Staff Sgt. Dreiwitz Quotes in Good Morning, Vietnam (1987)

[the audience response to Hauk replacing Cronauer on the radio]

Staff Sgt. Dreiwitz: Sir, these letters are unequivocal! Uh, e.g.

[reads a letter]

Staff Sgt. Dreiwitz: "Hey, Hauk. Eat a bag of shit. You suck." Now that's pretty much to the point, sir, not much gray area in this one.

Staff Sgt. Dreiwitz: Can I ask you something? What is the appeal of Joey Bishop? I mean the man's not funny. I know funny, and he's not funny. Don't get me wrong, he seems like a nice guy, but my father's a nice guy and he's not funny either.

Lt. Steven Hauk: Where's Crounauer?

Staff Sgt. Dreiwitz: Still eating, sir.

Lt. Steven Hauk: I want to see him ASAP.

Staff Sgt. Dreiwitz: What, sir?

Lt. Steven Hauk: As soon as possible.

Staff Sgt. Dreiwitz: VG sir.

Staff Sgt. Dreiwitz, Dan 'The Man' Levitan, Adrian Cronauer, Edward Garlick: [mocking Lt. Hauk] ... and if you dooooooo... and if you doooooo

Staff Sgt. Dreiwitz: [to French-Vietnamese bar girl] Hi, I'm William Holden...

[Before Hauk goes on the air, the other men gently try to change his mind, then Eddie just leans down to the microphone]

Edward Garlick: Sir, you're not funny. Ask around.

Staff Sgt. Dreiwitz: Ask me. I mean, I know funny, sir, and I don't think you're it. It's like me, I'm not much with power tools...

Staff Sgt. Dreiwitz: [When the "B-girls" come over to their table at Jimmy Wah's] Hello. I'm William Holden.

Private Abersold: Hey, how come I'm the only one who don't get one?

Dan 'The Man' Levitan: I'm Dan "The Man" Levitan. You've probably heard my radio show. Haha!