Spider Quotes in Elysium (2013)

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Spider Quotes:

  • President Patel: Arrest him!

    Android Guard: I cannot arrest a citizen of Elysium.

    President Patel: What?

    Spider: [to Android Guard] You did a great job.

    [to President Patel]

    Spider: Guess who Elysium belongs to now.

  • Spider: [to Det. Simon Perez] Yeah, but if your boy come in here and go Hannibal Lecter on my ass, I don't want no Jodie fucking Foster coming through the door. I want the goddamn Marine Corps, man.

  • Johnny Mnemonic: Yeah, the Black Shakes. What causes it?

    Spider: What causes it?

    [points to various pieces of equipment throughout the room]

    Spider: This causes it! This causes it! This causes it! Information overload! All the electronics around you poisoning the airwaves. Technological fucking civilization. But we still have all this shit, because we can't live without it. Let me do my work.

  • Spider: If you're not expected then you're not invited - SO FUCK OFF!

  • Street Preacher: Who's Jones?

    Spider: He's that guy... who fucks your mother!

  • Johnny Mnemonic: No dice?

    Spider: No. But I can get it out

    Johnny Mnemonic: How?

    Spider: A general anesthetic, a cranial drill and a pair of forceps.

    Johnny Mnemonic: I could die, right?

    Spider: It's gonna kill you anyway.If I take it out, you'll probably survive but lose some fine motor skills.You might not remember anything for more than three minutes.

  • Spider: Get on the table.

    Johnny Mnemonic: Why?

    Spider: Don't be a bigger asshole than you have to, get on the table.

  • Spider: Who the fuck are you anyway?

    Johnny Mnemonic: Johnny.

    Spider: Johnny who?

    Johnny Mnemonic: Just... Johnny?

  • Spider: [eating the peach] Mmmmm. Better than ladybugs.

    Ladybug: What?

    Spider: Excuse me.

    Earthworm: It's not dirt...

    [takes a bite of the peach]

    Earthworm: But it's not bad.

  • [the bugs and James have landed in the ocean]

    Spider: We are in, what you call, the Big Puddle.

  • Spider: We are in the middle of the, how do you say, the big puddle.

    Centipede: Biggest puddle of 'em all, angel fangs - the Atlantic Ocean.

    Old Green Grasshopper: Technically, the Pacific is the biggest.

    Centipede: Well, that goes without saying.

  • Spider: You're hot, you're so hot...

    Miss Mullins: What? Are you warm?

  • Theo: You're out. This is Spider; he's replacing you.

    Spider: What's up, dog.

  • Trash: Do you ever wonder about all the different ways of dying? You know, violently? And wonder, like, what would be the most horrible way to die?

    Spider: I try not too think about dying too much.

    Trash: Mm. Well for me, the worst way would be for a bunch of old men to get around me, and start biting and eating me alive.

    Spider: I see.

    Trash: First, they would tear off my clothes...

    Chuck: Hey, somebody get some light over here, Trash is taking off her clothes again.

  • Spider: [to Burt] Come on, you stupid honky!

  • Ernie Kaltenbrunner: What is that? What is that?

    Spider: It's dead people screamin'!

  • Spider: [after gang pulls up to warehouse] Man, what a hideous, ugly place!

    Trash: I like it! It's a statement.

  • Spider: I ain't in no mood to die tonight.

  • Spider: What're they doin', man?

    Burt Wilson: [over the telephone to the Military Intelligence] Hang on a second, will ya?

    [to Spider]

    Burt Wilson: It's weird. These people seem to say they've been waiting for this to happen. Apparently, they've got some sort of contingency plan to deal with it.

    Casey: That's great!

    Spider: [suspiciously] What is this plan?

  • Spider: Coward!

    Burt Wilson: Fuck you!

  • Tina: Why don't we go to the park?

    Scuz: Oh we can't, the cops said they'd shoot us if we go back to the park.

    Spider: Yeah, and I ain't in no mood to die tonight.

    Trash: I like death.

    Chuck: I like death with sex. Casey, do you like sex with death?

    Casey: Yeah so fuck off and die.

  • Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Freeze or you're dead!

    Spider: Don't shoot, man!

    Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Are you crazy? Are you on PCP?

    Spider: Nobody's on any drugs, man! Just let us in!

  • Suicide: How come you guys only come around when you need a ride someplace?

    Spider: 'Cause you're one spooky motherfucker, man.

  • Spider: What do you want to do, Scuz, turn over gravestones?

    Scuz: No, I just want to look around the graveyard - I never seen one before.

    Spider: Haven't you ever been to a funeral?

    Scuz: I never knew anyone that died.

  • Tina: What did you do to Freddy? What's wrong with him? Ask this man.

    Spider: You know, I think it's time you tell us what the fuck's going on!

    Burt Wilson: I don't have to tell you anything, dick brain.

  • [Spider comes back with a condom]

    Spider: I forgot my rubber.

    Spider's Whore: Did you remember to bring your dick?

  • Marine: Hey! The MP's will have us out of here. And when they do, you're dead.

    Spider: Says who, dick-breath?

  • Spider: It's too bad we had to kill her. I really liked the outfit she had on.

  • Spider: What is this, Midnight Wimp Bowling League?

    Taffy: Who are you? The Bride of Dracula?

    Spider: Oooo. Jump back. Prom queen on the loose. Or is it high school hookers?

  • Uncle Impy: Such a sour face.

    Spider: Stuff it, you little prick.

    Uncle Impy: Uncle Impy will ignore that remark but he'll remember it.

  • Spider: Cochise, my man, you're looking at 2,000 watts of pure radio power. 1,996 of them are illegal. How can such a small mind have such a big antenna?

  • Spider: [hesitating] Why don't you go fuck yourself, Tommy?

    Jimmy Conway: [stunned silence] Whoa! Can't believe what I just heard. Hey Spider, here. This is for you.

    [tosses money on the table]

    Jimmy Conway: Attaboy! I got respect for this kid. He's got a lot of fucking balls. Good for you! Don't take no shit off nobody.

  • Paco: ¿What do you vatos want to do ese?

    Spider: Caele, homies.

    Paco: You gotta pay your dues to me, pinche mamón.

    Spider: You want to throw it out, puto? Come and get some. Chale, motherfucker!

    Paco: Man, Fuck You. ¿You want another placazo bad ass? Come and get it motherfucker!

    Spider: Chinga tu madre! I will cut your fucking heart out, punk!

    Coolaide: ¡ANDALE!

    Paco: ¡And Fuck these other vatos, ese! ¡Get up Chucky, get up! You fuck with my familia eh, you got to answer to me, here and now come on, toe to toe.

    [Chucky whistles]

    Paco: ¡LET'S GO MOTHERFUCKER! Let's see what kind of man you are in daylight.

    [Spider see is in his back a lot of Vatos Locos with shotguns]

    Paco: ¿What's the matter, Spider you are scared of me?

    Spider: ¡I'm gonna catch you on the fuckin' rebound, punk!

    Paco: ¡I'm gonna squash you, like the pinche bug you are, COME ON MOTHERFUCKER!

    Spider: ¡VAMONOS!

  • Miklo Velka: ¡VIVA VATOS LOCOS!

    Spider: ¡I'm gonna fuck you up, you Casper looking, motherfucker! ¡Get in the car, Demon!

    Paco: ¡VL!

    Cruz: ¡AY VIENEN, AY VIENEN!

    Miklo Velka: ¡SHIT!

    Paco: [Throws a trash can to Spider's car] ¡FUCK YOU, PUTOS ESE!

    Miklo Velka: ¡You should try to ride a tricycle Spider!

    Cruz: ¡Spider puto, you paint our wall, we'll paint your ass, ese!

    Spider: ¡¿Why you want to bust our ride around, punk? ¡Fuck You Candelaria, we're taking over this varrio!

  • Coolaide: That's the punk from the Alley.

    [Talking to Spider referring to Miklo]

    Miklo Velka: Hey Spider?

    Spider: [Spills his drink off his mouth] Vato Loco must be a medication to come here.

    Miklo Velka: ¡You cut my carnal, i'm here to jack you off, puto!

    [Starts to hit the fence with a hockey stick]

  • Spider: [turning in a shard of glass from the smashed door] I... I found this...

    Psychiatrist: [we see the reconstructed panel on a desk] Ah, yes. We've been looking for that one...

  • [Wendy drives her three friends out to the lake in the woods on Tuesday the 17th]

    Wendy: Can you not put that so close to my face?

    Joey: Sorry!

    Wendy: It's so annoying.

    Spider: Wait a minute - You go to this lake every year?

    Wendy: Yep.

    Spider: By yourself?

    Wendy: Um... Yeah. But this year, I have you guys, so it's gonna be fun.

    Samantha: What do you do, just like, walk around the woods and play with yourself?

    Joey: If - If that's what you do, can I play with Samantha?

    Samantha: Get it out...!

    [Samantha hits the camera away from her when Joey zooms in on her legs]

  • [Wendy continues to drive her friends out into the woods when they start to get curious as to why]

    Samantha: Because when you told me about this trip, you said it was just gonna be us girls, but now we're...

    Joey: Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

    [Joey begins recording himself]

    Joey: I need to document this, okay? You told me, Wendy - Wendy, my sweet - That this was just gonna be you and me, and now you've told her it's just gonna be an all girls trip.

    Wendy: Yeah.

    Spider: I'm just glad I'm with, you know, some people and not alone.

    Samantha: I don't want to hear a word about you jerking off.

    Spider: Well, I mean, I don't jerk off that much, but...

    Samantha: Not that much?

    Joey: Come on!

    [the camera cuts to them arriving closer to their destination]

    Spider: Is this it?

    Joey: I don't know. Is this it? Oh, okay, yeah.

    [dramatically says out loud when reading the dead end street sign]

    Joey: This is - Ooh, dead end! Let's take the left! Really, Wendy?

    [recording ends]

  • [the four friends in the woods see the tree covered in mushrooms]

    Spider: Whoa, whoa, look at that!

    Joey: What?

    Spider: Look. Look at this!

    Joey: Oh, wow.

    Spider: Isn't that awesome?

    Joey: [Joey zooms in on the mushroom tree] Yo, we could trip all day on that.

    Spider: [Spider laughs] Yeah.

    Joey: [Joey starts stroking the mushrooms on the tree] Yeah.

    Samantha: [Samantha joins in on stroking the mushrooms on the tree] Oh, yeah.

    Joey: [the two start stroking the tree together] Yeah, you like that?

    Samantha: Yeah - Dream on!

    [Samantha takes her hands off the tree and walks away with Spider laughing]

    Wendy: Joey... You're all gonna fuckin' die up here.

    Joey: What?

    [recording ends]

  • [Joey records the four friends in the woods having a little smoke together]

    Spider: Are you guys doing drugs?

    Joey: [Samantha laughs] What?

    Samantha: He fuckin' calls it drugs!

    Joey: Wait, I gotta get this.

    Spider: Are you guys doing drugs right now. Seriously?

    Samantha: No, oh, my god, Spider, the look on your face right now...

    Spider: No, seriously.

    Wendy: Spider, can I tell you something?

    Spider: Okay.

    Wendy: You're a fucking dweeb.

    Spider: Whatever, I don't - I don't do drugs. How 'bout that? How's that sound?

    Samantha: Spider, why. What's wrong? Why do you look so scared. Just take a hit.

    Spider: I'm... scared of getting the fear.

    Samantha: What?

    Joey: What?

    Spider: The fear. You never heard of that?

    [Joey and Samantha laugh simultaneously]

    Spider: Don't laugh. Don't laugh! I'm serious. The fear. You know, when you do too many drugs and then you get, like, all freaked out and crazy.

    Samantha: Spider, there's no fucking such thing as the fear.

    Joey: Just take a hit, bro.

    Samantha: Take a fucking hit and chill out!

    Joey: Come on!

    Spider: I'll take a hit if you don't film it.

    Samantha: Promise.

    Joey: Okay.

    [Samantha hands him the smoke and Joey continues to record]

  • [Spider records the friends talking to Wendy about the murders in the woods]

    Joey: Wendy, what the fuck were you saying before about us all gettin' killed?

    Spider: Wait, what?

    Samantha: When did she say that?

    Joey: When we were over by the mushroom tree. When we were standing over by the tree, she was like, you're all gonna fuckin' die!

    Spider: What do you mean, like, here? Like, here-here?

    Joey: Here?

    Wendy: Did you guys not hear about this?

    Spider: No.

    Samantha: Why the fuck would I come to this lake if I heard about some damn murders out here?

    Wendy: Yeah. It was pretty bad.

    Spider: Wait.

    Samantha: Are you being serious?

    Joey: You're fuckin' with us! Get outta here!

    Wendy: No, I'm being dead serious.

    Spider: Well, what happened?

    Wendy: Um... You know, the weird thing is that I don't remember what he looked like.

    Samantha: What do you mean, you don't remember?

    Spider: What who looked like? What are you talking about?

    [Wendy starts laughing]

    Samantha: What?

    Spider: Fuck you! Fuck you! I told you guys!

    Joey: What the fuck?

    Spider: The fear! You see!

    Samantha: She gave me the fuckin' fear!

    Spider: Fuck this!

  • [Joey and Spider talk in the woods]

    Joey: What are you - ? Wait. I have a question. What are you doing here? Huh?

    Spider: See that, uh, blonde goddess up there?

    Joey: No, where?

    Spider: [Joey zooms in on Samantha walking up the hill] That's what I'm here for.

    Joey: I don't see much of a blonde goddess anyhwere.

    Spider: Oh, uh... blonde crack whore, according to you, right?

    Joey: She is a crack whore.

    Spider: Hey, give me the camera.

    Joey: You're not gettin the camera bro.

    Spider: Just gimme it for a second.

    Joey: Why?

    Spider: Cause I wanna do something with it.

    Joey: No. Go fuck yourself.

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