry? You ought to be President of the United States!

Susan: Gee, it's awfully dark in here.

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: Yes, dear.

Susan: This is some of the darkest dark I've ever seen.

Susan: Us galley slaves don't row very well unless we're whipped!

Susan: If you're going to bawl me out, bawl me out in English!

Susan: Well, that's the thanks I get for coming along to help you!

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: Help me? I would have gotten more help from a drunken kangaroo!

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: That's the kind of remark I expect from a person who has the IQ of a moron!

Susan: Moron?

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: Yeah!

Susan: Well, that did it! That's the last straw. I'm going home.

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: Good!

Susan: You Latin Louie Pasteur, you!

Susan: I'm not completely a dope, you know.

Susan: I'll oil my zipper!

Lorenzo Xavier Vega: [final lines] You dun't?

Susan: No, I dun't.

Susan: I'm sick of the waiting room. I have spent my life in the waiting room.

Susan: Does Mr Beckman always talk to himself like that?

Ruth: It's the only way he can win an argument!

Susan: When I look at you I can tell - you're dead!

Susan: You know what you are, Windy? You're the man behind the woman behind the man behind the gun.

Susan: Only I wish... I wish...

Roemary: What?

Roemary: I wish that I had been born twelve minutes earlier than you, and I'd have had all the brains.

Susan: [With a whiskey flask] I got something here that'll warm us up but quick. Have one?

Johnny Cabot: No, thanks.

Susan: Well, down the hatch as you sailors say.

Johnny Cabot: [Looking at the flask] Hah! That's the stiff that puts waves on your permanent.

Susan: Sure you won't have one?

Johnny Cabot: [Doubtfully] Did you leave any?

Susan: Wouldn't it be silly to break up something we both like doing, only because you think I don't like it.

Sammy Rice: Yes, you've got it all worked out in the way women always have. They don't worry about anything except being alive or dead.

Sammy Rice: I must have a drink. Ask me to have a drink woman.

Susan: Have a drink Sammy.

Sammy Rice: Whisky?

[Susan nods.]

Sammy Rice: No thanks Susan.

Susan: Where were you going Sammy?

Sammy Rice: I don't know.

Susan: A woman?

Sammy Rice: Maybe.

Susan: How about me?

Sam: What do you want from a child her age? She never even went to Woodstock!

Charles: Neither did we.

Sam: But we *could* have.

Charles: That's true.

Susan: Listen, Woodstock was just a bunch of naked stoners looking for a place to pee. I saw the movie!

Charles: Could you imagine living with a man named Ox?

Susan: Yes, if she's happy.

Charles: She's not happy.

Susan: Are you happy?

Charles: What's happy?

Susan: I still think you are strange, but I'm starting to get used to it, and...

Jake: What?

Susan: ...enjoying it, funnily.

Jake: I love you.

Susan: You don't say it often, but when you do, I die.

Susan: You guys wanna go out to dinner?

David: Yeah.

Ben Luckett: No Italian food! Makes me fart!

Reverend Kellerman: Susan, how we perceive time defines each one of us. Some people grab hold, some let it slip away, some try to defy it's passing.

Susan: It stopped two years ago...

Bill Cummings: You'll make a beautiful bride.

Susan: All brides are beautiful...

Susan: Matty, I love you.

Matty: How can I love you back, when I don't even love myself?