Sister Mary-Mengele Quotes in The Three Stooges (2012)

Mother Superior: Like Moses in the desert, I believe the Lord will guide them. Because they're pure of heart.

Sister Mary-Mengele: And dim of wit.

Larry: Why isn't she in a hospital?

Mother Superior: Well...

Sister Mary-Mengele: I'll tell you why. Because we don't have any medical insurance.

Larry: Well, you should get some. Just call that little green alligator guy.

Curly: Hey, Moe! Hey, Larry! Fellas, do something!

Larry: [nervously] Moe, Moe!

Moe: What's the matter with y...

[gasps]

Curly: Call 411

[whimpers]

Moe: [to Larry] Quick, help me grab sister M and M before chowderhead crushes her!

[bonks to a water retainer, Curly falls on top of her, Mary-Mengele groans]

Moe: [to Curly] You, help out.

[to Larry]

Moe: You, grab that bucket, splash some water on her.

[metal from the bell hits Mary-Mengele thru the bucket]

Larry: See? I told you there's too much iron in the water.

Moe: Speak to me, sis. Say a few parables!

Sister Mary-Mengele: [dizzy and hallucinating] I saved 15% on my car insurance.

Larry: She seems fine to me.

Moe: Come on, let's go see what Mother Superior wants.

[Sister Mary-Mengele's head hits the water retainer]

Moe: [groans]

Young Moe: [looking into Mary-Mengele's mouth] Huh, I haven't seen a case like this in years.

Young Curly: And would you look at all that metal in her mouth?

Young Larry: Must be too much iron in the water.

Young Moe: Don't you worry, Sis, you're in good hands. We'll have that bum tooth out in no time.

Sister Mary-Mengele: [moans] No.

Young Moe: Anesthetic.

Young Larry: Anesthetic!

Young Curly: Anesthetic!

Young Moe: [Curly picks up a croquet mallet] 15 millgrams. Give!

Young Curly: Five, ten, fifteen! Nyuk, nyuk.

Mother Superior: [Curly hits Mary-Mengele on the head with the croquet mallet, she goes unconscious; Mother Superior knocks on the door] Boys?

Young Moe, Young Curly, Young Larry: Nyuh-uh-uh!

Mother Superior: Open up, please.

Young Moe: It's the head penguin, boxcar seven on three. Break; one, two, three.

Mother Superior: [the Stooges flip the rotating table, revealing a dinner table underneath] I said, open this door!

Mother Superior: [Mother Superior opens Mary-Mengele's office door; Larry plays the violin off-key, Curlypaints a picture, Moe reads a book] What are you three up to?

Young Larry: Just dabbling in the arts.

Young Curly: Indubitably.

Mother Superior: Oh. Well, lunch is ready.

Young Moe, Young Curly, Young Larry: Oh boy, eats! Woo-woo-woo-woo, woo-woo-woo-woo!

[Moe, Larry and Curly run down to the dining hall]

[first lines]

Sister Mary-Mengele: [an orphan says "We're not just orphans" as the orphans play a game of kick the can; Sister Mary-Mengele blows her whistle] Everybody inside! Come on, time for your chores!

Murph: But Sister Mary-Mengele, the game's tied! Can't we just play another couple of minutes? Please?

Sister Mary-Mengele: No, you can't. Now get inside! And pick up that soccer can and put it back in the equipment shed where it belongs!

Peezer: Wait a second, Sis, you gotta hear us out!

Murph: [sings] We didn't ask for this

Peezer: [sings] We didn't pray for this

Hipster Orphan: [sings] I may not have a sis, or know my mother's kiss

Orphan chorus: [the orphans sing and dance] But that doesn't matter, because... Everybody is special, we're not inconsequential...

Sister Mary-Mengele: [song ends] Shut up! What do you think this is, 'The Sound Of Music'? Get in there! Come on, enough with the singing! Come on, come on, move it! No wonder your parents didn't want youse.

Sister Mary-Mengele: [a car drives by and leaves a duffle bag on the doorstep; Mary-Mengele opens it, and one of the baby Stooges pokes her, knocking her over the stone railing] Aagh! Ohh!

Larry: [Larry and Curly enter the orphanage] Hello?

Curly: Anybody home?

[a TV commercial voice can be heard: "Hi, I'm Al Cerrone. Four-wheel drive SUVs just like this, with a gas saving, six-cylinder engine, only $19,995; and pickups, automatic and air, only $16,000. My promise is you'll be..."]

Larry: Sister Ricarda.

Sister Ricarda: Boys, what are you doing here?

Curly: We've been looking everywhere for Moe. Have you seen him?

Sister Ricarda: Yeah, I - I see him almost every night on TV. He's on that Jersey... beach people show.

Sister Ricarda: [Larry and Curly look at each other with surprise] You didn't know? Moe's a big celebrity now.

Curly: Oh... good for him.

Larry: Yeah... looks like he didn't need us after all... So, what happened here? Where are all the kids?

Sister Ricarda: Well, they're closing us down on Monday, so... we had to start moving everyone out.

Larry: But we told you to wait! We were gonna get the money!

Sister Ricarda: You got the money?

Curly: We got the money?

Larry: Well... no... but we're working on it.

Curly, Sister Ricarda: Oh. Oh.

Peezer: Well, at least you tried.

Larry, Curly: Peez!

[Larry and Curly chuckle, Larry gives Peezer a high five]

Larry: Thank God you're still here!

Peezer: They tried to shoo me out, but I told them I wasn't leaving without her.

Curly: Without who?

[Larry, Curly, and Peezer go into the next room where Mother Superior is praying at Murph's bedside]

Curly: Murph?

Mother Superior: I'm sorry, boys, Murph is very ill.

Larry: Why isn't she in a hospital?

Mother Superior: Well...

Sister Mary-Mengele: [Mary-Mengele interrupts Mother Superior] I'll tell you why... Because we don't have any medical insurance.

Curly: [Curly, Larry, and Peezer enter a room, where Murph is on a sick bed, and Mother Superior is praying at her bedside] Murph?

Mother Superior: I'm sorry, boys, Murph is very ill.

Larry: Why isn't she in a hospital?

Mother Superior: [Peezer hops on Murph's bed] Well...

Sister Mary-Mengele: I'll tell you why: because we don't have any medical insurance.

Larry: Well, you should get some. Just call that little green alligator guy.

Curly: Yeah.

Sister Mary-Mengele: Okay, that's it. I've had it with you! Do you want to know why we have no medical insurance? It's because you wombats have caused so many accidents over the years, there's not a company on this earth who'll cover us until we pay the $830,000 we owe for previous claims, and that's why we're being closed down!

Mother Superior: That's enough, Sister.

Curly: Wait, wh - You mean the orphanage is closing... because of us?

Sister Mary-Mengele: [Mother Superior nods sadly] Check it out: Larry, Curly, you're responsible for that!

Sister Mary-Mengele: [Larry and Curly look at Murph lying on her sickbed, with Peezer at her side] You are, and that other moron!

Sister Mary-Mengele: [a beep is heard, Larry and Curly think it's a flatline monitor] Oh, sorry, excuse me.

Sister Mary-Mengele: [the beep is revealed to be Mary-Mengele's cell phone, which she answers] Yes? No, no, I want it with custard, not whipped cream. I ordered an éclair, not a Twinkie!

Curly: [Curly sees Sister Bernice in a swimsuit on lifeguard duty] Sister Bernice?

Moe: Nyah-aah!

Sister Mary-Mengele: [Two orphans are diving off the board into the pool; Sister Mary-Mengele blows her whistle] That's it! I told you one at a time on that board! You all just lost your diving privileges for the rest of the day! The party's over, you little water weasels!

Moe: What's going on here?

Sister Mary-Mengele: [Mary-Mengele sees the Stooges] Oh, crud.

Moe: Hiya, Sister.

Sister Mary-Mengele: [annoyed] Oh, hello, morons.

Teddy: [Teddy walks in with Ling] Hey everybody!

Moe: Oh, hey Teddy!

Larry: Hi, Teddy!

Mother Superior: Gather round, everyone! I have an announcement to make. Teddy and his fianceé, Ling, have just discovered that our Lord and Savior has left her barren, so they have decided to adopt!

Moe, Curly, Larry: [the Stooges tear off their suits, with shorts, white shirts, and bowties underneath; they snap their fingers in rhythm] Hoi! Hoi! Hoi, hoi, hoi, hoi!

Moe: Spread out, pick me! I promise I'll go this time without any fuss!

Mother Superior: Oh, I'm sorry, boys, but they've already decided who they're adopting.

Teddy: [approaches Murph and Peezer] So how about it, Murph? Will you be a part of our family?

Murph: Are you serious, dude? Me? And you're not even getting paid?

[Murph looks over at a sad Peezer]

Murph: Oh... I'm sorry, mister, your offer is very nice and all, but... I think you better pick someone else.

Peezer: It's okay, Murph... you should go. This is your big break.

Murph: [Murph hugs Peezer] Not a chance, kid, not without you.

Teddy: Well, I guess we'll just have to take all three of you.

Murph: What three? I was just talking about me and Peez.

Teddy: Well, yeah, of course, but there's also the kid that we just sprang from the foster home across town.

Weezer: [Sister Rosemary and Weezer appear] Peezer!

Peezer: Weezer!

[the Stooges and orphans laugh joyfully, followed by the orphans screaming "Yay!"]

Mother Superior: Pack your bags, you three, it's time to go home. Three cheers for the boys. Hip-hip, hooray!

[the orphans join in the cheer]

Sister Mary-Mengele: [mutters to herself] Oh, please.

Mother Superior: [with the orphans] Hip-hip, hooray! Hip-hip, hooray!

Moe: Gee, it sure feels good to not louse things up for once!

Curly: Oh, you said it, mm-hmm.

[Curly leans on the diving board with Sister Mary-Mengele standing underneath it; it hits her on the head and knocks her into the pool]

Curly: Ooh-hoo, oh, oh, oh!

Moe, Curly, Larry: Nyah-aah-aah!

Sister Mary-Mengele: [gasping] I'm going to mash your heads, like potatoes!

Moe, Curly, Larry: Nyah-aah-aah, nyah-aah-aah!

[the Stooges run away, jumping on three trampolines near the hedge, each landing on a horse and riding away]

Curly: Woo-woo, woo-woo-woo-woo!

[last lines]

Moe: Gee, it sure feels good to not louse things up for once.

Curly: Oh, you said it.

[Curly leans on the diving board, knocking Sister Mary-Mengele into the swimming pool]

Sister Mary-Mengele: Aaah!

Curly: Oh, oh, oh oh!

Moe, Curly, Larry: Nyah-aah-aah!

Sister Mary-Mengele: I'm going to mash your heads... like potatoes!

Moe, Curly, Larry: Nyah-aah-aah!

Curly: Woo-woo, woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!

[the Stooges jump on trampolines and over the hedge, landing on horses and riding away]

Moe, Curly, Larry: Whoa!

Larry: Hey fellas, wait! Wait up! Whoa, whoa! How do you steer this thing? Oh, boy...