Sport Quotes in Harriet the Spy (1996)

Sport's Dad: [over ecstatic] Will you take a look at this. Huh? Huh? What do you think of your old man now, Sport? Ten thousand smackaroos! No more paying with change. No more, no more spaghetti. Going to feel like steak. And you know those fancy basketball sneakers with the, with the buckles and the Velcro and the crap all over them? Their yours, buddy boy, all yours!

[his phone rings, he answers it]

Sport's Dad: Hello? Murray. Hey, hey I take it all back. All agents aren't useless. Oh, I'm kidding you, I'm kidding you, man. You know I was always in your corner. Oh, yeah, I knew you'd come through. Well, Sport and I are going to do a little celebrating today...

Sport: [knock at the door, Sport answers. It's Harriet]

Harriet M. Welsch: Hey.

Sport: Hey.

Harriet M. Welsch: Sold his book?

Sport: Got a real job.

Sport's Dad: [notices Harriet] Hey, Harriet, you hear the good news?

Harriet M. Welsch: [smiling] You're a writer. So how's it feel?

Sport's Dad: Oh, big slice off heaven, side order of fries. Say, you hungry? I feel like going to the fanciest, schmaniest restaurant in town. We'll abuse the waiter. Who's with me? Harriet?

Sport: She can't come.

Sport's Dad: What do you mean she can't come? You haven't even asked her.

Sport: [firmly] I said she can't come.

[to Harriet]

Sport: You can't be my friend if you're not my friend.

[he closes the door on Harriet]

Harriet M. Welsch: [from the other side of the door, crying]

[whispers]

Harriet M. Welsch: I'm sorry, Sport. I'm sorry.

Sport: You can't be my friend if you're not my friend.

Harriet M. Welsch: I hate money.

Sport: You'd like it a lot more if you didn't have any.

Sport: This stuff is beyond crap. It is what crap wants to be when it grows up.

[the Spy Catchers are eating cake at their clubhouse; Pinky eats his slice using a wrench]

Rachel Hennessy: Someone told me the only reason you guys hang out with me is because of my mom's cake.

Pinky Whitehead: [with his mouth full] Well, it is very good cake.

[a furious Marion throws a crumpled up tin foil wrapper at Pinky causing him to flinch]

Janie Gibbs: Yeah, but how come we get these pieces and you guys get those?

Rachel Hennessy: We told you: we're officers.

Marion Hawthorne: And we need our strength.

[tosses a wrench towards Jamie]

Marion Hawthorne: You get to fix the clubhouse.

Janie Gibbs: [sarcastically] Somebody's dreaming.

Sport: I'm so bored.

Rachel Hennessy: If you don't like it, you can leave.

Sport: Hey, you're right.

[Sport gets up and leaves, but not before grabbing a handful of cake from the table]

Janie Gibbs: [to Sport] Wait up!

[Janie leaves with Sport]

Janie Gibbs: [about Marion; in front of her] Anybody sick of listening to her ought to get a life.

Marion Hawthorne: [shouting; to Sport and Janie] Okay, but you can't come back! We're voting! It's official!

Miss Elson: [to the class] Good morning. Today we're...

[pauses and sees Harriet's hand raised]

Miss Elson: Yes, Harriet?

[Harriet puts her hand down and stands up out of her desk]

Harriet M. Welsch: Miss Elson, I've been thinking a lot, and you know how class president automatically gets to be editor of the sixth grade newspaper?

Miss Elson: Yes.

Harriet M. Welsch: Well... I think... I think it's too much for one person and it's not fair to everybody because everybody deserves a chance, and we should change it.

[Marion slams her hand down on her desk]

Marion Hawthorne: [shouting loudly] OBJECTION!

Miss Elson: This isn't a courtroom, Marion.

Miss Elson: [as Harriet sits back down in her seat] I like that idea, Harriet. Let's see what the class thinks.

Marion Hawthorne: [gets up from her desk] Miss Elson, I think I speak for everybody when I say this is... this is a really, really, stupid idea!

Miss Elson: That is one opinion. But let's take a vote. Marion is now editor of The Guidepost, would anyone like to nominate another candidate?

[the class whispers among themselves about another candidate]

Miss Elson: Well... I guess if no one has anything to say...

Boy with Purple Socks: [gets up from his desk and finally speaks in front of the entire class, much to everybody's surprise] I have something to say: I think that Harriet is a very good writer, and if we only listen to one person's opinion, we may never get anywhere new. But Harriet might have something very original, and I'd like to read what she has to write.

[sits back down]

Miss Elson: Is there a second?

Sport: [raises his hand] I second it.

Janie Gibbs: [raises her hand] I third it.

Miss Elson: Okay, then. Harriet Welch is now a candidate for editor. Who votes for Harriet?

[much to Marion's dismay, the entire class raises their hands in approval for Harriet as editor; Harriet raises both hands]

Miss Elson: And that... is that.

Harriet M. Welsch: [whispers] Yes!

Travis Bickle: [walks up to Sport] Hey Sport. How ya doin'?

Sport: Okay, okay my man, how... Where do I know you from, man?

Travis Bickle: I don't know. How's everything in the pimp business, huh?

Sport: Do I know you?

Travis Bickle: No. Do I know you?

Sport: Get outta here. Come on, get lost, huh.

Travis Bickle: Do I know you? How's Iris? You know Iris.

Sport: No, I don't know nobody name Iris. Iris? Come on, get outta here, man.

Travis Bickle: You don't know anybody by the name of Iris?

Sport: I don't know nobody name Iris!

Travis Bickle: No?

Sport: Hey, go back to your fuckin' tribe before you get hurt, huh man. Do me a favor, I don't want no trouble, huh. Okay?

Travis Bickle: You got a gun?

Sport: Get the fuck outta here, man.

[flicks his cigarette at him]

Sport: Get outta here.

[kicks him]

Travis Bickle: Suck on this.

[Travis shoots him with a revolver in the stomach and walks away]

Sport: You're a funny guy - but looks aren't everything.

Sport: Well, take it or leave it. If you want to save yourself some money, don't fuck her. Cause you'll be back here every night for some more. Man, she's twelve and a half years old. You never had no pussy like that. You can do anything you want with her. You can cum on her, fuck her in the mouth, fuck her in the ass, cum on her face, man. She get your cock so hard she'll make it explode. But no rough stuff, all right?

Sport: I once had a horse, on Coney Island. She got hit by a car.

Iris: I don't like what I'm doing, Sport.

Sport: Ah, baby, I don't want you to like what you're doing. If you like what you're doing, then you won't be my woman.

Sport: See ya later, copper!

Travis Bickle: I'm no cop, man.

Sport: Well, if you are, then it's entrapment already.

Sport: Let's Incorporate! Or, do you want me to go back on the open market?

Eileen: Well, I couldn't become a stockholder right now.

Sport: Then take an option on me for 30 days.

Eileen: What's the price?

Sport: A kiss.

Eileen: Sorry, but when I make that kind of a deposit, I want to own the stock out right. Goodbye...

Pansy: I'm going up to a lumber camp and marry a chef.

Sport: What? You're going to a lumber camp? And get yourself all full of splinters?

Pansy: Well if I do I can always get myself a woodpecker.