Smiley Quotes in Assault on Precinct 13 (2005)

Jake Roenick: The threat is over!

Smiley: Are you fucking kidding me, Sergeant?

Smiley: Your assistant is quite special. I look forward to raping her at your funeral.

Smiley: You're breaking me heart... What's the point?

Smiley: Alright... If that's the way you want it.

Smiley: Oh, no thanks, I've got me own.

Smiley: [after Ford Fairlane's gun lands in his car] No thanks! I've got me own!

Smiley: Ford, I'll take her with me, I swear I will.

Smiley: 'ello, 'ello.

Smiley: Paco?

[Asian thug shows off some butterfly knife flipping in front of Sharky]

Sharky: What is he auditioning for a job at Benihana's?

Smiley: [angrily, after Raheem is killed by police] One of the police was Black.

Smiley: [stuttering] This is Malcolm X. This is Martin Luther King.

U.S. President: The American people, Mr. Smiley, would never ever buy this.

Smiley: Mr. President, the American people will buy whatever we tell them to.

Smiley: How do you know that was a nuclear facility?

General Panzer: Well, they tricked us on that one. That's a hospital. But it's a hell of a strike!

Smiley: When have you ever heard anyone say, "Honey, lets stay in and order Canadian food"?

U.S. President: You sold control of American missiles to a foreign country?

R.J. Hacker, President of Hacker Dynamics: If you can call Canada foreign.

Smiley: Or a country.

General Panzer: Why don't we just go up there with a strike force and knock out their infrastructure quicker than you can say collateral damage?

Smiley: No!

U.S. President: Oh no, no.

General Panzer: Why not?

U.S. President: Yeah, yeah, why not?

Smiley: Because a war with Canada would be over in a matter of days. Do you remember Grenada? They didn't even wake Reagan up.

General Panzer: Didn't have to.

Smiley: And all we found there were a bunch of rich American med school rejects and a couple Cuban construction workers

General Panzer: That's liberal bullshit! Cuba had a division in there.

Smiley: What about Panama? A couple of days of blasting Def Leppard over loud speakers and Noriega ran out weeping. And Iraq, ha! They were supposed to have this big bad army.

General Panzer: They had the biggest cannon, invented by a Canadian.

Smiley: In 72 hours after we invade they're begging for a Big Mack.

General Panzer: They stopped us a hundred miles short of Baghdad and we just sat there waving our dicks in the desert.

Smiley: Mr. President do you want more of that, or 50 years of Cold War prosperity because Joe Schmo American is scared shitless the world's gonna end before the next commercial.

U.S. President: Well, I think I like Mr. Smiley's approach.

Smiley: [to Jake, before Moreno, sniper, Smiley drag him into the bathroom and lift him into the tub ] You got the right to be bitch-slapped.

Jake Hoyt: [lying in their bathtub] Now, listen to me, that girl was being raped. I saw these two fuckin' drug addicts attacking her, and I stopped 'em...

Smiley: [pointing a double barrel shotgun at Jake's cheek] You lie to me.

Jake Hoyt: I would - not - lie to you...

Smiley: Don't lie to me! - Don't lie to me!

Jake Hoyt: I swear to God. She was being raped, and I stopped 'em, man. And please man, I got a little kid...

Sniper: [elevating Jake's legs upwards] Shut the fuck up, faggot.

Sniper: Blast his ass, homes.

Jake Hoyt: I have - a little girl.

Smiley: I am always getting love for the homies.

Smiley: [to Jake, after playing poker with him, Sniper, and Moreno in their kitchen] Alonzo pulled off a miracle. Times are tight, he jacked up a lot of cash from Roger, he blasted the fool, that's why I never shake his hand he don't respect nothing you know what the money's for? Alonzo's a hot head, last week in Vegas some Russian starts talking shit, Alonzo just snaps beat that guy to death, turns out that Russian is a somebody, now his into the Russians for a million they gave him until tonight to pay up. his name is still on the list. Nobody thought he could get cash that quick, good thing he did because there's a crew on standby, if he doesn't turn up downtown with the money by midnight and not a minute after, he's a dead man.

Smiley: Fuck you Perry.

Perry: That's right Smiley, "fuck you" covers just about everything!

Dr. Parker: Well, if this is the way squatters live, I should think that they'd have been glad to get run off. I know I never could stand squatting.

Smiley: I never knew it was possible.

Dr. Parker: You never knew what was possible?

Smiley: To stand squatting.

Smiley: You better keep this

[Harry's pistol]

Smiley: in case he wakes up.

Gene Autry: I don't need it. He's a friend of mine.

Smiley: In that case, I'll keep it. We may meet some more friends of yours.

[Gene and his friends chase away a would-be murderer]

Shorty: You shoulda shot the polecat when you had a chance!

Smiley: Yeah, but I ain't got no huntin' license.

Granny: Get out of my way, you gorilla!

Blossom: Why does she always call me a gorilla? Ain't I a man like everybody else?

Smiley: No.

Ned Riley: You know, there must be something in it. Millions of people getting married every year.

Smiley: Yeah, there's millions of people killed by trucks every year.

Blossom: Yeah, its all on account of them women drivers. They have no, eh, let women drive.

Smiley: Where there's hunters, there's hides, and where there's hides, there's thieves.

[Smiley's off-tune trumpet playing annoys his fellow passenger]

Jason Fox: Do you have to do that?

Smiley: No, I'm not getting paid for it, if that's what you mean... but I'm just practicing. You know what they say about practice - practice makes perfect. Say, I wish you could hear the Smiley Burnette Silver Cornet Band. We can really play, I mean. I been all the way back to Indianapolis Indianapus to get us some uniforms. Here, just look at that.

[he pulls out a band hat]

Smiley: Boy, ain't that like downtown? Ain't that ritzy? Oh, I forgot, I was going to quit talking, wasn't I, so you could get some sleep.

[starts playing his trumpet loudly and off-key]

[with Steve Reynolds help, the stagecoach fends off an "Indian" attack]

Steve Reynolds: Anybody hurt?

Smiley: Well, hurt's hardly the word for it. He's dead!

[about the Durango Kid]

Smiley: Boy, what a rootin'-tootin' he-catamount that galoot is!

Smiley: Did you love her?

Drood: I don't know. I don't know what that means.