Steve Martin Quotes in Godzilla 1985 (1984)

[US version]

Steve Martin: Nature has a way sometimes of reminding Man of just how small he is. She occasionally throws up terrible offspring's of our pride and carelessness to remind us of how puny we really are in the face of a tornado, an earthquake, or a Godzilla. The reckless ambitions of Man are often dwarfed by their dangerous consequences. For now, Godzilla - that strangely innocent and tragic monster - has gone to earth. Whether he returns or not, or is never again seen by human eyes, the things he has taught us remain...

Steve Martin: You may have to re-think your strategies, gentlemen. There's possibly no weapon, on Earth, that can defeat Godzilla except perhaps...

General Goodhoe: Who are you?

Steve Martin: The name is "Martin". You asked for me to be brought here.

Colonel Raschen: Mr. Martin is the man you wanted to see, General. He's the newspaper man who witnessed Godzilla's attack 30 years ago.

General Goodhoe: Well thank God you're here. Seeing as how you seem to be the only person who seems to know anything about whatever it is we're dealing with, what can we do?

Steve Martin: I was the only American to have survived that catastrophy. If you men had seen what I saw, you'd realize that fire power of any kind or magnitude is not the answer.

General Goodhoe: Well if the Japanese were able to stop him 30 years ago, why can't we now?

Steve Martin: General, Godzilla's like a hurricane or a tidal wave. We must approach him as we would a force of nature. We must understand him. Deal with him. Perhaps, even, try to communicate with him. And, just for the record, 30 years ago they never found any corpse.

[first lines]

Steve Martin: [in voice over] This is Tokyo. Once a city of six million people. What has happened here was caused by a force which up until a few days ago was entirely beyond the scope of Man's imagination. Tokyo, a smoldering memorial to the unknown, an unknown which at this very moment still prevails and could at any time lash out with its terrible destruction anywhere else in the world. There were once many people here who could've told of what they saw... now there are only a few. My name is Steve Martin. I'm a foreign correspondent for United World News. I was headed for an assignment in Cairo, when I stopped off in Tokyo for a social call, but it turned out to be a visit to the living hell of another world.

[last lines]

Steve Martin: The menace was gone... so was a great man. But the whole world could wake up and live again.

Steve Martin: [asking Security Officer Tomo Iwanaga] What's the name of this monster?

Old Man on Hill on Oto Island: Godzilla...

Security Officer: Did you hear that? Godzilla.

Steve Martin: They believe their, uh, Godzilla, is responsible for all these ship disasters?

Security Officer: They're certain of it.

Steve Martin: I'm afraid my Japanese is a little rusty.

Security Officer: He claimed he saw a monster, a horrible monster.

Steve Martin: If he saw a monster, he's had too much saké.

Steve Martin: [speaking into tape recorder] They're moving in an entire tank corps to point-blank firing range. I'm saying a prayer, George... a prayer for the whole world.

Steve Martin: [continuing after Godzilla engulfs the tanks in flames] George, the tanks have been wiped out by a wall of flames. Neither man nor his machines are able to stop this creature.

Steve Martin: [sees Godzilla outside window, speaks into tape recorder] This is it, George. Steve Martin signing off from Tokyo, Japan.

George Lawrence: [on phone] Well, that's fine, but how can they use depth bombs against something they can't even see?

Steve Martin: Same way they look for a submarine - sonar. Oh, they'll find him all right. The big question is, will they kill him?

Steve Martin: [speaking into tape recorder] George, here in Tokyo, time has been turned back two million years. This is my report as it happens. The prehistoric monster the Japanese call 'Godzilla' has just walked out of Tokyo Bay. He's as tall as a 30-story building.

Steve Martin: They believe their, uh, Godzilla, is responsible for all these ship disasters?

Security Officer: They're certain of it

Johnny Gambi: Can you, uh, juggle or anything like that? We might pick up a few bucks.

Steve Martin: I can imitate a movie star.

Steve Martin: You know what's amazing is that many of these musicians are playing for the very first time, thanks to "Steve Martin's Two-week Master Musician Home-Study Course". More about that later. Hello and welcome to Fantasia 2000. It's been more than sixty years since Walt Disney and his artists teamed with maestro Leopold Stokowski to create a film they titled "The Concert Feature". I think we're all glad they changed the name to "Fantasia". You know, "Fantasia" was meant to be a perpetual work in progress. Every time you went to see it, you'd experience some new pieces, along with some old familiar favorites. But that idea fell by the wayside until now. So let me turn things over to the great Itzhak Perlman, who, I have just been informed, plays the violin. Well, so do I, big deal. Could I have my violin, please?

[is handed a violin]

Steve Martin: Ahh, thank you. All right, boys, let's...

[bow slips from his hands]

Steve Martin: Oh! Oh, sorry. Could I have another stick thingy, please? Oh, and camera back on me. Camera back on me. Ca... Am I done?

Itzhak Perlman: [introducing Pines of Rome] When you hear a title like "Pines of Rome", you may think of tree-lined streets and romantic ruins. But when the Disney animators heard this music, they thought of something completely different. Here is the Chicago Symphony Orchestra conducted by maestro James Levine, performing Ottorino Respighi's "Pines of Rome."

[last lines]

Steve Martin: Camera back on me... uh, camera back on me? Hello? Hellooooo? Could someone give me a ride home?

Jiminy Glick: [one of the outtakes] And you were a cheerleader.

Steve Martin: I was, in high school.

Jiminy Glick: [effeminate tone] Yoo-hoo!

[normal voice]

Jiminy Glick: Ha ha! Everyone must've stared at ya! Talk about bein' gay!

[Steve cracks up]

Jiminy Glick: What was that about? Why wouldn't you join the team, like normal fellas? Why would you wanna get the pom-poms and go and be like a big silly "Yoo-hoo!"?

[Steve interrupts Stoner's harassment of the town barber]

Henchman Stoner: If you're wantin' a shave, I'll be glad to give you one.

Steve Martin: You might find that pretty tough, mister.

Henchman Stoner: I don't know about that.

Steve Martin: If you think the answer is in your holster, go ahead!