Smurph Quotes in Riff-Raff (1991)
Smurph Quotes:
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Gus Siddon: Well the crux of it is - if you clock on late, you'll clock off a bloody sight earlier, right? You got it? Thursday mornin's payday. It's also sackin' day. Be warned. We hire these skips, not for you lot to lean on - they've got to be filled. While I'm on about it, I trust none of you lot are signin' on as well.
Mo: I didn't think you could do that.
Gus Siddon: You'd be surprised what some of you bastards get up to. I've had my eyes opened a few times, I'll tell you that.
Shem: What type of things are you talkin' about?
Gus Siddon: Thievin'. Signin' on under a false name. A casual approach to work. Laziness. And fuckin' foul language. We'll have no pissin' in the corners - not allowed. Frowned upon.
Shem: It's not very hygienic, is it?
Gus Siddon: Bloody downright filthy.
Mo: Can I ask you a question?
Gus Siddon: Fire away.
Mo: What's your views on the ozone layer?
Gus Siddon: I'll turn a blind eye to it as long as it doesn't interfere with the job. Anything else?
Off-screen: Any chance of the sun?
Gus Siddon: You've got more chance of seeing a one-legged cat fuckin' bury a turd on a frozen pond.
Smurph: I've been told to report to Mr Siddon about a job.
Gus Siddon: Really? I thought you'd come to grant us three wishes. What's that?
Smurph: Here's me P45, the dole told me to give it to you.
Gus Siddon: I don't wan- I don't want that, I don't want that at all. I don't want to know about your private life. Incidentally, tax. It's paid for by us but the insurance is down to you, you're all self-employed. What's this about fuckin' P45s? Get these lot to work.
-- Smurph
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