Student 2 Quotes in Kung Pow: Enter the Fist (2002)

[two students are walking, both of them have their mouths closed but voice is dubbed in]

Students: [singing] We are both ventriloquists, ventriloquists, ventriloquists, we are both ventriloquists and we practice every day.

Student 1: He carries the baskets.

Student 2: He carries the paper roll.

Students: And we don't have cysts. But one thing is for sure my friends, we are ventriloquists.

Lewis: How did you end up like this?

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: Well, it's a long and pitiful story, about a young boy with a dream. a dream of winning a Little League championship.

Bowler Hat Guy: [flashback to a Little League baseball game, Yagoobian is asleep in the outfield; a sleepy Yagoobian fails to catch a ball headed his way] A dream that was ruined in the last inning. We lost by one run because of me.

Baseball player: Get him!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [the scene changes to Yagoobian in the orphanage] If I hadn't fallen asleep, I would have caught the ball! And we would have won! Do you understand?

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: For some reason, no one wanted to adopt me.

Reporter: [over the radio] Whiz kid Cornelius Robinson graduates from college at age 14 - This year's Nobel Prize goes to a young Cornelius Robinson.

Student 1: Hey Goob, what's up?

Student 2: Cool binder, want to come over to my house today?

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: They all hated me. Eventually, they closed down the orphanage and everyone left... except me.

Reporter: [on radio] Cornelius Robinson rebuilds Inventco - Rrobinson reaches out to - Cornielius Robinson - Cornelius Robinson is now - Now here's another amazing...

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: It was then that I realized it wasn't my fault. It was yours! If you hadn't kept me up all night working on your stupid project, then I wouldn't have missed the catch, so I devised a brilliant plan to get revenge.

[Yagoobian throws eggs at the Robinson Industries building]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: Robinson, you stink!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: Then, just as I was on the brink of destroying Robinson Industries, I met 'her'.

[Doris chirps]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: We retreated to our villainous lair, where Doris spun a tale of deception and woe. Apparently, you invented her to be a helping hat, a slave to humankind... But Doris knew she was capable of so much more!

[Doris pulls herself over the lab assistant's eyes]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: However, you didn't see her true potential...

Cornelius: Got it!

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: So you shut her down... or so you thought.

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [Doris breaks out of her holding cell] We both had a score to settle with you, and while my plan for revenge was brilliant, Doris's was... well, we went with Doris's, but I made a very, very important contribution. Together we made the perfect team.

Franny: [Doris activates her night vision goggles] Wilbur, make sure you shut that door tight, or else the alarm won't engage.

Wilbur: Yeah, Mom.

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: [Wilbur leaves the door ajar] I went to your house, snuck in the garage, and stole the time machine. All thanks to that pointy-haired little kid who forgot to lock the garage door.

[Adult Yagoobian cackles as the flashback ends]

Michael "Goob" Yagoobian: And now, all that's left is to return to Inventco, where I'll pass off your little gizmo as my own.

[Nixon is making an impromptu nighttime visit to the Lincoln Memorial, where a group of young protestors have camped out]

Richard M. Nixon: Hi! I'm Dick Nixon.

[He starts shaking hands with the incredulous protesters]

Richard M. Nixon: [to one young protester] Hi. Where you from?

Student #1: Syracuse.

Richard M. Nixon: Oh yeah, the Orangemen. Now there's a football program. Jim Brown. And that other tailback... the one with the blood disease.

Student #1: Ernie Davis.

Richard M. Nixon: Yeah, right, right. I used to play a little ball myself at Whittier. 'Course, they used to use me as a tackling dummy.

Young Student: [Stepping forward] We didn't come here to talk about football.

Richard M. Nixon: Yeah, I understand that. How old are you, young lady?

Young Student: 19.

Richard M. Nixon: Yeah. Well, probably most of you think I'm a real SOB. I know that. I understand how you feel, but you know, I want peace too. But peace with honor.

Student #2: What does that mean?

Richard M. Nixon: Well, you can't have peace without a price. Sometimes you have to be willing to fight for peace, and sometimes to die.

Student #2: Yeah? Tell that to the GI's who are gonna die tomorrow in Vietnam.

Student #1: What you have to understand, Mr. Nixon, is we're willing to die for what we believe in.

[the other protesters say "Yeah!"]

Richard M. Nixon: [Turns and points to the statue of Lincoln] Look, that man up there, he lived in similar times. He had chaos and civil war and hatred between the races. Sometimes I go to the Lincoln room at the White House and just pray. But you know, liberals act like idealism belongs to them. That's not true. My family went Republican because Lincoln freed the slaves. My grandmother was an abolitionist, those Quakers who founded Whittier, my hometown... to abolish slavery. They were, y'know, conservative Bible folk, but they had a powerful sense of right and wrong. And 40 years ago, I was like you, looking for answers.

[the protesters scoff, unconvinced. Just then a gang of Nixon's aides, led by Haldeman, arrive and push through the crowd to come to his side]

Richard M. Nixon: It's OK, Bob, we're just rapping, my friends and I. In fact we agree on a lot of things, don't we?

Young Student: No, we don't! You say you want to end the war, so why don't you?

Richard M. Nixon: Change always comes slowly. I pulled out more than half the troops. I'm trying to cut the military budget for the first time in 30 years. I want a volunteer army. But it's also a question of American credibility, our position in the world.

Student #1: Come on, Mr. Nixon. It's a civil war between Vietnamese.

Young Student: You don't want the war, we don't want the war, the Vietnamese don't want the war, so why does it go on?

[Nixon hesitates. Haldeman whispers "We should be going" to him]

Young Student: You can't stop it, can you? Even if you wanted to. Because it's not you, it's the system. The system won't let you stop it.

Richard M. Nixon: There's... there's more at stake here than what you want, or what I want.

Young Student: Then what's the point? What's the point of being President? You're powerless!

Richard M. Nixon: [Firmly] No. No, I'm not powerless. Because, because I understand the system, I believe I can, uh, I can control it. Maybe not control it totally, but tame it enough to make it do some good.

Young Student: Sounds like you're talking about a wild animal.

Richard M. Nixon: Yeah, maybe I am.

Joshua A. Beal: My question is about my Aunt Denise. She's not baptized, so that means she's going to Hell right?

Sister Terry: Uh, no, actually she's not, Joshua.

Joshua A. Beal: And my dad's best friend, he's not baptized either, and that means *he's* going to hell.

[kids beginning to clammer nervously]

Sister Terry: Joshua, I think you misunderstood.

Student: Oh man! Seth Greenburg rides my bus, he's not baptized...

Sister Terry: Okay, wait a sec...

Student #2: Hey, my cousin's going to hell?

Sister Terry: No, I don't think...

Student: The family living next door - their whole house is going to hell!

Sister Terry: No, that's not what it says in the book. If you'll notice, on page four... Ok alright, quiet! No one is going to Hell!

Student 2: Mr. Potter, class doesn't let out until 10.

Garcia: [in a beginner's English class] I didn't get that far in high school English. So... I was kind of shafted.

Harry Bailey: What was that?

Garcia: I... I was shafted.

Harry Bailey: Very good, Garcia. Very good. First person of the verb "to be." "I was." That's very good, Garcia. Now, who can give me the "you" form of "to be" with the same sentence? Yes, you!

Student: Well... you were shafted.

Student #2: Yeah, when they gave you this course!

Harry Bailey: You, can you give me the third person form?

Student #2: She was shafted.

[the class applauds]

Harry Bailey: Very good. So, as you see, "I was shafted." "You were shafted." "She was shafted." We all get shafted the same.

Student: We never learned from *that* type of sentence in high school!

Harry Bailey: Well, what do high school teachers know about fancy shafting?

Student #1: Will your sister still be in the bathroom?

Student #2: If we get there before 10:00. You'll see, I made a hole.

Student #1: Give me the pack back!

Student #2: You'll see my sister naked. It's worth a pack of cigarettes.

Student #1: No! Give them back!