Shorty Quotes in Paycheck (2003)

Shorty: Maybe we should just find Decker.

Michael Jennings: I can't talk to Decker.

Shorty: Why not?

Michael Jennings: He had an accident.

Shorty: An accident?

Michael Jennings: Yeah, he, uh, he fell out of his bedroom window.

Shorty: He fell out of his... He *fell* out of his bedroom window!

Shorty: Say one word about this hat, and I'm outta here.

[last lines]

Shorty: You know what? I think now's probably a good time to discuss my commission, 33%.

Michael Jennings: I thought it was 5.

Shorty: No, 33 percent.

Michael Jennings: 33 percent!

Rachel Porter: He deserves it.

Shorty: It was found on my premises.

Michael Jennings: I'll get back to you. I'm gonna cash this in.

[arguing continues, indistinctly]

[Shorty enters with a pair of caged birds]

Michael Jennings: I think I remember - are those OUR birds?

Rachel Porter: Yes, of course they are! We bought them together.

Shorty: Oh, you remember the birds! Well done! You could see into the future, and all you remember are, are Polly and Tweety over there. Why don't you remember something that would make us rich?

Shorty: But that's not the question you should be asking yourself.

Michael Jennings: No?

Shorty: The question that you should be asking yourself is, why did *you* give up all that money? That's the most bizarre part of this whole thing. 90 million dollars. Nobody changes that much in three years! Okay. All right, buddy. I wanna figure out what you built. All right, let's work backwards.

Michael Jennings: They told me that I was working on a design by someone named Decker.

Shorty: Decker?

Michael Jennings: Yeah.

Shorty: William Decker?

Michael Jennings: I think so.

Shorty: What I heard was, he was working on something Level 5 for the Feds when they came in one day and they just shot him down.

Michael Jennings: What was it?

Shorty: Consensus was a laser.

Michael Jennings: Why was that?

Shorty: Because Decker's drawings called for a mirror and a lens. Now, the only thing that uses those things is a laser. Some kind of satellite...

[Jennings is distracted by a wall television announcing the Lotto numbers]

Shorty: The lens required perfect optics. Uh, the mirror and the neutrino count... I mean, word was, the thing was going to cost 500 billion dollars. Now, who's going to spend 500 billion dollars just to see something?

[Shorty realizes Jennings has heard very little of his explanation]

Shorty: What?

Michael Jennings: There's no way I got out of that Extraction Room without the cigarettes and the glasses. I would have never gotten on that bus without the bus ticket. If I didn't have the diamond ring, I wouldn't have followed that kid to Reddy Grant.

Shorty: Right.

Michael Jennings: [excited] I gave up that money just to make sure that I would pay attention to these items.

Shorty: Why?

Michael Jennings: [whispering intensely] Because I know what you'd spend 500 billion dollars to see. The future.

[Astounded, Shorty looks at the winning Lotto numbers in Michael's hand, and then up at the TV]

Shorty: Look, if we know anything, we know that time travel's not possible. Einstein proved that. Right?

Michael Jennings: Time *travel*, yes. But Einstein was very clear that he believed time viewing, theoretically, could be accomplished.

Shorty: C'mon, don't be mean to the one that does everything for you.

Shorty: You never once asked me what I see when I erase your memory. Basically, the last two months just never happened for you.

Michael Jennings: So, what's to know? Twenty hours a day in a clean room, ripping off one guy's idea for a computer, selling it to somebody. You know. What'd you do, the last two months? You know what the last thing I remember is? Driving in Spain in the Aston Martin, learning to dive in Belize with, uh, what's her name. The Seven Stadiums in Seven Days trip; it's great! I mean, uh, my memories are basically highlights. It's good. It's a good life. The stuff you erase? I, uh, it doesn't matter.

Shorty: Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't leave me alone.

Michael Jennings: What? You'll be okay. Talk. Mingle.

[leaves]

Shorty: [looks around] I don't want to mingle.

Shorty: [after being shot at] Great seein' ya again Mike!

[as Michael and Rachel are kissing]

Shorty: Break it up! Break it up! The bird man cometh!

Shorty: The law won't let you get away with this.

Glyn McLyntock: What law?

Shorty: [rinsing the lye out of Malcolm's hair] How's it feel?

Malcolm X: It feels like I ain't got no skin on my head!

Shorty: See that spot? Get it! The spot... All right, that's it.

[playing "Cops and Robbers"]

Shorty: Yeah, Red!

Malcolm X: Come on, you missed me!

Shorty: Try this on for size!

[makes Tommy-gun noises]

Malcolm X: I ducked.

Shorty: [laughing] You ducked?

Buffy Gilmore: Hey do you think the press is gonna wanna talk to us?

Brenda: Oh please. The press only wanna interview the most ignorant person they find.

Shorty: [Cut to Gail Haistorm interviewing Shorty about Drew Decker's death]

Shorty: I'm on T.V. Oh shit, first "Cops" now this. I'm gonna be a star, son.

Gail Hailstorm: So how close were you to the victim?

Shorty: Oh real close. Right 'til the roofies wore and she woke up. Then she was all talkin' 'bout pressing charges so I just pulled my tongue outta her ass and left.

Gail Hailstorm: If you could have spoken to her before she died what would your last words to her have been?

Shorty: Run bitch, run!

The Killer: [rapping] I'm gonna slash and gash, cut another hole in your ass. I spill blood on the walls, then play tennis with your balls. If the phone rings, don't answer the call. Gonna slit your throat, fuck you like a goat, peel your foreskin off and make a winter coat. Peace!

[camera pulls back to reveal all of Shorty's friends dead]

Shorty: Yo! That was the illest rhyme I ever seen!

Brenda: Shorty, why you have to be so loud? And make sure you take your behind to class this time.

Shorty: I do be going to class.

Brenda: Lunch is not a class, Shorty.

Shorty: It is when you got the munchies!

Brenda: You a dumbass.

Shorty: Your Mother.

Brenda: You my Brother, that makes her your Mother too, jackass!

Shorty: Oh, well then your Father's stupid.

Brenda: So? I don't know him.

Shorty: Yeah, me either.

Shorty: Yo, man. It's like I seen all this shit before.

Cindy Campbell: They had a killer at you high school, Shorty?

Shorty: No, it was in that movie- Scream. Same dialogue everything. That shit is ill!

Shorty: Theres blood, guts and asses everywhere, someone's gone all crazy, son!

Bobby: We all go a little crazy sometimes.

[Bobby shoots Shorty in the chest]

Cindy Campbell: Bobby, no!

Shorty: [Lying on the ground] Oh, Cindy he got me in the lung.

[Smoke is coming out of the wound]

Shorty: Wanna hit this shit?

Brenda: Shorty, what are you doing driving? I know you ain't got no papers.

Shorty: I got papers, blunts, blongs, blokes, anything to make a high nigga pie!

Shorty: [answers phone] Yo.

Shorty's Roomate: Hello, Shorty. What are you doing?

Shorty: Nothin. Just watching the game. Smokin some bud.

Shorty's Roomate: Are you all alone?

Shorty: [to roommate] Yo, pick up the phone!

The Killer: [sticking out tongue] WAZZZZUPPP!

Shorty: WAZZZUP!

[killer looks at phone]

Shorty: Yo, Dookie! Pick up the phone!

Dookie: Yo.

Shorty's Roomate: WAZZZZUP!

Shorty, Shorty's Roomate, The Killer, Dookie: WAZZZZZUPPP!

[Dookie and roommate hang up]

Shorty: What you doin my son?

Shorty's Roomate: Nothing. Just chillin. Killin.

Shorty: True.

Gail Hailstorm: What can you tell us about the victim?

Shorty: Well, she had a phat ass! It was like BANG!

Pendlebury: [replying to Shorty's statement that he and Lackery will wait for Holland and Pendlebury to return from France with their shares of the proceeds] You mean you both trust us?

Shorty: Oh, come off it, gov. You're as straight a pair of gentlemen as I ever worked for.

Lackery: Hear hear!

[Holland enters the yard and sees Lackery wobble past on a bicycle]

Henry Holland: You're teaching the wrong man!

Pendlebury: Well, I had to change him over. Shorty can't ride a bicycle.

[Lackery falls]

Henry Holland: Doesn't look as if he can either.

Shorty: We're learning him.

Henry Holland: Why couldn't you learn Shorty?

Pendlebury: Because Lackery's color-blind.

Henry Holland: What's that got to do with it?

Pendlebury: Oh my dear Holland, do use your intelligence! If a policeman were to come along and see a green sunset over a purple sea...

Henry Holland: All right, all right, spare me the details.

Shorty: Okay, you're the boss.

Henry Holland: Yes. Yes, that's right - I am.

Pendlebury: Now it's all over, I suppose I may dare say it's been a most remarkable coup.

Shorty: The biggest job of its kind since One-Eyed Dobson got away with the GIs' pay packets. Two million dollars, Grosvenor Square, 'forty-five.

Henry Holland: That was before devaluation. And this is one million pounds.

Shorty: Oh, that's right. Blimey. We've got the record!

Shorty: I didn't like to say so, but I don't really fancy going to Paris meself.

Henry Holland: Why?

Shorty: Well a friend of mine, he pinched a couple of tickets for the Test Match, see? I wouldn't half like to see that.

Lackery: Bellamy's? In Bromley?

Shorty: That's right. Last June. Twelver.

Lackery: I was casing that joint the night you got pinched.

Shorty: Well, what do you know? Shorty Fisher.

Lackery: Nice to meet you.

Pendlebury: Excuse me, I may be a bit slow but do I understand that in fact, you two are both professional criminals?

Shorty: Well, what else do you take us for, rutty snoopers?

Lackery: What's the setup?

Robert Graysmith: Doesn't it bother you that people call you Shorty?

Shorty: Doesn't it bother you that people call you retard?

Robert Graysmith: Nobody calls me that.

Shorty: Right.

Shorty: Your wife called. What should I tell her?

Nick Jammey: Tell her I dropped dead.

Shorty: [Joey draws a pistol] Joey, it's not that kind of an evening.

Maureen Murphy Quinn: [about to leave her family to go off with Eddie] I'll get my coat.

Joey: Bullshit! Looks like a lot of fuckin' bullshit!

Eddie: Hey, don't blame her! What difference does it make what she says, what she feels, what she thinks? For whatever reason, she belongs to me.

Joey: Yeah, you two pricks belong together.

Shorty: What, I'm a prick?

Joey: Not you. Her.

Shorty: What? Are you callin' your wife a prick?

Joey: All right. You two get out of my fuckin' house.

Terence Scopey: ...the artist is often merely the painter, and the dealer is actually the artist.

Shorty: Yeah, a bullshit artist.

TV Reporter: How old was Izzy?

Shorty: Uh, like Jesus, about 30... 30 years old.

[Shorty sees his girlfriend, Cheryl, talking to another man]

Shorty: Cheryl!... Cheryl!... CHERYL! . . .

Cheryl: Don't be callin' my name out all loud like that!

Tex: [after being called "Tex" several times, by JR Collier and by Shorty] "Cincy". I'm from Cincinnati. I just like hats

Shorty: I'm allergic to cats

Tex: Not "cats", "hats"... with an "h"

Shorty: Hate cats

Dr. Parker: I proclaim with pride, gentlemen, that we possess the most potent of panaceas for a plague-ridden people, and the most musical minstrels that ever mangled a melody.

Shorty: If you didn't have the latter, you wouldn't sell much of the former!

Dr. Parker: I resent that, sir! It's unbecoming a gentleman, a scholar and a good bassoon player.

[Gene and his friends chase away a would-be murderer]

Shorty: You shoulda shot the polecat when you had a chance!

Smiley: Yeah, but I ain't got no huntin' license.

Shorty: [to Ferguson] Then I'll fix you up a date with a redhead.

Pete: Aw, fix him up.

Shorty: Aw, he's in love.

Pete: That's the trouble with being in love. It kills your sex life.

Shorty: [Walking into the hospital library] Hey, does anyone got anything to eat? A chocolate bar or anything? I'm hungry.

Mac: [after yawning] Slop's at 12:30.

Pete: [Cynically] Slop! Live the life of a fireman and eat slop! All we need is a pole to slide down.