Stucky Quotes in Critical Condition (1987)

Stucky: This is the end of the road. I don't think I need you anymore.

Stucky: Hey, I know you. You work down at the hardware store. Richard Wick right? All the guys make fun out of you. They call you 'Little Dick Wick.' They even sing a song about you.

Richard Wick: Shut your trap.

Stucky: [sing-song] 'Little Dick Wick, played with his prick, don't his smell just make you sick?'

Stucky: [shows a topless autographed photo of June Wilkinson] Shit, I can't do nothing with this now. I can't get rid of this. It ain't worth nothing. My name's all over it. I was gonna fix it to trade it with Jackie Cobb.

Captain Spaulding: That retard who hangs out at Molly's fruit stand? For the lot of me, I do not understand why you hang out with that asshole.

Stucky: He's one horney retard.

Captain Spaulding: Well hell, arn't they all? All they want to do is eat and fuck.

Stucky: Well, if you knew him better you might understand his urges.

Captain Spaulding: Worse than a rabid-ass baboon.

Stucky: You know what his favorite thing is next to whacking his weasel? He takes a sharpened pencil, sticks it in his eyeball and twists it.

Captain Spaulding: What?

Stucky: He doesn't hurt himself. He kind of twists it next to his eyeball.

Captain Spaulding: Oh, he's been putting that pencil someplace other than his eyeball.

Stucky: Oh no, he don't do anything like that. Although one time, he got caught with a Planet of the Apes doll stuck up his asshole.

Captain Spaulding: [laughing] God damn!

Stucky: They had to take him to the hospital. The kid had Dr. Zaius stuck halfway up his butt and they couldn't get it out!