Spike Quotes in Killer Elite (2011)


Spike Quotes:

  • Spike: Who the fuck are you?

    Hunter: Who, me? The voice of experience.

  • Spike: That pile of mincemeat was our best chance of finding out who these bastards are.

  • Vincent: Why don't you shoot?

    Spike: What?

    Vincent: What's wrong? Lose your nerve? You started out so fearlessly. Go on. Pull the trigger.

    Spike: I don't think so. I blow the bounty if I blow you away.

    Vincent: I have no fear of death. It just means dreaming in silence. A dream that lasts for eternity.

    Spike: [sarcastically] You're an original, aren't you?

  • [fighting with Electra]

    Spike: I love a woman who can kick my ass.

  • Spike: He was just all alone. He couldn't enjoy a game with anyone else. Like living in a dream... That's the kind of man he was...

  • Vincent: What's your name?

    Spike: Spike... Spiegel...

    Vincent: I'll meet you at the end of this world.

  • Spike: And you, you take way too long when you're taking a shit.

  • Old Woman: He called you a cowboy. What did he mean? What are you?

    Spike: Just a humble bounty hunter, ma'am.

  • Jet: Spike, if that hostage had been shot, what would you have done then?

    Spike: If it happens, it happens...

    Jet: Really... As usual, for a 125,000-Woolong criminal, there were too many risks involved. Bounty hunting is harder than just that. Before I teamed up with you, I lead quite a normal life.

  • Rasheed: I don't recommend the Calabar beans. They are used to see if your wife is cheating on you. The innocent eat at once; they choke and spit them out. But the guilty eat cautiously, slowly, which makes the poison work. Soon, she is crying out in pain. That's how you can tell.

    Spike: Thanks, but I'm not married.

    Rasheed: Now that is true happiness.

  • [there's nothing but noodles to eat]

    Spike: Man shouldn't have to live on carbohydrates alone, complex or otherwise.

  • [Spike picks up military jets pursuing him on the Swordfish's radar]

    Spike: Oh, great. A bored little army.

    [the jets begin to fire]

    Spike: Listen, I don't have time to screw around with you guys!

  • Spike: [fighting Electra, who seems a formidable opponent] Are all the employees here like you? You got some pretty classy moves for a corporate girl.

  • [Faye draws a picture of Vincent]

    Faye: There you go!

    [everyone looks at the drawing]

    Jet: That's really unique Faye! Is that a mugshot or your version of Picasso?

    Spike: [chuckles] Hey I'll make you a deal. If anyone can catch him with that drawing, I'll pay you the bounty myself Faye!

    Faye: Fine, I'll just go catch him myself. You two can stay here and make your funny little jokes.

    [sarcastic laugh]

    Jet: So ends another episode of "Wasting Time with Faye".

  • Spike: [English version] Excuse me Jett, you said three, not four.

    Jett: Disinformation is sometimes required for enemies as well as allies.

    Spike: Don't give me that art of war crap,

    [pointing to the thief]

    Spike: and you, you take too long to take a shit.

  • Laughing Bull: Know this Swimming Bird: This blue eye percieves all things conjoined. The past, the future, and the present. Everything flows and all is connected. This eye is not merely seen reality. It is touching the truth. Open the eye of truth... There is nothing to fear.

    Spike: Yea... I know what you mean.

  • Elektra: [after finding Vincent] Don't lay a hand on him!

    Spike: How about a foot?

  • Robber D: [Spike pulls a gun after being warned to drop the weapon, waving a gun in an old lady's face] Don't you get it? I'm gonna SPLATTER GRANDMA!

    Spike: Well, that's a real shame. But, we're not cops and we're not from some charity organization. Sorry lady, we don't protect or serve. This is strictly business.

    Robber D: What?

    Spike: Guess you'll just have to chalk it up to bad luck.

    Robber D: [growls] Cowboy scumbag!

  • Spike: [sees Unicron] It isn't even dented! Oh shit! What are we going to do now?

  • Spike: This is Spike and Bumblebee up here on Moon Base Two.

    Bumblebee: This thing, this monster planet, just ripped the first moon to shreds.

    Spike: And it's heading this way.

    Bumblebee: We'll try and slow it down.

    Spike: But you'd better get here fast because we're not gonna...

    [static obscures the messaage]

    Daniel: Dad!

  • Springer: [Unicron self-destructing, Spike and Daniel find remaining Autobots] Spike! Daniel!

    Spike: Springer, what's going on?

    Springer: No time for that now! Let's get out of here!

    [Autobots start to escape Unicron's hull]

    Daniel: Look!

    [sees Hot Rod, now Rodimus Prime, running from the depths of Unicron]

    Rodimus Prime: Autobots, transform and roll out!

    [Spike and Daniel climb into transformed Rodimus Prime]

    Kup: I always knew you had potential, lad.

    [Autobots escape out Unicron's eye as he self-destructs]

  • [Doris lands on Spike's pot]

    Spike: Hey, ring my doorbell!

    [Doris floats over to Dimitri]

    Dmitri: No, no, no ring MY doorbell! THAT doorbell will give you a rash!

  • Spike: [has had his brain evolved to higher intelligence] Ignatius, do you know what the square root of 36,481 is?

    Iggy: What are you talking about?

    Spike: 191!

  • King Koopa: I am very disappointed in you, cousins.

    Spike: Fascist!

    Iggy: Oppressor of the proletariat!

    King Koopa: Guy in charge!

  • Spike: [sniffing a hot dog]

    [to Iggy]

    Spike: They say it's "dog".

  • Lena: Hello, morons.

    IggySpike: Hello!

  • King Koopa: Now... where's the rock?

    [Iggy and Spike look at each other, then at Koopa]

    Iggy: [together] Rock, sir?

    Spike: [together] Rock, sir?

    King Koopa: The meteorite piece that she wears around her neck, and I told you not to forget it!

    Spike: That rock!

    Iggy: I told you not to forget it!

    King Koopa: And I told *you* to remind him! Without that rock, the meteorite lays dormant! I'll not be able to merge the dimensions! Where is it?

    Iggy: [together] ... The plumbers took it.

    Spike: [together] ... The plumbers took it.

    King Koopa: [whispers] Plumbers?

    [to Lena]

    King Koopa: Plumber alert!

  • Spike: We were wrong again. How many times have we got this wrong?

    Iggy: *You've* gotten it wrong five times.

    Spike: Home for five. Home for five. What percent is that?

    Iggy: I dunno. Let me think.


    Iggy: I dunno. But it's not good.

    Spike: If we get it wrong one more time, he's gonna kill us.

    Iggy: He's not gonna kill us. He's not that nice.

  • Luigi: By the bar, that big lady with the red spikes took the rock.

    Iggy: Was she corpulent? Very corpulent?

    Luigi: No no, she was just really round.

    Spike: Ah-ha!

    [snapping fingers]

    Spike: Big Bertha! The bouncer at the Boom-Boom Bar!

  • Mario: If you 2 don't start talkin' we're gonna leave ya to these guys... for lunch.

    Luigi: Now, where's Daisy?

    Spike: No, no, no, no. Where's the rock, Scalywag?

    Luigi: Where's Daisy, Butt-Breath?

    Iggy: Where's the rock, Overweaning-Rogue?

    Luigi: Not till ya give us Daisy, Biscuit-Head!


    Mario: SHUT UP!

  • [Entering the Boom Boom Bar]

    Luigi: Isn't this a little bit feminine?

    Iggy: Yes, I know. It was my ex wife's.

    Mario: But you wear this stuff?

    Spike: Yes. On occasion, we have a... date.

    Mario: Who do you date, a canary?

  • Iggy: [Iggy and Spike mistake Daniella for Daisy] Where are you going?

    Spike: I'm gonna get the girl.

    Iggy: That's not the girl.

    Spike: Yeah, it is, she's wearing a disguise. I could spot her a mile away.

    Iggy: Of course she's wearing a disguise. She thinks she can fool us. I'm gonna go get her.

    Spike: *I'm* gonna go get her.

    Iggy: Wait a minute. We'll follow her and then we'll both go get her.

    Spike: Good idea. I'll bag her, you grab her.

    Iggy: No, *I'll* grab her, *you* bag her.

    Spike: That's what I said.

    Iggy: Exactly.

  • [after the ending credits]

    Japanese Salesman 1: Well, I must say, we have a very generous proposal.

    Japanese Salesman 2: A video game based on your many adventures.

    Japanese Salesman 1: What would you call it?

    [We now see that they are addressing, not Mario and Luigi, but Iggy and Spike]

    Iggy: "Iggy's World".

    Spike: [shakes head] "The Indomitable Spike".

    Iggy: "The Super Koopa Cousins"!

    Spike: "The Super Koopa Cousins"!

  • Iggy: Between us, Spike doesn't have a thought in his brain, sir!

    Spike: Ha, ha, ha! He's a liar, sir. Between us, Iggy doesn't have a brain in his head!

    King Koopa: I agree.

  • RJ: [Lays down some Monopoly play pieces to signify what they will do] Okay, this is us.

    Hammy the Squirrel: Can I be the car?

    Bucky: I wanna be the car!

    Spike: I'm the car. You be the shoe.

    Bucky: The shoe is lame.

    Lou: Why don't you be that snazzy-looking iron there?

    RJ: Hey! It's not important. Besides, I'm the car. I'm *always* the car.

  • Bucky: [while driving the van, the others are arguing] Hey, no fighting while we're driving!

    Spike: We will turn this car around, mister!


    Lou: [points at Verne] He started it.

  • BuckySpikeQuillo: [driving a van] It's just like Auto Homicide 3!

  • [Spike and Whitey are falling]

    Spike: Keep your legs straight when you hit the water!

    [Whitey lands safely in the water, while Spike hits a cement stone]

    Whitey: I kept me legs straight, Spike.

    [a power cord lands on Spike]

  • Roddy: Whatever's going on, I assure you, I'm not involved. I'm just an innocent bystander.

    Spike: Rita, Rita, Rita.


    Spike: Thought you could give us the slip?

    [Slips and falls]

    Spike: What are you looking at? Keep still! Come on, then! Right! Who have we got here?

    Whitey: I believe he said his name was Millicent Bystander.

  • [Talking about Spike's hands]

    Spike: They're small but these are lethal weapons, these are.

    Whitey: You got your mother's hands.

  • Toad: Where are those idiots!

    [talking to his tadpoles]

    Toad: It's so hard to get good help these days, my boys.

    [speaks baby talk]

    Toad: Yes, that's right. Oh, come on out, my lovelies. Cheer your old Dad up. Poor Daddy, surrounded by filthy rats in this joy-less, sun-less void! But don't worry, Daddy will get rid of them all. They'll all be deady-weddy.

    [Kisses tadpole tank. Whitey and Spike enter]

    Toad: Did you find it?

    [still in baby voice]

    Spike: Huh?

    Toad: [angered] Uh! Did you find it?

  • Spike: Blimy, it's cold.

    Whitey: That's why I wore me mittens.

    Spike: Wha... Hitmen don't wear mittens! Take them off! You're embarrasing me!

    Whitey: It's all right for you. You've got little hands. They don't freeze as much.

    Rita: What are you, some kind of rat boomerang? Give me back my ruby!

    Roddy: I haven't got your ruby!

    [the ruby falls on his hand]

    Roddy: Okay. Well, now I've got your ruby.

  • Spike: All right, all right! It's time to bring out... the Persuader!

    [takes out a nutcracker]

    Spike: Your choice, mate. You can talk now, or you can talk later. Ain't that right, Persuader?

    Spike: [through the nutcracker, in a much higher voice] Yes, in a much higher voice.

  • Whitey: Are you sure about this, Spike? These things are dangerous.

    Spike: Danger is my middle name!

    Whitey: I thougth it was Lesley.

  • Spike: Any last requests?

    Roddy: Yes. Could you fly, quite suddenly, off the boat, screaming like a girl?

    Spike: What?

    [Is jerked off the boat by a cord]


  • Spike: Ohhh, Whitey!

    Whitey: I saw an opportunity, and I seized it.

  • Thimblenose Ted: Hey guys, I just had a tipoff. They're heading west, to Kensington.

    Spike: Bingo!

    Whitey: Scrabble!

    Spike: Enough games! To the Ratmobiles!

  • Whitey: Oh, I love a happy ending.

    Spike: Oh, you've gone soft. I like unhappy endings, with lots of violence.

    [the champagne bottle used to christen the Jammy Dodger II swings over and hits Spike; the cork pops and the bottle goes flying, taking Spike with it; offscreen crash]

  • Spike: Bingo!

    Whitey: Scrabble! Heh.

  • Spike: Ew, you're the ugliest bitch in perdition - but you've given me a beautiful idea.

  • Spike: Wait a sec... you don't get it, do you? Without me, you don't get out of here.

    Roy Knable: Sorry, Spike, you're cancelled!

  • Helen Knable: You sadistic bastard!

    Spike: Runs in the family! My father was an oil company president.

  • [Roy Knable and Spike are about to have a showdown]

    Spike: Make your move, tinhorn.

    [They stare at each other for quite a few seconds]

    Helen Knable: [still tied to a wagon on railroad tracks and to be hit by a train eventually] Today, Roy!

  • [Roy Knable arrives inside a castle]

    Spike: My, my. Now you'll never get back to Kansas.

    [Roy looks behind him and sees that his remote is shattered into pieces]

    Spike: [raising his sword] En garde.

    [Roy gets a wooden stick]

    Spike: Oh, no sword. Have to talk to that prop man.

    [breaks the stick]

    Spike: Right about now, your wife is probably catching that train... right between the eyes. And you let it happen.

    Darryl Knable: [hurling one of Roy's swords towards the HVTV dish] Here it comes, Dad!

    [the sword gets sucked in the dish]

    Spike: I've taken loads of souls... and none more pathetic than yours, Roy. Say good night, Gracie.

    Roy Knable: [catching his sword tossed by Darryl] Not yet.

    [he starts dueling with Spike]

    Roy Knable: You see, I was captain of my junior college fencing team. All right. Co-captain.

  • Spike: Set phasers to... Torture!

  • Spike: [on the set of HV One (News)] This just in... Helen Knable has been kidnapped and taken to Channel 1. We take you there live.

    Helen Knable: [tied to a wagon on railroad tracks] Roy, I don't know where you are, but get your butt back here!

    Spike: Unfortunately, her gutless failure of a husband won't lift a finger to save her. Isn't that right, Roy?

    Roy Knable: No.

  • [Helen and Roy Knable are sucked into the HVTV dish]

    Spike: Fasten your seat belts, folks. It's going to be a bumpy ride! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

  • Spike: Screw up in here, and you're dead meat... dead meat.

  • [Spike arrives on the set of Off With His Head and notices that Crowley was missing one of his arms and one of his legs]

    Spike: Crowley. Quite a radical weight-loss plan you've been on.

  • [Roy Knable arrives at Channel 1. As he approaches Helen Knable to save her, Spike steps in the way]

    Spike: [to Roy] Back to play the hero, huh?

  • Executioner: [reading the death sentence] By order of the court...

    Crowley: Looks like Spike's gonna make his quota after all. I'm sorry, Mrs. Knable.

    Executioner: ...I deliver the soul of the Marquis de Knable to it's RIGHTFUL OWNER!

    Spike: Finally, he's mine!

  • [after a terrible rehearsal]

    Spike: Eh, that sounded... way better than the last... five times you've played it. Heh heh.

    Big Macintosh: Nope.

  • Spike: [to Twilight] You, uh... really need to go ahead and do that whole "magic of friendship" thing now.

  • Sunset Shimmer: [a while into the Dazzlings' performance and the Rainbooms' arguing] Stop! You have to stop!

    [They suddenly stop arguing]

    Sunset Shimmer: This is what they've been after all along! They're feeding off the magic inside you!

    Applejack: How can they be using our magic? It's the magic of friendship!

    Sunset Shimmer: Ever since you started this band, you've been letting... little things get to you. I didn't say anything because I didn't feel like it was my place. Not when I'm so new to this friendship thing. I still have a lot to learn. But I do know that if you don't work out even the smallest problems right at the start, the magic of friendship can be turned into something else.

    Twilight Sparkle: I can't believe all this tension was happening right under my nose and I didn't realize it. I'm supposed to be the one with all the answers, and all I've done since I got here is let you down.

    Sunset Shimmer: I don't think anyone is supposed to have all the answers. But you can count on your friends... to help you find them.

    Twilight Sparkle: I think you already have. Come on, we need to get out of here!

    [They all push themselves up at once at the door to no avail, they collapse to the floor, then a knock on the door is heard, then it opens, Spike standing outside]

    Twilight Sparkle: Spike!

    [Picks him up and hugs him]

    Spike: Sorry I took so long. I had to find someone who wasn't under The Sirens' spell to help me get you out.

    [Vinyl Scratch comes into view]

    Twilight Sparkle: Why isn't she under their spell?

    Spike: Never takes off her headphones.

    [Vinyl Scratch does a "thumbs up" and smiles]

  • Spike: I am Spike. Full name: Down, Spike, down! Get off that couch!

  • Spike: I ate one of Chuckie's diapers once and, let me tell you, that is spicy.

  • Spike: Could you give a dog a little warning? I'm trying to do my business here.

    Eliza: Oh, I'm so sorry.

    Spike: You know, it's funny. For a minute there, I thought I actually heard you talking to me. You talking to me? Are you talking to me?

    Eliza: Yeah, I can talk to animals. It's a long story.

  • Spike: Hey, chimp boy. Will you stop worrying? I know all about cats with a capital "K". Sit on a window sill, hack up a fur ball... Oh! That is very ferocious!

    Eliza: Spike, this isn't your regular housecat.

    Spike: They all twitch their whiskers one whisker at a time, just like you and me.

  • Spike: "Woof! That's right, I said woof!"

  • Spike: Well, Eliza, as dog as my witness, I will never lose my babies again!

  • Siri: I'm Siri, the clouded leopard.

    Spike: Im Spike, the purebred mutt!

    Siri: [Siri raises her claws to Spike] See these claws?

    Spike: [Spike raises his butt and tail to Siri back] Sniff my butt!

    Eliza: [Scared and hesitantly] Spike, why'd you do that?

    Spike: I was being social!

    Darwin: [rolls his eyes] Of course a simple handshake wouldn't do!

    Spike: Hey Twitchy! I *do not* shake with cats, OK?

  • Spike: Those are my girls! Woo-hoo!

    Drummer: Did that dog just talk? Whoa. Weird.

    Spike: Seriously? The talking dog is the weird thing about all this?

  • Twilight Sparkle: Looks like if I want my crown back, I'll have to become Princess of the Canterlot High Fall Formal. So that's what I'm gonna do!

    Spike: And how exactly do you plan on doing that?

    Twilight Sparkle: I have no idea!

  • Spike: Sure would love a scratch behind the old ears!

    Rarity: Gah...

    Spike: Uh, maybe later.

  • Rarity: I, for one, think you're adorable.

    Spike: Oh, yeah.

  • Twilight Sparkle: I'm glad you followed me here, Spike.

    Spike: Me too... Unless of course we get stuck here for another thirty moons.

  • Sunset Shimmer: Can't believe I didn't recognize you earlier. Shoulda known Princess Celestia would send her prized pupil here after my crown, and her little dog, too.

    Twilight Sparkle: It's my crown! Sunset Shimmer: Sunset Shimmer: Pop quiz: what happens when you bring an Element of Harmony into an alternate world? You don't know? Seriously?


    Twilight Sparkle: And you're supposed to be Princess Celestia's star student? Then again, what were the chances she'd find somepony as bright as me to take under her wing after I decided to leave Equestria? Bit embarrassing that you were the best she could do.

    Sunset Shimmer: Whatever. This is just a minor setback for me. You don't know the first thing about this place, and I already rule it. Twilight Sparkle: If that's so, why do you even need my crown? You went to an awful lot of trouble to switch it with the one that belongs here.

    Twilight Sparkle: If that's so, why do you even need my crown? You went to an awful lot of trouble to switch it with the one that belongs here.

    Sunset Shimmer: Pop quiz: what happens when you bring an Element of Harmony into an alternate world? You don't know? Seriously?


    Sunset Shimmer: And you're supposed to be Princess Celestia's star student? Then again, what were the chances she'd find somepony as bright as me to take under her wing after I decided to leave Equestria? Bit embarrassing that you were the best she could do.

    [Spike growls]

    Sunset Shimmer: Oh, and I'd keep an eye on your mutt. Hate for him to be... taken away from you.

    Spike: Is that a threat?

    Sunset Shimmer: Oh, of course not.

    [Spike barks]

    Sunset Shimmer: But I'd cut down on the chatter if I were you. Don't want everyone to know you don't belong here, now would you? You wanna be a princess here? Please. You don't know the first thing about fitting in.

  • Baby Lickety Split: Hurry, Spike! Look! This is a great place!

    Spike: A great place for what? My feet are killing me.

    Baby Lickety Split: To fly! Like Wind Whistler and North Star!

    Spike: But they're Pegasus Ponies! You're just an Earthling. You can't fly.

    Baby Lickety Split: Can too. I can do anything. Watch.

    Spike: No! You'll get hurt!

    [Lickety Split jumps off the cliff with Spike grasping her tail]

    Baby Lickety Split: We're flying!

    Spike: [as they descend] We're falling!

  • Spike: Maybe you can wish away the smooze.

    Baby Lickety Split: That's not a wishing well. It can't help.

    Spike: Can't hurt. Go ahead, Lickety Split. Make a wish. Who knows? Maybe it can change things.

    Baby Lickety Split: I don't know. There's an awful lot to change.

  • Spike: I know that you're upset, but don't rush off just yet. You can't take the world on single-handed. What if you should end up lost and stranded?

    Baby Lickety Split: Better that than being reprimanded.

  • Baby Lickety Split: [as Spike tries to push her up a steep hill] I'm too heavy, Spike.

    Spike: It's okay. Dragons are strong.

    Baby Lickety Split: But you're just a baby dragon.

    Spike: I'm still a dragon.

  • Spike: Where'd you learn that?

    Baby Lickety Split: I made it up.

    Spike: Well, you'd better un-make it quick.

    Baby Lickety Split: You didn't like it?

    Spike: Oh, it's great, Lickety Split, but if you do that in the show, you'll mess up everyone else. You're not the star, you know.

    Baby Lickety Split: I can do whatever I want. Besides, maybe someday, I will be a star.

    Spike: I hope so. Just don't do that step, okay?

  • Spike: I hate to say this, but I think we're trapped.

  • Honey: William just turned down Anna Scott.

    Spike: You daft prick.

  • Spike: Just going to the kitchen to get some food, then I'm going to tell you a story that will make your balls shrink to the size of raisins.

    [leaves corridor for kitchen]

    Anna Scott: Probably best not tell anyone about this.

    William: Right, no one. I mean, I'll tell myself sometimes but - don't worry - I won't believe it.

  • Spike: There's something wrong with this yogurt.

    William: Ah, that's not yogurt, that's mayonnaise...

    Spike: Ah, right-o then.

    [continues to eat it]

  • Spike: [comes in after being photographed by the press] How did I look?

    [looking in a mirror]

    Spike: Not bad, not bad at all. Well chosen briefs I must say. Chicks dig grey.

    [clenching his butt]

    Spike: Nice. Firm. Buttocks.

  • Spike: I knew a girl at school called Pandora. Never got to see her box, though.

  • Anna Scott: Oh really? So the entire British press got up this morning and said, "I know where Anna Scott is, she's in that house with the blue door, in Notting Hill." And then you go out, in your goddamn underwear...

    Spike: [walks in] I went out in my goddamn underwear too.

  • William: [Spike is wearing Will's wetsuit] Can I ask you why you are wearing that?

    Spike: Combination of factors. No clean clothes.

    William: There never will be unless you actually *clean* your clothes.

    Spike: Vicious circle. And I was rooting around in your things and found this and thought groovy. Kind of... spacy.

  • Spike: [about Anna who is staying with Will] Well, isn't this a good opportunity to... slip her one?

  • William: [Anna has left after the press showed up on the doorstep] Was it you?

    Spike: I may have told a few people down at the pub.

  • Spike: Bugger this for a bunch of bananas.

  • [Lucas walks into the school shower with the other football jocks]

    Bruno: Hey, Leukoplakia. They got a jockstrap that can fit you? Hey, maybe one of you guys should stop by sewing class and pick up a thimble, Lucas here needs a jockstrap. Or maybe a thimble would be too big. Hey, anybody got a contact lens? A contact lens with a Band-Aid.

    Lucas: Are you referring to the size of my penis?

    Bruno: Yeah I am.

    Lucas: With a flaccid penis, it's the number of folds that count. And anyway, I don't get semi-erect around other males like some of you fellas do.

    Bruno: What'd you say?

    Lucas: It's a study done by the University of Illinois. You can tell the fags in a warm shower by who's got the longest dong. Look, yours seems to be growing even now.

    Bruno: The hell it is.

    Lucas: [Lucas points] It is, look.

    Spike: Hey, look. He's getting a hard-on. Don't nobody bend over to pick up the soap.

    Bruno: You little shit.

    Lucas: Oh. They say physical violence is an expression of sexual feeling.

    [Bruno and Spike charge Lucas and carry him with the rest of the football players]

  • Spike: Spike's in hell. Spike's in pee wee hell!

  • Spike: Look, you berzerko Barbie doll, when you mess with Spike, you mess with death.

    Becky O'Shea: You can talk the talk but can you walk the walk?

    Spike: Try me!

    Becky O'Shea: I will!

    Spike: Let's go!

    Becky O'Shea: Right now!

    Jake Berman: Somebody call 911!

  • Spike: No mercy!

    Becky O'Shea: No ball.

  • Spike: Your mine, Pom Pom!

  • Spike: Is Spike mistaken, but aren't you a girl?

    Becky O'Shea: Gee, good eye

    Spike: Spike don't play with girls!

  • Spike: Time to die!

  • Spike: Me, I'm gonna be a missionary. You know, like, uh, traveling around the world killing people for money.

  • Spike: I warned you Scarsi rats to keep out of here!

  • Judge Clinton: You have quite a record, haven't you, Charles?

    Spike: It'll do.

  • 'Spike': You took the words right out of my mouth. That's very unsanitary.

  • 'Spike': [to Martha as she is about to go on stage] Spunk up, kid! All they can do is throw things at ya.

  • 'Spike': [to his partners on stage] You see, fellas? All you need is personality, money and good looks. I've got personality. I've got money...


    'Spike': Well, two out of three ain't bad.

  • Wrigley: [Pointing to Abigail, he is drunk and forcibly escorted away] She's the "Queen of Burlesque" with the Golden Rooster! She's "The Belle of the Bowery!"

    Mrs. Ella Patterson: Oh dear, dear. This is dreadful. This is really dreadful.

    [to Abigail]

    Mrs. Ella Patterson: I'm so sorry.

    'Spike': Well, what's the matter with being "The Belle of the Bowery?" What's wrong with that?

    Mr. Lawrence Tyburt Patterson Sr.: There's nothing the matter with being "The Belle of the Bowery" Mr. Marengo except she's not the sort of a person we'd care to have in the opera.

    'Spike': Oh, you was thinkin' of her for the opera?

    Mr. Lawrence Tyburt Patterson Sr.: Miss Abigail has a very beautiful voice. I'm sure it was the alcohol in Wrigley that was talking, wasn't it Miss Abigail?

    Martha Canford Chandler: [Before Abigail can speak, Martha jumps in] Oh, he meant me. I'm the one who sings at the Golden Rooster, not Abigail.

    Lawrence Tyburt Patterson Jr: Martha, have you lost your mind?

    Martha Canford Chandler: I am High "C" Suzie.

    Lawrence Tyburt Patterson Jr: [laughs nervously] This is ridiculous. Abigail, what's gotten into her?

    Abigail Chandler: I'm sure that butler's been drinking.

    Lawrence Tyburt Patterson Jr: Mr. Marengo, you know she's talking nonsense.

    'Spike': [to Martha] Are you on the level, kid?

    Martha Canford Chandler: I'm "The Belle of the Bowery" and I'm proud of it.

    Lawrence Tyburt Patterson Jr: Well, I... I refuse to believe it. I shall, if necessary, go down to, uh, the place and prove it all to be a fiction.

    Mr. Lawrence Tyburt Patterson Sr.: That might be best.

    Lawrence Tyburt Patterson Jr: I shall be there tomorrow night.

    Mr. Lawrence Tyburt Patterson Sr.: I think it a very good idea.

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Characters on Killer Elite (2011)