Simon Bishop Quotes in As Good as It Gets (1997)

Melvin Udall: Never, never, interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudgepacker that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?

Simon Bishop: [clears his throat] Uhm, yes. It's not a... subtle point that you're making.

Melvin Udall: Okay then.

[Shuts door in Simon's face]

Simon Bishop: Thank you, Melvin. You... overwhelm me.

[pauses]

Simon Bishop: I love you.

Melvin Udall: I tell you, buddy... I'd be the luckiest guy alive if that did it for me.

Melvin Udall: I can't get back to my old life. She's evicted me from my life!

Simon Bishop: Did you really like it all that much?

Simon Bishop: The best thing you have going for you is your willingness to humiliate yourself.

Melvin Udall: Can I ask you a personal question?

Simon Bishop: Sure.

Melvin Udall: You ever get an erection over a woman?

Simon Bishop: Melvin...

Melvin Udall: I mean, wouldn't your life be easier if you weren't...

Simon Bishop: You consider your life easy?

Melvin Udall: [pause] All right, I give you that one.

Simon Bishop: Rot in hell, Melvin!

Melvin Udall: No need to stop being a lady. Quit worryin! You'll be back on your knees in no time!

Simon Bishop: Melvin, do you know where you're lucky? You know who you want.

Melvin Udall: Oh, you were talking about your dog. I thought you were referring to that colored man inside your apartment.

Simon Bishop: Uh, what color would that be?

Melvin Udall: Like uh, like thick MO-lasses.

Simon Bishop: [Seeing Carol undressed, in only a towel, on the edge of the bathtub] Hold it.

[Turns on light, startling Carol]

Simon Bishop: I have to draw you.

Carol Connelly: Huh?

Simon Bishop: I have to draw you.

Carol Connelly: No, no no, absolutely not. I'm a lot more shy than people think. I give off the wrong impression.

Simon Bishop: I have to. I haven't sketched anything in weeks.

Carol Connelly: Stop staring. Do a vase.

Simon Bishop: But you're beautiful, Carol. Your skin, your long neck, the back, the line of you. You're why cavemen chiseled on walls.

Carol Connelly: [Smiles, and laughs slightly] All right, cut me a break.

[as Simon draws, she smiles, and lowers her towel, giving him a better view]

Carol Connelly: [after a brief cutaway to a different scene, returning to this one; now Carol is laying on a couch, nude, laughing, as Simon draws] I'm sorry, I don't care how you put this, we're being naughty here, pal.

Simon Bishop: No, no, this is, this is great.This is so great. I swear to God, my hand won't even keep up. Hold it. Hold it.

Carol Connelly: But I was just turning.

Simon Bishop: But then hold that. Hold any of them.

[the camera shows a pile of sketches that Simon has made of Carol]

Carol Connelly: OK, this?

Simon Bishop: It doesn't matter. My hand's not even bothering me. I can't - I just can't get the angle with this cast.

[Starts breaking the plaster cast off of his hand/wrist]

Carol Connelly: Oh, careful.

Simon Bishop: [Finished breaking cast off of his hand, and lets out a mock yell of pain, then both he and Carol start laughing]

Simon Bishop: Okay... What I do is, I watch. Ever watch somebody who doesn't know you're watching them? An old woman sitting on a bus? Or kids going to school? Somebody just waiting, and you see this flash come over them. And you know immediately that has nothing to do with anything external because that hasn't changed. They're just sort of realer and more alive. You look at someone long enough, you discover their humanity.

Carol Connelly: How are you?

Simon Bishop: Don't ask. I'm tired of my own complaints. I need to get some new thoughts.

Carol Connelly: Why? What are you thinking about now?

Simon Bishop: How to die, mostly.

Carol Connelly: To think that in our little mix you're the good roommate.

Simon Bishop: Is this fun for you? You lucky devil. It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it? I'm losing my apartment, Melvin. And Frank, he wants me to beg my parents, who haven't called me, for help. And I won't. And... I... I don't want to paint any more. So the life that I was trying for, is over. the life that I had is gone, and I'm feeling so damn sorry for myself that it's difficult to breathe.

Simon Bishop: Lucky for you... you're here for rock-bottom. You absolute horror of a human being.

Simon Bishop: Verdell. What's wrong? You miss the tough guy?

[imitating Melvin]

Simon Bishop: Well, here I am, sweetheart! Happy to see me, you little pissant mop? How 'bout another ride down the chute?

Carol Connelly: I'm sure Simon they did something really "off" in order for you to feel this way but when it comes to your parents or your kids something will always be "off" unless you set it straight and maybe this thing happened to you so you have a chance to do that

Simon Bishop: When I was a kid I always painted and my mother always encouraged it , she was very fabulous about it, I was too young to think that there was anything wrong with it, so she used to pose nude for me, I always thought or I assumed my father knew about it, one day he found us and started screaming I was trying to defend my mother and make peace in the lamest way, I said " she's not naked, it's art" and he started hitting me and beat me unconscious, he taught me a lesson he thought I'd never forget, he knew what I was even before I did, the morning I left for college he walked into my room and held out his hand and it was filled with money, a big sweaty wad of money and he said, " take this and I don't want you ever to come back", I grabbed him and hugged him and he turned around and walked out I haven't seen him or talked to him since

[Carol kisses him on the cheek]

Simon Bishop: The life I was trying for is gone, but it's high times for you, isn't it Mr Udall? The gay neighbour's terrified. Terrified!

Melvin Udall: Love that dog.

Simon Bishop: You don't love anything, Mr Udall.

Melvin Udall: I'm dying here.

Simon Bishop: Because you love her.

Melvin Udall: No! And you people are supposed to be sensitive and sharp?

Simon Bishop: Waiting gives the devil time.