Shirley Quotes in Qi mou miao ji: Wu fu xing (1983)

Vaseline: [does not think Shirley is a pretty girl] Actually, God is very fair. A beautiful lady can never cook. And a lady who can cook is never...

Shirley: [walks in, carrying a tray of food] Hi!

Shirley: You mean you never went out with a girl before?

Teapot: Never asked one to. Paid one to, yeah.

Shirley: What?

Teapot: Oh, nothing. Just joking!

[looks away]

Teapot: Whew!

Shirley: I like you, Norman.

Norman: I like you too, Aunt Shirley, but I think you're a bitch.

Harry: Shirley?

Shirley: What?

Harry: Do you love me?

Shirley: Look, I'll tell you something, Harry: I don't always like you, but I do love you.

Harry: Then why do we always argue?

Shirley: I don't know. I guess that's the way we talk to each other, Harry.

Harry: You know, the strangest thing about being old is... all your friends are dead.

Shirley: Well, all your old friends, maybe. You could make new friends, you know?

Seth: [looks at the line to the bathroom] What is this, a line?

Shirley: Uh, yeah, whats it look like?

[laughs with her friends]

Seth: [sarcastically] Oh, yeah, fuck me, right?

Shirley: I haven't felt this awful since we saw that Ronald Reagan film.

Bernadette: [to the Bartender] Hello. Could I please have a Stoli and tonic, a Bloody Mary and a lime daiquiri, please?

Shirley: Well! Look what the cat dragged in! What have we got here, eh? A couple of showgirls, have we? Where did you ladies come in from? Uranus?

Bernadette: [to the Bartender] Could I please have a Stoli...

Shirley: No! Ya can't have! Ya can't have nothing! We've got nothing here for people like you! Nothin'!

Shirley: Shit! All I can see is female impersonators.

Madea: See, y'all Christians is somethin'... y'all go pull out that Bible, but y'all don't know which prescripture to use for which situation. You got to find the right prescripture. There's a prescripture that says, "Let the redeemed of the Lord say so." Have you been redeemed by the Lord?

Shirley: Yes.

Madea: That's right, so if you've been redeemed by the Lord, and somebody does something to you that you don't like, even yo' kids, you can beat the hell outta them and just say, "So?" So that's what I'm'a do. I'm'a beat the hell outta them and say, "So?" And I'm'a bring them over here 'cause you've been redeemed, aight. It makes perfect sense, don't it? Halleluyer! Halleluyer!

Shirley: Well, we're from Cucamonga High School...

Shirley's Friend: ...and we're building a float...

Shirley: ...for the Rose Bowl Parade...

Shirley's Friend: ...which is made out of flowers...

Shirley: ...thousands of them...

Shirley's Friend: ...and we're on the commitee...

Shirley: ...that picks the florist...

Shirley's Friend: ...and then glues on the flowers.

Shirley: Oh, thank you, Baba Rama Nana!

Gus: Hey, whaddya hangin' around here for? You think some fairy godmother's gonna show up at midnight and turn me into a lawyer?

Shirley: I'm not hanging around you, I just haven't left yet.

Gus: Hmmm.

Shirley: What's wrong with you anyway?

Gus: Hey, don't make fun of my height.

Shirley: I'm not talking about your height. I don't care that you're a shrimp. I do care that you're an insensitive shrimp.

Gus: Well let me tell you something, lady. I bust my hump all week working. Come Friday night ain't got time to be Mr. Nice Guy.

Shirley: Oh, well let me tell you something. I feel sorry for you because you're an unhappy person.

Gus: What the hell I got to be happy about? I'm out with an old maid.

[Shirley belts Gus across the jaw, knocking him to the floor]

Shirley: An old maid with a great right hook, you bastard! We were two lonely people, and we should have been nice to each other, but no, you work too hard! You creep!

Victor: Every morning you and I will ride Teresa through the park. The sun will shine, the birds will sing, the flowers will bloom...

Shirley: And I'll yell for the police!

Shirley: [no meals yet] Salt?

Shirley: You fell. Hey fella, you fell.

Shirley: It's just not fair. I didn't wanna come here, anyway. This school sucks. You done me a favour, shithead. You saved me four fuckin' years from this ass-lickin' school. You're lookin' at one happy lady. Who wants to go to a fuckin' school to learn to dance, anyway?

Bob: Seeing a cemetery on a night like this can stir in the mind the best ideas for a good horror story.

Shirley: But there's so many wonderful things to write about, Bob.

Bob: Sure there are, and I've tried them all. Plays, love stories, westerns, dog stories... now there was a good one, that dog story, all about -

Shirley: But horror stories? Why all the time horror stories?

Bob: Shirley, I wrote for years without selling a single word. My monsters have done well for me. You think I'd give that up, just so I could write about trees, or dogs, or daisies?

[chuckles]

Bob: Daisies! That's it, I'll write about my creatures who are pushing up the daisies.

[he kisses her]

Bob: Your puritan upbringing holds you back from my monsters, but it certainly doesn't hurt your art of kissing.

Shirley: That's life. My kisses are alive.

Bob: [chuckles] Who's to say my monsters aren't alive?

Shirley: [reading from the Witchcraft primer] 'The religion offers, further, a retreat for emotional women, repressed women, masculine women and those suffering from personal disappointment or nervous maladjustment.' Christ, what other kind of women are there? No wonder this stuff's getting so damn popular.

Joan: Hey, you know what I think?

Shirley: Oh how in the hell can someone have so many opinions without ever having done anything?