Stuart Mackenzie Quotes in So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)

Stuart Mackenzie: Well, it's a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows.

Tony Giardino: So who's in this Pentavirate?

Stuart Mackenzie: The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds, *and* Colonel Sanders before he went tits up. Oh, I hated the Colonel with is wee *beady* eyes, and that smug look on his face. "Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken! Ohhhhh!"

Charlie Mackenzie: Dad, how can you hate "The Colonel"?

Stuart Mackenzie: Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smartass!

Stuart Mackenzie: I'm not kidding, that boy's head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! Now that was offside, wasn't it? He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow.

Stuart Mackenzie: HEED! PANTS! NOW!

Stuart Mackenzie: Look at the size of that boy's heed.

Tony Giardino: Shhh!

Stuart Mackenzie: I'm not kidding, it's like an orange on a toothpick.

Tony Giardino: Shhh, you're going to give the boy a complex.

Stuart Mackenzie: Well, that's a huge noggin. That's a virtual planetoid.

Tony Giardino: Shh!

Stuart Mackenzie: Has it's own weather system.

Tony Giardino: Sh, sh, shh.

Stuart Mackenzie: HEAD! MOVE!

Stuart Mackenzie: Thirty years ago today, May and I were married. Some of you were there, some of you weren't born, and some of you are now DEED! But, we both said "I do," and we haven't agreed on a single thing since.

May Mackenzie: That's true!

Stuart Mackenzie: But I'm glad I married you, May, because hey, could've been worse.

Stuart Mackenzie: Let's get pissed!

Stuart Mackenzie: [after Charlie has stayed all night at Stuart's house, and is finally leaving] Fine. Go. You've stayed your hour.

Stuart Mackenzie: [after exhausting a bagpipe player at Stuart and Harriet's wedding] We have a piper who's down! Repeat, Piper Down!

Stuart Mackenzie: [sings] If you think I'm sexy and you want my body, all you've got to do is call.

Stuart Mackenzie: Alright, give your mother a kiss, or I'll kick your teeth in.

Stuart Mackenzie: Alright, we have a piper who's down. It's alright, he's just pissed. We have a piper down, I repeat, a piper is down!

Stuart Mackenzie: [as Harriet is meeting Charlie's parents for the first time] Show her the picture of Charlie when he shit his pants at Niagara Falls!

Stuart Mackenzie: [after Stuart and Harriet have been married] Let's get pissed!