Stumpy Quotes in Rio Bravo (1959)

John T. Chance: You're not as smart as your brother, Joe. He sees Stumpy here sittin' around the corner locked in with you... and if that isn't plain enough, I'll tell you why. If any trouble starts around this jail, before anybody can get to you you're gonna get accidentally shot.

Stumpy: I can practical' guarantee that!

John T. Chance: [Referring to Colorado] It's nice to see a smart kid for a change.

Stumpy: Yeah, he ain't like the usual kid with a gun.

Dude: Wonder if he's as good as Wheeler said?

John T. Chance: I'd say he is.

John T. Chance: I'd say he's so good, he doesn't feel he has to prove it.

Stumpy: Joe don't get no sugar in his coffee; he just gets water poured over the grounds.

[last lines]

Stumpy: You think I'll ever get to be a sheriff?

Dude: Not unless you mind your own business.

[Stumpy cackles]

John T. Chance: Stumpy!

Stumpy: What?

[Stops playing harmonica]

John T. Chance: They don't need any help with that tune.

Stumpy: What's the matter? Is it getting through to you? Yiuk, yiuk!

[cackles]

John T. Chance: Stumpy?

Stumpy: Yeah?

John T. Chance: Going over to the hotel for a few minutes.

Stumpy: Well, if'n ya don't come back, me 'n' Joe'll have us a good cry.

[Stumpy throws some dynamite at the warehouse and Chance shoots it, causing an explosion]

Stumpy: Hey, Dude! How do ya like them apples?

Stumpy: I was there. Yeah, it was called the '80s. Ford was President, Nixon was in the White House and FDR was running this country into the ground. I was bummin' in a hole-in-a-wall town in what is now called Utah. Some fella from Colorado shows up, starts making so called "improvements", right? Before we knew what hit us, the streets are running with latte. It got so bad that a fella that liked to, you know... smoke a little grass or drink a little ripple. Crow like a rooster, maybe challenge the mayor's son to a gentlemen's duel, was "uncouth, against God." More like bad real estate values. Stumpy had to go!

Stumpy: Rick! I'm your father!

Rick: Ok whatever!

Stumpy: Oh you foolish foolish boys. This is how it all starts. I've seen it all before. I was there. I was there. Yeah! It was called the 80's! Ford was President, Nixon was in the White House, FDR was running this country into the ground. I was bumming in a hole in the wall town in what is now called "Utah". Some fellow from Colorado shows up- starts making all kinds of so called "improvements", right? Before we knew what hit us, the streets were running us with lattes!

Rick: No?

Stumpy: Yup!... It got so bad that a fellow that liked to, you know, smoke a little grass or drink a little ripple. Crow like a rooster! Maybe challenge the mayor's son to a gentlemen's duel, is uncouth, "Against God!" and bad for real estate values. STUMPY HAD TO GOOOO! Richard, be careful what you wish for.

Rick: You got it Stump

Stumpy: Be careful what you wish for!

Rick: I will

Stumpy: Alright?

[slams knife down onto table but into his own hand]

Rick: GOD!

Stumpy: [voice straining] I'm good

Pigpen: [nonchalantly] You better put something on that

Stumpy: [Walks away straining]

Barry: So, uh, who's the "jaccuzi casanova?"

Stumpy: [pointing at Luke] That's him right there

Luke: Thanks Stumpy

Stumpy: Yeah, they call him that because he had himself all up in it, lovin' it strong.

Stumpy: Hey, Pig Pen, you ever been in one of those lesbian chat rooms?

Pig Pen: No... are they good?

Stumpy: [looking away] Well, I don't know.

Stumpy: It's called the '80s. Ford was president, Nixon was in the White House, and FDR was running this country into the ground.

Stumpy: Did I ever tell you about the time I invented snowboarding? Ya I don't want credit for it but they keep on giving it to me...