Smee Quotes in Hook (1991)

Smee: I've just had an apostrophe.

Captain Hook: I think you mean an epiphany.

Smee: [gestures his fingers to his head] Lightning has just struck my brain.

Captain Hook: Well, that must hurt.

Captain James Hook: [holding a pistol to his head] No stopping me this time, Smee. This is it. Don't make a move Smee, not a step. My finger's on the trigger. Don't try to stop me, Smee.

Smee: Oh, not again.

Captain James Hook: This is it. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't you dare try to stop me this time, Smee, try to stop me. Smee, you'd better get up off your arse. Get over here, Smee!

Smee: I'm coming. I'm coming.

Captain James Hook: Stop me! This is not a joke! I'm committing suicide!

[Smee triggers the gun away from Hook's head, sinking the model ship in the pool]

Captain James Hook: Don't ever frighten me like that again.

Smee: I'm sorry.

Captain James Hook: What are you, some kind of a sadist?

Smee: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. How do you feel now?

Captain James Hook: [sighs] I want to die.

Smee: Oh, now, now.

Captain James Hook: There's no adventure here.

Smee: [hold out Hook's gun] You call this no adventure?

Captain James Hook: Death is the only adventure I have left, Smee.

Captain James Hook: Hear me, men. For reasons of good form, I have decided that the so-called Pan will return in three days to commit the arbitrament of the sword. Smee, translate.

Smee: In three days, we're gonna have a war! A battle between good and evil to the death!

Smee: Good Mooooooooooooorning, Neverland! Tie down the main mast, mateys, 'cause here he is, the cunning kingfish, the bad barracuda! A man so deep, he's almost unfathomable.

[pirates stare blankly]

Smee: A man so quick, he's even fast... asleep!

[pirates cheer]

Smee: Thank you! Now, let's give him a very big hand, 'cause he's only got one.

[pirates laugh]

Smee: I give you, the steel-handed stingray, Captain James Hook!

Captain Hook: You, the cute little urchin in the front row, won't you share your thoughts with the whole class?

Maggie: Yes!I said mommy reads to us every night, because she LOVES us very much!

Captain Hook: Loves you? Isn't that the, uh, the...

Smee: The 'L' word, Captain.

Captain Hook: Ooh, yes!

[grimly chuckles]

Captain Hook: No, child, Your mother wants to read to you every night in order to stupefy to sleep, so that she and daddy could sit down for three measly minutes without you. And you mindless, inexhaustible, unstoppable, repetitive, and nagging demands: He took my toy! She hit my bear! I want a potty! I want a cookie! I want to stay up! I want, I want, I want, me, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, mine, now, now, now, now!

[inhales deeply]

Captain Hook: Can't you understand, child? They tell you stories to shut you up.

Smee: -And conk you out.

Maggie: That's not true, Jack!

[to Hook]

Maggie: You're a liar!

Captain Hook: [laughs] Lie? Me? Never.

[inhales deeply again]

Captain Hook: The TRUTH is far too much fun.

Smee: Smee, Smee. What About Smee? Smee! Smee! Smee. Smee. What about Smee? Smee's me. What about me?

[holding up a sign reading "Run Home Jack"]

Pirates: Run home, Jack! Run home, Jack!

Jack: "Run home, Jack."

Captain Hook: Smee, no, no, no! They've got it backwards! Tell them to turn it around!

Jack: Maggie?

Smee: Switch!

[the pirates fix the sign to read "Home Run Jack." They read it]

Pirates: Home run, Jack! Home run, Jack! Home run, Jack!

Smee: He's Peter Pan or I've got a dead man's dinghy.

Captain James Hook: [watching Peter try - and fail - to rescue his children] Smee, I don't understand. Why doesn't he fly? Is he not Peter Pan?

Smee: He's Peter Pan, all right, Captain. He's just been away from Neverland so long, his mind's been junk-tified. He's forgotten everything.

Captain Hook: [starts to descend the steps on his ship but stops] Where's the carpet, Smee?

Smee: Oh! Sorry, sir.

[Smee stamps his foot once and a red carpet appears on the stairs]

[in the Museum where all clocks are destroyed. Hook hands Jack a hammer to destroy his father's watch]

Captain James Hook: You know you want to. Give it a try. Go on.

Jack: This is for... never letting me blow bubbles in my chocolate milk!

[smashes his father's watch]

Captain James Hook: Good form! Bravo!

[claps]

Smee: Isn't that wonderful?

Jack: This is for never letting me jump on my own bed!

[smashes another clock]

Captain James Hook: Make time stand still, laddie.

Jack: For always making promises and breaking them!

[smashes another clock]

Jack: For never doing anything with me.

[smashes another clock]

Captain James Hook: For a father who's never there, Jack? Jack, for a father who didn't save you on the ship.

Jack: [starts to cry] Who wouldn't save us...

Captain James Hook: Who *couldn't* save you, Jack.

Jack: [tearfully] Well, he - he wouldn't. And he didn't even try. He was there and we were there and he wouldn't try.

[pulls his cap down as he cries]

Captain James Hook: [pulls his cap up] Jack... he will try. And the question will be: When the time comes, do you want to be saved? Now, don't you answer now. No, no, no, no, no. Now it's time to be whatever you want to be. Put behind you any thoughts of home; that place of broken promises.

Jack: That what?

Captain James Hook: Have I ever made a promise, Jack... I have not kept?

[gives him a baseball]

Captain James Hook: Have I, son?

Maggie: [gets up and grabs Captain Hook's hook] I wanna tear your hook off!

Captain Hook: [looks from Jack to Maggie] Easy.

Maggie: I hate... I hate you, Mr. Hook!

Captain Hook: [laughs] What did I tell you, Smee? No little children love me.

Smee: Yes, they do. Come on, you.

[grabs Maggie]

Smee: You're depressin' the Captain.

Maggie: Jack, you listen to me! Never let him make you forget! Never forget mommy and daddy!

Jack: Maggie.

Maggie: Think of a way to run home, Jack! Run home!

Jack: Run home?

Captain Hook: Jack.

[puts his hook in front of his face; Jack's eyes widen a bit]

Captain Hook: You are home.

[laughs]

Captain Hook: Right?

Smee: [rings the bell while the duel goes on] If there's anybody not fighting, get here quick!

Captain James Hook: [contemplating] Smee, I've just had a sublime vision. All the jagged parts of my life have come together to form a complete an mystical... whole. An epiphany.

Smee: A "piphy"-what?

Captain James Hook: My life is over!

Smee: Does that mean you've lost your appetite?

Captain James Hook: Yes. Goodbye.

[Hook asked Tiger Lily if she had seen Peter Pan, and she replies with a foreign language, and then spits at him]

Smee: She says sorry, but no.

Smee: [to Hook, after Wendy falls off the plank] Did you hear her hit the water? Cos I didn't.

Smee: Pan did you a favor, did he, Captain?

Captain Hook: A favor? He threw my hand to a crocodile, the beast liked it so much, it's followed me ever since, licking its lips for the rest of me... YOU CALL THAT A FAVOR?

Smee: Very exciting - two dead already!

Smee: Captain, the ice is melting, the sun is out, and the flowers are all in bloom...

Captain Hook: He's back.

Smee: It's all a bit tragic, really, isn't it?

Smee: [backstage] I just want you to know, I think you're a wonderful dog.

Nana The Dog: Thanks.