Simon Templar Quotes in The Saint (1997)


Simon Templar Quotes:

  • Simon Templar: Do you know what the worst part about being you is?

    Ivan Tretiak: What.

    Simon Templar: Pretending to be so bad in bed.

    Ivan Tretiak: You son of the bitch!

  • Emma Russell: Who are you?

    Simon Templar: Nobody has a clue. Least of all me.

  • Simon Templar: My name is Buro Houtenfaust. I was named for a Saint who was a very wealthy man. He had the wine, the women, the songs, the whole bit, and then inexplicably, took a vow of poverty and became a hermit. Ran off to live in the forest, in the nude.

  • Dr. Emma Russell: After all, you are my personal saint.

    Simon Templar: You have to be a very good, and usually very dead person to become a saint. And more importantly, you need to work three miracles. Now, get to work.

  • Ivan Tretiak: What?

    Simon Templar: What?

    Simon Templar: Don't look down. You know who I am?

    Ivan Tretiak: No.

    Simon Templar: I'm the thief you tried to cheat.

    [Takes a phone]

    Simon Templar: And this is your accountant.

    [Gives phone to Tretiak]

    Simon Templar: Talk to him.

    Ivan Tretiak: [Taking phone backwards]

    Simon Templar: The phone goes the other way, you moron.

    Ivan Tretiak: [Turns phone] Hello, Tretiak speaking. That money to Zurich, send it now. I said now.Yeah.

    [Returns phone to Simon]

    Simon Templar: Thank you. You know what the hardest part about being you is? Pretending to be so bad in bed.

    [Walks away]

    Ivan Tretiak: You son of the bitch.

  • Simon Templar: If you think that by giving cold fusion to the world and giving up unimaginable wealth you'll make us happy, you're right.

  • Dr. Emma Russell: You're not Martin.

    Simon Templar: No.

    Dr. Emma Russell: What is your name?

    Simon Templar: I don't have a name.

    Dr. Emma Russell: Sad. Will you have a name when we get home?

    Simon Templar: I don't have a home.

  • Simon Templar: I am Marin Depores. I am from Spain but I am named for a Peruvian Saint, who could cure the sick, or the injured, by the laying of hands.

  • Simon Templar: My name is Thomas Moore. I was named after a Saint who died for his faith.

  • Simon Templar: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is August Christopher. I was named for St. Augustan, who coined my favorite phrase, 'Give me chastity and give me constancy, but do not give it yet.'

  • Frankie: The president's quarters are here... but there are many guards, so I suggest...

    Simon Templar: What? An alternate route?

    Frankie: Money!

    Simon Templar: O' ye of little faith!

  • Simon Templar: Emma!

    Emma Russell: Hi.

    Simon Templar: I-I'm overwhelmed. You found me.

    Emma Russell: It wasn't very hard.

  • Penny Parker: [after they're fired out by a villain in their speeding car] It's the first time I ever heard a bullet.

    Simon Templar: The one you don't hear is the bad one.


    Simon Templar: It's all right. You can slow down to 60 0r 70 now.

    Penny Parker: Now I know you're The Saint.

    Simon Templar: I was almost a saint two minutes ago.

  • Simon Templar: Tell me, what part of the states are you from? Sing Sing?

    Dugan - Templar's Valet: Nah, San Quentin.

  • Simon Templar: [Driving into London in their car] You know, this is the first time I've ever seen dawn without a hangover.

    Penny Parker: I can't help wishing that man I knocked out had one.

  • Simon Templar: [Driving away as Penny looks back at the man she's knocked unconscious] Is he still out?

    Penny Parker: Cold.

    Simon Templar: How are you?

    Penny Parker: [as they are in a convertible at night] Cold!

    Simon Templar: [Smiling] Well, move over.

    [She snuggles against him as they speed away]

  • Bruno Lang: You know, Templar, if a man lives long enough, he's sure to run up against someone smarter than himself. In some professions he doesn't live much longer than that.

    Simon Templar: Your modesty overwhelms me, Mr. Lang.

  • Simon Templar: [to Penny after she's been rescued] We're glad to have you back, aren't we, Dugan?

    Dugan - Templar's Valet: Anything to break the monopoly. That's what I say.

  • Simon Templar: [about headaches] I have an excellent cure.

    Clarence 'Pearly' Gates: Yeah? What's that?

    Simon Templar: Stay sober the night before the morning after.

  • Mr. Evans: How did you get here?

    Simon Templar: You'd better ask my horse.

  • Simon Templar: Are you sure you robbed everybody?

    Clarence 'Pearly' Gates: All the new guests - all except Mr. and Mrs. John Harper.

    Simon Templar: Who are they? How did you skip them?

    Clarence 'Pearly' Gates: They checked out an hour before they got here. He got a telegram he was gonna be a grandfather or somethin'.

    Simon Templar: Are you positive?

    Clarence 'Pearly' Gates: You see, I figured that anybody who checked out might be the guilty party, so I checked up on who checked out. They was the only ones.

    Simon Templar: You think of everything - when you think.

  • Charlie - Desk Clerk: Oh, how do you do, Mr. Templar? We've been expecting you. So, you're the man they call "The Saint"... the modern Robin Hood!

    Simon Templar: Really, I'm a remarkably bad shot with a bow and arrow, and I've never tasted venison in my life.

  • Simon Templar: [to the arrested murderer] Where would you prefer to be executed? Sing Sing or San Quentin?

  • Simon Templar: [Reacting to Horace's gun] Put it away, Horace.

    [To the reporter]

    Simon Templar: You must forgive my friend. He sees the world through crime-colored glasses.

  • Simon Templar: i'm sorry to arrive uninvited, but this is not a social call.

  • Pat Holm: What's our program for tomorrow?

    Simon Templar: Simple enough - we've got a million pounds in gold.

    Pat Holm: Easy - where is it?

    Simon Templar: What does your female intuition say?

    Pat Holm: Around Baycomb? Smuggler's Cove?

    Simon Templar: You're wonderful! How do we get to then, you clever little thing?

    Pat Holm: They're supposed to be connected to Baycomb House. Used to be a monastery. What of it?

    Simon Templar: Trust these wise old monks to find a back entrance to the brandy somewhere.

  • Clarence 'Pearly' Gates: I just wish I knew your angle, Saint. Whose side are you on.

    Simon Templar: I'm on my own side.

    Clarence 'Pearly' Gates: Where does that put me?

    Simon Templar: That depends. If you were cleverer than you look, you'll be on my side.

  • Clarence 'Pearly' Gates: But I never squealed on anyone in my life.

    Simon Templar: If you don't start now, you'll never have another chance.

  • Simon Templar: Rocky is still at his night club.

    Inspector Henry Fernack: Now, wait a minute, Simon. Why can't I go to a nightclub? I'll not be party to any rough stuff.

    Simon Templar: [Dismissively] You toddle off to bed like a good boy. These denizens of iniquity are no place for a respectable married man. I'll just drift into Rocky's gin palace and see what's going on.

  • Simon Templar: What have you got there?

    [Reading newspaper story]

    Simon Templar: New York Police Inspector cries "Foul!" Etc., etc. John Henry Fernack of the Homicide Bureau unable to explain the source of $50,000 found in his safe

    [Simon smiles slightly]

    Simon Templar: ... so and so forth.

    Ruth Summers: Could have said he won it on a horse or roulette or something.

    Simon Templar: Fernack is much too honest for that.

    Ruth Summers: ...or too stupid.

    Simon Templar: Well, let's drink to him anyway. Seems to me he'll need more than that. Maybe he needs a guardian angel.

    Ruth Summers: Or a patron saint.

  • Ruth Summers: What are you going to do?

    Simon Templar: That, darling, is the big problem of the moment.

Browse more character quotes from The Saint (1997)