Sid Quotes in The Bounty Hunter (2010)

Sid: All I know is, I'm out 50,000 if she's not in that courtroom Monday morning.

Milo Boyd: Wait, you're telling me that I'll get five grand to go pick up my ex-wife and bring her to jail?

Sid: You're a good listener.

[Milo laughs and dances for joy]

Sid: [to the baby dinosaur] Come on, spit him out. If you don't spit out little Johnny right now, we're leaving the playground this instant! One... two... don't make me say three...

[the baby dinosaur spits up a bird]

Sid: There you are. The picture of health.

Aardvark Mom: That's not little Johnny!

Sid: Well, it's better than nothing.

Manny: [Sid guards the three baby Tyrannosaurs from an adult] Sid! Give them to her! She's their mother!

Sid: How do I know she's their mother?

Manny: What do you want, a birth certificate? She's a *dinosaur*!

Sid: [about Peaches] Oh it's a boy!

Diego: That's it's tail

Sid: It's a girl!

Sid: Is this how you resolve conflicts? No wonder you're single.

[Mamma Rex roars]

Sid: oh, that's your answer to everything. I don't exactly call that communication. I say they're vegetarian, you say "grrr". I say can we talk about it, you say "grrr". That's not what I call communication.

Mother T-Rex: GRRRRRR!

Sid: See that's your answer to everything!

Sid: [running from a musk ox he tried to milk] I thought you were a female!

Sid: Fine, I understand. You have your family. I'll just go raise them alone... by myself. In my fortress of solitude. In the ice. A lone, lonely loner.

Manny: That's a lot of aloneness.

Sid: Precisely!

Sid: [confronting a Tyrannosaurus who has come looking for her babies] Look, these are my kids! And you're gonna have to go through *me* to get them!

Sid: I'm a single mother with 3 kids. I could use a little compassion.

Manny: Sid, whatever you're doing, it's a bad idea.

Sid: Shh! My kids will hear you.

Manny: They're not your kids, Sid. Take them back. You're not meant to be a parent.

Sid: Why not?

Manny: First sign: stealing someone else's eggs. Second sign: one of them almost became an omelet.

Sid: [As, Sid fails to fight back against the boiling lava river and is doomed to certain death as he gets nearer to the lava falls, he stands up dignified on his floating rock, putting his hand to his chest] This... is the end of Sid the sloth...

[Falls over lava falls]

Sid: Aaggghhhhh!

Sid: [after being rescued by flying dinosaur] Help!

Eddie: [Looks over side of dinosaur] No, Sid, it's me!

Crash: [Looks over also] And me!

Buck: [Joins Crash & Eddie] And me!

Sid: Uh, I don't wanna panic anyone, but who's flying this thing?

Buck: Oops!

[Crashes into ice ceiling]

Sid: I'm too young to be eaten!

Sid: Well, I see someone else who has a bun in the oven!

Pudgy Beaver Mom: Oh! I'm not pregnant!

[Hits Sid with stick]

Sid: Ow! It's too bad. You'd make a wonderful mother.

[Gets hit again]

Sid: Bad egg! Rotten egg! A heart attack you almost gave me!

Sid: The important thing is nobody got hurt... except for that guy... and-and those three...

[trips over someone]

Sid: ... and her.

Sid: [Climbs in log and sighs believing he's lost Rudy. Rudy steps on both side of log leaving Sid in the middle] Go away! Go away! Shoo! Stranger danger! Stranger danger!

Sid: I know what it's like to feel abandoned.

Sid: [after Diego leaves, looks in ice at his reflection] At least you've still got your looks.

[ice cracks]

Sid: Maybe we could rapidly evolve into water creatures.

Diego: That's genius, Sid.

Sid: Call me Squid.

Manfred: Uh, Diego, retract the claws, please.

Diego: Oh... right... sorry.

[lets go]

Sid: You know, if I didn't know you better Diego, I'd think you were afraid of the water.

Sid: [Diego grabs Sid's neck and chokes him]

Sid: OK, Good thing I know you better.

[last lines]

Sid: Manny, who do you like better, me or Diego?

Manfred: Diego. It's not even close.

Diego: Heh, told you.

Ellie: Manny, you can't choose between your kids.

Manfred: He's not my kid. He's not even my dog. If I had a dog, and that dog had a kid, and the dog's kid had a pet, that would be Sid.

Sid: Can I have a dog, Manny?

Manfred: No.

Sid: Ellie, can I have a dog?

Ellie: Of course, you can, sweetie.

Manfred: Ellie, we have to be consistent with them.

Manfred: So, you think she's the girl for me?

Sid: Oh, yeah, she's tons of fun, and you're no fun at all. She "completes" you.

Sid: If your species will continue, clap your hands.

[clap clap]

Manfred: Sid? I'm-I'm gonna fall on you again and this time, I will kill you.

Sid: Okay. Someone doesn't like the classics.

Sid: We're gonna live!

[water rises up to his ankles]

Sid: We're gonna die!

Sid: You did it, buddy, you kicked water's butt!

Diego: Nothing to it. Most animals can swim as babies, you know.

Sid: Yeah but not tigers. I left that part out.

Sid: [singing to annoy Manfred] Stop, hey! What's that sound? All the mammoths are in the ground!

Sid: He's coming around the corner, and he's up by a couple of fifths. He's ahead by a tusk! Oh, he's beating Diego! Diego's gonna go to the corner!

Sid: [tied up] This is either really good or really bad.

[looks down to see tar pit underneath him]

Sid: Oh, no, no, no. Me fire-king. Why kill fire-king? A thousand years bad juju for killing fire-king.

Female Mini Sloth: Superheated rock from the earth's core is surging into the crust, melting ice built up over thousands of years.

Sid: You are a very advanced race. Together we can look for a solution.

Female Mini Sloth: [eagerly] We have one. Sacrifice the fire-king.

Sid: That's not very advanced.

[pause]

Female Mini Sloth: Worth a shot.

Sid: [Cholly has broken wind in his mouth] Well, don't "that" put the 'stink' in extinction!

Diego: Big mistake, you miscreants!

Eddie: Miscreants?

[starts laughing along with Crash]

Sid: Uh, Diego, they are possums.

Diego: [Crash and Eddie are playing on the ice] Can't you see is thin enough without you two wearing it down?

Sid: Ah, Diego! Come on, the ice may be thin, but it's strong enough to hold a 10 ton mammoth and a nine ton possum.

Manfred: Hey. Who said you kids could torture the sloth?

Diego: Manny, don't squash their creativity.

Sid: Hey, Manny, Diego, my bad mammal-jammals. Want to give the sloth a hand?

Sid: [the group has just escaped from Cretaceous and Maelstrom, the two sea reptiles] What in the animal kingdom was "that"?

Diego: I don't know. But from now on, land safe, water... not safe.

Sid: Manny, look on the bright side; you have us!

Diego: Not your most persuasive argument, Sid.

Female Mini Sloth: Fire King avert flood. Join us, O great and noble flaming one.

Diego: Whoa, not so fast there! Okay? You make a quality offer, but Fire King has a prior commitment. His herd needs him. He is the gooey, sticky... stuff that holds us together. He made this herd, and we'd be nothing without him.

Sid: You mean it? Ohh!

[Hugs Diego]

Diego: Sid! Sid! I'm... That doesn't mean "want to touch."

Sid: Well, shave me down and call me a mole rat. You found another mammoth.

Ellie: Where? Wait a minute. I thought mammoths were extinct.

[pause]

Ellie: What are you looking at me for?

Manfred: I don't know. Maybe because you're a mammoth?

Ellie: Me? Don't be ridiculous! I'm not a mammoth, I'm a possum.

Manfred: Right, good one. I'm a newt.

[Points at Diego]

Manfred: This is my friend, the badger,

[Points at Sid]

Manfred: ... and my other friend, the platypus.

Sid: Why do I gotta be the platypus? Make him the platypus.

Sid: [Manfred doesn't want to shoot Crash from a tree] You're never gonna impress Ellie like that.

Manfred: I don't want to impress her.

Sid: Then why are you trying so hard to convince her she's a mammoth?

Manfred: Because that's what she is! I don't care if she thinks she's a possum. You can't be two things.

Sid: Au contraire, "Manfred". Tell her that's a bullfrog, a chickenhawk, or the turtledove.

Sid: You guys won't believe what happened to me just now!

Diego: I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you were "sleepwalking".

Sid: Oh, no. I was kidnapped by a tribe of mini sloths.

Diego: That was going to be my second guess.

Sid: Manny, you've come a long way since we first met, and I'll take the credit for that, but you need to let go of the past so you'll have a future.

Sid: [Sarcastically] Makin' friends everywhere yuh go - just makin' friends.

Sid: Well, tomorrow's the day the scary vulture said we're all gonna die.

[falls asleep]

Sid: Hey. Can you guys slow down? I'm dying here...

[Vultures fly above]

Sid: It's just a figure of speech.

[runs away]

Sid: [explaining the meaning of fear] Jealously, mostly. But the point is that fear is natural.

Diego: [approaches Sid and glares at him] Fear is for prey.

Sid: Then what means the water has made you its prey.

Sid: Look, I opened my camp! "Campo del Sid". It means Camp of Sid.

Diego: Congratulations. You're now an idiot in "two" languages.

Sid: Shh! Not in front of the K-I-D-Z. These little guys love me. Right, Billy?

Glypto Boy Billy: Don't make me eat you.

Sid: Ah, they kid. That's why they're called "kids"!

Sid: When the going gets tough, the great, party.

Sid: I Just did something involuntary... and messy.

Sid: Hey, Manny. I've heard you're going extinct!

[eats some blueberries and licks his claws]

Diego: Hey. If you ever master hygiene, try working on sensitiviy.

Manfred: [to Sid] I'm not going extinct!

Aardvark Dad: [to his children] Kids, look. The "last" mammoth.

Aardvark Kids: [suprised] Woah!

Aardvark Dad: Now you probably won't see another one of "those" again! See?

Sid: No running, James! Camp rules!

James: Make me, sloth!

Sid: Make me, "sir"! It's all about respect.

Sid: I'm gonna be the first one to jump off the Eviscerator, and then you guys are gonna have to start showing me some respect.

Manfred: You jump off this, the only respect you're gonna get is respect for the dead.

Diego: Come on, Manny. He's not that stupid.

[Sid prepares to jump]

Diego: But I've been wrong before.

Sid: Shit, Miss. I thought you snuffed it!

Sally Jones: Language, Sid.

[last lines]

Sally Jones: You'll be leaving school soon, I s'pose.

Sid: Aww, you bet!

Sid: The black chick might come in handy.

Sid: Being the good guy's so predictable. You do everything right!

Sid: I'm the bad guy, Jake. I do anything I want.

Sid: I take great pride into 'aving never lived up to anything!

Sid: You're a Boy Scout, Jake!

Jake Speed: REFRESHING! Isn't it?

Sid: Make sure Ali Baba gets his babes. I've got a reputation to protect.

[Margaret is captured by the white slavers]

Sid: Yesss. You're a bit straight, but you've got potential.

Margaret Winston: You scum sucking pig!

Sid: How old are you, pussycat? How old!

Margaret Winston: Twenty-seven.

Sid: Sorry. This is a game for kids.

Sid: [from trailer] Everybody has somebody and all I've got is my boyish good looks and this Mariachi band.

Manny: [from trailer] Hey, look, shooting stars!

Sid: Ooh, quick, make a wish! You gotta make a wish!

[One of the meteors catapults him on top of a tree]

Manny: Wow, my wish came true.

Sid: I'm okay!

[flames from the meteor burnt him]

Diego: Mine too.

Sid: Hurry, Granny!

Granny: Don't hurry me! I've been struck by lightining...

[Is struck by lightning, seemingly killed]

Sid: Granny!

Granny: [Is struck again and brought back to life] ... more times that you've had breakfast.

Sid: Sounds like it's slowing down. Yep! It's definitely over!

[a meteor lands in front of him, charring his fur and burning his nipples so they glow]

Sid: Except for that one...

Crash: [from trailer] Where are we?

Brooke: Here he is. The master of meditation. The supreme sovereign. The Shangri Llama!

[Shangri Llama spits into a bowl which a Geotopia Aardvark holds]

Diego: This is the guy who's gonna save us?

Shangri Llama: Yes, but first... downward dog!

[Manny, Sid, and Diego do the downward dog pose]

Shangri Llama: Caterpillar!

[Diego tries to do the caterpillar pose]

Shangri Llama: Funky chicken, bouncing Betty, mashed potato!

Sid: [doing the mashed potato bounce] Hey, this is kind of easy.

[he gets tied up with Granny]

Sid: Could you help me, please? My nose is dangerously close to my butt.

Sid: We're gonna stop this thing, bada-bing, bada-boom. Er... Forget I said "boom".

Sid: [Speaking into a twig like it were a phone] I can't find the bride. Why can't I find the bride?

Diego: Because you're speaking into a twig.

Party Molehog: [Also speaking into a twig] Mom, I can't talk right now. I'm at a wedding.

Sid: For a second there, I actually thought you were gonna eat me.

Diego: I don't eat junk food.

[Sid's trying to use the baby to get attention from girls]

Sid: I'm begging you. I need him.

Manny: What, a good-looking guy like you?

Sid: Aw, you say that, but you don't mean it.

Manny: No, seriously, look at you. Aw, those ladies, they don't stand a chance.

Sid: You have a very cruel sense of humor.

Sid: [about the baby] I bet he's hungry.

Manny: How 'bout some milk?

Sid: Ooh, I'd love some!

Diego: Not you. The baby.

Sid: Well, I ain't exactly lactating right now, pal.

Diego: You're a little low on the food chain to be mouthing off, aren't you...

Manny: [in a shout that echoes] ENOUGH!

Manfred: Okay, you. Check for poop.

Sid: Hey, why am I the poop-checker?

Manfred: Because returning the runt was your idea, because you're small and insignificant, and because I'll pummel you if you don't.

Sid: ...Why else?

Manfred: NOW, Sid!

Diego: The baby? Please. I was just returning it to its herd.

Sid: Oh, yeah. Nice try, Bucktooth.

Diego: You calling me a liar?

Sid: I didn't say that.

Diego: You were thinking it.

Sid: [whispering, to Manny] I don't like this cat. He reads minds.

Diego: Is its nose dry?

Sid: That means there's something wrong with it.

Diego: Someone should lick it, just in case.

Sid: [after Diego snuffs out the fire on his tail] Thank you. From now on, I'm gonna call you "Diego..."

Diego: Lord of Touch Me and You're Dead.

Sid: My feet are sweating.

Diego: Do we need a news flash every time your body does something?

Manfred: He's doing it for attention, just ignore him.

Carl: [to Sid] Look, we're gonna break your neck so you don't feel a thing. How's that?

Manfred: Wait a minute. I thought rhinos were vegetarians.

Sid: An excellent point!

Manfred: Shut up.

Carl: Who says we're gonna eat him after we kill them?

Frank: Yeah, come on, move it.

Manfred: You know, I don't like animals that kill for pleasure.

Carl: Save it for a mammal that cares.

Sid: I'm a mammal that cares!

Sid: So she picks this hair off my shoulder, and says, "If you're gonna have a second mating dance, at least pick a sloth with the same color pelt." And I'm thinkin', "Whoa! She's gonna go praying-mantis on me." Know what I'm saying?

Manny: Hey, if you find a mate in life, you should be loyal. In your case, grateful. Now get away from me.

Sid: From now on, you'll have to refer to me as "Sid, Lord of the Flame."

Manfred: Hey, Lord of the Flame, your tail's on fire.

Dodo: Prepare for the Ice Age.

Sid: Ice Age?

Diego: I've heard of these crackpots.

Manfred: Hey, buddy, want a lift?

Diego: No, thanks. I'm saving what little dignity I've got left.

Sid: You're hanging out with us now, pal. Dignity has nothing to do with it.

Manfred: [to Scrat] Hey, buddy. Have you seen any humans go by here?

[Scrats mimes charade game]

Sid: Ooh, ooh, ooh! I love this game, I love this game! Let's see. First word...

[Scrat mimes packing down snow]

Sid: Stomp. No, Stamp.

Manfred: Let me try. Um... pack.

[Scrats nods]

Sid: Good one, Manny.

[Scrat acts like a sabertooth]

Sid: Second word, long teeth... and claws. Pack of wolves? Pack of...

Manfred: Pack of bears?

Sid: No.

Manfred: Pack of fleas?

Sid: [Scrat points at Diego] Pack of whiskers? Pack of noses?

Manfred: Pachyderm!

Sid: Pack of lies? Pack of troubles?

[Diego swats Scrat and sends him flying]

Sid: Pack a wallop? Pack of birds! Pack of flying fish!

Manfred: Here's your little bundle of joy. We're returning it to the humans.

Sid: Awww, the big bad tigey-wigey gets left behind. Poor Tigey-Wigey.

Manfred: Sid, Tigey-Wigey's gonna lead the way.

Sid: Uh, Manny, can I-can I-can I talk to you for a second?

Manfred: [passing] No. The sooner we get to Glacier Pass, the sooner I get rid of Mr. Stinky Droolface. And the baby, too.

Diego: You won't always have Jumbo around to protect you. And when that day comes, I suggest you watch your back... 'cause I'll be chewing on it.

Manfred: Hey, über-tracker. Up front where I can see you.

Sid: ...Help me.

[Sid is drawing a sloth with chalk]

Diego: What are you doing?

Sid: I'm putting sloths on the map.

Manfred: Why don't you make him more realistic and draw him lying down?

Diego: And make him rounder.

[Manfred draws a pot-belly on Sid's drawing]

Diego: Perfect.

Sid: Ha, ha. I forgot how to laugh.

Manny: AAAH.

Diego: AAAH.

Sid: AAAH.

Roshan: WHEE.

Sid: Can I hang out with you?

Manfred: Sure. Climb on my back and relax the whole way.

Sid: Really?

Manfred: No.

Sid: [Dragging a stick] Phew. I'm wiped out.

Manfred: That's your shelter?

Sid: Hey, you're a big guy, you got a lot of wood. I'm a little guy.

Manfred: You got half a stick.

Sid: Yes, but with this little stick and my highly-evolved brain...

[accidentally pokes himself in the eye with stick]

Sid: Ow... I shall create -

[snaps it in half]

Sid: fire.

Manfred: Fascinating.

Sid: We'll see if brains triumph over brawn tonight, now won't we?

[Later, Sid is trying to light a fire in the rain, while Manfred is dry under his shelter]

Manfred: Hey, I think I saw a spark.

Sid: [catching up to Manfred and Diego, he sits down on the top of a geyser] Hey, thanks for waiting.

Diego, Manfred: Three, two, one...

[the geyser erupts, and sends Sid shooting up into the sky]

Manfred: Sure is faithful.

[Sid lands with his head in the geyser]

[last lines]

Sid: You know? This whole ice age thing is getting old. You know what I could go for? A global warming.

Diego: Keep dreaming.

Sid: No really...

Diego: I'm... sorry I set you guys up.

Sid: Ah, you know me, I'm too lazy to hold a grudge.

[Diego makes a huge jump]

Sid: I wish I could jump like that.

Manfred: [kicking Sid] Wish granted.

Diego: Maybe we shouldn't do this.

Sid: Why not?

Diego: ...Because if we save him he'll grow up to be a hunter. And who do you think he'll hunt?

Sid: Maybe because we saved him, he won't hunt us.

Diego: Yeah, and maybe he'll grow fur, and a long, skinny neck and call you Mama.

[Sid and the baby are fighting]

Manfred: Don't make me reach back there.

Sid: He started it.

Manfred: I don't care who started it. I'll finish it.

Sid: [after branch hits him] What ho, a foe?

Manfred: Sid, the tiger found a shortcut.

[Sid looks up at the mountain they will have to climb]

Sid: No thanks, I choose life.

Diego: [glaring at him where he stands so Sid almost runs into him when turning] Then I suggest you take the shortcut.

Sid: Are you threatening me?

Diego: [in a shout that echoes] *MOVE*, SLOTH!

Sid: [showing the baby cave paintings] Look, the tigers are just playing tag with the antelope...

[pause]

Sid: With their teeth.

Diego: Come on Sid, let's play tag. You're it.

[the tigers find out the "baby" is a snow decoy]

Sid: Sorry, fellas. He got a little frostbite.

Diego: You don't know much about tracking, do you?

Sid: Hey, I'm a sloth. I see a tree, eat a leaf, that's my tracking.

[to an animal whose dung he has stepped in]

Sid: Hey, widebody, curb it next time!

Diego: At the bottom of Half Peak... there's an ambush, waiting for you.

Sid: What?

Manfred: What do you mean ambush?

[Beat]

Manfred: You set us up.

Diego: It was my job. I was supposed to get the baby, but then...

Manfred: You brought us home - for dinner!

Sid: That's it. You're out of the herd!

Sid: Isn't this great? Two bachelors knocking about in the wild?

Manfred: No. You just want a bodyguard so you don't become somebody's side-dish.

Sid: You're a very shrewd mammal. Okay, you lead the way, Mr. Big, uh... I didn't catch the name...

Manfred: Manfred.

Sid: Manfred? Yuck, man, how about Manny the Moody Mammoth? Manny the melancholy? Manny the... yipe!

Manfred: [after turning abruptly so he scrambled up a sapling] Stop, following me.

Manfred: Okay, listen, if either of you two can make it across that sinkhole in front of you, the sloth is yours.

Sid: That's right, you losers! You take one step and you're dead.

[Sid throws a rock, which bounces across the "sinkhole" without leaving so much as a crack]

Sid: You were bluffing, huh?

Manfred: Yeah. Yeah, that was a bluff.

Sid: My family abandoned me. They kinda migrated without me. You should've seen what they did last year. I mean, they got up early, and quietly tied up my hands and feet, and gagged me with a field mouse, and barricaded the cave door, and covered their tracks, and traveled through water so I'd lose their scent, and... and... who needs 'em anyway?

[Morning arrives, Manny wakes up and feels for the baby in his trunk, only to discover that the Baby is gone. He stomps over to the sleeping Diego who wakes up with a start]

Manny: WHERE'S THE BABY?

Diego: You lost it?

[They look at each and notice Sid is not there]

Manny, Diego: [shouts] SID!

[Scene shows Sid with the baby in a jacuzzi like mud hot spring; using the baby as a 'chick magnet' to attract two female sloths]

Rachel: Oh, he's lovely. Positively adorable!

Jennifer: [baby-talking to the baby] Hello Pumpkin. Hello, little bunny baby...

Rachel: [to Sid] Where did you find it?

Sid: Ah, poor kid was all alone in the wild. Sabers were cornering him, So I just snatched it!

Rachel: Oh, so brave of you!

Sid: Yeah, well... He needed me...

[wistfully]

Sid: And I wished I had one of my own, too...

Jennifer: [excited] REALLY?

[she calms herself down]

Jennifer: I'm... I'm attracted that quality in a male.

Sid: [unaware that the baby is sinking into the mud hot spring] Who wouldn't be?

Rachel: [gushing] You caring for a baby...

Sid: [notices that Roshan the baby is gone and pulls the muddy baby up] Yeah, well... You know...

[the baby playfully throws mud on Sid's face; they both laugh]

Sid: [as he grabs something to wipe the mud off his face] Cute kid, huh? So, as I was saying ladies... uh...

[wipes the 'something' on his face, which is Manny's trunk; he realizes and gasps]

Sid: Oh, hey! Hey... Manny!

Manny: [taking the giggling baby away] What's the matter with you?

Sid: Hey, what's your problem?

Manny: *You* are my problem.

Sid: Well, I think you're stressed, and that's why you eat so much. I mean, it's hard to get fat on a vegan diet.

Manny: I'm not fat. It's all this fur. It makes me look... poofy.

Sid: Fine. You have fat hair. But when you're ready to talk, I'm here.

Manfred: Hey, he's wearing one of those baby-thingies.

Sid: So?

Manfred: So, if he poops, where does it go?

Sid: ...Humans are disgusting.

Sid: I don't know about you guys but, we are the weirdest herd I've ever seen.

Sid: [holding on to Manfred's leg] Don't let them impale me. I wanna live!

Manfred: Get off me!

Sid: You have beautiful eyeshhh.

Sid: Hey look. What is this? Pineconeshhh!

Sid: Doesn't anybody care about Sid the sloth?

Sid: Well, I think mating for life is stupid. I mean, there's plenty of Sid to go around.

Sid: They migrated without me. They do this every year.

Sid: Slalom, baby.

Sid: Ha ha. Eat my powder.

[Rumbling is heard]

Manfred: [to Diego] Tell me that was your stomach.

Diego: Shh.

Sid: I'm sure it's just thunder. From, under... ground?

Sid: Hey, you rhinos, you have really small brains. Did you know that? It's just a fact, no offense. I mean, you probably don't even know what I'm talking about.

Sid: This is gonna be the best migration ever! I'm gonna show you all my favorite watering holes. And I turn brown when the fungus in my fur dries out!

Manfred: It sounds very attractive.

Sid: [trying to wipe his feet off after stepping into poop offscreen] Ik! Ah!

[In his disgusted haste, he inadvertently wipes his feet on the salad of Carl and Frank who look at him with chagrin]

Sid: [through his teeth] This is making me more fiesty!

[flings his foot up]

Sid: Ah, YUCK! This is defineately NOT in my day!

[to Frank]

Sid: You know what I'm saying?

[he begins shaking his foot to get to poo off, unknowingly flicking it into Carl's face]

Sid: Oh, what a mess! Hey, rhinos, did you know that you know you have really tiny brains, you know that? Naw, that's a fact. No offense. You probably don't know what I'm talking about.

[chuckles]

Sid: [sees something] Oh! Yum-o!

[plucks up the dandelion]

Sid: A dandelion! Probably the last one of the season!

[He eats it]

Sid: [swooning with gourmet galore] Mmmm... MMMM... Mmmm...

Frank: Carl...?

Carl: Easy Frank.

Frank: [visibly upset] He *ruined* our *salad*!

Sid: [noticing what he's standing on, jumps up in alarm and backs away; apologetic] Huh? Oh my goodness! That was my mistake! Now, let me handle...

[Sid trips over a log, he crawls on all fours while Carl and Frank slowly but menacingly walk towards him]

Sid: No seriously! I can take care of this... wha- what is this? PINE CONE! Oh, my goodness! That's my favorite!

[He takes a bite of the pinecone]

Sid: Delicious. Ow! That's um... Uh, good eating... But don't let me hog it, oh no! Here, you have some! Tasty, isn't it?

[Sid feeds Carl the Pine cone. Carl growls in anger]

Sid: [just before he turns to leave] Bon Appetite, you two!

[Manny is watching Sid clumsily struggle to climb up a cliff in an attempt to return the baby to his tribe]

Manfred: You're an embarrassment to nature. You know that?

Sid: [calling over his shoulder] A piece of cake! I'm fine, I'm fine...

[to himself; moaning]

Sid: I'm gonna die...

Sid: [as he prepares to get on a rock to sleep on] Fine, I'll tuck myself in.

[reclines on the rock; making moans and groans of relaxation]

Sid: [yawning] All right... Good Night...

[He flops on the rock, then turns over... ]

Sid: [as he's turning over and over] Oooh... ah.

[Manny becomes slightly irritated as he watches Sid quirk around on the rock]

Sid: [groaning] Errr-um... Ahhhhh...

[Scene shows Sid lying on the rock on his back and his head lolling off the rock]

Sid: [talking in his sleep] Nah!

[snaps his fingers]

Sid: Nah! Nah!

[shuffles his body counter-clock wise towards the rocks front,making fizzing noises with his teeth and tongue]

Sid: [flops on his side] Argh...

[suddenly jerks his arm and head up and down]

Sid: [loudly] Hur-agh! Ahh...

Manfred: [shouts angrily; startling Sid] WILL YOU STOP IT!

Sid: [sheepishly] All right, All right... I was trying to relax.

[He finds a comfortable spot on the rock and begins to suck his thumb]

Manny: [to Sid; about the baby] What are doing? Just drop him on the ledge.

[Sid tosses the baby on the ledge, who giggles and then crawls forward]

Sid: [whispers] Should we make sure he found them?

Manny: Good idea!

Sid: [frantic] What? Wait, no! Wait, wait, wait...

[Manny throws Sid into the air]

Sid: AAAAAAHHHHH!

[He lands safely on the ledge]

Sid: [shrieking comically] Don't *SCARE ME*!

Sid: Survival! Of the! Fittest! I-don't-think-so.

Diego: [examining the ground] You didn't miss them by much. It's still green, they headed north two hours ago.

Sid: [mimicking with sticks in his mouth] It's still green, they headed north two hours ago.

Sid: Careful, mate. Those aren't chocolate buttons.

[last lines]

Tabitha: Roddy! I brought you a new friend!

[she holds up a cat]

Sid: Aah!

Sid: [Flushing Roddy down the drain] You think I don't know a toilet when I see one?

Sid: You were going to flush me down the loo!

Roddy: No, no, no! It's a big jacuzzi, the deluxe model!

Sid: Well then, you won't mind if I get the bubbles going, will ya?

Roddy: No, not the lever! Have mercy! No! No! I can't swim!

Sid: Bon voyage, me old cream cracker. Hold your nose.

Roddy: No, no, no! You can't do this!

Sid: You were going to try and flush me? Let's see how you like it!

Sid: [to Roddy] I'll be seeing you my friend.

Diego: I don't know whats wrong with me: I can't eat, can't sleep; I think I'm coming down with something.

Manny: [chuckles] I know what you've got: the "L" word.

Sid: Yeah, leprosy!

Manny: No, Sid, no. It's four letters, starts with "L", ends with "E".

Sid: Ah, lice!

Manny: No. Diego, my friend, is in love.

Sid: My mother once told me that bad news is just good news in disguise.

Diego: Was this before she abandoned you?

Sid: Yes it was.

Sid: If I don't make it, find me a wife, and tell her I love her!

Granny: [Jumps in ocean] Thanks for drawing my bath, Sidney.

Sid: Granny, grab my paw.

Granny: No way. This is my first bath in decades.

[Oil is seen around her and fish begin to pop up dead around her]

Diego: There's your proof.

Sid: Quick! Somebody do something!

[Manny throws Sid in]

Sid: I got you, Granny.

Granny: Get off of me!

Sid: Ow, ow, ow, ow! Granny!

[Gets her back in the ice berg]

Granny: [to Manny and Diego] What are you peeping toms all looking at?

[They turn around disturbed]

Granny: A lady can't take a bath in peace? Eyballing me like a rump roast.

Diego: What's the life expectancy for a female sloth?

Manny: She'll outlive us all, you know that, right? Yeah, the spifeful ones live the longest.

Captain Gutt: Surrender your ship or face my fury!

Sid: Or face your furry what?

Captain Gutt: Not furry, fury!

Shira: You're pretty soft for a saber.

Diego: Excuse me? I happen to be a remorseless assassin.

Sid: Oh, Diego-poo! Hey, I made you another coral necklace. He keeps losing them. Hee-hee!

Eunice: [to Sid] I never thought I would see my little baby again, we've been searching everywhere for you.

Sid: You have? I knew it, I knew it! Deep down I knew I wasn't abandoned.

Marshall: Ah, that's incorrect, we totally abandoned you.

Eunice: But we always missed you.

[sharply to Milton]

Eunice: Right?

Milton: Yeah, right! Yeah, yeah, yeah... and we just knew Sid would want to see his poor dear Granny before... her time is up.

Granny: [angrily] I'll bury y'all and dance on your grave!

Sid: Mom, Dad, do you have Granny's teeth? She can't find them.

Granny: [Tries eating apple then tries to give to Sid] Hey! Can you chew this thing for me?

Sid: Ew, Guys? Where is everyone?

Diego: I'll handle this. Sid? Uh, your family was wiped out by an asteroid. Sorry.

Sid: What?

Manny: What Diego is trying to say is, they left. They only wanted to find you so you could take care of Granny.

Sid: Oh, come on, what kind of sick family would ditch their own Granny on someone? That's just crazy. That's just... That's just... my family.

Diego: At least you still have Granny. Right, buddy?

Sid: Yeah, Granny. Granny? Granny?

Ellie: Wow. For an old girl, she moves fast.

Sid: Holy crab!

Sid: [after piloting Precious into vanquishing the pirates] Mission accomplished, Granny!

Granny: Ha, who says old ladies can't drive?

Sid: We met some dinosaurs. It made no sense, but it sure was exciting.

Sid: [Raz cuts him loose so as to make him walk the plank] What, you want me to walk into the water? I can't because I ate less than twenty minutes ago and you know the rule!

Raz: [crossly] That's a myth.

Sid: [uneasily] Oh ok, as long as it's safe.

Sid: Granny?

Diego: Granny?

Manny: Granny?

Sid: Come out, come out wherever you are!

Manny: Come on, Granny.

Sid: Here, Granny, Granny. I have prunes for you! Just the way you like them!

[Spit them out of his mouth]

Diego: Ugh.

Manny: Aw! I don't wanna see that.

Sid: Somebody hail a whale?

Sid: Shall I get some more soap, mother?

[looks at Tom and grins]

Aunt Polly: I don't know why you're smilin', Sid. You're next!

Jay: [the Z-Boys want to drain and skate Sid's pool, Sid comes out of his house] What did he say?

Sid: "Sid, are you high? The pool's for swimming!"

Jay: Tell him we'll fill it back up when we're done.

Sid: He said if you got hurt, you'll sue him.

Jay: We're not gonna sue him.

Sid: He said your parents would.

Stacy: Our parents can't even afford lawyers.

Tony: Hey, let me talk to him.

Sid: Hey, the only Mexicans my dad talks to push lawnmowers.

[Tony grabs him playfully]

Sid: [smoking medicinal marijuana] The, uh, doctor prescribes it now.

[hands him the joint]

Sid: Heard you were sick, too.

Jay: Hell, yeah.

Sid: [Talking about Tony] There's a Mexican in my pool and he's not pushing a lawn mower.

Skip: [after Stacy received the Z-boys t-shirt at the diner] You earned it, bro...

Sid: Yeah, you're one of us now!

Jay: That maggot has always been one of us.

Skip: Yeah, wear it with pride, man.

Stacy: You know I will!

Skip: Hey, Stacey, that t-shirt will get you more titty than you ever dreamed of, man!

[laughs]

Kathy Alva: I got my boy covered, Skip.

[laughs]

Tony: [after Sid wipes out, HARD, and is unconscious in the pool] Dude, are you okay?

Sid: I can't feel my feet!

[takes out a joint, sets in mouth]

Sid: But, then again, I can never feel my feet!

[laughs. Tony slaps him, he starts groaning]

[getting off the phone with her parents]

Nancy: I fucking hate them! I fucking hate them! Ass! Ow! Fucking motherfuckers! They wouldn't send us any money! They said we'd spend it on DRUGS!

Sid: We would!

Nancy: I hate my fuckin' life.

Sid: This is just a rough patch. Things'll be much better when we get to America, I promise.

Nancy: We're in America. We've been here a week. New York is in America, you fuck.

Sid: How do you spell "holiday"?

John: S-H-I-T.

Sid: [in a taxi on the way to the airport] I wish we wasn't breaking up.

Phoebe: Well it's a bit late for that isn't it? Paul and Steve are flying to Rio, Malcom's in London, John's in New York.

Sid: Yeah, great. What am I gonna do?

Phoebe: Anything you like; you're a free agent now.

Sid: I'll go home; see Nancy.

Phoebe: Yeah, well do that.

Sid: Master Kung Fu.

Phoebe: Look try and get off the heroin OK? Come on promise.

Sid: Ok.

Phoebe: And cut back on the drinking all right?

Sid: Yeah all right, all right I promise! Cross me heart and hope to die

[he smirks]

Nancy: I don't think that Johnny likes me.

Sid: He doesn't like anybody. He's a fool.

Nancy: You like me, don't you?

Nancy: If I asked you to kill me, would you?

Sid: I don't know. How would I do it? I couldn't live without ya.

Sid: You know, I was so bored once that I fucked a dog.

Sid: If it weren't for me mum's kindness, we'd be on the fucking streets!

Nancy: Yeah? And if it weren't for your own stupidity, we'd be living in our own apartment in Paris, France!

Sid: We don't fucking care.

Sid: [playing on his bass] And we don't fucking care!

John: No, there's no "fucking". It's just "we don't care"

Sid: 'Ere, speakin of cunts who can't play. Hello girls, where'd you get your perms?

Steve: [playing darts in the pub] Get the darts Paul.

Paul: [checks their hands] Let me see your hands, keep 'em where I can see 'em. I'm watching you, you bastards.

[goes to the dart board]

Sid: Hey, Paul.

[Sid, John and Steve start throwing darts at him]

Paul: Fuck off. Fuck off!

Duke Bowman: Steady on boys.

Paul: Bastards! It's not funny! You could stick me in the eye; put it in my brains, I couldn't play the drums then.

Steve: You can't play the fuckin drums anyway.

John: You can't play the fuckin drums anyway.

Detective: [Sid has been arrested] Why so tense kid? Look, we just wanna know who the girl was. Where did you meet her? Son?

[hands him a cigarette]

Detective: Son.

Sid: [Takes a drag and sniffles] I met her at Linda's.

Detective: Linda? Who's Linda?

Paul: Fucking cabbies, that's what we should be. Make two hundred quid a night being a cabbie.

Sid: Why don't you fuck off and be one then?

Paul: Cos it takes eighteen months to learn.

Sid: You need a driving license too.

Paul: And a set of golf clubs.

Sid: Why don't you shut up and fucking sing you twat.

Paul: You're well out of time, Sid.

Sid: Bollocks, you wanker.

Steve: Play the fucking song, will ya.

John: Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?

Sid: Where's the bloody soap?

Nancy: Up your ass!

Matt King: You little fuck! Do you get hit a lot?

Sid: I don't know, I've had my share.

Matt King: [to Alex] Your friend is completly retarded, you know that?

Sid: Hey man, I've got a little brother who's retarded! Don't use that word in derogatory fashion.

Matt King: Oh.

Sid: [laughing] No I don't have a retarded brother!

Alexandra King: Sid, you suck!

Matt King: You are about 100 miles from smart... no offense

Sid: You are mistaken counselor; I'm smart, you know, I have good hygiene; I'm a decent guitar player; I'm a good cook, I mean I cook food all the time; I'm Vice President of the Punahou chess club; and I always have weed.

Matt King: Your mother must be very proud.

Sid: It's possible.

Sid: [on Scott] That guy is a prick. Is he always like that?

Matt King: Yeah.

Scottie King: Shut up, you motherless whore.

Sid: Whoa! Whoa! Easy there, half pipe.

Matt King: Where'd you learn to talk like that?

[Scottie points to Alex. Matt and Sid give Alex a look]

[last words]

Sid: [end-of-tether] Your mother and I can't take this any more!

[has a heart attack]

Sid: [Sid throws down the phone] That was the Mayor, Alan.

Alan: It was an accident. You said you love me no matter what I did.

Sid: I know and I do. You're my best friend but Alan why would you buy a giraffe?

Alan: I always wanted one! Could feed him from my tree house. Besides they remind me a lot of myself.

Sid: In what way?

Alan: They're majestic. Pensive and tall.

Sid: Pensive?

Alan: Yeah!

Sid: Where did you learn that word?

Alan: Rhymes with friends.

Sid: What friends Alan?

Alan: You can say it on random.

Sid: Alan aside from the fact that you shut down a freeway, you murdered a wild animal. It's national news. You don't want to know the checks I had to write to fix this!

Alan: Oh please! We're rich!

Sid: We're not anything Alan! I am well off! You are my 40 year old son...

Alan: 42!

Sid: ...42 year old son who still lives at home! You either go back on your medication or I'm cutting you off!

Alan: You're bluffing. When 's dinner?

Sid: You're mother and I can't take it anymore!

Elle: Ughhh. All day long I felt like white open-toed shoes after Labor Day.

Sid: I hate that feeling, whatever that means.

Sid: An honest voice is louder then a crowd's.

[Elle first arrives in Washington DC]

Sid: Welcome, to the Wellington, ma'am.

Elle: It's a thrill to be here.

Sid: You want subversion on a massive level. You know what one of the greatest fucking scripts ever written in the history of Hollywood is? Top Gun.

Duane: Oh, come on.

Sid: Top Gun is fucking great. What is Top Gun? You think it's a story about a bunch of fighter pilots.

Duane: It's about a bunch of guys waving their dicks around.

Sid: It is a story about a man's struggle with his own homosexuality. It is! That is what Top Gun is about, man. You've got Maverick, all right? He's on the edge, man. He's right on the fucking line, all right? And you've got Iceman, and all his crew. They're gay, they represent the gay man, all right? And they're saying, go, go the gay way, go the gay way. He could go both ways.

Duane: What about Kelly McGillis?

Sid: Kelly McGillis, she's heterosexuality. She's saying: no, no, no, no, no, no, go the normal way, play by the rules, go the normal way. They're saying no, go the gay way, be the gay way, go for the gay way, all right? That is what's going on throughout that whole movie... He goes to her house, all right? It looks like they're going to have sex, you know, they're just kind of sitting back, he's takin' a shower and everything. They don't have sex. He gets on the motorcycle, drives away. She's like, "What the fuck, what the fuck is going on here?" Next scene, next scene you see her, she's in the elevator, she is dressed like a guy. She's got the cap on, she's got the aviator glasses, she's wearing the same jacket that the Iceman wears. She is, okay, this is how I gotta get this guy, this guy's going towards the gay way, I gotta bring him back, I gotta bring him back from the gay way, so I'll do that through subterfuge, I'm gonna dress like a man. All right? That is how she approaches it. Okay, now let me just ask you - I'm gonna digress for two seconds here. I met this girl Amy here, she's like floating around here and everything. Now, she just got divorced, right? All right, but the REAL ending of the movie is when they fight the MIGs at the end, all right? Because he has passed over into the gay way. They are this gay fighting fucking force, all right? And they're beating the Russians, the gays are beating the Russians. And it's over, and they fucking land, and Iceman's been trying to get Maverick the entire time, and finally, he's got him, all right? And what is the last fucking line that they have together? They're all hugging and kissing and happy with each other, and Ice comes up to Maverick, and he says, "Man, you can ride my tail, anytime!" And what does Maverick say? "You can ride mine!" Swordfight! Swordfight! Fuckin' A, man!

Jack: Can you cook?

Sid: Are you kidding? I can't even boil water.

Sid: How about some food?

Beattie: Well I could make you some beans on toast or something?

Sid: No, nothing too elaborate, thank you.

[W.C. Boggs on fortune tellers... ]

W.C.: Fakes, that's all they are, sitting there staring in their crystal whatsitsnames.

Sid: Balls.

W.C.: I quite agree!

[disguised as a fortune teller Sid is prognosticating on W. C. Boggs and Miss Withering's future]

Sid: I see a marriage and one, two, three... fourteen children!

[Sid and Beattie Plummer are discussing the mating habits of budgerigars]

Beattie: Well, we know Joey's a he-bird...

Sid: Cock.

Beattie: He is! The man in the pet shop said so!

[Miss Withering tests out Mr Boggs' new toilet seat]

W.C.: Well Miss Withering, how does it feel, comfortable?

Hortence Withering: Yes I think so Mr Boggs.

W.C.: Good, good. Comfort before beauty, that's what I always say.

Sid: It a bit big in the bowl, ain't it?

Charles Coote: It is only 2 centrementres more than our last model and I'm sure we shan't fall out over that.

Sid: Its falling in I'm worried about!

W.C.: No, no! I live your overall design Mr Coote.

Charles Coote: Oh thank you Sir.

Hortence Withering: May I get off now please?

W.C.: Yes of course Mrs Withering, and thank you you have been most patient.

Sid: Yes like Jove on a monument, and what a monument!

W.C.: Yes, we must make sure that the catch is strong enough to support the seat.

Sid: Do you mind if I try it?

W.C.: No, go ahead.

[Sid gets out his paper and starts moving around from side to side on the new toilet]

Sid: Yes I don't think I could stand it for more than half an hour.

Charles Coote: It was hardly designed for a reading room!

Sid: Ere... Look at this very slender this pedestle... Isn't it?

Charles Coote: It's streamlined!

Sid: What for, wind resistance?

Charles Coote: In any case the thickness has nothing to do whatsoever with the tensile strength.

W.C.: I hope your right Mr Coote. I have had bitter experience of what happens when one of these collapses, or rather my poor wife had, God rest her soul.

Chloe Moore: Come on Fred, I'll get you something to eat.

Fred Moore: I could do with a bit.

Sid: Spoken like a true man!

Max Landsberger: [on Jack Issel's answering machine] Jack, hi, this is Max Landsberger, I'm in charge of new recuits at INC. I'll be showing you around for the first few days. Now, you'll be starting with Frank Stedman on the 41st floor. I'll meet you at his office at nine. Oh, and congratulations, Jack. You really scored getting Stedman. He's goin' right to the top.

Frank Stedman: [into a phone in his car] Sid! It's Frank Steadman! I'm dead!

Sid: [over the phone] Frank...

Frank Stedman: Finished!

Sid: ...just relax!

Frank Stedman: Helmes swore he wouldn't announce this move until Christmas! It's the goddamn headline in the Journal!

Sid: Hey, no problem, Frank.

Frank Stedman: The SEC's gonna want to know why...

Sid: Hey, we can take care of everything...

Frank Stedman: ...I sold 50,000 Allenville shares...

Sid: ...just relax!

Frank Stedman: ...the day before we torpeded the plant!

Sid: Frank, Frank, can you hold on just a second there?

Frank Stedman: I could go to jail!

Sid: Can you hold?

Frank Stedman: No, I can't hold! What do you- huh? Sid, Sid! Crap!

[to Sal]

Frank Stedman: Will you get this thing movin'?

Sal: [calmly] We're stuck in a traffic jam, sir; I'm not the great Houdini.

Frank Stedman: Well, blow your horn like everybody else!

Sal: Only a fool blows his horn in a traffic jam, sir.

[Steadman, still holding the phone in his left hand, gets up, comes forward, leans over the front seats, and begins pressing on the steering wheel horn with his right]

Frank Stedman: [seconds later, into phone] Please, please, please, just pick up, please! Come on, come on, God, please, Sid-

[click]

Frank Stedman: Sid!

Sid: Frank?

Sid: I'm no role model. I'm a junkie and a thief.

Sid: You're asking me to forgive her?

Stan: Yes.

Sid: How could she do that?

Stan: I know you think she done a bad thing. But God knows, she's gonna get punished enough for what she done. We can't let her down.

[Billy Gordon has refused to pay the ransom for his wife]

Sid: What are we supposed to do now? Keep her as a pet?

Sid: Is the brake on?

Fingers: Of course!

Sid: Well, take it off, you twerp.

Shu: Come.

Sid: Where?

Shu: It's fun stuff.

Sifu: From now on, when we walk, carry this sack of rocks.

Sid: Why?

Sifu: This is your training.

Sid: What has this got to do with drumming?

Sid: [voiceover] Drum is the most seductive musical instrument. Its rhythm reminds us of our beating heart. Its sound clears our mind. We let go of our rational self. Drumstick up - the heart flutters. Drumstick down - the mind awakens.

Sid: What sort of fuckin' mug buys £40 worth of coke?

Sid: [to Sam] If you want something bad enough, you've got to fight for it.

Mike: It's slavery being a cook. Slavery.

Sid: It'll do you good. When I was your age, we worked...

Mike, Jean Abbot: We worked from 6 in the morning till 10 at night!

Sid: Very comical!

Mike: [pointing to the car] Bought it.

Sid: I thought I had, too!