Slartibartfast Quotes in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)

Arthur: All my life I've had this strange feeling that there's something big and sinister going on in the world.

Slartibartfast: No, that's perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe gets that.

Slartibartfast: Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I think that the chances of finding out what's actually going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say, "Hang the sense of it," and keep yourself busy. I'd much rather be happy than right any day.

Arthur Dent: And are you?

Slartibartfast: Ah, no.

[laughs, snorts]

Slartibartfast: Well, that's where it all falls down, of course.

Slartibartfast: I must warn you, we're going to pass through, well, a sort of gateway thing.

Arthur Dent: What?

Slartibartfast: It may disturb you. It scares the willies out of me.

Slartibartfast: [talking about the Earth] Best laid plans of mice.

Arthur: And men.

Slartibartfast: What?

Arthur: Best laid plans of mice and men.

Slartibartfast: Oh. No, I don't think men had much to do with it.

Slartibartfast: You must come with me.

Arthur Dent: Who are you?

Slartibartfast: What? No. My name's not important. You must come with me, or you'll be late.

Arthur Dent: Late for what?

Slartibartfast: Well, um, what's your name, Earthman?

Arthur Dent: Dent. Arthur Dent.

Slartibartfast: Well, late as in *the late* Dentarthurdent. It's a sort of threat. You see?

Arthur Dent: No.

Slartibartfast: Your friends are safe, you can trust me.

Arthur Dent: Trust a man who won't even tell me his name?

Slartibartfast: Well, um, my name is, um, it's

[hurriedly]

Slartibartfast: Slartibartfast.

Arthur Dent: What?

Slartibartfast: I *said* it wasn't important.

Slartibartfast: Ever heard of a place, I think it's called Norway? That was one of mine, I got an an award for it.

[Slartibartfast is showing Arthur the progress on the New Earth. They pass a construction worker]

Slartibartfast: That's Frank.

Slartibartfast: Earthman, you must realize that the planet you lived on was commissioned, paid for and run by mice.

Arthur: When you say mice, do you mean the little furry white creatures with whiskers, ears, cheese?

Slartibartfast: Yeah, but they're protrusions into our dimension of hyper-intelligent beings. I don't know this cheese of which you speak, but they were there on Earth as mice experimenting on you.

Arthur: I see where you've become confused now. You see, *we* were experimenting on *them*.

Slartibartfast: Ah, no, well, yeah, no. That's what they wanted you to think, but you were actually elements in their computer program.

Arthur: Actually, this explains a lot. All my life I've had this strange feeling there's something big and sinister going on in the world.

Slartibartfast: No, that's normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe gets that.