Sherman Klump Quotes in The Nutty Professor (1996)

Sherman Klump: The truth is, Carla, I'm a big man. Now I will lose weight, but I'm always gonna be big no matter what I do. So anyone I end up with is just going to have to accept me for who I am. More importantly, I'm going to have to accept *myself* for who I am.

Sherman Klump: I assure you, I will not let you down.

Dean Richmond: You won't. I know you won't. As a matter of fact, I know you're going to be perfect! Do you know how I know all these things? I know them because if you're *not* perfect, nevermind the yelling, the screaming and the firing. If anything goes wrong, for any reason

[pause]

Dean Richmond: I'm going to kill you. And I don't mean that as a euphemism, I am going to literally kill you. I'm going to strangle you and choke off your air supply until you pass away.

[Sherman has bloated back into himself after being Buddy Love at the banquet]

Sherman Klump: If you give me a moment, I can explain. My research is, um... Well, when I started out, I wanted to help people. But then I became desperate and selfish. And what I did was wrong. Buddy's who I thought the whole world wanted me to be. He's who I thought I wanted to be. And sometimes when you want something so so bad, you'll do just about anything to get it. But I learned one thing from Buddy. Life isn't about being happy with how much you weigh, but just being happy with yourself. I'm terribly sorry about all of this, I hope I haven't ruined everybody's evening. Please excuse me.

[to Carla]

Sherman Klump: Sorry.

Buddy Love: Fat ass!

Sherman Klump: Tinkerbell!

Buddy Love: Blubber butt!

Sherman Klump: Featherweight!

Sherman Klump: Daddy, all I'm saying is that scientific breakthroughs are occurring all the time.

Ernie Klump: The only thing that's 'bout to break through is your ass 'bout to break through the seat of your pants.

Professor Carla Purty: I just had to come over and introduce myself because I've been following your work for many years and I'm a big fan!

Sherman Klump: Well, thank you very much! I'm fatter, er, *flattered* that you've been following my work the way you have.

[Professor Sherman Klump grunts and groans trying to fit his obese frame into an office chair; he finally gets comfortable and sighs with relief]

Dean Richmond: Comfy?

Sherman Klump: Quite.

Dean Richmond: Anything I can get for you? Juice? Coffee? Rack of lamb?

Sherman Klump: No, sir, I'm fine.

Lance: You're not pathetic! People! Pounds do not lose themselves! You have to work! Work! Work! Everybody up! Get up! You, too, at home. Everybody up and say...

[w/audience]

Lance: Yes, I can!

[alone]

Lance: Say it again.

[w/audience]

Lance: Yes, I can!

Sherman Klump: [determined] Yes, I can!

[stomps on the floor]

Sherman Klump: Yes, I can! Yes...!

Mr. Wilson: Quiet down, damn it!

Sherman Klump: Sorry 'bout that down there, Mr. Wilson!

Mr. Wilson: Klump, shut up!

Sherman Klump: [sets to work] I can!

Sherman Klump: Buddy Love, I am SICK, and TIRED, of your S-H...

Dean Richmond: I.

Sherman Klump: Thank you. T-E!

Buddy Love: Oh, ho-ho-ho. My shite?

Papa Klump: You wanna know what's permanent, Sherman? You know what's permanent? I'll tell you. What me and your momma got. That's permanent. That ain't going no place. You know what I mean? I'll tell you, boy, if you find you a woman that loves you, that really really loves you, you gotta hold onto that Sherman.

Sherman Klump: Yeah, it's true, Daddy. Yeah, I know I sure do love Denise.

Papa Klump: Well, then y'all gotta get back together then!

Sherman Klump: Get back together... Daddy, that's it! Get back together!

Papa Klump: Yeah! That's right!

Sherman Klump: If we get back together, then that'll make everything okay!

Papa Klump: Dynamite! Go and call the girl!

Sherman Klump: No, not Denise, I'm talking about Buddy!

Papa Klump: Say what?

Sherman Klump: If me and Buddy get back together, that'll make everything fine between me and Denise!

Papa Klump: Hey, you just took the wrong off-ramp!

Sherman Klump: I can use the youth formula. I'll feed it to Buddy. It'll make him so young. I'll turn him back into Goop. And I ingest it... I eat it! I eat it!

Papa Klump: Huh? Say what now?

Sherman Klump: That's it! Daddy, that'll work! I wouldn't have even thought about that. This is fantastic!

[leaves]

Papa Klump: What are you gonna eat? Sherman!

Jason: You're losing your intelligence, sir.

Sherman Klump: Yeah, I know. I can't even beat Molly and she's the dumbest hampster we got!

Jason: Professor? You okay?

Sherman Klump: Yeah. I just don't wanna hurt her, Jason.

Jason: Then you won't. Hey, you CAN control Buddy.

Sherman Klump: You know it's funny how you get used to certain things in life. You get used to being overweight. I know I did. You even get used to people making fun of you. Somewhere along the line, I got used to being alone. And I just don't want to be alone anymore.

Denise: Sherman you're very special to me.

Sherman Klump: [laughs, embarrassed and flattered] I didn't think you and I would ever, you know... How can I put it? 'Cos I'm...

Denise: Big.

Sherman Klump: Yeah, I was gonna say 'fat,' but 'big' is better.

Denise: Sherman, that doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is that you're kind and decent. You are the most brilliant man I've ever known. And speaking of which, I shouldn't keep you from your research, so I'll catch up with you later?

Sherman Klump: Okay, I'll see you soon.

[she leaves]

Sherman Klump: [to himself] My goodness.

Sherman Klump: [to Denise] I just want to say I'm sorry. I never... never wanted to hurt you. Understand? I thought that if you knew Buddy was a part of me, I thought that you wouldn't have me then.

Denise: Sherman...

Sherman Klump: Hear me out... I should've had more faith in you. Should've had more faith in myself. But I...

Denise: Sherman? Sherman, what's wrong? Sherman!

Papa Klump: C'mon, can't you hear, son?

Denise: [persistent] Sherman, look at me! Who am I?

Sherman Klump: [without memory] Pretty lady!

Denise: [sobbing] Oh, honey!

[hugs Sherman]

Denise: It's going to be okay, I'll take care of you.

Sherman Klump: [gleefully, at same time] Oh, that's nice! Nice.

Papa Klump: Come on, let's get the boy home.

Sherman Klump: Nice lady!

Buddy Love: Sherman Klump. Well, you still eat those happy meals, you haven't changed a bit. You remember me, it's Buddy Love, we both used to chase that girl Carla at the same time.

Sherman Klump: Miss Purty and I were just friends.

Buddy Love: Just friends, huh?

[Looks at Denise]

Buddy Love: Well, who's your new friend? Oh you're fine. What's your name?

Sherman Klump: Um, sir, if it makes you feel any better, Petey is back to normal and feeling just fine.

Dean Richmond: Oh yeah? D'YOU THINK HE'LL CALL?

Sherman Klump: Dean, I just want to tell you, I'm - I'm sorry...

Dean Richmond: STOP... SPEAKING!

Sherman Klump: I just want to go on record as saying that -

[muttering]

Dean Richmond: Shh, shh, shh. Shh, shh, shh. I've been looking forward to saying something to you for years. And here it is: You're FAT!

[chuckles]

Dean Richmond: And dumb...!

[Denise enters the room]

Dean Richmond: ...and fired.

[Dean Richmond leaves]