Stuart Quotes in Taken (2008)

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Stuart Quotes:

  • Stuart: Is there something I should be doing?

    Bryan Mills: You have a lease agreement with NetJet through one of your shell companies.

    Stuart: I do.

    Bryan Mills: Get me a plane to Paris.

    Stuart: For when?

    Bryan Mills: An hour ago.

  • Gru: I have accepted a new job.

    Margo: Whoa! Really?

    Gru: Yes, I have been recruited by a top secret agency to go undercover and save the world!

    Edith: You're gonna be a spy?

    Gru: *That's* right, baby! Gru's back in the game with gadgets and weapons and cool cars! The whole deal!

    Edith: [amazed] Awesome!

    Agnes: Are you really gonna save the world?

    Gru: [coolly] Yes.

    [puts on a pair of sunglasses]

    Gru: Yes, I am.

    Dave: [copies him] Mocha!

    Tim: [wearing an old Dutch beard and tie] Cacao!

    Stuart: [dresses like Pippi Longstocking] Papadum? Eh,

    [chuckles]

  • Billy McMahon: Whoa, guys, where's all this hostility coming from?

    Stuart: Where do you think it's coming from, you big tree. Two fifths of our team is made up of two old guys who don't know shit.

  • Billy McMahon: That being said, if you want something cold to drink, we'll hook you up.

    Stuart: I'm ok, thank you. Just please, stop talking to me.

    Billy McMahon: I'm your Bill Holden in Stalag 17.

    Stuart: I don't even... I really don't get that reference.

    Billy McMahon: Google it.

    Stuart: Alright...

  • Billy McMahon: Great big world out there, my friend. Just three inches up, I beg you.

    Stuart: [Notices the topless waitress] Oh... wow.

    [Waitress deep throats Stuarts finger]

    Stuart: Holy... shit, that's deep.

  • Billy McMahon: This reminds me of a little girl from a steel town who had the dream to dance. She had to strip down to nothing, she had to sit in that chair and arch her back and she reached up and pulled that chain to nowhere and doused herself with water!

    Stuart: Flashdance? You're talking about the movie from the '80's?

    Billy McMahon: You're damn right I am!

  • Stuart: Quick interjection: When you keep saying 'on the line,' you do mean online?

    Nick Campbell: Stuart. Don't do that. You don't do that to a man. He's got a million-dollar idea right here.

    Stuart: A billion-dollar idea?

    Nick Campbell: Even better. Let him flow!

  • Neha: I'm sorry, almost? Or you either done or you not, you can't be almost pregnant.

    Stuart: Yeah. Hey, she would know guys.

    Neha: Why don't you Google asshole, asshole?

  • Stuart: It is no more crazy than a dog finding a rainbow. Dogs are colourblind, Gretchen. They don't see colour. Just like we don't see time. We can feel it, we can feel it passing, but we can't see it. It's just like a blur. It's like we're riding in a supersonic train and the world is just blowing by, but imagine if we could stop that train, eh, Gretchen? Imagine if we could stop that train, get out, look around, and see time for what it really is? A universe, a world, a thing as unimaginable as colour to a dog, and as real, as tangible as that chair you're sitting in. Now if we could see it like that, really look at it, then maybe we could see the flaws as well as the form. And that's it; it's that simple. That's all I discovered. I'm just a... a guy who saw a crack in a chair that no one else could see. I'm that dog who saw a rainbow, only none of the other dogs believed me.

    Gretchen: I believe you.

  • Stuart: Theoretically, if you go to the past in the future, then your future lies in the past. This is a picture of you in the future - in the past.

  • [Talking on the phone]

    Stuart: Are you sitting down?

    Kate: [standing] Yes.

    Stuart: No, you're not.

    Kate: Yes, I am.

    Stuart: No, you're not.

    Kate: Ye...

    [Kate sits down in chair with a thud]

    Kate: Okay.

    Stuart: I found it.

    Kate: What did you find?

    Stuart: The portal. A crack in the fabric of time. It was over the East River, Kate, just where I said it would be.

    Kate: You found the portal?

    Stuart: A portal into April 28th, 1876. I jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge and took a walk in 1876 today. I followed the Duke of Albany around old New York. Are you listening?

    Kate: Avidly.

    Stuart: This here's the twist, Kate. Here's the kicker.

    Kate: What's the kicker?

    Stuart: [whispering] He followed me home.

  • Stuart: You of all people should understand, you're a scientist. I mean, you invented the elevator.

    Leopold: What is an elevator? What are you talking... Where the hell am I?

    Stuart: I told you, you haven't actually gone anywhere, you're still in New York.

    Leopold: That sir, is not New York!

    Kate: I'm afraid it is!

  • Kate: I wasted the best years of my life on you.

    Stuart: Those were your best years?

  • Stuart: Maybe the reason I was your guy was so I could help you find your guy.

  • Stuart: Women have changed since your time, Leo. They've become dangerous!

  • Kate: Stuart, Can you tell me in short, complete sentences featuring no words over two syllables why exactly I am in these pictures?

    Stuart: Probably not.

    Kate: Try!

  • [on phone]

    Kate: My palm pilot! You still have it.

    Stuart: Kate, it's one in the morning.

    Kate: And clearly, you're awake, so what is the infraction?

  • Stuart: All this time I thought that I had pretxeled fate and that it had to be untwisted, but what I had never considered is that the whole thing *is* a pretzel. A beautiful 4D pretzel of kismetic inevitability.

  • Milly: Stuart! For ten years my sister has sat here and told me your about to commit suicide.

    [opens window and gestures to it]

    Milly: Well?

    Stuart: [smiling] You mean she's been talking about me?

  • Stuart: You guys make me laugh. You're really funny. You stock up your cabinets with bottled water and flashlights, well what do you think is going to happen when the shit really hits the fan? You know like earthquakes and flash floods just a lot of chaos and horror, people dying in the streets and you're sitting here nice and pretty with your bottled water. Now the guy next store has got one of these

    [9mm pistol]

    Stuart: Who's gonna go thirsty? Him or you?

  • Stuart: Sex is kinda like pizza. When it's bad, it's still pretty good.

  • Stuart: How did we get on the ceiling?

    Eddie: Did you pay the gravity bill this morning?

    Stuart: I forgot!

  • Alex: If you eat my yogurt again, I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna fucking kill you.

    Stuart: You make murder sound so sexual, Alex.

  • Stuart: Straight sex is better than gay sex, it's written in the Bible.

    Alex: Is that in the King James or the New World Edition?

  • Alex: If you're so hot on the idea, why don't you have sex with him?

    Stuart: Taste of semen makes me gag.

    Alex: How would you know? Whose semen were you eating?

    Stuart: My own.

  • Stuart: Why didn't you just fuck her?

    Eddie: Yeah, right!

    Stuart: Eddy, the girl was ripping your pants off with her teeth. She's in the perfect position, at least get a blowjob!

  • Stuart: I'm telling you. If you don't have sex soon, you dick is going to shrivel up and go inside your body. Then what do you have? A vagina.

  • [On Catcher In The Rye]

    Stuart: It's a great book, you're going to love it.

    Alex: I've read it four times.

    Stuart: I've often felt like the main character, Holden Caulfield...

    Eddie: No, no, he's Stradlater, the obnoxious room-mate who thinks he's it.

  • [after the guys meet Alex, she storms out, slamming the door]

    Stuart: Wow, she's amazing. Truly amazing.

    [sings]

    Stuart: Amaaaaazing grace...

    Eddie: It's not Grace, it's Alex.

    Stuart: [sings] Amaaaaazing Alex...

    [Eddie hits Stuart in the face with a football]

  • Eddie: Gay sex, by definition, is better than straight sex.

    Stuart: Get the fuck outta here! I would love to hear this.

    Eddie: If you have male genitalia and you're sleeping with someone who also has male genitalia, then you have first-hand knowledge of how their equipment works. You know all the pressure-sensitive points. You know what buttons to push. If you're a man having sex with a woman or vice-versa, you never really know how they feel. You don't know if they really feel great or if they're just faking it.

  • Elliot Hopper: [answering phone] Hello?

    Stuart: Hi, Mr. Hopper?

    Elliot Hopper: Yes, I'll go get Danny for you.

    Stuart: No, it is you that I want to talk to.

    [pause]

    Stuart: You see, I know you're an alien.

    Elliot Hopper: [leans closer to phone] Say what?

    Stuart: I want $50,000 in small-unmarked bills right now, or I go to the newspapers.

  • Elliot Hopper: Now you listen to me you little bag of pig puke! You mention one word to anybody about this, and so help me, I'll do things to you that you can't even imagine! You try to threaten me? I don't get frightened. I GIVE frighten, you little twerp! What do you think about this?

    [raises a flashlight to face, which disappears]

    Stuart: [screams in fright]

    Elliot Hopper: Ha!

    Stuart: [faints]

    Elliot Hopper: Good night.

  • Tugger: What in the holy hell was he doing with a paper-shredder this big?

    Stuart: Well, he worked for the government, didn't he?

  • Stuart: We are young. Heartache to heartache. We stand. No promises, no demands. Love is a battlefield. Pat Benatar lyric.

  • Stuart: Are you scared?

    [Beth silently nods]

    Stuart: You fucking better be.

  • Stuart: I am strong. I am fucking Hercules!

  • Todd: Do you remember the first guy in your high school to get laid?

    Stuart: No, but I remember the last.

    Todd: Well, I do. This kid Greg. He came back from summer break; something about him had changed. It wasn't anything he said or did, but something was different. You just knew it.

    Stuart: I know what you mean. It's like you can sense it the way an animal senses it.

    Todd: Exactly. Like an animal. Sometimes, you meet a guy and there's just something fucking scary about him. Something that makes you think this guy has killed somebody. He doesn't have to act tough. He never has to say it. But like an animal, you can sense it. You know that this guy's got the balls to do what few others can. And that's you after today, my friend. People are gonna fucking fear you. Linda is gonna fucking fear you. What we do today is gonna pay off every day for the rest of our lives.

  • Stuart: Isn't it bad luck to toast with water?

    Todd: Yeah. Bad luck for whoever meets us today.

  • Stuart: Where's Todd?

    [Todd's corpse is wheeled by in background]

    Big Guard: Problem with friend.

  • Stuart: [to Beth] I'm sorry. There's probably a small army of Slovak boys all fighting over you. Why travel all this way just to talk with an ugly American?

  • Stuart: Your friend looks like she's having fun.

    Beth: Yeah. I get to listen to them have sex later.

    Stuart: Can we switch? I'm over at the Dvorzak hotel and it's probably been three centuries since anybody's had sex over there.

  • Stuart: Do you think we're sick?

    Todd: Fuck no. Dude, you look anywhere in the world where there's no law... whether it's fucking Chad or New Orleans... and this is the shit people are doing, bro. We're the normal ones.

    Stuart: Any idea what you're gonna do in there?

    Todd: You don't even wanna know. You don't even wanna know.

  • Beth: What is this place?

    Stuart: This place... people come here... people come here to kill people.

    Beth: What? Who kills? Oh my God, are they gonna kill us?

    Stuart: Well... not... us.

  • Stuart: A tattoo is a little difficult to explain, Todd.

    Todd: Well it didn't seem like you had any problem explaining away the gonorrhea you brought back from Thailand.

Browse more character quotes from Taken (2008)

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