Shooter McGavin Quotes in Happy Gilmore (1996)

Shooter McGavin: [after buying grandma's house in an auction] You're in big trouble though, pal. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!

Happy Gilmore: [laughing] You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

Shooter McGavin: [long pause] No!

Shooter McGavin: [in a bar] Just stay out of my way... or you'll pay! LISTEN to what I say!

Happy Gilmore: Hey, why don't I just go eat some hay, make things out of clay, lay by the bay? I just may! What'd ya say?

Mr. Larson: Trying to reach the green from here, Shooter?

Shooter McGavin: I'm afraid that's impossible, sir.

Mr. Larson: I beg to differ. Happy Gilmore accomplished that feat no more than an hour ago.

Shooter McGavin: Well, moron...

[turns to see Mr. Larson for the first time]

Shooter McGavin: good for Happy Gilm-OH MY GOD!

[Shooter McGavin has just hit the ball on Mr. Larson's foot]

Mr. Larson: That's two thus far, Shooter.

Shooter McGavin: Oh, you can count. Good for you.

Mr. Larson: [points at him] And *you* can count, on *me*, waiting for *you* in the parking lot.

Virginia: [stopping Happy from fighting Shooter] Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey! You want to beat him? Beat him on the course.

Happy Gilmore: That's right, I'm gonna beat your ass on the course!

Shooter McGavin: Yeah, right. And Grizzly Adams had a beard.

Lee Trevino: Grizzly Adams *did* have a beard.

[Shooter McGavin is holding a speech for other golf players]

Shooter McGavin: Thank you, Doug. You know, I saw Doug playing yesterday. And I've got to tell you, this guy spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff!

Shooter McGavin: [irritated, the audience is getting wild because they're cheering for Happy] Damn you people. Go back to your shanties.

[in slow motion, Happy hits a ball a great distance. Soon after, the ball bounces on a green and rolls into the hole, making a hole in one. The crowd goes wild]

Happy Gilmore: [shouts] He shoots, he scores!

[Happy turns to Chubbs]

Happy Gilmore: Oh, man. That was so much easier than putting. I should just try to get the ball in one shot every time.

Chubbs: Good plan.

[Chubbs chuckles as he pats Happy with his wooden hand. The two of them walk away]

Virginia: [to Shooter] Did you see that?

Shooter McGavin: Yes. Nice shot.

Virginia: He just got a Hole-in-One on a *par four*!

Shooter McGavin: I know. I just said I saw it.

Virginia: [laughs] Oh, I hope he *wins*. He's a publicist's *dream*. I mean, a guy who could drive the ball *that* far - oh, he could *really* draw a crowd.

[Virginia walks away smiling]

Shooter McGavin: [under his breath] You know what *else* could draw a crowd? A golfer with an arm growing out of his ass.

[Shooter follows Virginia scowling]

Happy Gilmore: [in a bar] I got into this tournament for one reason: money. And now I have a new reason: kicking your ass!

Shooter McGavin: Well, I'd like to see you try.

Happy Gilmore: [Picks up beer bottle and smashes it in half] Let's do it, then!

Shooter McGavin: I meant on a golf course!

Virginia: Hey! What's going on here, huh?

Happy Gilmore: Oh, uh, I was just looking for the other half of this bottle and there's some of it and there's some of it right there, too.

Virginia: Why don't you just put it down?

Happy Gilmore: Yeah, I know.

Shooter McGavin: [shouting at the spectators] Damn you people. This is golf. Not a rock concert.

Shooter McGavin: [to Happy] Stop fraternizing with the help Gilmore. Just hit your ball... if you can find it.

[Shooter has just purchased Happy's Grandmothers house]

Happy Gilmore: What the hell is the matter with you?

Shooter McGavin: Well, Real Estate is a hobby of mine...

[Happy goes to hit McGavin]

Shooter McGavin: Ah ah. You lay another finger on me, I burn the house down and piss on the ashes.

[the press is interviewing Shooter McGavin]

Shooter McGavin: I tell you, the real winner today is the city of Portland. Every time I come here it gets hard to leave. I bet you put something to the water.

[in Doug's office, after having fought with Bob Barker]

Shooter McGavin: [impersonating the announcer for the game show, the Price is Right] Hey, Happy Gilmore! Come on down!

Shooter McGavin: [after Happy putts for Waterbury victory, sort of disappointed] Oh, he's gonna be on the tour that's... that's super.

[Happy does a funny victory "dance" with his caddy]

Shooter McGavin: That's... that's cute.

Shooter McGavin: Everyone seems to be coming around... Well I'm not Doug!