Stanley Stupid Quotes in The Stupids (1996)

Joan Stupid: Stanley, you must beware of the Drive B.

Stanley Stupid: What's a Drive B?

Joan Stupid: We don't know, but whatever error you make with it could be fatal.

Stanley Stupid: [notices a bee landing on his steering wheel] What are you doing, you darn bee? Can't you see I'm trying to drive? Oh, my God! The drive bee!

[Stanley's car has exploded right when he swatted a bee on it with his shoe]

Stanley Stupid: Now that's a well-made shoe.

Gas Station Attendant: Sir, did you know there's a hole in your gas tank.

Stanley Stupid: That's how you get the gas in there.

Stanley Stupid: Be on the look out for anything suspicious.

Buster Stupid: Dad, they're putting make-up on men in there.

Stanley Stupid: Bull's eye.

Joan Stupid: Oh dear I left the garbage out over night.

Stanley Stupid: [looking inside cans] Oh no. Someone's stolen our garbage again.

[Stanley tries to start it using an invisible key]

Stanley Stupid: The car won't start.

Buster Stupid: Maybe the battery is dead.

Joan Stupid: It was perfectly healthy this morning.

Stanley's Neighbor: Hey Stanley, I haven't seen you much this weekend. What have you been doing?

Stanley Stupid: Oh you know, had breakfast, read the paper, saved the world.

Joan Stupid: As your president of Stupidia, I appoint Stanley Stupid head of the army.

[Stanley who just escaped from the base, raced to the car]

Joan Stupid: Your first assignment is to go onto that army base and rescue my husband.

Buster Stupid: And rescue our dad.

Stanley Stupid: I'm afraid those two will have to wait, we've got to get to a place called Warehouse 21.

Talk Show Hostess: Have you ever thought that you came from a strange or unusual family? Well, after you meat our guests, you might want to adjust your standards.

Talk Show Guest #1: I divorced my wife in order to marry her daughter.

Talk Show Guest #2: I married a siamese twin and had an affair with her sister.

Talk Show Guest #3: I've been engaged to three of my cousins.

Stanley Stupid: I'm, well, to tell you the truth, I'm my own Grandpa.

Talk Show Hostess: You're your own Grandpa? Well, for some of us who don't understand this, can you explain?

Stanley Stupid: Well, yes. It's quite simple, really.

[sings]

Stanley Stupid: Many many years ago when I was twenty three/ I was married to a widow who was purdy as can be/ This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red/ My father fell in love with her and soon they too were wed/

Stanley Stupid: This made my dad my son in law and changed my very life/ For my daughter was my mother 'cause she was my father's wife/ To complicate the matters even though it brought me joy I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy/

Stanley Stupid: This little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad/ And so became my uncle though it made me very sad/ For if he was my uncle than it also makes him brother/ To the widow's grown-up daughter who of course if my stepmother/

Stanley Stupid: My father's wife then had a son who kept him on the run/ And he became my grandchild 'cause he was my daughter's son/ My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue/ For although she is my wife she is my grandmother too/

Stanley Stupid: If my wife is my grandmother than I am her grandchild/ And every time I think of this it nearly drives me wild/

Talk Show Hostess: has got to be the craziest thing I ever saw

Stanley Stupid: As husband to my grandmother I am my own grandpa!

[flashback of Lloyd in the Planetarium after one of the guards spits gum on the floor]

The Lloyd: Remember: throw your gum in the trash after you get done chewing it. I spend a huge amount of my time cleaning up gum.

[flash forward back to Stanley tied to the chair and enraged]

Stanley Stupid: In the name of the Lloyd!

Stanley Stupid: I'm stuck, I'm caught, I'm trapped! Somebody help me out here!

Petunia Stupid: I'm cornered!

Stanley Stupid: That's it, I'm cornered! That's the word I'm looking for.