Stepanek Quotes in Down Periscope (1996)

Stepanek: Sit on it and rotate, sir.

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: [shouts] What? What did you say, sailor? You can't say that!

[Turns to Dodge, still shouting]

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: He can't say that!

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Pascal, down. Down. Heel.

Stepanek: By the Uniform Code of Military Justice that constitutes gross insubordination, punishable by one month in a brig. I'm ready to go, sir.

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Board the boat. I like a challenge.

Stepanek: You'll throw me off within a week. I'm a dedicated pain in the butt, sir.

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Stepanek.

Stepanek: What?

Lt. Comd. Dodge: If I throw you off... it'll be in the middle of the Atlantic. Board the damn boat.

[while all the other crew members are working hard cleaning the boat, Stepanak is sitting in a lawn chair and sunning himself]

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Stepanek, what are you doing?

Stepanek: As little as possible, sir. I'm a detriment to the entire operation. Total morale crusher.

Lt. Comd. Dodge: You know, of course, that the submarine service is entirely volunteer. All you have to do is quit.

Stepanek: My old man won't let me.

[Sarcasticly]

Stepanek: He's an admiral. Thinks sub duty will shape me up. Ha!

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Well, I'm afraid you leave me no choice, son, but to relocate you.

Stepanek: Really?

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Really.

[Seaman Buckman passes by]

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Buckman!

Seaman Buckman: [suddenly stops and spins around... ] Yes, Sir?

[... and accidentally knocks Stepanek over the side and right into a trough of oil waste]

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Thank you, Buckman. That'll be all.

Stepanek: Any way I can cause a problem?

"Sonar" Lovacelli: No. We're pretty well covered for now.

Stepanek: Shit.

Lt. Cmdr Dodge: Men, at ease. I'd like to introduce you to the newest member of our crew, Lt. Emily Lake. Emily is part of a pilot program to test the feasibility of women serving on submarines. She's going to be our diving officer.

Stepanek: Can she do a one-and-a-half inward back in the layout position?

[laughter]

Lt. Cmdr Dodge: All right, look, gentlemen! I know this is an unusual situation. Can't be easy for Lt. Lake here to be thrown into a jungle such as this, and I know it will make things hard on all of us...

[laughter]

Lt. Cmdr Dodge: Let me re-phrase that. It's going to make things *difficult* on all of us as well. But if we just work together as a team, I'm sure we can handle ourselves...

[laughter]

Lt. Cmdr Dodge: *Comport* ourselves as professionals. That is all.

Stepanek: What's our mission? Rescue Gilligan?

Stepanek: [after Dodge leaves Lt. Lake's quarters] Polishing the ol' torpedo sir?

Lt. Cmdr Dodge: Shut up Stepanek.

Stepanek: Thank you sir. It's good to be noticed.

Lt. Comd. Dodge: [after the Stingray is able to avoid the Orlando and end their full silence] Stepanek, You missed an opportunity there. One noise out of you, we would have been in a lot of trouble.

Stepanek: No, that would be unethical, sir. I'm only out to screw myself. That would've screwed everybody.

Lt. Comd. Dodge: [Addresses the crew after they clean up the Stingray] Well done, guys! She may not be the youngest girl at the ball, but she'll turn a head or two. If she runs half as well as she looks, we may even survive. Dive test tomorrow morning at 0700. The rest of you are on shore leave until...

[He pauses and notices Lt. Lake. Her clothes have been shrunken and now hug her form]

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Lt. Lake... you're... almost out of uniform. Now, either you have miscalculated your dress size, or there has been some foul play!

Stepanek: [Raises his hand] Hey, if it's a disqualifying offense, I would like to take full and sole responsiblity, sir.

Lt. Comd. Dodge: [Ignoring Stepanek] Gentleman, either you tell me who is responsible for this or shore leave is canceled.

[Spots and Buckman smile and stay silent]

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Very well. Everybody back in the boat!

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: [Crew groans] You heard the captain! Back into the boat!

Lt. Comd. Dodge: [as Lake walks with the rest of the crew back to the sub] Lt. Lake. I'm sorry about that. It won't happen again.

Lt. Emily Lake, Diving Officer: Thank you very much, sir, but I can take care of myself.

[She awkwardly walks back to the sub due to the tight uniform restricting her]

Lt. Comd. Dodge, Stepanek, "Sonar" Lovacelli, Planesman 1st Class Jefferson 'R.J.' Jackson, Seaman Buckman, Seaman Stanley 'Spots' Sylvesterson, Seaman Nitro 'Mike': [singing] It's a short little walk bound for eternity/ Yo-ho and blow the man down.

Seaman Nitro 'Mike': [Sinatraish] Blow that nutso kooky punk back downtown!

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Give me all you got, Howard!

Lt,. Howard, Chief Engineer: Aye, sir! This is what I live for, DBF!

[pulls out a bottle of whiskey, takes a swig, and pours the rest into the fuel tank]

Stepanek: What are you doing?

Lt,. Howard, Chief Engineer: Whiskey, thins down the mix. Gives us another 50 RPM's!