Slim Quotes in Cannonball Run II (1984)

Don Canneloni: In the past, the Canneloni family was the most powerful of the families. We controlled drugs, prostitution, extortion, prostitution, gambling...

Slim: Uh, you said 'prostitution' twice.

Don Canneloni: Well, I like it.

Don Canneloni: And now, the Rigatonis, the Tortellinis, the Fettuchinis, and even the Raviolis are bigger than we are. And why?

Tony: High interest rates.

Sonny: Acid rain.

Slim: Japanese imports.

Caesar: Uh... uh... none of the above.

Don Canneloni: No. No. No. Youse mugs already know the answer.

Caesar: Gee, boss, if I knew there was gonna be a test, I would've studied.

Slim: Okay, you'll tell us.

Blake: We're gonna race to Connecticut and the one that wins gets a million dollars in cash.

Tony: Only a moron would back up a race like that!

Shiek: [the Shiek enters] Ah, Fenderbaum and Blake. Good to see you! You should be sleeping at this hour. Remember, we leave at noon tomorrow.

Shiek: [Fenderbaum directs the Shiek's attention to the Cannelonis] Wingtips? Barbarians! Come, come!

Shiek: [the Shiek hands Caesar a handful of money] Buy yourself a decent clothing store. Infidels!

Blake: [the Shiek leaves] That was the moron.

Caesar: You know, these liars could be telling the truth.

[first lines]

Slim: Now listen up. Anyone moves, anyone sneeze, any blink an eyelid, and this young lady here - what's your name, honey?

Dorothy: Dorothy.

Slim: Dorothy here's gonna get her brains splattered all over her station. You'll be picking them out of these nooks and crannies for a week!

Slim: Don't slow down.

Driver: The light's red.

Alex: [reaches out the door and shoots out the red light]

Slim: Jealous?

Alex: If I were jealous, you'd be getting stitches.

Karen: That's what I like about you, impulsive.

Slim: Oh, not me. All I do is assess risk. Good risks and bad risks. That's insurance for you.

Karen: So what are you, a good risk or a bad risk?

Slim: What do you think?

[unhooking her bra]

Karen: Bad. Real bad.

Slim: You know the deal, you're here as an observer. You pay attention to the clock. You do not engage in gun play unless it is strictly necessary. We do not depart from the plan in any way.

Jerry: Yeah, whatever you say. Only one thing, does this plan change any if you're dead?

Slim: [stuck among branches] Francis! Francis, I'm stuck!

Francis: Where are you?

Slim: I'm over here.

Francis: Where?

Slim: Here!

[irritated]

Slim: I'm the only stick with eyeballs!

[Dot gets a rock]

Dot: Pretend it's a seed, okay?

Flik: Thanks, Dot.

Francis: Hey, what's with the rock?

Slim: Must be an ant thing.

Slim: [dryly] Tra-la-la-la-la. Spring is in the air, and I'm a flower with nothing interesting to say.

Slim: What's the point of going out there? They'll only laugh at me.

P.T. Flea: That's because you're a clown!

Slim: No, it's because I'm a prop. You always cast me as the broom, the pole, the stick... a *splinter*!

P.T. Flea: You're a walking stick. It's funny! Now go!

Slim: You parasite.

Francis: Stand back, ye flies! We are the greatest warriors in all Bugdom.

Flik: [from a distance, to himself] Warrior bugs!

Francis: My sword.

[Grabs Slim and brandishes him like a sword]

Slim: [dryly] Swish, swish. Clang, clang.

Francis: Little John.

Heimlich: What ho, Robin! Justice is my sword and truth shall be my quiver.

Slim: Say, how many roaches does it take to screw in a light bulb? Can't tell. Soon as the light goes on, they scatter.

Slim: [whispers] Francis, your boyfriends from the circus are here!

Flik: Oh, great ones! I have been scouting for bugs with your exact talents!

Rosie: A talent scout!

Flik: My colony is in trouble. Grasshoppers are coming. We've been forced to prepare all this food.

Manny: Dinner theater!

Heimlich: Food?

Flik: Please, will you help us?

Fly: Where are they?

Slim: We'll take the job!

Francis: Your majesty. Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls of all ages. Our troupe here guarentees a performance like no other. Why, when your grasshopper friends get here, we are gonna knock... them... dead!

[ants cheer]

Slim: Boy, these folks are sure hard up for entertainment.

P.T. Flea: Flaming Death is a huge hit!

Slim: P.T., shhh!

P.T. Flea: I'm serious! Word of mouth got around, the next day there was a line of flies outside the tent, went on forever. It must have been a foot long!

Slim: Ladies and gentlebugs! Larvae of all stages! Rub your legs together for the world's greatest bug circus!

[hanging on to Slim's leg in mid-air]

Flik: You can't go! I'm desperate.

Slim: Really? I couldn't tell.

Slim: That's no way to speak to a lady.

Francis: I heard that, you twig.

Slim: Francis, you're making the maggots cry.

Flik: You can't go! I'm desperate!

Slim: Really? I couldn't tell!

Dot: Hmph.

Slim: Thrust, parry, lunge! Me thinketh it not working!

[Addressing a rough-looking Mexican by a broken-down Harley]

Jimmy: I might have something that could help your situation here...

Slim: [threatening him with knife] What? What you got that's gonna help?

Jimmy: Patches.

Slim: Patches? I could use some stinking patches.

Slim: What are you, some kind of Astronaut?

Jimmy: No, I'm some kind of bubble boy.

Slim: Don't live in regret, ese!

Slim: You know you don't have to act with me, Steve. You don't have to say anything, and you don't have to do anything. Not a thing. Oh, maybe just whistle. You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and... blow.

Slim: Who was the girl, Steve?

Steve: Who was what girl?

Slim: The one who left you with such a high opinion of women.

[Slim kisses Steve]

Steve: What did you do that for?

Slim: I've been wondering if I'd like it.

Steve: What's the decision?

Slim: I don't know yet.

[They kiss again]

Slim: It's even better when you help.

Slim: What are you trying to do, guess her weight?

Steve: She's heftier that you think.

[lays down fainted woman he has been carrying]

Steve: Better loosen her clothes.

Slim: You've been doing all right.

[stops him from loosening clothes]

Slim: Maybe you'd better look after her husband.

Steve: He's not going to run out on me.

Slim: Neither is she.

Slim: You know Steve, you're not very hard to figure, only at times. Sometimes I know exactly what you're going to say. Most of the time. The other times... the other times, you're just a stinker.

Slim: I'm hard to get, Steve. All you have to do is ask me.

Steve: You know what you're getting into. It's gonna be rough.

Slim: Give her my love.

Steve: I'd give her my own if she had that on!

[last lines]

Slim: Cricket. I came to say good-bye.

Cricket: What?

Slim: We're leaving now. Thanks for everything.

Cricket: Hey Slim, are you still happy?

Slim: What do you think?

Steve: Anybody got a match?

Slim: Change your mind?

Steve: No money, those guys cleaned me out.

Slim: I forgot too - maybe I can do something, its been a long day and I'm thirsty.

[surveys club patrons]

Steve: Picked him out yet?

Slim: You don't mind do you?

Steve: You're thirsty, go ahead. If I get tired of waiting, I'll be back at that hotel.

Slim: All right

[starts moving through tables]

Slim: Look out for this Fish Face, he's no sucker! If he pulls anything or gets you in a jam, you gotta out smart him. Make love to him! Let him think you're crazy about him. He'll be easy for you after that.

Sophie: I gotcha.

Roland: Man, why do you always do that? If you want the last piece, why did you ask me if I want the last piece?

Slim: I didn't ask you. But the reason I asked Mike is the same reason you asked Lisa to marry you- it sounds nice, man.

Slim: [Holds up the glowing skull] Now it's mine!

Dee Loc: [answers phone] Hello?

Slim: Hey, we tha kidnappers, and we want tha money for Mr. Wash

Dee Loc: Well, how much ya want?

Slim: Uh, hold on a sec,

[turns to face]

Slim: How much we want?

Face: Tell him we want 50 cent fool

Slim: Oh, ok

[talks to Dee Loc on phone]

Slim: we want 50 cent fool uh, hold on a sec

[turns to face]

Slim: so that's what this is about, for two punk-ass motherfuckin' quarters!

Face: we want 50 thousand dollars fool!

Slim: Oh, ok

[talks to Dee Loc on phone]

Slim: we want 50 thousand dollars fool!

Dee Loc: [Dee Loc laughs and turns to friends] These guys are just plain stupid!

Slim: ...And we want the money in fresh, crisp 20's

Face: 100's fool!

Slim: oh, 100's fool!

Slim: Hello, this the kidnappers again. Me and Face...

Face: Fool, you just said my name!

Slim: [to Face] Fool, is you Destiny's Child? Ain't nobody said your muthafuckin' name!

Slim: Now look! You can't make two persons out of one. If there's a monster, there's a monster. If there's a Dr. Jekyll, there's a Dr. Jekyll. But one can't be the other.

Tubby: Now listen Slim. All I know is that I locked up the monster and when I came back, Dr. Jekyll was there. You know I'm no magician.

Tubby: Hey Slim? Slim? I gotta go home. I forgot something.

Slim: What did you forget?

Tubby: I forgot to stay there.

Slim: Follow me.

Tubby: Follow you? You're always pushing me first!

Mitch: [answering the phone] Is this my little croissant?

Slim: No, it's your loaf of bread.

Gracie: I like going by Grandma's, but do we have to drive for 55 hours, just to reach some phone booth? Can we call Daddy this time?

Slim: No!

Gracie: PLEASE, PLEASE...

Slim: Stop begging, you look like a dog.

Slim: [Slim has just finished explaining to Gracie why they need to run away and change their identity] ... but you cannot call me Slim.

Gracie: But I never call you Slim. I don't think you are that slim.

Slim: Oh, thanks a lot.

[Fighting with Mitch]

Slim: Self-defense is not murder.

Mitch: All right, man against woman. Is that really fair?

Slim: Fair for whom?

Slim: [to Joe] I tried to remember the last time I felt safe... and I thought of you.

Slim: Hi, I have a friend whose husband beats her up.

Desk Sergeant: She should come in here and file a complaint. If there's physical evidence of the abuse on her part, we'll come out and arrest him.

Slim: And if he has money, he can bail himself out, right?

Desk Sergeant: That's correct.

Slim: And then he's free 'til it goes to trial?

Desk Sergeant: If it goes to trial. It's up to the district attorney whether to prosecute.

Slim: So... she comes in here, has him arrested, and... pisses him off, and there's no guarantee that he won't come after her?

Desk Sergeant: She could get a restraining order.

Slim: What's that? A little piece of paper that says he can't come around?

Desk Sergeant: [nods]

Slim: And when he comes around... what does she do? Throw it at him?

Desk Sergeant: She calls us.

Slim: [pauses] And what about the kid? Is the paper good for the kid, too?

Desk Sergeant: [looks concerned] There's a child involved?

Slim: Yeah.

Desk Sergeant: Well that's a matter for the family courts to decide, but unless she can prove he's a danger to the child, she cannot legally bar him access...

Slim: [walks out]

Desk Sergeant: ...Miss... Miss!

Mitch: You'll never see Gracie again.

Slim: You never will.

Slim: Are you scared?

Mitch: Of what?

Slim: Of me.

[Slim has just talked to Mitch's mother]

Mitch: Whatever happened to privacy?

Slim: Well, I guess it's dead, along with chivalry and fidelity.

Mitch: You wanna fight me, man to man?

Slim: Woman, Mitch.

Slim: [Tearing up] I'm not the kind of girl who's husband beats her up!

Slim: Self-defense is not murder.

Mitch: You don't have the guts.

Slim: So do we like it here?

Gracie: Why? Are we moving again?

Slim: No...

Gracie: GOOD! 'Cause I'm sick, and tired to death, of moving!

Ginny: He likes you!

Slim: He's a dick.

Slim: I'm your wife and you cannot do this to me anymore!

Mitch: [slaps her] What? I can't hit you?

Slim: No you can't!

Mitch: [punches her in the face] You want to fight? I'm a man, honey. It's no contest. You have to understand, Slim, and I thought you did. I make the money here, so I set the rules, right? It's my rules. You with me?

Slim: It's your rules.

Mitch: Yeah.

Slim: What if I don't like the rules?

Mitch: If you don't like them? Well come on Sweetie, life isn't just stuff we like, is it? We have to take the good with the bad, don't we? That's what marriage is. So today for you, maybe it's a bad day, but tomorrow may be great.

Slim: Tomorrow will be great.

Instructor: Can you lose?

Slim: No.

Instructor: Can he hurt you?

Slim: No.

Instructor: Even though he's bigger...

Slim: He's a lot bigger...

Instructor: Even though he's stronger...

Slim: He's a lot stronger...

Slim: You know, I've gotta make you a promise, Grace. You know ever since you were born, well, just one day I started thinking about all the awful things that could happen. People who you'd love would die, or leave you, or betray you, or break your heart, or a guy would hurt you in some way. And I thought to myself, if I could protect you from that, even once... If I could just absorb any of that myself... Here it goes.

Instructor: So how do you win? How?

Slim: I attack.

Instructor: And what do you do after you attack?

Slim: Nothing.

Instructor: Why nothing?

Slim: Because I never stop attacking.

Mitch: Do you have any idea how bad things can get?

Slim: Educate me.

Mitch: Slim, I'm a determined man. I was determined to have you, and I did. This house. My company. I am, and always will be, a person who gets what he wants.

Slim: 35,000 and seven, right?, Motherfucker, can you buy that?

Slim: [to Pete about Irma] Don't shoot her in the head. The bullet'll never go through.

Slim: A guy don't need no sense to be a nice fella.

Slim: You travel around together?

George: Yeah.

Slim: There ain't many guys travel around together. I don't know why. Maybe everybody in the whole damn world's scared of each other.

Slim: [about Lennie] He's a nice fella. A guy don't need no sense to be a nice fella.

George: Yeah, but he gets in trouble all the time because he's so goddamn dumb, like what happened up north in Weed.

Slim: [curiously pauses] What he do in Weed?

George: He seen this girl... in a red dress. And the dumb bastard that he is, he just - he wants to touch everything he likes. So he reaches out to touch this red dress. So the girl starts screaming and that gets Lennie all mixed up. So he holds on and he won't let go, because that's the only thing he can think to do.

Slim: So what happened?

George: Well, she runs off across the field screaming. So me and Lennie take off running, and pretty soon here are a bunch of guys with dogs coming after us. We had to hide in the irrigation ditch until it was safe to get away.

Slim: He didn't hurt the girl none?

George: Hell, no, he just scared her.

Slim: Well, he ain't mean. I can tell a mean guy a mile off.

Slim: If she ain't dead, she'll be out here on Friday night, or at the Geisha Dungeon.

Charlie: Geisha Dungeon? What's that?

Slim: The devil's lair.

Slim: A guy don't need no sense to be a nice fella.

Slim: I wish somebody'd shoot me when I get old.

Mae: Thanks for sending the big guy out. I gotta talk to you.

Slim: You got nothing to say to me.

Mae: Please, Slim. I gotta talk to somebody or I'll go crazy. Please let me. I ain't meant to live like this. I'd leave this place only I got no money. My Mother won't take me back. I only married Curley 'cause I wanted to get away from her. Maybe I oughtn't a be saying this but I don't like Curley.

Mae, Slim: No you oughtn't. You oughtn't a be here. You oughtn't a talk to me or to any guy on the ranch. Go on back to the house where you belong. I don't want to listen to your troubles. You got no troubles except what you bring on yourself. Go on, lady.

Mae: [She cries as he moves away]

Slim: [to himself] Poor kid. I should'a let her talk.

Slim: Carlson's right, Candy. That poor dog ain't no good to himself. I wish somebody'd shoot me when I get old and crippled.

Candy: [choked up] Maybe it would hurt him. I don't mind taking care of him.

Carlson: He'd be better off dead. The way I'd shoot him he wouldn't feel nothin'.

Slim: Hey, you guys wanna hear a joke?

Gil Weatherton: No.

Sam Docherty: No.

Joel: No.

Slim: Well, I'm gonna tell you anyway.

Slim: Yeah, but maybe there really was a pressure drop...

Jim: Yeah, and, uh, maybe they'll pay us overtime, eh? Look, those fatasses got no idea what's goin' on! Now if we go up there we're just gonna have to do this again, you wanna do this again?

Slim: Not on my time! Let's get a beer!

VVS Mand: [after fixing Slim, Slam and Slum's toilet]

[happy]

VVS Mand: There. That ought to do it.

Slum: Great, dude. Now we can shit again.

VVS Mand: Wait, wait, and hold your horses...

[throws a big clump of toilet paper in the WC]

VVS Mand: ...we have to do the test first.

Slim: Erhh, what kind of test?

VVS Mand: [points at the paperclump in the WC] That one. If it can't take that, we have a very serious problem. And then you'll have the pleasure of my company several times. And you wouldn't want that, would you?

VVS Mand: [the test is working, and the toilet is now fin]

[happy]

VVS Mand: We goddamn did it, boys.

Slim: What about the bill. How much is it?

VVS Mand: 100 bucks!

Slam: 100 bucks?

VVS Mand: No reason to panic. I'll send it by mail.

Slam: [Slim and Slam is sitting in the couch, and playing Tekken 3 on Playstation] Again! Yeah, man!

Slim: Damn! Arrgh!

[pause]

Slim: Gotcha your junkie, man! Did ya see that?

Slam: Fuck you, man! Have a circle kick!

Slim: No!

Slim: [singing] He was only a lavender cowboy / The hairs on his chest were two, / He wanted to follow the heroes / And fight like the he-men do. / He battled for Red Nellie's honor / And cleaned up a hold-up's nest. / He died with his six guns a-smokin' / With only two hairs on his chest.

Bull: We've ridden far enough and walked far enough to be in China!

Slim: Nix! If this was China you'd see a lot of Chop Suey joints around!

James Apperson: They're not going to send us out in that open field, are they?

Slim: Sure! We're gonna keep goin' till we can't go no farther!

Bull: [Stuck in a shell hole on the battlefield] This dump is lousy with Heinies! I could chuck my hat across to where they are.

Slim: Quit squawkin'! You don't want to live forever, do you?

Slim: Am I dead yet?

Slim: Say, I joined the army to fight... not shovel!

James Apperson: You'll shovel and like it, dearie!

Slim: Gimme a cigarette, Bull.

Bull: I don't mind givin' you cigarettes... but I hate carryin' 'em all 'round France for you.

Slim: Gimme a match.

Bull: What am I... Santy Claus?

Slim: That's the worst of this Depression, you can't tell a banker from a bum.

Slim: See you later, Eddie. Sorry, Blondie, you won't be interrupted again tonight.

Ruby: Who was that girl?

Slim: Her name is Gypsy Angecon. Heh, funny name, eh?

Ruby: Has Eddie known her very long?

Slim: He don't know any of 'em very long. You know Eddie, hit-n-run. I mean with a dame like that!

Ruby: Sure, I know what you mean.

Slim: You don't need to worry about her any more. She was pinched last night - after we left here.

Ruby: She was? Gee, I'm sorry to hear that.

Slim: She licked up a little too much bathroom gin and started to take off her clothes in the street. Heh, she always does that when she gets a few drinks in her.

Slim: Have you gone nuts? He'd a had his checkbook out in another minute. Why did you do that?

Eddie: I didn't like his looks!

Slim: What's his looks got to do with his dough!

Slim: Say, has everybody gone screwy?

Slim: Who doesn't love candy?

Candy: My parents.

[Using reverse psychology, Dude convinces Slim to fight Dan]

Dude Elliott: He's just waitin' for you to start something!

Slim: Well, I'm an accommodating guy. I'll wait for him in the bar.

Slim: I've got some money burning a hole in my pocket.

Dan Clark: When you put that fire out, come and see me.