SpongeBob SquarePants Quotes in The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water (2015)

[from trailer]

[SpongeBob is playing two keyboards of a tiny piano over and over again]

Plankton: Will you stop playing that tiny piano?

[SpongeBob stops playing and hides the tiny piano behind his back ]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Sorry.

[from trailer]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Alright, here comes the pain!

Burger-Beard: Hah!

[He opens a hatch and many cannons came out of the front hatch]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Ah!

Plankton: That ain't good.

[He fires a cannon ball at SpongeBob, but it goes in a bubble. He fires more cannon balls, then SpongeBob as the Invincibubble gets them in many bubbles]

Patrick Star: They're beautiful.

[He pops a bubble, then a cannon ball lands on his face]

[Patrick is hitting his rock home with the word "grandma" on the bottom with a hammer]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick, what are you doing?

Patrick Star: Vandalizing stuff.

Plankton: Isn't that your house?

[from trailer]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Mr. Superawesomeness, take him down.

[Patrick uses his mind to control ice cream at him, he holds two ice creams as thunder crashes, but Patrick starts eating them]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Maybe, we should've picked a better superpower for you, Patrick.

[from trailer]

Patrick Star: SpongeBob!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick?

Patrick Star: Talk to me, buddy.

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm seeing a bright light.

Patrick Star: [blocks the sun] Is this better?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Much. Thank you.

[from trailer]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Cotton candy.

Sandy Cheeks: If you ate all of that, you'll have enough energy to run around the whole world.

[SpongeBob and Patrick ate the cotton candy, starts going hyper, and starts laughing as they run all over the world, but Sandy throws a travel card away as SpongeBob and Patrick are still laughing]

Squidward Tentacles: Ahh! When is the sugar gonna wear off?

[SpongeBob and Patrick fell down front]

[in sneak peek]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Give me that!

Plankton: Come on, SpongeBob, join me and we'll be rich and powerful until I eventually betray you!

[They're struggling for the Secret Formula]

Plankton: Join me!

SpongeBob SquarePants: No! Never! I'm on Team Krabs for life!

Mr. Krabs: [He muster the metal shutters open to get in] PLANKTON!

[SpongeBob and Plankton continue to struggle for the Krabby Patty Secret Forumla until it magically disappeared]

SpongeBob SquarePants: What? Where'd it go?

Plankton: [in thoughts] Wait a minute, molecular deconstruction? I proved that to be a scientific impossibility seven times!

SpongeBob SquarePants: [in thoughts] Wait a minute, I think I forgot to empty Gary's litter box today.

[from TV spot]

SpongeBob SquarePants: If you're from the future, what am I going to say next?

Plankton: Something moronic?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Wow.

[from trailer]

SpongeBob SquarePants: A giant hairy porpoise's beached!

Mr. Krabs: We need to get these guys back in the water.

[the gang tries to roll a human in the ocean, but it landed on them in the sand]

Squidward Tentacles: Ew, this place smells awful!

SpongeBob SquarePants: We'll take one secret formula to go. Clear the area, citizens! There's gonna be some serious aft-kicking here!

[from preview]

SpongeBob SquarePants: We'll take one secret formula to go! Clear the area, citizens. There's gonna be some serious aft kicking here.

[a boy takes a picture of SpongeBob and his friends on his phone]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Sour Note!

[Squidward magically unleashes a clarinet and starts playing a really louder note which made the customers covering their ears and leave]

Burger-Beard: No, wait, wait! Customers! No wait, please!

[from trailer]

SpongeBob SquarePants: There's the book! Now, it's our turn to rewrite the story.

[from sneak peek]

Squidward Tentacles: Mr. Krabs, the customers are getting restless.

[the customers are yelling "refunds!"]

Mr. Krabs: Listen up, boy get in there and make me customers some krabby patties.

[SpongeBob screams like a girl when he finds out there are no krabby patties there]

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! What's wrong, boy?

[He opens the freezer door a little, and he screamed like a girl as well]

Mr. Krabs: We're out of krabby patties?

SpongeBob SquarePants: How can we make more krabby patties without the secret formula?

Mr. Krabs: You've got to have that formuler memorized by now.

SpongeBob SquarePants: But as you are aware, sir, the Employee Handbook clearly states, and I quote, "No employee may in part, or in whole, commit the Krabby Patty secret formula to any recorded, written, or visual form, including memories, dreams, and/or needlepoint".

Mr. Krabs: [He sobbed] Oh, curse you, fine print!

[from TV spot]

Patrick Star: What's the secret password?

SpongeBob SquarePants, Plankton: Uuuhhhh...

Patrick Star: Correct!

[from trailer]

[Patrick looks at a girl holding an ice cream cone with three scoops]

Patrick Star: Where have you been all my life?

[He starts eating the girl's three scoops of ice cream]

SpongeBob SquarePants: This is uncomfortable.

[from sneak peek]

SpongeBob SquarePants: [They arrived in the human world] Woah! What is this place?

Mr. Krabs: I have a bad feeling about this.

Patrick Star: [they see a foot] Maybe, this guys knows where we are. He looks smart. He's got five heads.

SpongeBob SquarePants: [to the foot] Um, sir, can you tell us where to find the krabby patty?

Patrick Star: Hey! My friend is talking to you.

[He taps the foot several times]

[from sneak peek]

Mr. Krabs: Where's me formula, Plankton?

Plankton: I... I don't know. It just disappeared

Mr. Krabs: Why should I believe you, you lying liar?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Normally, I'd agree with you, Mr. Krabs, but this time, he's telling the truth! It just vanished!

Plankton: It's true!

[from TV spot]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Let's go, team!

[a pelican squawks at Patrick as he is pushed down, hanging to an edge of a rock cliff]

Patrick Star: I want a new team! This one's broken!

[from trailer]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Krabby Patties!

Mr. Krabs: What are you doing with me formula?

Burger-Beard: You mean...

[he sets up his restaurant]

Burger-Beard: *me* formula!

[from TV spot]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Maybe, you should get that checked out.

Patrick Star: [His eyes are holed by the cannonball] Why?

[from TV spot]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Look out!

[a boy on his skateboard hits a pole and falls down]

Sandy Cheeks: Aw, nuts!

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'll rock him while you read him a bedtime story.

Plankton: Uh once upon a time there was a big pink fat idiot who went to sleep. The End!

Patrick Star: Nice try.

[from TV spot]

SpongeBob SquarePants: We're putting a team together.

Patrick Star: Ooh, pick me!

SpongeBob SquarePants: To the surface!

[from trailer]

Burger-Beard: Attack!

[a Plankton helicopter appeared to attack the Krusty Krab, and SpongeBob is ready to aim at it]

Patrick Star: I think we have a few minutes before he gets here.

[SpongeBob flips the binoculars over]

Patrick Star: Aaahhh! He's right on top of us!

[the Plankton helicopter drops a jar of mayonnaise]

Mr. Krabs: Bar the door!

SpongeBob SquarePants: [He puts a chair under the doorknob] Got it!

[the door blows up as the Bikini Bottom citizens gasp, and the Secret Formula has been stolen by Burger-Beard]

Burger-Beard: Bullseye!

Plankton: [nervous]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Mr. Krabs, I'm telling you, he's innocent.

Plankton: What are you going to do Krabs? Pour hot oil on me, or put bamboo shoots under my nails?

Mr. Krabs: No, knock knock.

Plankton: Knock knock jokes? I could do this all day Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Knock knock.

Plankton: Oh boy, who's there?

Mr. Krabs: Jimmy.

Plankton: Jimmy who?

Mr. Krabs: Jimmy BACK MY FORMULER, PLANKTON!

Plankton: Well, that's stupid but how is that torture?

Mr. Krabs: Hee hee hee. You'll see.

[Mr. Krabs puts on headphones]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Jimmy, back my formula, hmm. Ooooooooh, I get it!

[SpongeBob starts laughing]

Plankton: [while he hears SpongeBob laughing, he screams]

Mr. Krabs: [still has headphones on and ignores everything]

Plankton: [SpongeBob continues to laugh and Plankton is screaming] Oh make it stop Krabs, make it stop!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick, hand me the potatoes.

Patrick Star: Mashed or scalloped?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Better make them... raw!

Patrick Star: Aye, aye, sir!

[Gives sack of potatoes to SpongeBob, who loads them in a cannon]

Patrick Star: Justice is best soft served.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick, I should've never doubted about your super powers.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Sandy? Is that you?

Sandy Cheeks: You can call me The Rodent!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick why are you doing this?

Patrick Star: Because I need Krabby Patties! Hurry up i'm hungry!

Mr. Krabs: Release the condiments!

SpongeBob SquarePants: With relish!

SpongeBob SquarePants: See you later Te-am mate!

SpongeBob SquarePants: If we're gonna be on the same team...

Plankton: Maybe i don't wanna be on the te-am! You think of that?

SpongeBob SquarePants: But Plankton everything's best when your part of a team.

Plankton: Will you stop playing that tiny piano? Your gonna get us caught!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Sorry.

Burger-Beard: I'm gonna scrub my armpits with you.

SpongeBob SquarePants: I don't get it.

Squidward Tentacles: Because you're a sponge.

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [final scene] Mr. Squidward, front and center! I think we both know who rightfully deserves to wear that manager pin.

Squidward Tentacles: I couldn't agree more, sir.

Fish: Hooray for SpongeBob!

[Crowd cheers]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait a second, everybody. There's something I need to say first. I just don't know how to put it.

Squidward Tentacles: I think I know what it is. After going on your life-changing journey, you now realise that you don't want what you thought you wanted. What you really wanted was inside you all along.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Are you crazy? I was just going to say that your fly was down. Manager! This is the greatest day of my LIFE!

Patrick Star: SpongeBob, what happened?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Plankton cheated.

Sheldon J. Plankton: Cheated?

[Now to Neptune]

Sheldon J. Plankton: Hold on there, baldy.

[Now to SpongeBob]

Sheldon J. Plankton: Oh, grow up. What, you think this is a game of kickball on the playground? You never had a chance to defeat me, fool! And you know why?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Because you cheated?

Sheldon J. Plankton: No, not because I cheated! Because I'm an evil genius. And you're just a kid.

[laughing]

Sheldon J. Plankton: A stupid kid!

SpongeBob SquarePants: I guess you're right, Plankton.

[looks down]

SpongeBob SquarePants: I am just a kid.

Sheldon J. Plankton: Of course I'm right. Okay, Neptune, time to kill.

SpongeBob SquarePants: And you know, I've been through a lot in the past six days, five minutes, twenty-seven-and-a-half seconds. And if I've learned anything during that time, it's that you are who you are.

Sheldon J. Plankton: That's right. Okay, Neptune...

SpongeBob SquarePants: And no amount of mermaid magic...

[Turns to Mindy]

SpongeBob SquarePants: ... or managerial promotion...

[Turns to the frozen Mr. Krabs]

SpongeBob SquarePants: ... or some other third thing... can make me anything more than what I really am inside: A kid.

Sheldon J. Plankton: That's great. Now, get back against the wall.

SpongeBob SquarePants: [over microphone] But that's okay!

Sheldon J. Plankton: What? What's going on?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Because I did what everyone said a kid COULDN'T do! I made it to Shell City, and I beat the Cyclops, and I rode the Hasselhoff, and I brought the crown BACK!

Sheldon J. Plankton: All right, we get the point.

SpongeBob SquarePants: So, yeah, I'm a kid!

[the lights go down, dry ice smoke surrounds SpongeBob, and a spotlight falls on him]

SpongeBob SquarePants: And I'm also a goofball! And a wing nut! And a Knucklehead McSpazatron!

Sheldon J. Plankton: [coughs from the smoke] What's going on here?

SpongeBob SquarePants: But most of all, I'm...

Sheldon J. Plankton: Okay, settle down. Take it easy!

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm... I'M...

Sheldon J. Plankton: WHAT THE SCALLOP?

SpongeBob SquarePants: [bursts into song] I'M A GOOFY GOOBER! ROCK!

Dennis: Finally.

[cracks knuckles]

Dennis: I got you right where I want you.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Can I help you with something, sir?

Dennis: Name's Dennis. I've been hired to exterminate you.

SpongeBob SquarePants: You're gonna exterminate us?

[SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other, then burst out in laughter before wiping their tears]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Listen, Junior. You caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Step aside, and you won't have to feel the awesome wrath of our mustaches.

Dennis: You mean these?

[grabs the seaweed mustaches off SpongeBob and Patrick's faces]

Dennis: I thought you still had a piece of salad stuck to your lip from lunchtime.

[Throws mustaches as SpongeBob and Patrick's eyes bulge at the sight of them]

SpongeBob SquarePants: They were fake?

Dennis: Of course they were fake! This is what a real mustache looks like.

[Pulls face mask off, grunts to sprout mustach from his upper lip]

Patrick Star: Is he a mermaid?

Dennis: All right. Enough gab.

[approaches SpongeBob and Patrick, who are trembling in fear]

SpongeBob SquarePants: What are you gonna do to us?

Dennis: Plankton was very specific.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Plankton?

Dennis: For some reason, he wanted me to step on you.

Patrick Star: Step on us?

Dennis: Yeah! That way, you'll never find out that he stole the crown!

[SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other]

Dennis: Uhh, perhaps I've said too much.

[extends spikes from the soles of his boots. SpongeBob and Patrick tremble in fear as Dennis positions his boot above them]

Patrick Star: That's a big boot.

Dennis: Don't worry. This'll only hurt a lot!

[laughs]

Dennis: I love this job!

[Continues to laugh, only to be crushed by a bigger boot]

Patrick Star: Bigger boot!

[tries to run away]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait, Pat! This bigger boot saved our lives.

Patrick Star: Yay!

SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star: Thank you, stranger!

SpongeBob SquarePants: I am 100-percent MAN! And this MAN has got something to say to you!

[blows Mr. Krabs a long raspberry]

SpongeBob SquarePants: There! I think I made my point.

King Neptune: [to Spongebob] And as for you, be back with my crown in exactly 10 days.

Patrick Star: [Appears out of nowhere] He can do it in nine.

King Neptune: Eight.

Patrick Star: Seven.

King Neptune: Six

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs, SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick!

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [He and Spongebob attack Patrick]

King Neptune: Six it is then.

Patrick Star: [while being choked by Mr. Krabs] Five?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick, shush!

Patrick Star: It's some kind of wall of psychic energy.

SpongeBob SquarePants: No, Pat, it's a giant glass bowl.

[Last Lines]

SpongeBob SquarePants: [to squidward] Are you crazy? I was just gonna say that your fly is down. Manager! This is the greatest day of my life!

Patrick Star: SpongeBob?

[sees him walking away from the trench, defeated]

Patrick Star: Hey, where are you going?

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm going home, Patrick.

Patrick Star: But what about Mr Krabs?

SpongeBob SquarePants: What about us? WE'LL never survive in that trench! You said it yourself, this is man's country. And let's face it, Pat. We're just... kids.

Patrick Star: We're NOT kids!

SpongeBob SquarePants: OPEN YOUR EYES, PATRICK! We blow bubbles, we eat ice cream - we worship a dancing peanut, for corn's sake! WE DON'T BELONG OUT HERE.

Patrick Star: [defensively] We do NOT worship him!

SpongeBob SquarePants: [pulls Patrick's pants down] Patrick, you've been wearing the same Goofy Goober Peanut Party underpants for three years straight! What do you call that?

Patrick Star: [starts to cry] Worship...? Oh, you're right, SpongeBob! We ARE kids!

[runs away crying, then trips over pulled-down pants]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Pull your pants up, Patrick. We're going home.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Pull your pants up, Patrick. We're going home.

Mindy: [just arrived in carriage] But you can't go home!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Mindy!

Patrick Star: Mindy?

[frantically pulls up pants before falling over again]

Patrick Star: Huh?

SpongeBob SquarePants: How much did you hear?

Mindy: I heard enough.

Patrick Star: Did you see my underwear?

Mindy: No, Patrick.

Patrick Star: [grabs pants] Did you want to?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. Patrick, Squidward and I...

Squidward Tentacles: [Leaving] Pass.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, Patrick and I...

Patrick Star: Hi.

SpongeBob SquarePants: ...will bring back the crown and save you from Neptune's wrath. You have nothing to worry about. Your life is in our hands.

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [worried] Ohh!

SpongeBob SquarePants: [at podium] People of Bikini Bottom, as the manager of...

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Uh, SpongeBob...

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hold the phone, folks, I'm getting an important news flash from Mr. Krabs. Go ahead, Mr. K.

[Mr. Krabs whispers]

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm making a complete what of myself?

[Mr. Krabs whispers again]

SpongeBob SquarePants: The most embarrassing thing you've ever seen?

[Mr. Krabs whispers again]

SpongeBob SquarePants: And now it's worse because I'm repeating everything you say into the microphone?

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Oh, for crying out loud, SpongeBob! You didn't get the job!

SpongeBob SquarePants: [to Patrick, about driving the Patty Wagon] You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.

Attendant #1: You two dipsticks wouldn't last ten seconds over the county line!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, yeah? We'll just see about that.

[they drive over the line; a thief stops them]

Thief: Out of the car, fellas.

[thief drives off with Patty Wagon]

SpongeBob SquarePants: How many seconds was that?

Attendant #2: Twelve.

SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star: ...IN YOUR FACE!

[start laughing hysterically at attendants before walking away over county line]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Feast your eyes, Patrick.

Patrick Star: What is it?

SpongeBob SquarePants: The Patty Wagon. Mr. Krabs uses it for promotional reasons. Let me show you some of its features: Sesame seed finish; steel-belted pickles; grilled leather interior; and under the hood, a fuel-injected French fryer with dual overhead grease traps.

Patrick Star: Wow.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah. Wow.

Mindy: [after getting SpongeBob's and Patrick's moustaches] So, now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City?

SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star: [are intrigued by moustaches and weren't listening to Mindy]

Mindy: Guys!

SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star: Yeah?

Mindy: I said, "Now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City?

SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star: Heck, yeah!

Mindy: Are men afraid of anything?

SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star: Heck, no!

Mindy: And why?

SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star: Because we're invincible!

[both jump off cliff]

Mindy: [calling after them] I never said that!

SpongeBob SquarePants: [after Mindy turns Patrick and Spongebob into men] Huh. I don't feel anything differ... oh my gosh, Patrick, you have a mustache!

Patrick Star: So do you!

SpongeBob SquarePants: [crying in bar, then sits up] Alright, get it together, old boy. I know, I'll just stop thinking about it.

[pause]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, you know, I actually feel a little better. I don't even remember why I was sad!

Patrick Star: Hey, it's the new Krusty Krab 2 manager!

[SpongeBob starts crying again]

Patrick Star: Wow, the pressure's already setting in.

Patrick Star: Hey, look. Free ice-cream.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, boy!

[SpongeBob runs to the "ice-cream booth" surrounded by piles of bones and skulls]

Patrick Star: [to a skull] How you doing?

[Looks around and sees the piles of bones and skulls]

Patrick Star: Wait a minute. Wait a minute! SPONGEBOB!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah?

Patrick Star: Make mine a chocolate!

SpongeBob SquarePants: [drunk from too much ice cream] All right folks, this one goes out to my two bestest friends in the whole world: Patrick, and this big peanut guy! It's a little ditty called..."WAITER!"

SpongeBob SquarePants: And after the promotion ceremony, we're gonna party till we're purple.

Patrick Star: Yay! I love being purple!

SpongeBob SquarePants: We're going to the place where all the action is.

Patrick Star: You don't mean...?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, I mean.

SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star: Goofy Goobers Ice Cream Party Boat!

SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star: [singing] Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah / You're a Goofy Goober, yeah / We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah / Goofy, goofy, Goober, goober, yeah!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Doesn't it seem a little harsh to kill someone over a crown?

King Neptune: You don't understand. The crown is a symbol of my king-like authority. And, uh, between you and me... my hair is thinning a bit.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, Your Majesty, I'm sure it's not that noticea...

[Sees Neptune's bald head]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Bald! Bald! Bald!

Crowd: BALD! BALD BALD! BALD! BALD!

Fish: MY EYES!

King Neptune: All right, all right!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Are you on your way to the grand opening ceremony?

Plankton: No, I'm not on my way to the grand opening ceremony. I'm busy planning to rule the world!

[laughs evilly]

SpongeBob SquarePants: [cheerfully] Well, good luck with that!

SpongeBob SquarePants: [to Dennis on Hasselhoff's leg] I don't know what Plankton's paying you... But maybe these can make it worth your while.

Dennis: You think I can be bought with five... what are these?

SpongeBob SquarePants: That, sir, is five Goober dollars, legal tender at any participating Goofy Goober.

SpongeBob SquarePants: [pulling up to the gas station with Patrick in the patty wagon - a hamburger on wheels] Fill her up, please.

Attendant #1: [looking at the patty wagon slightly bemused] What'll it be, fellas? Mustard or ketchup?

Mindy: Good luck, Spongebob!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait, how did you know my name?

Mindy: Oh, I'm going to be queen of the sea someday! I've been learning the names of all the sea creatures.

Patrick Star: What's my name?

Mindy: That's easy! You're Patrick Star!

Patrick Star: [blushes and laughs, lovestruck]

[the gas attendants are laughing at SpongeBob, Patrick and the Patty Wagon]

Patrick Star: Are they laughing at us?

SpongeBob SquarePants: No Patrick, they're laughing next to us.

Plankton: [Spongebob is running after stepping on Plankton] OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Eww, I think I stepped in something.

Plankton: Not in something, ON SOMEONE, you twit!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Run, Patrick!

Patrick Star: No. I'm tired of running. If we run now, we'll never st...

[Dennis swats him aside]

Patrick Star: Aaaah! Run, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob SquarePants: [didn't get the promotion] I'm ready. Depression.

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: But before we begin the ribbon-cutting, I'd like to announce the name of our new manager!

SpongeBob SquarePants: [clapping rapidly] Yeah! Yeah! OWW! OW-HOWW! Yeah, now we're talking! Yeah! OWWW! Shhh!

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Oh, for crying out loud, SpongeBob! You didn't get the job!

SpongeBob SquarePants: [shocked] What?

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: You... did not... get... the job!

SpongeBob SquarePants: [sadly] But... but why?

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Ah, SpongeBob. You're a great frycook, but I gave the job to Squidward because being manager is a big responsibility. Well, let's face it. He's more... mature than you.

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm not... mature?

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Ah, lad. I mean this in the nicest of ways. But there's a word for what you are, and that word is... now, let's see...

Fish 1: Dork?

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: No, wait, that's not right, not a dork, uh...

Pearl: A goofball?

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Closer, but no, no, no.

Fish 2: A ding-a-ling!

Fish 3: Wingnut!

Old Lady: A Knucklehead McSpazatron!

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [angrily] Okay, that's enough!

[back to SpongeBob]

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Look, what I'm trying to say is, you're just a kid. And to be a manager, you have to be a man! Otherwise they'd call it "kidager!" You understandager- I mean, you understand?

SpongeBob SquarePants: [quietly, now miserable] I guess so, Mr Krabs.

[starts to walk away]

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: SpongeBob?

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready... depression... I'm ready... depression...

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Poor kid.

Squidward Tentacles: [Finds SpongeBob in his shower with him] SpongeBob! What are you DOING in here?

SpongeBob SquarePants: I have to tell you something, Squidward.

Squidward Tentacles: Whatever it is, can't it wait until we get to work?

SpongeBob SquarePants: There's no shower at work.

Squidward Tentacles: What do you WANT?

SpongeBob SquarePants: I just wanted to let you know I'll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today.

Squidward Tentacles: [shouts] GET OUT!

[kicks SpongeBob out of the window]

SpongeBob SquarePants: [cheerfully, on the ground] Okay! I'll see you at the ceremony!

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready! Promotion! I'm ready! Promotion!...

SpongeBob SquarePants: Sorry to rain on your parade, Plankton.

Plankton: Oh, don't worry about me. My parade will be quite dry, under my... umbrella!

[pulls on a chain]

SpongeBob SquarePants, Mindy, Patrick Star: Umbrella?

[a Chum Bucket bucket helmet drops on Neptune]

Mindy: Daddy, no!

Plankton: Daddy, yes!

[pushes button on remote]

King Neptune: [Bucket activates] All hail Plankton.

Patrick Star, SpongeBob SquarePants: [after finding their car finally, they both say in a high voice] Ah!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, no, how will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now?

David Hasselhoff: I can take you there.

[Hasselhoff comes running up in slow motion]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Who are you?

David Hasselhoff: I'm David Hasselhoff.

Patrick Star, SpongeBob SquarePants: Hooray!

SpongeBob SquarePants: So, uh, where's your boat?

David Hasselhoff: Boat?

[laughs]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Cleanliness is next to managerliness.

Waiter: [slowly swims into SpongeBob's vision as he wakes up] Hey. Hey, get up. Hey, come on, buddy. I wanna go home. Come on, pal.

SpongeBob SquarePants: [after recovering] Oh, my head.

[He looks drunk]

Waiter: Listen to me. It's 8 in the morning. Go scrape up your friend and get going.

SpongeBob SquarePants: My

[belch]

SpongeBob SquarePants: ...friend?

[notices Patrick lying under a collapsed table]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick. Hey, what's up, buddy?

[falls over]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait, you said 8:00. I'm late for work. Mr. Krabs is gonna be...

[remembers what happened the day before, face switches from horror to anger]

SpongeBob SquarePants: [Disgustedly] Mr. Krabs.

SpongeBob SquarePants: You still have that bag of winds, buddy?

Patrick Star: [Shows a bulge on his backside] Sure do.

[Both laugh]

Patrick Star: [Pulls out bag of wind, but not from the bulge] Here you go.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh...

Patrick Star: What?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Nothing, nothing. Now, let's go over those instructions. Let's see, it says here; Step one: hold bag away from home.

Patrick Star: [Holds bag away] Okay.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Step two: plant feet firmly on ground.

Patrick Star: [Plant feet firmly on ground] Right.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Step three: pull out string, releasing the winds.

Patrick Star: Check.

[pulls string; bag slips from hands and flies away]

SpongeBob SquarePants: [to himself] It seems simple enough. Hold bag away from home, plant feet firmly on ground, pull out string releasing wind.

[to Patrick]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay, let's do it for real.

Patrick Star: Uh, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob SquarePants: For your information, we are not kids, we are men.

SpongeBob SquarePants: [having jumped from leg to leg on David Hasselhoff's body] Yeah! I did it!

Dennis: [Dennis jumps and makes it] You've got guts, kid. Too bad I gotta rip em out of you!

[makes a gesture like pulling guts out of one's body]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Get it together old boy.

SpongeBob SquarePants: We should be there in one more verse.

SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star: [singing] Now that we're men...

Dennis: [interrupting the singing] Finally!

SpongeBob SquarePants: [the diver's boot floats onto Hasselhoff's leg. From the bottom, Dennis emerges] Ah! Dennis!

Dennis: Did you miss me?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Take it easy, friend, I'm the manager of this establishment. Everything's gonna be juust fine.

Phil: I'm really scared here, man.

SpongeBob SquarePants: You got a name?

Phil: Phil

SpongeBob SquarePants: You got a family Phil?

Phil: [can't speak, too scared]

SpongeBob SquarePants: [snapping his fingers] Come on Phil, stay with me, lets hear about that family!

Phil: I got a wife, and two beautiful children

SpongeBob SquarePants: Thats what it's all about. I want you to do me a favour Phil.

Phil: What?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Say cheese.

[Slowly places the cheese in the Krabby Patty while a sound like a heartrate monitor starts speeding up in the backround]

SpongeBob SquarePants: [after coming out of the Krusty Krab restaurant with the now smiling Phil holding a Krabby Patty with cheese] Order Up!

SpongeBob SquarePants: [riding a swimming David Hasslehoff] Go Hasslehoff!

Patrick Star: Next stop Bikini Bottom!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Talk to me, Krabs.

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: It started out as a simple order. A Krabby Patty with cheese. When the customer took a bite, NO CHEESE!

[cries]

SpongeBob SquarePants: [slaps Mr. Krabs] Get a hold of yourself, Eugene.

[narrows eyes]

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm going in.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hooray! Gary! I had that dream again! And it's finally going to come true! Today! Sorry about this calendar. Because today is the grand-opening ceremony for The Krusty Krab 2, where Mr. Krabs will announce the new manager.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Who's it gonna be, Gary? Well, let's ask my wall of 374 consecutive employee-of-the-month awards.

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready. Promotion.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Cleanliness is next to manager-lines. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.

SpongeBob SquarePants: ee, la da doo, la da dum, Bum Bum Bum, Da da da

SpongeBob SquarePants: I have to tell you something, Squidward.

SpongeBob SquarePants: There's no shower at work.

SpongeBob SquarePants: I just wanted to say I'll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay. see you at the ceremony.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party till we're purple.

SpongeBob SquarePants: We're going to the place where all the action is.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, I mean.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah. You're a Goofy Goober, yeah. We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah. Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah!

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'd better get going. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready,promotion... I'm ready,promotion... Eww, I think I stepped in something.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh. Sorry, Plankton. Are you on your way to the grand-opening ceremony?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, good luck with that. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Yay! Yeah! Yeah! Now we're talking! Yeah!

SpongeBob SquarePants: [Thinking] Yes.

SpongeBob SquarePants: [Thinking] He's right.

SpongeBob SquarePants: [Thinking] That's me.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Yes! Yeah! Oh, better luck next time, buddy. Yeah! All right!

SpongeBob SquarePants: All right. Get it together, old boy. I know. I'll just stop thinking about it. Hey, you know, I actually feel a little better. I don't even remember why I was sad.

SpongeBob SquarePants: No, Pat, you don't understand. I didn't get the promotion.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Mr. Krabs thinks I'm a kid.

SpongeBob SquarePants: [sighs] I'm gonna head home, Pat. The celebration's off.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah. I'm not in a Goober mood.

SpongeBob SquarePants: A Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, huh? I guess I could use one of those.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Ooh!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Boy, Pat, that hit the spot. I'm feeling better already.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Waiter, let's get another round over here. Oh, Mr. Waiter. Two more, please.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Whoo!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Waiter. Oh, waiter. Waiter. Wai-toor. Waiter!

SpongeBob SquarePants: All right, folks, this one goes out to my two bestest friends in the whole world: Patrick and this big peanut guy. It's a little ditty called...

SpongeBob SquarePants: Waiter!

SpongeBob SquarePants: I've got something to say about Mr.

[burps]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Krabs.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Pardon me, miss.

SpongeBob SquarePants: I have worked for Mr. Krabs for many years and always thought he was a great boss.