Stanley MacLaurel Quotes in Bonnie Scotland (1935)

Mrs. Bickerdike: Where is Mr. Hardy? I haven't seen him in the past three weeks.

Stanley MacLaurel: Oh, he's awful sick.

Mrs. Bickerdike: Is that a fact?

Stanley MacLaurel: Hoot, ma'am. You know the day he fell in the water he got an awful cold, and it turned into pneumatics.

Mrs. Bickerdike: Is he very sick?

Stanley MacLaurel: You're darn hootin' he's sick! You know the only thing he can keep on his stomach is a hot water bottle.

Mrs. Bickerdike: My, my, what a predicament!

Stanley MacLaurel: Yeah! I think he's got that too.

Khan Mir Jutra: [a gunshot is heard behind a screen] Remove the body.

Ollie: [the screen is removed. Stan has his eyes closed and a pistol pointed over his head] What happened?

Stanley MacLaurel: I missed myself.

[cries]

Stanley MacLaurel: [after hearing that Sandy MacLaurel killed himself at the sight of his newborn son] That must have been an ugly kid.

Ollie: Sandy MacLaurel was *your father*.

Stanley MacLaurel: Say Ollie, what was that the General was trying to tell us that he didn't know himself? You know, about the mysteries of something?

Ollie: I don't know. Ask old Leatherpuss.

Stanley MacLaurel: Who?

Ollie: Leatherpuss!

Stanley MacLaurel: Sgt. Leatherpuss?

Sergeant Major Finlayson: Are you speaking to me?

Stanley MacLaurel: Yes sir.

Sergeant Major Finlayson: Who informed you my name was Leatherpuss?

Stanley MacLaurel: [Pointing to Ollie] He did.

Sergeant Major Finlayson: Well, my name is Sgt Finlayson, to you! From now on!

Mrs. Bunts: [Elderly Scottish lady] Oh, by the way, Mr. Miggs?

Mr. Miggs - the Lawyer: Yes, Mrs. Bunts?

Mrs. Bunts: The next time you drop down to Glasgow, you must come up and see me sometime.

Mr. Miggs - the Lawyer: Thank you.

Stanley MacLaurel: [to Ollie] That's Mae West.

Stanley MacLaurel: What do you think we better do, Ollie?

Ollie: I expected that. Every time you get us into a mess, you come to me, expecting me to get us out of it.

Stanley MacLaurel: Well, it wasn't my fault.

Ollie: What do you mean it wasn't your fault? If you hadn't been so money mad, we wouldn't be here! There we were, comfortably in jail, with one more week to serve. And you had to talk me into breaking out. Just to come on this wild goose chase of yours!

Stanley MacLaurel: Well, I guess we'll have to stow our way back home again. Go back to the jail and tell the warden we're sorry for all the trouble we've put him to and maybe we'll get our old cell back.

Ollie: Where have you been?

Stanley MacLaurel: The landlady gave me this. It's the bill for three weeks rent.

Ollie: There are more important things than this. Did you get me any pants?

Stanley MacLaurel: No, but, I got something to eat.

Ollie: How are you going to cook it?

Stanley MacLaurel: I never thought of that.

Ollie: No, you wouldn't! Once again, I have to come to your rescue and be the Mother of Invention! Oh!

Stanley MacLaurel: What you going to do?

Ollie: I'm going to cook the fish, over the candle.

Stanley MacLaurel: I've got an idea that's better than your Mother's invention.

Mrs. Bickerdike: Oh! This has gone far enough! Rent or no rent, get out of my house! You-you foreigners!

Stanley MacLaurel: [Referring to Ollie] He can't go out, he hasn't got any pants.

Mrs. Bickerdike: Come on! Pack up your things and get out!

Ollie: Ha-ha-ha-ha - - - Ha!

Stanley MacLaurel: What are you laughing at?

Ollie: Why shouldn't I laugh? Here am I, Oliver Norvell Hardy. A man without a home. A man without a country. A man without any pants!

Stanley MacLaurel: [Walking down a snowy street in kilts] Ollie?

Ollie: What?

Stanley MacLaurel: Do you feel a draft?

Stanley MacLaurel: Gee, I'm dumb today.

Ollie: Today?

Sergeant Major Finlayson: Hey, come here! I thought I told you to clean this place up.

Stanley MacLaurel: [Pointing to Ollie] Well, he told me not to pay any attention to what you had said.

Sergeant Major Finlayson: Doh! Who's running this army? You or me!

[Ollie and Stan point to Finlayson]

Sergeant Major Finlayson: Right! Now get to work! And don't let me see a speck when I get back! Leatherpuss, hmm!

Ollie: What are walking like that for?

Stanley MacLaurel: [Walking bowlegged] Well the horse didn't fit me.

Khan Mir Jutra: There's no escape! Take those.

Ollie: [Stan and Ollie pick up two pistols] What are these for?

Khan Mir Jutra: You are to use those to blow your brains out!

Stanley MacLaurel: [Crying] Oh, I never blew my brains out before.