Sir Galahad Quotes in Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

Sir Lancelot: [Sir Galahad the Chaste is being seduced by an entire castle full of young women] We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.

Sir Galahad: I don't think I was.

Sir Lancelot: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.

Sir Galahad: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.

Sir Lancelot: No, it's too perilous.

Sir Galahad: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.

Sir Lancelot: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on.

Sir Galahad: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?

Sir Lancelot: No. It's unhealthy.

Sir Galahad: I bet you're gay.

Sir Lancelot: Am not.

King Arthur: Can we come up and have a look?

French Soldier: Of course not. You're English types.

King Arthur: What are you then?

French Soldier: I'm French. Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king?

Sir Galahad: What are you doing in England?

French Soldier: Mind your own business.

Tim: There he is!

King Arthur: Where?

Tim: There!

King Arthur: What? Behind the rabbit?

Tim: It *is* the rabbit!

King Arthur: You silly sod!

Tim: What?

King Arthur: You got us all worked up!

Tim: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit.

King Arthur: Ohh.

Tim: That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!

Sir Robin: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!

Tim: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!

Sir Galahad: Get stuffed!

Tim: He'll do you up a treat, mate.

Sir Galahad: Oh, yeah?

Sir Robin: You manky Scots git!

Tim: I'm warning you!

Sir Robin: What's he do? Nibble your bum?

Tim: He's got huge, sharp... er... He can leap about. Look at the bones!

King Arthur: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!

Sir Bors: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!

Sir Lancelot: Look, my liege!

[trumpets play a fanfare as the camera cuts briefly to the sight of a majestic castle]

King Arthur: [in awe] Camelot!

Sir Galahad: [in awe] Camelot!

Sir Lancelot: [in awe] Camelot!

Patsy: [derisively] It's only a model!

King Arthur: Shh!

King Arthur: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.

French Soldier: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he will be very keen. Uh, he's already got one, you see.

King Arthur: What?

Sir Galahad: He said they've already got one!

King Arthur: Are you sure he's got one?

French Soldier: Oh yes, it's very nice!

King Arthur: [about the inscription on the rock] What does it say, Brother Maynard?

Brother Maynard: It reads, "Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Aramathia. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the holy grail in the Castle of Aaauuuggghhh... "

King Arthur: What?

Brother Maynard: "The Castle of Aaaauuuggghhhh"

Sir Bedevere: What is that?

Brother Maynard: He must have died while carving it.

King Arthur: Oh come on!

Brother Maynard: Well, that's what it says.

King Arthur: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't have bothered to carve 'Aaaauuuggghhhh'. He'd just say it.

Sir Galahad: Maybe he was dictating it.

King Arthur: Oh shut up!

Sir Robin: Well does it say anything else?

Brother Maynard: No, just "Aaaaauuuugggghhh".

[knights making groaning sounds]

Sir Bedevere: Do you think he could have mean, 'Camaaaauuuuggghhhh'?

Sir Galahad: Where's that?

Sir Bedevere: France, I think.

Sir Lancelot: Isn't there a Saint "Aaaaavvvveeeesss" in Cornwall?

King Arthur: No that's Saint "Ives".

Sir Lancelot: Oh, yes. "Iiiiiivvvveeessss"!

[All knights saying, "Iiiiiivvvveeessss"]

Sir Bedevere: Whooooouuuuaaa!

Sir Lancelot: No no no, it's "Aaaaauuuugggghhhh" from the back of the throat.

Sir Bedevere: No I mean, "Whoooouuuuaaa!" as in surprise and alarm.

Sir Lancelot: Oh, you mean like, "AAAHH!"

Sir Bedevere: Yes, that's it. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Sir Galahad: Zoot!

Dingo: No, I am Zoot's identical twin sister, Dingo.

[He tried to get past her]

Dingo: Where are you going?

Sir Galahad: I seek the Grail! I have seen it, here in this castle!

Dingo: Oh, no! Oh, no! Bad, bad Zoot!

Sir Galahad: What is it?

Dingo: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! She has been setting a light to our beacon, which, I've just remembered, is Grail shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem.

Sir Galahad: It's not the real Grail?

Dingo: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! Oh, she is a bad person, and she must pay the penalty!

[Turns to camera]

Dingo: Do you think this scene should have been cut? We were so worried when the boys were writing it, but now we're glad! It's better than some of the previous scenes I think.

Left Head: At least ours was better visually.

Dennis: At least ours was committed, it wasn't just a string of pussy jokes.

Bridgekeeper: Get on with it.

Tim: Yes! Get on with it!

Army: Yeah! Get on with it!

Dingo: Oh, I am enjoying this scene!

God: Get on with it!

Sir Galahad: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?

French Soldier: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!

Zoot: Welcome, brave sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.

Sir Galahad: The Castle Anthrax?

Zoot: Yes... it's not a very good name, is it? Oh, but we are nice, and we'll attend to your every need.

Sir Galahad: What a strange person.

Sir Galahad: If you're half as brave as you talk, you'll have the courage to unmask!

Bartog, Ulric's Aide: We'll see if YOU have the courage to die!

Bors: Have you been doing battle with the spirits of the Enchanted Forest?

Sir Galahad: [trying to catch his breath] That... that must be it.

Bors: I take it that Merlin has caused you a little trouble.

Sir Galahad: Not half the trouble I'll cause you if you don't take me to King Arthur!

Bors: Your threat is my command.

Ulric - The Saxon King: You dare to challenge Excalibur?

Sir Galahad: I not only dare... I must!

Bors: Whoa. Galahad, I have an uncanny chill coursing up and down my spine. Have you never heard it said that rashness is the father of disaster?

Sir Galahad: True... but too much caution is the blood brother of cowardice.

Bors: Doubtless you think it's an easy matter to find that outlaw camp.

Sir Galahad: One more "doubtless" out of you and I'll *doubtless* crack you right on your thick...

Tavern Wench: What's your pleasure, gentlemen?

Sir Galahad: We had hoped to toast the health of Bartog and Cawker, but they don't seem to be here.

Tavern Wench: How could you, with them in the back room making great plans.

Sir Galahad: Some of those plans concern me. I've been made a captain on account of the attack on Camelot.

Tavern Wench: They were talking of Camelot true enough, when I last took a round of drinks.

Sir Galahad: [placing a coin in her hand] Give them another round. Say it's from two of their most loyal men.

[Bors also takes her hand and gives her another coin]

Tavern Wench: What's the extra one for?

Sir Galahad: That's to leave the door open when you come out. We'd like to hear the good news.

Sir Galahad: Arthur's sword - the true Excalibur - will be at the Ram's Head Inn this noon, but I'll need help to recover it.

Sir Lancelot: No doubt you will, but you've come to the wrong place. Who here will believe you?

Sir Galahad: You will.

Sir Lancelot: I can get you safely beyond the walls. We'll use the secret passageway.

Sir Galahad: Is it guarded?

Sir Lancelot: Certainly - by me!

Sir Galahad: Now there's nothing to stop the Black Knight from rallying the outlaws, joining with Ulric and storming Camelot!

Bors: Except us.

Sir Galahad: Put yourself in The Black Knight's place. Where would you go?

Bors: Home and lie down. I'm tired.