Stefan Vanderhoof Quotes in Best in Show (2000)

Stefan Vanderhoof: We're gonna be in Philadelphia for 48 hours, how many tea services can you do?

Scott Donlan: How tall are you?

Hotel Manager: I'm 6'4".

Stefan Vanderhoof: I thought so. I feel like Alan Ladd at Easter Island.

Scott Donlan: Where are you from, like Nor... Norland? Norway?

Hotel Manager: Uh, I'm Irish-German.

Stefan Vanderhoof: Like Robert Duvall in "The Godfather".

Scott Donlan: Bratwurst and shillelaghs... paging Dr. Freud.

[at the butcher]

Stefan Vanderhoof: Now, Tyrone would like some of those beef kidneys so we'll have a half pound of those.

Scott Donlan: No, not the kidneys, it's the membranes, I don't wanna have to pull those things off.

Stefan Vanderhoof: [rolls eyes] I'll take care of the membranes.

Scott Donlan: [to the butcher] I mean, Randy, you could pull the membrane off.

Stefan Vanderhoof: Will you stop it? So, we'll have a half pound of the kidneys, a half pound of the salmon.

Scott Donlan: And do me a favor, will you? Just get out one of those pepperoni sticks. I just wanna hold it.

Gerry Fleck: [talking about Scott's leather trousers] Do you appreciate the amount of work that went into this?

Scott Donlan: I ought to, I did it myself. I did it, I did it myself. I bored him to death, talked about it non stop.

Stefan Vanderhoof: Well that is six months, six months working with leather and red thread. How much fun was he to be with?

Scott Donlan: Oh... heaven... HEAVEN!

Stefan Vanderhoof: If you're ever buying a shampoo sink go right to the Dutch. The French know nothing about shampooing.

Scott Donlan: [arriving with coffee during the Shih Tzu calendar photo shoot] All right, I'm coming, hold your horses!

[pause]

Scott Donlan: Oooh, Stefan, we should have gotten horses!

Stefan Vanderhoof: Yeah, right, little bitty horses.

Scott Donlan: Just little ones!

[after Scott introduces himself as Mary and shows them the pants he hand-stitched]

Gerry Fleck: Well you must be very "proud Mary".

Scott Donlan: Oh my goodness. Who are you all of a sudden?

Stefan Vanderhoof: Good baby boomer gag.

Cookie Fleck: Who's that in the burgundy jacket? Mr Hip.

Scott Donlan: I'm thrown overboard. Anchors aweigh.

Stefan Vanderhoof: The Man who knew too much.

Scott Donlan: Yeah, well there it is, the man who knew too much!

Stefan Vanderhoof: [discussing the calendar] We're not gonna sell, just give it out to friends.

Scott Donlan: I think we should try to sell it.

Stefan Vanderhoof: Really?

Scott Donlan: Yeah.

Stefan Vanderhoof: Well, if we could give the money to Shih Tzu rescue.

Scott Donlan: They have plenty of money.

Stefan Vanderhoof: Well so do we.

Scott Donlan: What Shih Tzus need rescuing anyway? You don't see Shih Tzus straggling around the streets in an old coat "help, alms for the poor".

Stefan Vanderhoof: Like the little match girl.

[an additional scene from the dvd, at Stefan's hair salon]

Stefan Vanderhoof: When I started here all there was was lampshade warehouses and leather bars, the serious leather bars where you wouldn't get in unless you had a rubber ball stuffed in your mouth, the wine list was tattooed on the bar tender's face. That kind of place. I remember one guy had a bicycle reflector sewn onto one nipple.

Stefan Vanderhoof: [talking about the first time he saw Scott showing a dog] They had the same prance, the same rhythm, it was like they were two members of the same body.

Scott Donlan: I knew a guy who had two members on the same body, dated him for about a half hour, got *so* exhausted. I'm sorry, go on, you were telling a story?

Stefan Vanderhoof: So finally we bought out the chinese, not the entire nation, this one little chapter behind the wall here.

Stefan Vanderhoof: I think we're overpacking.

Stefan Vanderhoof: Too much information.