Sherlock Holmes Quotes in Sherlock Holmes (2009)
Sherlock Holmes Quotes:
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Irene Adler: Why are you always so suspicious?
Sherlock Holmes: Should I answer chronologically or alphabetically?
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Sherlock Holmes: You have the grand gift of silence, Watson; it makes you quite invaluable as a companion.
[Watson punches him in the face]
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Dr. John Watson: [Holmes points his violin bow at Watson] Get that out of my face.
Sherlock Holmes: It's not in your face, it's in my hand.
Dr. John Watson: Get what's in your hand out of my face.
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Sherlock Holmes: [to Watson] Never theorize before you have data. Invariably, you end up twisting facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.
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Sherlock Holmes: You've never complained about my methods before.
Dr. John Watson: I'm not complaining.
Sherlock Holmes: You're not? What do you call this?
Dr. John Watson: I never complain! How am I complaining? When do I ever complain about you practicing the violin at three in the morning, or your mess, your general lack of hygiene, or the fact that you steal my clothes?
Sherlock Holmes: Uh, we have a barter system...
Dr. John Watson: When have I ever complained about you setting fire to my rooms?
Sherlock Holmes: Our rooms...
Dr. John Watson: The rooms! Or, or, the fact that you experiment on my dog?
Sherlock Holmes: Our dog...
Dr. John Watson: The dog!
Sherlock Holmes: Gladstone is our dog!
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[first lines]
Sherlock Holmes: [voice-over] Head cocked to the left, partial deafness in ear: first point of attack. Two: throat; paralyze vocal chords, stop scream. Three: got to be a heavy drinker, floating rib to the liver. Four: finally, drag in left leg, fist to patella. Summary prognosis: unconscious in ninety seconds, martial efficacy quarter of an hour at best. Full faculty recovery: unlikely.
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Dr. John Watson: You've been in this room for two weeks, I insist you have to get out.
Sherlock Holmes: There is absolutely nothing of interest to me, out there, on Earth, at all.
Dr. John Watson: So you're free this evening?
Sherlock Holmes: Absolutely.
Dr. John Watson: Dinner?
Sherlock Holmes: Wonderful.
Dr. John Watson: The Royale?
Sherlock Holmes: My favorite.
Dr. John Watson: Mary's coming.
Sherlock Holmes: Not available.
Dr. John Watson: You're meeting her, Holmes!
Sherlock Holmes: Have you proposed yet?
Dr. John Watson: No, I haven't found the right ring.
Sherlock Holmes: Then it's not official.
Dr. John Watson: It's happening. Whether you like it or not, 8:30, the Royale. Wear a jacket!
Sherlock Holmes: *You* wear a jacket.
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Inspector Lestrade: You know, in another life, you'd have made an excellent criminal.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, and you, sir, an excellent policeman.
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Sir Thomas: Mr. Holmes, apologies for summoning you like this. I'm sure it's quite a mystery as to where you are, and who I am...
Sherlock Holmes: As to where I am, I was, admittedly, lost for a moment, between Charing Cross and Holborn, but I was saved by the bread shop on Saffron Hill. The only baker to use a certain French glaze on their loaves - a Brittany sage. After that, the carriage forked left, then right, and then the tell-tale bump at the Fleet Conduit. And as to who you are, that took every ounce of my not-inconsiderable experience. The letters on your desk were addressed to a Sir Thomas Rotherham. Lord Chief Justice, that would be the official title. Who you *really* are is, of course, another matter entirely. Judging by the sacred ox on your ring, you're the secret head of the Temple of the Four Orders in whose headquarters we now sit, located on the northwest corner of St. James Square, I think. As to the mystery, the only mystery is why you bothered to blindfold me at all.
Sir Thomas: [recovering as best he can] Yes, well... standard procedure, I suppose.
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Irene Adler: I've never woke up in handcuffs before.
Sherlock Holmes: I have. Naked.
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[in a bare-knuckle boxing match, Holmes sees Irene and tries to forfeit and leave]
Sherlock Holmes: That's it, big man. You've won, congratulations.
McMurdo: Oi, we ain't done yet!
[He spits at the back of Holmes's head. Holmes stops]
Sherlock Holmes: [voice-over] This mustn't register on an emotional level...
[in slow motion]
Sherlock Holmes: First, distract target...
[Holmes flicks a handerchief in front of his opponent's face]
Sherlock Holmes: Then block his blind jab, counter with cross to left cheek. Discombobulate.
[Holmes claps his hands over his opponent's ears]
Sherlock Holmes: Dazed, will attempt wild haymaker. Employ elbow block, and body shot. Block feral left, weaken right jaw, now fracture.
[a cross to the jaw fractures the bone]
Sherlock Holmes: Break cracked ribs, traumatize solar plexus, dislocate jaw entirely.
[Two more body blows, and a right hook to the jaw hinge]
Sherlock Holmes: Heel kick to diaphragm...
[Holmes finishes with a heel kick to his opponent's chest, sending him crashing out of the ring]
Sherlock Holmes: In summary: ears ringing, jaw fractured, three ribs cracked, four broken, diaphragm haemmorraging. Physical recovery: six weeks. Full psychological recovery: six months. Capacity to spit at back of head: neutralized.
[Back in real time, Holmes picks up the handkerchief, as though wiping the back of his neck, then does all of the foregoing in about six seconds, and kicks McMurdo out of the ring]
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[Watson and Mary enter Baker Street to find Holmes hanging from a noose]
Dr. John Watson: Don't worry, dear. Suicide is not in his repertoire. He's far too fond of himself for that.
[pokes Holmes sharply]
Dr. John Watson: Holmes!
Sherlock Holmes: [wakes up] Oh, good afternoon. I was attempting to determine the means by which Blackwood survived his execution - clearing your good name, as it were - but it had a surprisingly soporific effect, and I found myself carried off into the arms of Morpheus like a caterpillar in a cocoon.
[to Mary]
Sherlock Holmes: Good afternoon, dear.
Dr. John Watson: Get on with it, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, cleverly concealed in the hangman's knot was a hook... oh, my, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down.
Mary Morstan: John, shouldn't we help him down?
Dr. John Watson: No, no, I hate to cut him off mid-stream. Carry on.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, the executioner attached it to a harness which allowed the weight to be distributed around the waist and the neck to remain intact. Oh, lord, I can't feel my cheeks. Might we continue this at ground level?
Dr. John Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: I managed it with braces, belts and a coat-hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is going, soon I'll be of no use to you at all.
Dr. John Watson: Worse things could happen.
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Sherlock Holmes: It's a matter of professional integrity! No girl wants to marry a doctor who can't tell if a man's dead or not!
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Dr. John Watson: What of Mary?
Palm Reader: M for Mary. For marriage. Oh, you will be married!
Dr. John Watson: [nodding his head slowly] Go on.
Palm Reader: [looking intensely at Watson's palm] Oh, I see pattern tablecloth and... Oh, china figurines and... Ugh! Lace doilies!
Sherlock Holmes: [pretending to be deep in thought] Mmm... Doilies!
Dr. John Watson: Lace... doilies? Holmes! Does your depravity know no bounds?
Sherlock Holmes: No!
Palm Reader: [continuing her prophecies about Mary] Oh, then she turns fat and, ugh, she has a beard and...
Sherlock Holmes: What of the warts?
Palm Reader: Ah, she's covered in warts!
Dr. John Watson: [interrupting the palm reader] Enough, enough!
Sherlock Holmes: Are they extensive?
Dr. John Watson: Please, enough!
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Sherlock Holmes: There is a toxin, refined from the nectar of the rhododendron ponticum. It's quite infamous in the region of Turkey bordering the Black Sea for its ability to induce an apparently mortal paralysis. Enough to deceive even a medical mind as tenacious and well-trained as yours. It's known locally as...
Mary Morstan: [noticing] What's wrong with Gladstone?
Sherlock Holmes: ...mad honey disease. Oh, he's just demonstrating the very effect I've just described. He doesn't mind.
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Sherlock Holmes: My journey took me some what further down the rabbit hole than I intended and though I dirtied my fluffy white tail I have emerged, enlightened.
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Sherlock Holmes: And chambermaids were once such a liberal breed.
Constable Clark: My wife's a chambermaid, sir.
[uncomfortable silence]
Constable Clark: Anyhow, it's a good thing she was offended, sir. Otherwise we'd never have found you.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
[more uncomfortable silence]
Constable Clark: Just joking about the wife, sir.
Sherlock Holmes: Ah!
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Sherlock Holmes: My mind rebels at stagnation! Give me problems! Give me work!
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Sherlock Holmes: What of the coffin, Lestrade?
Inspector Lestrade: Well, we are in the process of bringing it up.
[Holmes looks at the unmoving constables]
Sherlock Holmes: Indeed? What stage of the process? Contemplative?
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Dr. John Watson: You really believe he was resurrected?
Sherlock Holmes: The question is not if but how. The game's afoot.
Dr. John Watson: "Follow your spirit..."
Dr. John Watson, Sherlock Holmes: "And upon this charge, cry, 'God for Harry, England and St. George!'"
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[Holmes has been firing a gun into the wall]
Dr. John Watson: Permission to enter the armory?
Sherlock Holmes: Granted.
[He fires again]
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, I am in the process of inventing a device which muffles the sound of a gunshot.
[He yells in pain as Watson opens the curtains, letting sunlight into the room]
Dr. John Watson: It's not working.
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[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Case re-opened.
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Irene Adler: You'll miss me, Sherlock.
Sherlock Holmes: Sadly... yes.
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[Blackwood's coffin is opened]
Inspector Lestrade: That's not Blackwood!
Sherlock Holmes: Well, now we have a firm grasp of the obvious.
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Irene Adler: Moriarty
Sherlock Holmes: What?
Irene Adler: That's his name... everyone has a weak spot and he found mine.
Sherlock Holmes: What was it by the way?
[Irene looked at Sherlock and Sherlock twigs that he was her weak spot]
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Sherlock Holmes: [after being tossed across the room] Un moment, s'il vous plait.
Dredger: [affably] Je ne suis pas pressé.
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[Holmes picks up a gadget from the midget's workshop and it turns out to be a taser, that sends Dredger flying across the room, crushing another thug who has Watson pinned]
Dr. John Watson: Holmes? What is that?
Sherlock Holmes: Je ne sais pas.
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Sherlock Holmes: [after two henchmen call in Dredger, to Watson] Meat? Or potatoes?
Dr. John Watson: My ten minutes are up.
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Mary Morstan: [Mary asks Holmes to make some deductions regarding herself] What can you tell about me?
Sherlock Holmes: You?
Dr. John Watson: I don't think that's...
Sherlock Holmes: I don't know if that's...
Dr. John Watson: Not at dinner.
Sherlock Holmes: Perhaps some other time.
Mary Morstan: I insist.
Sherlock Holmes: You insist?
Dr. John Watson: You remember we've discussed this.
Sherlock Holmes: [demanding] The lady insists.
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[a chambermaid enters Irene Adler's room and screams when she sees Holmes, handcuffed naked to the bed with a pillow covering his groin]
Sherlock Holmes: Madam, I need you to remain calm. And trust me, I'm a professional. Beneath this pillow, lies the key to my release.
[the Maid screams again and runs out; cut to later in a carriage]
Sherlock Holmes: Of course, she mis-interpreted my intention entirely.
Constable Clark: Naturally, sir.
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Sherlock Holmes: There's only at one case that intrigues me at present. The curious case of Mrs. Hudson, the absentee landlady. I've been studying her comings and goings, they appear most... sinister.
Mrs. Hudson: Tea, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: Is it poisoned, Nanny?
Mrs. Hudson: There's enough of that in you already.
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[Mrs. Hudson starts to clear space for the tea tray]
Sherlock Holmes: Don't touch. Everything is in its proper place... as per usual, Nanny.
[on her way out, Mrs. Hudson notices the dog laying on the floor]
Mrs. Hudson: Oh, he's killed the dog. Again.
Dr. John Watson: [irritated] What have you done to Gladstone now?
Sherlock Holmes: I was simply testing a new anesthetic. He doesn't mind.
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Lord Blackwood: Sherlock Holmes... and his loyal dog. Tell me, Doctor, as a medical man, have you enjoyed my work?
Dr. John Watson: Let me show you how much I've enjoyed it...
[He rushes at Blackwood, Holmes holds him back]
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, don't! Observe...
[Watson sees Blackwood's trap]
Dr. John Watson: How did you see that?
Sherlock Holmes: Because I was looking for it.
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Inspector Lestrade: And you were supposed to wait for my orders.
Sherlock Holmes: If I had, you'd be cleaning up a corpse and chasing a rumor. Besides, the girl's parents hired me, not the Yard. Why they thought you'd require any assistance is beyond me.
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Dredger: Cour, petit lapin, cour.
Sherlock Holmes: Avec plaisir.
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[Lestrade brings Holmes, handcuffed, before the Home Secretary, Lord Coward]
Inspector Lestrade: Excuse me, my lord. I know it's unorthodox, but Mr. Holmes here has been making some serious accusations about you...
[Lestrade lifts his lapel, showing a membership pin from the Temple of the Four Orders]
Inspector Lestrade: ...and the Order, sir.
Lord Coward: I see.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, at least that solves the great mystery of how you became Inspector.
[Lestrade turns and punches Holmes in the stomach]
Inspector Lestrade: Begging your pardon, my lord, but I've been wanting to do that for a long time.
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Dr. John Watson: No, not you, Mary and I. You are not...
Sherlock Holmes: What? Invited? Why would I be not invited to my own brother's country home, Watson? Now you are not making any sense!
Dr. John Watson: You are not human!
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[on Moriarty]
Irene Adler: Please don't underestimate him. He's just as brilliant as you are. And infinitely more devious.
Sherlock Holmes: We'll see about that.
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Mary Morstan: It does seem a little far-fetched, though. Making all these grand assumptions based on such tiny details...
Sherlock Holmes: Mm, that's not quite right, is it? In fact, the little details are by far the most important.
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Irene Adler: I'd say you're between jobs.
Sherlock Holmes: And you, between husbands.
Irene Adler: He was boring and he was jealous and he snored. I'm Irene Adler again.
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Sherlock Holmes: Whatever he was working on, he obviously succeeded.
Dr. John Watson: How do you know?
Sherlock Holmes: Otherwise, he'd still be alive.
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Sherlock Holmes: [ship sinking behind them] Watson, what have you done?
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Sherlock Holmes: Data, data, data. I cannot make bricks without clay.
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Sherlock Holmes: Ah, putrefaction!
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[about Blackwood coming back from the grave]
Sherlock Holmes: Have the newspapers got wind of it yet?
Constable Clark: Well, that's what we're trying to avoid, sir.
Sherlock Holmes: Certainly. What's the major concern?
Constable Clark: Panic. Sheer bloody panic, sir.
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Inspector Lestrade: [From inside Blackwood's tomb] You took your time, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: [portentously] And on the third day...
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Sherlock Holmes: [as he's fighting one of Blackwood's minions, calls out to Irene Adler] Woman! Shoot him! Now, please!
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[Holmes is spying on Blackwood's sacrifice. A henchman tries to sneak up on him, but Watson grabs him and puts him in a hold]
Dr. John Watson: I like the hat.
Sherlock Holmes: Thanks, I just picked it up.
Dr. John Watson: You remember your revolver?
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, knew I forgot something. Thought I left the stove on.
Dr. John Watson: You did.
Sherlock Holmes: I think that's quite enough. You are a doctor, after all.
[Watson feels the henchman's pulse and lets him fall to the floor]
Sherlock Holmes: Always nice to see you, Watson.
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Dr. John Watson: Holmes! Does your depravity know no bounds?
Sherlock Holmes: [nonchalantly] No!
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Sherlock Holmes: Where's the inspector?
Dr. John Watson: Getting his troops lined up.
Sherlock Holmes: That could be all day.
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Sherlock Holmes: Thre's nothing more elusive than an obvious fact.
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[Watson is sorting Holmes's un-read mail, in response to his demand for work]
Dr. John Watson: Lady Radford reports her emerald bracelet has gone missing.
Sherlock Holmes: [not looking up] Insurance swindle. Lord Radford likes fast women and slow ponies.
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Sherlock Holmes: [to Lord Blackwood] I wonder if they'd let Watson and me dissect your brain. After you hang, of course. I'd wager there would be some deformity that would be scientifically significant. In that way, at least, you could serve some kind of useful purpose.
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Sherlock Holmes: [Telling a joke to a prisoner] And he said, "May I push in your stool?"
[Raucous Laughter]
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[Holmes and Watson are searching Riordan's house]
Sherlock Holmes: There's one odor I can't put my finger on. Is it candy floss, molasses...? Ah! Barley sugar.
[Watson turns around to see two goons enter, one holding a... ]
Dr. John Watson: ...Toffee apple.
Sherlock Holmes: Let me guess... Judging by your arsonist's tool kit, you're here to burn down the building and destroy all the evidence therein.
Thug: Just one minute, boys.
[calls]
Thug: Oh, Dredger!
[as Dredger enters, Holmes and Watson look up... and up]
Dredger: Il y a un problème?
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Sherlock Holmes: There's only one case that intrigues me at present. The curious case of Mrs. Hudson, the absentee landlady. I've been studying here comings and goings and they appear most... sinister.
Mrs. Hudson: Tea, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: Is it poisoned, Nanny?
Mrs. Hudson: There's enough of that in you already.
Mrs. Hudson: [Starts to clear space for the tea tray]
Sherlock Holmes: Don't touch! Everything is in its proper place, as per usual... Nanny.
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Sherlock Holmes: [to Lestrade about the criminals Holmes has just overcome] One for the doctor; one for the rope!
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Sherlock Holmes: First, the world will see you for what you are: a fraud. Then you'll be hanged - properly, this time.
Lord Blackwood: It's a long journey from here to the rope.
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Sherlock Holmes: Go along now. I won't be chasing you anymore. Fare thee well.
Irene Adler: I don't wanna run, anymore.
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Sherlock Holmes: [Frenetially esiring more relevant information on the case] Data, data, data! I cannot make bricks without clay!
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Sherlock Holmes: [to Watson] My mind rebels at stagnation. Give me work! The sooner the better.
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Sherlock Holmes: There was never any magic. Merely conjuring tricks.
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Sherlock Holmes: [to Lord Blackwood] You'd better hope it's just superstition, as you performed all the rituals perfectly. The Devil's due a soul, I'd say...
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Sherlock Holmes: Uh, hmm... Right. Where are the wagons?
Madam Simza Heron: The wagon is too slow. Can't you ride?
Dr. John Watson: It's not that he can't ride... How is it you put it, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: They're dangerous at both ends and... crafty in the middle. Why would I want anything with a mind of its own bobbing about between my legs?
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Madam Simza Heron: What do you see?
Sherlock Holmes: Everything. That is my curse.
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[Holmes is looking at Moriarty and starts analyzing the upcoming fight]
Sherlock Holmes: [v.o] His advantage, my injury. My advantage, his rage. Incoming assault feral, but experienced. Use his momentum to counter.
[as Holmes hits Moriarty in the face, everything stops and the audience watches Moriarty's face]
Professor Moriaty: [v.o] Come now, you really think you're the only one who can play this game?
[Back to the analyzed fight]
Professor Moriaty: Trap arm, target weakness. Follow with haymaker.
Sherlock Holmes: Ah, there we find the boxing champion of Cambridge.
[Holmes throws a hook at Moriarty's face]
Professor Moriaty: Competent, but predictable. Now, allow me to reply.
[Moriarty throws several punches at Holmes' shoulder]
Sherlock Holmes: Arsenal running dry. Adjust strategy.
[Holmes tries to kick Moriarty but fails]
Professor Moriaty: Wound taking its toll.
Sherlock Holmes: As I feared. Injury makes defense untenable. Prognosis, increasingly negative.
[Moriarty corners Holmes against the edge of the cliff]
Professor Moriaty: Let's not waste any more of one another's time. We both know how this ends.
[Moriarty throws Holmes over the balcony and the scene cuts back to the real time]
Sherlock Holmes: Conclusion: inevitable. Unless...
[Holmes blows ashes from his pipe into Moriarty's face, grabs him, and topples them both over the balcony, down the falls]
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[after Holmes throws Mary off the train, Watson turns around and sees his wife gone]
Sherlock Holmes: It had to be done. She's safe now! In my own defense, I timed it perfectly-!
[Watson lunges at him and starts throttling him]
Dr. John Watson: Did you kill my wife?
Sherlock Holmes: [muffled, tries to respond]
Dr. John Watson: DID-YOU-JUST-KILL-MY-NEW-WIFE?
Sherlock Holmes: [forces Watson's hand away] Of course not!
Dr. John Watson: What do you mean? How do you know that, when you just threw her off a train?
Sherlock Holmes: I told you, I timed it perfectly!
Dr. John Watson: What does that mean?
Sherlock Holmes: Calm down!
Dr. John Watson: Explain!
Sherlock Holmes: By the time I explained, we'd both be dead!
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[Holmes has arrived at the auction and is trying to defuse the motion-sensitive bomb intended for Dr. Hoffmanstahl]
Sherlock Holmes: One million pounds! Oh, and by the way, fire.
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Sherlock Holmes: Madam, this is a glorious hedgehog goulash. I can't remember ever having had better.
Dr. John Watson: Do tell me, when was the last time you had a hedgehog goulash?
Sherlock Holmes: I told you, Watson, I can't remember.
Dr. John Watson: [whispered] Perhaps you've repressed it.
Sherlock Holmes: [chuckles] That's where we differ. Unlike you, I repress nothing.
Dr. John Watson: Perfectly normal.
Sherlock Holmes: How dare you be rude to this women who has invited us into her tent, offered us her hedgehog?
Dr. John Watson: Says the man who throws women from trains.
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Sherlock Holmes: [after they finish a short waltz] Who taught you to dance like that?
Dr. John Watson: [with a smile of reminiscence] You did.
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Dr. John Watson: [as he watches Sherlock drinking embalming fluid] You're drinking embalming fluid?
Sherlock Holmes: [exhales] Yes. Care for a drop?
Dr. John Watson: You do seem...
Sherlock Holmes: Excited?
Dr. John Watson: Manic.
Sherlock Holmes: I am.
Dr. John Watson: Verging on...
Sherlock Holmes: Ecstatic?
Dr. John Watson: Psychotic.
Dr. John Watson: [pause] I should've brought you a sedative.
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Dr. John Watson: How did you know I would find you?
Sherlock Holmes: You didn't find me. You collapsed a building on me.
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[Holmes detects that an assassin is hiding on the ceiling and preparing to kill Simza; he compares taking the man out to preparing an omelet]
Sherlock Holmes: [voice-over] First, pillage the nest. Clip wings. Now, blunt his beak. Crack eggs. Scramble, pinch of salt. Touch of pepper. Flip the omelet. Additional seasoning required. Breakfast is served.
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Sherlock Holmes: Did you call me a selfish bastard?
Dr. John Watson: Probably.
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Dr. John Watson: Oh, how I've missed you, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Have you? Why? I've barely noticed your absence.
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Sherlock Holmes: [lights pipe]
Dr. John Watson: What are we doing down here?
Sherlock Holmes: *We* are waiting. *I* am smoking.
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Sherlock Holmes: Who's been dancing on my chest?
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[from trailer]
Dr. John Watson: [seeing Holmes's drag outfit] What?
Sherlock Holmes: I agree it's not my best disguise.
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Sherlock Holmes: Dear, dear, sickly sweet Nanny. Might I have a word?
[He uncovers the tray in her hands, revealing white rats under glass]
Sherlock Holmes: Yummy. Feed the snake, woman.
Mrs. Hudson: You feed it!
Sherlock Holmes: Touchy, touchy.
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Dr. John Watson: He's after us, because of you!
Sherlock Holmes: Don't be so petulant about it.
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Sherlock Holmes: [whistling A Little Night Music and stops] I forgot the rest!
[gets strangled]
Sherlock Holmes: Ah, it's coming back.
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Professor Moriaty: Rest assured, if you attempt to bring destruction down upon me, I shall do the same to you. My respect for you, Mr. Holmes, is the only reason you are still alive.
Sherlock Holmes: You've paid me several compliments. Let me pay you one in return when I say that, if I were assured of the former eventuality, I would cheerfully accept the latter.
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Sherlock Holmes: [referring to Moriarty] If we can stop him, we shall prevent the collapse of Western civilization... No pressure.
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[repeated line]
Sherlock Holmes: [riding a pony] Slow and steady wins the race.
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Dr. John Watson: I'm on my honeymoon!
[Watson kicks Holmes on the bum]
Dr. John Watson: Why did you lead them here! Why did you involve us?
Sherlock Holmes: They're not here for me they are here for you! Fortunately... so am I.
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Sherlock Holmes: What better place to start a war than a peace summit?
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Sherlock Holmes: [referring to his disguise] It's so overt it's covert.
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[after Holmes's booby-trap drives back Moriarty's assassins on the train]
Sherlock Holmes: That was no accident. It was by design. Now, do you need me to elaborate... or can we just crack on?
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Sherlock Holmes: [to Moriarity] My horror at your crimes is matched only by my admiratio of the skill it took to achieve them.
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[from trailer]
Professor Moriaty: Are you sure you want to play this game?
Sherlock Holmes: I'm afraid you'd lose.
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[from trailer]
Sherlock Holmes: [looks at Watson's gun] Get that out of my face.
Dr. John Watson: It's not in your face; it's in my hand.
Sherlock Holmes: Get what's in your hand out of my face!
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[from trailer]
Sherlock Holmes: I'm knee-deep in the single most important case of my career.
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[from trailer]
Sherlock Holmes: [getting ready to be shot at] Make it count!
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Sherlock Holmes: Are you familiar with the study of graphology?
Professor Moriaty: I have never given it any serious thought, no.
Sherlock Holmes: The psychological analysis of handwriting. The upwards strokes on the p, the j, the m indicate a genius level intellect. The flourishes on the lower zone denote a highly creative yet meticulous nature. But if one observes the overall slant and pressure of the handwriting there is a suggestion of acute narcissism, a complete lack of empathy, and pronounced inclination toward...
Professor Moriaty: No!
Sherlock Holmes: ...moral insanity.
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Mrs. Hudson: Doctor, you must get him to a sanatorium. He's been on a diet of coffee, tobacco, and coca leaves. He never sleeps. I hear multiple voices as if he's rehearsing for a play...
Dr. John Watson: Leave him to me.
Sherlock Holmes: [appears next to her] Don't you have a goat that needs worming?
[goat lows]
Mrs. Hudson: Oh, how kind of you to remind me. So much to look forward to. What would I do without you?
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Sherlock Holmes: You have the supply, new you require the demand. A war with everyone... a world war.
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Sherlock Holmes: We get to have that game, after all.
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Sherlock Holmes: Herr Hoffmanstahl, you should count yourself lucky. This faceless man with whom you find yourself in business is no ordinary criminal. He's the Napoleon of crime. Fortunately, you now have me as an ally. I'm a consulting detective of some repute. Perhaps you've heard of me? My name is Sherlock...
[muffled explosion]
Sherlock Holmes: [Holmes coughs/clears his throat] ... Holmes.
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Sherlock Holmes: [dancing with Simza] Just follow my lead.
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Sherlock Holmes: [regarding his dislike of having to ride horses] It's 1891, we could have charted a balloon!
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Dr. John Watson: Holmes, how did you know I would find you?
Sherlock Holmes: You didn't find me, you collapsed a building on me.
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Sherlock Holmes: Lie down with me Watson.
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Sherlock Holmes: I observe that there is a good deal of German music on the program. It is quite introspective, and I want to introspect.
Dr. Watson: But, Holmes, that music is so frightfully dull.
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Sherlock Holmes: Ehtar! You're nothing but a damn fraud!
Ehtar: And you, Holmes, are letting your emotions get the better of you again!
-
Older Watson: It was the beginning of my second week at Brompton. With each passing day, my fascination with Sherlock Holmes and his world continued to grow. On this occasion, the entire school was bursting with excitement. Dudley had challenged Holmes to a test of ingenuity, skill, and perception. Dudley had snatched the school's fencing trophy and hidden it in a secret place. He gave Holmes sixty minutes to find the trophy. Holmes accepted the challenge with confidence.
Sherlock Holmes: The game is afoot!
-
Lestrade: I despise your arrogance.
Sherlock Holmes: And I despise your laziness.
-
Sherlock Holmes: The game is afoot.
-
Sherlock Holmes: [to the school chefs after dropping through a window] Excuse me.
-
John Watson: I can't afford to jeopardise my medical career!
Sherlock Holmes: Weasel.
John Watson: I'm not a weasel. I am... practical.
Sherlock Holmes: Weasels *are* practical. And I imagined you courageous and stout of heart.
John Watson: I am courageous. And I'm stout of heart. It's just that... oh, all right. I'll do it.
-
Sherlock Holmes: [during a hallucination] Please don't cry, Mother. Please. Don't you understand, Mother? Can't you hear me? Can't you hear what I'm saying? Mother!
Mr. Holmes: You! This is all your fault, son! How could you do such a thing to me? To your own father? Spying on me!
Sherlock Holmes: Forgive me, Father. Please, I - I didn't realise.
Mr. Holmes: My private life is my own! Your mother need never have known!
Sherlock Holmes: No! No! No! This is not real! This is *not* real!
-
Sherlock Holmes: Sherlock Holmes, jealous? My dear, that word does not enter my vocabulary.
Elizabeth Hardy: Neither does punctuality.
-
Sherlock Holmes: A great detective relies on perception, intelligence, and imagination.
Lestrade: [amused] Where'd you get that rubbish from?
Sherlock Holmes: It's framed on the wall behind you.
-
Sherlock Holmes: You're sitting in a room with an all-southern view. Suddenly, a bear walks by the window. What colour is the bear?
John Watson: Red! The bear is red!
Sherlock Holmes: Why on Earth would the bear be red?
John Watson: The southern sun is very hot. The bear would be terribly burnt!
Sherlock Holmes: [laughs] That is the most absurd answer I've ever heard.
-
[repeated line]
Sherlock Holmes: Good show, Watson!
-
Elizabeth Hardy: No. Uncle didn't kill himself.
John Watson: Well, then, what happened to him?
Sherlock Holmes: [entering suddenly through the window] He was murdered.
-
Dudley: Only seconds left, Holmes. I assume you've given up.
Sherlock Holmes: Never assume anything, my good fellow.
Dudley: But Holmes, I see no sign of a trophy.
Sherlock Holmes: But I do.
[picks up a vase and prepares to shatter it]
Master Snelgrove: Stop! Holmes, have you gone mad? This is an antique!
[Holmes shatters the vase, revealing the stolen trophy]
-
Sherlock Holmes: Just have a quick look at these.
[hands Lestrade two obituaries]
Lestrade: A suicide and a carriage accident.
Sherlock Holmes: I suspect foul play.
Lestrade: Why? The two instances are completely unrelated.
Sherlock Holmes: Wrong. Both men graduated from the same university in 1809.
Lestrade: Coincidence.
Sherlock Holmes: Neither of their deaths fit their personalities. According to his obituary, Bobster was a happy man, content with his life, his career, his family. Why would he commit suicide? He didn't even leave a note. And Reverend Nesbitt is described by friends as "warm, loving, peaceful." And yet the carriage driver insists that he was crazed, insane, in a state of panic when he ran out into the street.
Lestrade: Holmes, a mere fluctuation of character is hardly sufficient evidence to begin an investigation. And if you want my advice, you'll keep your nose out of the Times and into your schoolbooks.
Sherlock Holmes: I appreciate your time, Mister Lestrade. I suggest you hold onto these.
[Lestrade shakes his head]
Sherlock Holmes: If I were a detective sergeant trapped in this room all day up to my neck in boring paperwork, I would be doing everything in my power to seek out that one case, that one investigation that would promote me to inspector.
Lestrade: [Irately] Good day, Holmes.
-
Older Watson: We immediately sprang into action, searching every nook and cranny for the cloth. I accidentally turned on one of Waxflatter's strange machines, and not being at all mechanically-minded, I had the dickens of a time trying to turn the thing off.
Elizabeth Hardy: I found it! I found it!
Older Watson: Holmes spent the entire night and the following day studying, examining, scrutinising the section of cloth. He conducted experiment after experiment. Not once did he stop for a rest. His energy seemed boundless. Following eighteen straight hours of work, Holmes turned to Elizabeth and myself, and those four familiar words shot from his lips.
Sherlock Holmes: The game is afoot!
-
Cragwitch: [firing a shot at Holmes and Watson] Go away, Ramatep! Bloody murderers, go away! You won't get me!
Sherlock Holmes: Sir! Mister Cragwitch! We were friends of Mister Waxflatter!
Cragwitch: I know you! You're the youngster who followed me at the cemetery! Go away! I'm a dangerous man to be around!
Sherlock Holmes: I need your help! I want to know why the Ramatep killed five men!
Cragwitch: [reluctant pause] Go in!
Sherlock Holmes: You can get up now, Watson. The war's over.
-
Cragwitch: We were to become business partners, all six of us. Borrowed money from our fathers in building a hotel. It would be the most luxurious hotel ever conceived. And where but to build? Egypt. Labour and materials were inexpensive, and only a few years earlier, the British Army had driven out the French. It seemed a land of extreme opportunity.
Sherlock Holmes: What happened?
Cragwitch: We engaged an architect, and the work began... but what started out as a business venture soon became a major archaeological find. We discovered an underground pyramid. The ancient tombs of five Egyptian princesses. We removed all the relics and treasures, preparing to send them to England, but -
[Cragwitch is struck by a thorn]
Cragwitch: Ooh! Bloody insect. The place needs good cleaning. There was an uproar. All the villages in the area were convinced we'd desecrated sacred ground. Our lives were in danger. The British sent the troops in. Several people were killed.
[Stares into the fireplace]
Cragwitch: The entire village was burned to the ground. Burned... fire...
[Begins hallucinating]
-
Cragwitch: Yes, I mustn't forget. I must pass on this information. It's time someone else knew EVERYTHING!
Sherlock Holmes: The Egyptian village, has it been burned to the ground?
Cragwitch: Yes...
[sees candle flames, slams his hand angrily against his desk]
Cragwitch: Yes! YES! Luckily we got out of Egypt with our lives. When we returned to England, we went our separate ways, all of us, however, keeping in constant touch with Waxflatter through regular correspondence. When the murders began, I met quite frequently with my dear friend.
Sherlock Holmes: What does all this have to do with the Ramatep?
Cragwitch: [Hands Holmes a letter] Almost a year after the incident, each one of us received this letter. It was sent by a young boy, a young boy of Anglo-Egyptian descent. You'll notice that the letterhead is adorned by the symbol of the Ramatep, two golden serpents. The boy who wrote the letter and his sister were staying in England with their grandfather when they learned of the destruction of the Egyptian village, the village which was their home. Both their parents were killed in the attack. The boy vowed when he grew to manhood that the Ramatep would take their revenge and replace the bodies of the five Egyptian princesses.
Sherlock Holmes: And the boy was called Ehtar.
John Watson: Ehtar... those were Waxflatter's final words!
Sherlock Holmes: Very good, Watson.
-
Cragwitch: [hallucinating, attacks Holmes and tries to strangle him] EH TAR! You filthy murderer! You wanted to kill us all! Well you won't kill me!
Sherlock Holmes: Watson! Speak to him!
John Watson: What? Oh! Your... your name is Craddy Critchwit! I mean, your name is Ch-...! Your name is...! What's his name?
Sherlock Holmes: [Choking] Cragwitch!
-
Sherlock Holmes: Mister Lestrade! What are you doing here?
Lestrade: Oh, I accidentally stuck myself on one of those damn thorns. Goll, the hallucinations... ghastly. Took four policemen to stop me from hanging meself. Anyway, when it was over, I thought I better look into your story. Now, Holmes, I wish you and your podgy little friend farewell. I appreciate you getting me started on the case.
-
John Watson: Amazing, Holmes. Simply amazing. Of course, you did forget one very important clue.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh? Please enlighten me.
John Watson: Well, "Rathe" is "Ehtar" spelled backwards.
Sherlock Holmes: Very clever, Watson. Well, I'm certain I would have arrived at that conclusion sooner or later.
John Watson: [smiling] Sooner or later.
-
John Watson: Holmes, wait! I know why the bear is white!
Sherlock Holmes: And why is that, Watson?
John Watson: Well, the only room with an all-southern view would be at the North Pole. It's a polar bear!
Sherlock Holmes: Bravo, Watson. You have the makings of a great detective.
-
[about the violin]
Sherlock Holmes: I should've mastered the damn thing by now.
John Watson: How long have you been playing?
Sherlock Holmes: Three days.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Why can't I think of anything?
John Watson: You're flustered. You must calm down.
Sherlock Holmes: Why can't you think of anything?
John Watson: I'm flustered.
-
[upon crashing through the floor]
Sherlock Holmes: This is an interesting development.
-
John Watson: That was a girl.
Sherlock Holmes: Brilliant deduction, Watson.
-
John Watson: Dudley is going to pay dearly for this. Punch to the jaw, jab to the ribs...
Sherlock Holmes: Now, now, Watson. Revenge is sweetest when it's served up cold. Come on.
[Dudley enters with snow-white hair]
Dudley: Holmes. You did this. You're responsible, aren't you?
Sherlock Holmes: So that's where I dropped my chemistry experiment: into your tea. Oh, don't worry, old chap. It'll wear off shortly. You should be back to normal - by summertime.
-
Sherlock Holmes: You can get up now, Watson. The war is over.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Someday we'll be reunited. In another world, a much better world.
Elizabeth Hardy: I'll be waiting. And you'll be late... as always.
-
Ehtar: You cannot beat me, Holmes. Throw down your sword.
Sherlock Holmes: Never. I would rather die a gruesome and horrible death.
Ehtar: Very well, then I will oblige.
-
[while flying]
Sherlock Holmes: I've just realised something.
John Watson: What?
Sherlock Holmes: I have absolutely no idea how to land this machine.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Mr. Lestrade?
Lestrade: Holmes. It's been a long time. Three, four days since your last visit?
Sherlock Holmes: I believe I'm on to something
Lestrade: Oh, not again.
Sherlock Holmes: This time I'm certain of it.
Lestrade: Really. Just like last month when you were convinced that the French ambassador had embezzled 300 thousand pounds from the Bank of England?
Sherlock Holmes: I was close. It was the Russian ambassador.
-
John Watson: Holmes, wait. What if the murderer is inside?
Sherlock Holmes: Then I shall introduce myself to him.
-
John Watson: What have I gotten myself into?
Sherlock Holmes: The adventure of a lifetime, Watson.
-
[Holmes is about to smash his violin]
John Watson: Stop! Isn't it valuable?
Sherlock Holmes: What's more important, its value or my sanity?
-
[Holmes and Elizabeth investigate a noise in the library, and find Watson on the floor, next to a ladder]
Sherlock Holmes: Elizabeth, let me introduce you to my new friend, the honourable, but clumsy, Watson.
John Watson: [standing up] The ladder's a bit wobbly.
Elizabeth Hardy: Hello.
-
[Holmes, Watson and Elizabeth are walking across the courtyard, when a voice causes them to look up]
Waxflatter: Holmes! Elizabeth! I think I have solved all of the problems!
John Watson: [looking up] Who's that?
Elizabeth Hardy: My Uncle.
Sherlock Holmes: Rupert T. Waxflatter. Retired schoolmaster, degrees in Chemistry and Biology, well versed in Philosophy, Mathematics and Physics. Author of 27 books.
[Holmes walks on]
Elizabeth Hardy: And most people think he's a lunatic.
[Elizabeth walks on]
John Watson: Why?
[Waxflatter launches his flying machine]
John Watson: Oh, my God!
-
[in order to obtain information about the blowpipe, Watson is forced to make a purchase from a curiosity shop]
Sherlock Holmes: Why on earth did you buy a pipe?
John Watson: It looks distinguished!
Sherlock Holmes: It's perfectly ridiculous!
-
[Holmes and Watson visit an Egyptian style Tavern]
Egyptian Tavern Owner: What can I get for you boys? Drink, food, women?
John Watson: Do you have any soup?
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, please!
[removing the blowpipe from his pocket]
Sherlock Holmes: Do you know anything about this?
Egyptian Tavern Owner: [looking at the blowpipe] Ramatep! Ramatep! Ramatep! Ramatep! Ramatep!
[the tavern falls silent]
John Watson: [turning to face Holmes] Is that the end of the song?
-
[after Elizabeth finds a scrap of cloth, she accompanies Holmes and Watson to a deserted building in Wapping]
John Watson: I knew it, there's no-one here. Back to school, eh?
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, you'll be on your own!
-
Sherlock Holmes: Answers without evidence are useless.
-
[Holmes and Watson visit an Egyptian style Tavern]
The Reverend Duncan Nesbitt: What can I get for you boys? Drink, food, women?
John Watson: Do you have any soup?
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, please!
[removing the blowpipe from his pocket]
Sherlock Holmes: Do you know anything about this?
The Reverend Duncan Nesbitt: [looking at the blowpipe] Rame Tep! Rame Tep! Rame Tep! Rame Tep! Rame Tep!
[the tavern falls silent]
John Watson: [turning to face Holmes] Is that the end of the song?
-
John Watson: My name is...
Sherlock Holmes: Wait - let me. Your name is James Watson. You're from the north, your father's a doctor, you spend much time writing, and you're fond of custard tarts. Am I correct?
John Watson: My name isn't James, it's John.
Sherlock Holmes: What's the difference?
John Watson: A great deal.
Sherlock Holmes: Very well, so your name is John. How did I do on the others?
John Watson: You were correct. On every count. How is it done? Is it some sort of magic trick?
Sherlock Holmes: No magic, Watson. Pure and simple deduction. The name-tag on your mattress reads "J Watson". I selected the most common name with "J". "John" was my second choice. Your shoes aren't made in the city. I've seen them before when visiting the north of England. Your left middle finger has a callus, the trademark of a writer. You were carrying a medical book not available to the general public, only to physicians. Since you can't have been to medical school, it was given to you by an older person, someone who is concerned for your health: Your father, the doctor.
John Watson: And the custard tarts?
Sherlock Holmes: Simple. There's a stain of yellow custard used in making tarts on your lapel, and your shape convinced me you've eaten many before.
John Watson: There's no need to be rude.
-
Sigmund Freud: Who am I, that your friends should wish us to meet?
Sherlock Holmes: Beyond the fact that you are a brilliant Jewish physician who was born in Hungary and studied for a while in Paris, and that certain radical theories of yours have alienated the respectable medical community so that you have severed your connections with various hospitals and branches of the medical fraternity, beyond this I can deduce little. You're married, with a child of... five. You enjoy Shakespeare and possess a sense of honour.
-
Sherlock Holmes: I never guess: it is an appalling habit, destructive to the logical faculty. A private study is an ideal place for observing facets of a man's character. That the study belongs to you exclusively is evident from the dust: not even the maid is permitted here, else she would scarcely have ventured to let matters come to this pass.
Sigmund Freud: Go on.
Sherlock Holmes: Very well. Now, when a man collects books on a subject, they're usually grouped together, but notice, your King James Bible, your Book of Mormon, and Koran are separate, across the room in fact, from your Hebrew Bible and Talmud, which sit on your desk. Now these books have a special importance for you not connected with a general study of religion, obviously. The nine-branched candelabra on your desk confirms my suspicion that you are of the Jewish faith; it is called a menorah, is it not?
Sigmund Freud: Yah.
Sherlock Holmes: That you studied medicine in Paris is to be inferred from the great number of medical texts in that language. Where else should a German use French textbooks but in France, and who but a brilliant German could understand the complexities of medicine in a foreign tongue? That you're fond of Shakespeare is to be deduced from this book, which is lying face downwards. The fact that you have not adjusted the volume suggests to my mind that you no doubt intended referring to it again in the near future. (Hm, not my favorite play.) The absence of dust on the cover would tend to confirm this hypothesis. That you're a physician is evident when I observe you maintain a consulting room. Your separation from various societies is indicated by these blank spaces surrounding your diploma, clearly used at one time to display additional certificates. Now, what can it be that forces a man to remove these testimonials to his success? Why, only that he has ceased to affiliate himself with these various societies and hospitals and so forth, and why do this, having once troubled to join them all? It is possible that he became disenchanted with one or two of them, but NOT likely that his disillusionment extended to all. Rather, I postulate it is THEY who became disenchanted with YOU, doctor, and asked you to resign, from all of them. Why, I've no idea. But some position you have taken, evidently a medical one, has discredited you in their eyes. I take the liberty of inferring a theory of some sort, too radical or shocking to gain ready acceptance in current medical thinking. Your wedding ring tells me of your marriage, your Balkanized accent hints Hungary or Moravia, the toy soldier on the floor here ought, I think, to belong to a... small boy of five? Have I omitted anything of importance?
Sigmund Freud: My sense of honour.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, it is implied by the fact that you have removed the plaques from the societies to which you no longer belong. In the privacy of your study, only you would know the difference.
-
[as Holmes' boat pulls away]
Dr. John H. Watson: But how will you live?
Sherlock Holmes: When my arm is better, you would do well to follow the concert career of a violinist... named Sigerson!
Dr. John H. Watson: But your readers - my readers - what will I tell them?
Sherlock Holmes: Anything you like! Tell them I was murdered by my mathematics tutor; they'll never believe you in any case!
-
Sherlock Holmes: No, Watson! The Queen wouldn't like it!
-
[Last lines; after meeting unexpectedly on the boat]
Lola Deveraux: Journeys alone are always so tedious, don't you find? 'Specially when they are long.
Sherlock Holmes: Will this be a long journey?
Lola Deveraux: That all depends. But I do think it will seem shorter if there are two of us... don't you?
Sherlock Holmes: I hope it will not seem too short.
-
Sherlock Holmes: [stopping Watson abruptly] Mind the vanilla extract!
-
Sherlock Holmes: [to Doctor Watson] You insufferable cripple.
-
[first lines]
Dr. John H. Watson: [Watson rings the doorbell of 221-B Baker Street] It was October the 24th, in the year 1891. that I heard for the first time in four months from my friend Sherlock Holmes. On this particular day, a telegram from his landlady, Mrs. Hudson, had been delivered to my surgery, imploring me to return to my former rooms without delay.
Mrs. Hudson: [Mrs. Hudson opens the front door] Oh, Dr. Watson, thank heavens you've come; I'm at my wit's end.
Dr. John H. Watson: Why, what has happened?
Mrs. Hudson: Since you left us these last few months, he's been very strange. He's barricaded himself up there, he won't take his food, he keeps the oddest of hours. I think he's taking...
Sherlock Holmes: [from his bedroom] Mrs. Hudson! I know there's someone down there with you! I heard the cab stop before the door!
Mrs. Hudson: He keeps babbling on about some...
Sherlock Holmes: [from his bedroom] Mrs. Hudson, if that gentleman answers to the name Moriarty, you may show him up, and I will deal with him!
Dr. John H. Watson: I better go to him.
Mrs. Hudson: [Watson goes up the staircase] Oh, be careful.
Dr. John H. Watson: Moriarty was a name I'd only known him to mutter... when in the thrall of one of his cocaine injections.
[Watson knocks at Sherlock's bedroom door]
Sherlock Holmes: [from within his bedroom] Is that you, Moriarty?
Dr. John H. Watson: It is I, Watson.
Sherlock Holmes: [in his bedroom] Watson?
Dr. John H. Watson: [Sherlock slightly opens his bedroom door a crack, unlocking it] You see it is I. Holmes, let me enter.
Sherlock Holmes: [he closes his door again] Not so fast! You may be Moriarty in disguse. Prove you're Watson.
Dr. John H. Watson: How on earth am I to do that?
Sherlock Holmes: Tell me where I keep my tobacco!
Dr. John H. Watson: Tobacco? Well, as a rule, it's in the toe of your Persian slipper. Holmes...
Sherlock Holmes: [Sherlock opens and unlocks the door] Very well, I'm satisfied.
[Watson enters Holmes's room]
-
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear... Freud.
-
Sherlock Holmes: The four sections of your bomb sight fit inside these ponderous tombs, although, I must confess I shy to the thought of disemboweling a complete set of Charles Dickens.
-
[last lines]
Dr. John H. Watson: Things are looking up, Holmes. This little Island's still on the map.
Sherlock Holmes: Holmes: Yes. "This fortress built by nature for herself, this blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England."
-
Dr. John H. Watson: Woman? What woman?
Sherlock Holmes: She's blonde. Five foot six, full lipped and very affectionate.
Dr. John H. Watson: Oh, really?
-
Dr. Franz Tobel: You would take the Nazis' own car?
Sherlock Holmes: One must adapt oneself to the tools at hand.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Christmas boxes. Watson, I'm beginning to see the plan. Dr. Tobel divided his bombsight into four parts just as we brought it back from Switzerland. He's given one section of the mechanism to each of these famous scientists. What a fascinating plan. You see, each part is useless without the other three and undoubtedly, none of these scientists is known to each other.
-
Professor Moriarty: Closer to the end, Holmes. Closer and closer. Each second a few more drops leave your desiccated body. And you can feel 'em can't you? You're perfectly conscious aren't you, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: I shall be conscious long after you're dead, Moriarty.
-
Sherlock Holmes: My dear Nikolas, apparently you don't realize that it's tea that has made the British Empire, and Watson, what they are today.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Possibly, poison is a woman's weapon.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Well, if one isn't willing to pay the penalty, one shouldn't play the game.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Brooklyn. Well, I knew a most charming man who lived there once. Uh he's now a resident in Sing Sing Prison.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, so the old girl has lost her emeralds, eh?
-
Sheila Woodbury: You're a darling.
[kisses Sherlock Holmes on the cheek and walks away]
Dr. John H. Watson: Huh. Extraordinary sight.
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary my dear Watson, and very pleasant.
-
Dr. John H. Watson: Holmes! But the wireless said your plane crashed! No survivors!
Sherlock Holmes: It was shot down, Watson.
-
Dr. John H. Watson: I don't understand, Holmes. She seems too nice a girl. She sings charmingly.
Sherlock Holmes: My dear fellow, musical talent is hardly evidence of innocence. As a matter of fact, the late Professor Moriarity was a virtuoso on the bassoon.
-
[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, Watson, let me advise you. If you ever consider taking up another profession, never even *think* of becoming an actor.
-
Doctor Watson: [cutting-room floor-scene on the foggy road, near the movie's end; as the Wangs are departing from Twain Manor, they pass a vintage car heading up TO the Manor. The other car is driven by Holmes and Watson] ... I say, old boy! Could you possibly give us directions to - Hello, it's Mr. Sidney Wang!
Sherlock Holmes: [smoking his famous pipe] Greetings, Mr. Wang.
Sidney Wang: Ah, greetings to you as well! You have something to ask, I believe. Directions to where?
Doctor Watson: Ah, yes! We've been "cordially invited to dinner and a murder," by a Mr. Lionel Twain.
Willie Wang: *Lionel Twain?* Listen, you guys don't wanna...!
Sidney Wang: [cutting him off] Never mind him, please. Here - you go up this road, past bridge to "22 Twain." No can miss it.
Doctor Watson: Ever so much obliged. Good day, then!
[he and Holmes drive off]
Willie Wang: I don't get it, Pop! Why didn't you just tell them it was all a ripoff?
Sidney Wang: Ah, let idiots find out for themselves! Drive, please.
-
Sherlock Holmes: While Sherlock is gone, he will pass on one or two of his less urgent assignments to his brother, Sigerson.
[clock goes off]
Dr. Watson: Holmes! You never told me you had a brother, Sigerson.
Sherlock Holmes: I never told you I had a brother Mycroft... until the occasion arose.
Dr. Watson: Well, who is the fellow?
Sherlock Holmes: Sigerson is my younger brother. And he has spent the past thirty years getting hopelessly twisted in my shadow.
Dr. Watson: Extremely jealous, is he?
Sherlock Holmes: Mm, something of the sort.
Dr. Watson: Love and hate, eh?
Sherlock Holmes: I should say hate... and dislike.
-
Dr. Watson: Holmes, how will you ever repay him?
Sherlock Holmes: By playing the violin, Watson. By playing the violin.
-
Dr. Watson: Believe it or not, I'm every bit Holmes's equal as a detective.
Lord Smithwick: [scoffing] Dr. Watson...
Dr. Watson: Ha ha, I happen to know that you recently recovered from an illness; that you smoke a pipe, ah!, probably, uh, rosewood; and you spent time in China...
Inspector Lestrade: [interrupting] Sorry, doctor, this is no time for parlor games.
Dr. Watson: I'm not playing parlor games-...
Inspector Lestrade: Doctor, this is a matter for professionals!
Sherlock Holmes: [bursting in] You've got to help me! There's two big men...
Dr. Watson: Holmes, you're back - so good to see you! My, this is a clever disguise - a drunken lout. Ha, very realistic.
Sherlock Holmes: There's two - this one big fellow...
Dr. Watson: Ah, excuse us just a moment.
[He whisks Holmes into the next room; after some banging about they return, now calm]
Dr. Watson: Gentlemen, Mr. Sherlock Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Ah, Lestrade. It's good to see the department's letting you out at night again. Lord Smithwick - trouble at the exchequer?
Lord Smithwick: Well, to be honest - Wait, how did you know?
Sherlock Holmes: The same way that I can tell you recently recovered from an illness; smoke a pipe, probably rosewood; and have spent some time in...
Dr. Watson: [prompting] China.
Sherlock Holmes: China.
Lord Smithwick: AMAZING!
Sherlock Holmes: Thank you. Uh, uh, Lord, uh, Smithwick, um, before we start, perhaps a... little sherry?
Lord Smithwick: I wish we could. But the matter which brings me here involves the fate of the entire Empire.
Sherlock Holmes: I see. Perhaps a whiskey, then?
-
Sherlock Holmes: What are you doing?
Dr. Watson: Thinking.
Sherlock Holmes: Right. I'm going to think too.
[Long pause]
Sherlock Holmes: What shall we think about, Watson?
-
Sherlock Holmes: I've got it! His real name is Arty-Morti!
-
Lord Smithwick: And I don't have to tell you what that would mean.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes you do.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Ah, now, now, we know for a fact that Giles was on the boat.
Dr. Watson: No, we don't.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh. Well, we do know for a fact that Giles arrived in Windermere.
Dr. Watson: No he didn't.
Sherlock Holmes: (He didn't? I thought he did.) Ah. Well, we really know that Giles was behind the theft of the printing plates.
Dr. Watson: No, he wasn't.
-
Leslie: Oh, you brave, brave man!
Sherlock Holmes: Danger is my trade - but not yours. It's unsafe for you to sleep alone tonight, unattended.
Dr. Watson: Yes, we insist you stay with us.
Leslie: Oh, but, but surely I'd be an imposition.
Sherlock Holmes: Think nothing of it, my dear.
Dr. Watson: Indeed. Holmes will be working... all night anyway, so you can have his room.
-
Sherlock Holmes: I warn you, sir, I've killed as many as six men in a week. Eight if you count matinees.
-
Sherlock Holmes: [after poking a dead man with a stick] It is my opinion... that he is dead.
-
Watson: Holmes believes your father has been abducted.
Leslie: Abducted? By who?
Sherlock Holmes: Abductors
-
Sherlock Holmes: Do you think I'm gonna waste my time combing the streets of London for some old boot? This is a job for an imbecile.
Doctor Watson: Quite right, Holmes, let me deal with this.
-
Mrs. Ada Holmes: Pesticide, my own son guilty of pesticide!
Sherlock Holmes: It's patricide, mother.
-
Mrs. Ada Holmes: Now then, Shirl.
Sherlock Holmes: Mother, please don't call me Shirl.
Mrs. Ada Holmes: I've always called you Shirl and I always will. Oh, you should have seen him when he was a little girl, Iris.
Sherlock Holmes: I never was a little girl, mother.
-
Sherlock Holmes: The young lady is taking her mother to Scotland for burial.
Inspector Lestrade: In a coffin?
Sherlock Holmes: That is the customary method, I believe.
-
Dr. John H. Watson: Try some of this curry. It's excellent.
Sherlock Holmes: [ignoring him and speaking to the waiter] Steak and kidney pudding, please.
Major Duncan-Bleek: Of course, the Bengal curry doesn't compare with that of Madras. It's the quality of the mutton that makes the difference, don't you think?
Dr. John H. Watson: The, uh... the meat's unimportant. It's the spices that make the difference. Don't you agree with me Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: [he hasn't been paying attention to the discussion] What?
Dr. John H. Watson: I say, we-we-we were discussing curry.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, yes, curry! Horrible stuff!
Dr. John H. Watson: Oh, really? One man's meat is another man's poison.
-
[Sherlock watches from the train corridor as Prof. Kilbane throws Dr. Watson from his compartment]
Sherlock Holmes: Did you discover anything, Watson?
Dr. John H. Watson: Yes. He's a very suspicious character. He tried to put me off the scent.
Sherlock Holmes: From the little I heard, he seemed reasonably successful.
-
Lady Margaret Carstairs: [presenting her diamond] My husband gave it to me on our fifth wedding anniversary.
Sherlock Holmes: 423 carats, isn't it?
Lady Margaret Carstairs: The original diamond was over 700 carats.
Sherlock Holmes: Really?
Lady Margaret Carstairs: [to her son] Your father had it cut. Less ostentatious.
Dr. John H. Watson: Less ostentatious? It's as big as a duck's egg.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Thank you, Lady Margaret. We'll be as unobtrusive as possible.
Lady Margaret Carstairs: That would be a novelty from a policeman.
-
Sherlock Holmes: The Inspector's going to Scotland to fish for salmon!
Dr. John H. Watson: [to Lestrade] Oh really? The season doesn't start for another month, but you wouldn't know that, would you?
Inspector Lestrade: 'Oo says I'm gonna fish fer salmon?
Dr. John H. Watson: 'Oo? 'Im!
-
[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Very effective, my dear Watson!
Doctor John H. Watson: Elementary, my dear Holmes, elementary.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Whatever Watson has found out, you'll know inevitably. I have unbounded confidence in his lack of discretion.
-
Sherlock Holmes: You've a magnificent brain, Moriarty. I admire it. I admire it so much I'd like to present it pickled in alcohol to the London Medical Society.
Professor Moriarty: That would make an interesting exhibit. Holmes, you've only now barely missed sending me to the gallows. You're the one man in England clever enough to defeat me. The situation has become impossible.
Sherlock Holmes: Have you any suggestions?
Professor Moriarty: I'm going to break you Holmes. I'm going to bring off right under your nose the most incredible crime of the century, and you'll never suspect it until it's too late. That will be the end of you Mr. Sherlock Holmes. And when I've beaten and ruined you then I can retire in peace. I'd like to retire; crime no longer amuses me. I'd like to devote my remaining years to abstract science.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson.
-
Sherlock Holmes: I've decided to accept your case, Miss Brandon. I shall help you all I can.
Ann Brandon: Oh, Thank you.
Jerrold Hunter: We don't want your interference, Mr. Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: I interfere whenever and wherever I like, Mr. Hunter.
-
Sherlock Holmes: The nose of the police dog, although long and efficient, points in only one direction at a time.
-
[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: There's an east wind coming, Watson.
Doctor Watson: No, I don't think so. Looks like another warm day.
Sherlock Holmes: Good old Watson. The one fixed point in a changing age. There's an east wind coming all the same, such a wind as never blew on England yet. It will be cold and bitter, Watson. And a good many of us may wither before its blast. But it's God's own wind nonetheless and a greener, better, stronger land that will lie in the sunshine when the storm is cleared.
-
Doctor Watson: Holmes, the girl waiting. What an extraordinary thing.
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson.
Doctor Watson: No, no, no. It's an amazing deduction. How on earth did you arrive at it?
Sherlock Holmes: Barham told me.
-
Doctor Watson: ...But Holmes, that's impossible.
Sherlock Holmes: Anything is possible until proven otherwise.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Murder is an insidious thing, Watson. Once a man has dipped his fingers in blood, sooner or later he'll feel the urge to kill again.
-
Dr. John H. Watson: I'm sorry I'm late. I didn't sleep very well.
Sherlock Holmes: You didn't sleep very well? You snored like a pig.
-
Sherlock Holmes: This is a most unique case. Instead of too few we have too many clues and too many suspects. The main pattern of the puzzle seems to be forming, but the pieces don't fit in.
Dr. John H. Watson: Well, it seems perfectly clear to me. One of these men is picking off the others one by one to get all their insurance money for himself. Why, it's obvious.
Sherlock Holmes: How do you account the orange pips?
Dr. John H. Watson: Well, this man has an accomplice who brings them.
Sherlock Holmes: What for? To warn his victim he's going to be murdered? No, Watson, it won't do, it won't do at all.
Dr. John H. Watson: I don't like the look of it Holmes, muddy waters, eh?
Sherlock Holmes: Too muddy... as if someone were constantly stirring them up.
Dr. John H. Watson: Why should they stir 'em up?
Sherlock Holmes: To confuse me. There's intelligence behind this business, Watson. Cold, calculating... ruthless intelligence.
-
Sherlock Holmes: At the moment I suspect no one and everyone.
-
Sherlock Holmes: How are you Lestrade?
Dr. John H. Watson: Here, here, what's going on here?
Sherlock Holmes: Someone just tried to kill Doctor Watson.
Dr. John H. Watson: Blimey, who?
Sherlock Holmes: When we find that out, Lestrade, we can all go home.
-
[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: [referring to Doctor Watson] Thereby enabling us to continue our long and happy association together.
-
Dr. John H. Watson: Well, how... how does the, uh, the thing work?
Sherlock Holmes: Electricity. The high priest of false security.
-
Sherlock Holmes: This man pervades Europe like a plague, yet no one has heard of him. That's what puts him on the pinnacle in the records of crime.
Dr. John H. Watson: What's he do?
Sherlock Holmes: Everything and nothing. In his whole diabolical career, the police have never been able to pin anything on him. And yet, show me crime without motive, robbery without a clue, murder without a trace and I'll show you Giles Conover.
Dr. John H. Watson: But that's amazing, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Two years ago, he disappeared from his usual haunts and I have every reason to believe that he... Oh, here it is... I've every reason to believe that he's back in England again. If I could free society of this sinister creature, I should feel that my own career had reached it's summit.
-
Sherlock Holmes: I don't like your work, Conover. I've seen quite a bit of it both here in London and and elsewhere on the continent. Don't like the smell of you either. That underground smell, the sick sweetness of decay. You haven't robbed and killed merely for gain like any ordinary halfway decent thug. No, you're in love with cruelty for it's own sake.
-
Sherlock Holmes: My dear Watson, I really must caution you against hitting newspaper reporters in the teeth...
-
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, look sharp, will you? Go to that door to the alley, and do exactly as I tell you.
Dr. John H. Watson: Huh?
Sherlock Holmes: No, not "huh". Just do it.
-
Dr. John H. Watson: Amazing. And the Borgia Pearl's inside that?
Sherlock Holmes: If it isn't, I shall retire to Sussex and keep bees.
-
Dr. John H. Watson: [viewing the Borgia Pearl] Huh, can't be real.
Sherlock Holmes: Real as death, old fellow, with the blood of twenty men upon it down through the centuries.
-
Sherlock Holmes: [sitting down gingerly to remove his make-up] Oh, I'm as stiff as a varnished eel!
-
Inspector Lestrade: When a lady gets hysterical...
Sherlock Holmes: She may do many desperate things but, my dear Lestrade, she does not run around the walls like a mouse.
-
[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: What's Conover? No more than a symbol of the greed and cruelty and lust for power that have set men at each other's throats down through the centuries... and the struggle will go on, Watson, for a pearl... kingdom... perhaps even world dominion... till the greed and cruelty have burned out of every last one of us... and when that time comes... perhaps even the pearl... will be washed clean again.
-
[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Canada, the linchpin of the English speaking world, whose relations of friendly intimacy with the United States on the one hand and their unswerving fidelity to the British Commonwealth and the Motherland on the other. Canada, the link that joins together these great branches of the human family.
Dr. John H. Watson: Churchill say that?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, Watson, Churchill.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Sit down, old fellow. Judge Brisson has decided not to shoot us.
Dr. John H. Watson: Oh, very kind of him.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Consider, Watson, the irony, the tragic irony, that we accepted the commission from the victim to find her murderer. For the first time... we've been retained by a corpse.
-
Sherlock Holmes: During the time he's lived here, Ramson has undoubtedly established another character for himself, perhaps several others, while by now, familiar to the people of La Morte Rouge and quite above suspicion. He could be almost anyone in the village.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Poor, innocent little child. I should have prevented this!
-
Lord Penrose: [to Holmes] Several of our most responsible citizens have actually seen the strange apparition on the marshes at night and next morning sheep were discovered...
Sherlock Holmes: With their throats torn out and no traces of the killer anywhere to be found.
-
Sherlock Holmes: My dear Mycroft, this is a surprise! Watson, some sherry... Is this a social call?
Mycroft Holmes: Yes, yes, oh yes, purely social.
[pause]
Mycroft Holmes: How are you?
Sherlock Holmes: Very well.
[pause]
Sherlock Holmes: Well, now that the social call is over, hadn't we better get down to business?
-
Duke of Shires: Where did you get this case?
Sherlock Holmes: I believe it to have come from a White Chapel pawn shop, sir.
Duke of Shires: A Pawn shop. No more than I predicted for him...
Sherlock Holmes: For whom, sir?
Duke of Shires: My eldest son, Michael.
Sherlock Holmes: Do you know of his present address?
Duke of Shires: He is dead.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, of what accident or sickness, your grace?
Duke of Shires: Disobedience. From the day he left this house against my wishes, he has been dead, sir.
Sherlock Holmes: You mean disowned, your grace.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Come, Mister Beck, your face reacts faster than your brain. You remember very well...
-
Dr. John Watson: Someone should have sent for us before this, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Someone has. The woman who sent me that instrument case.
Dr. John Watson: Oh, but then why doesn't she come out into the open?
Sherlock Holmes: Being a woman, she uses a women's art. She intrigues us to White Chapel.
-
Lord Carfax, Richard Osborne: What's all this about, Holmes, how did you get here?
Sherlock Holmes: I followed this young lady.
Sally: I saw no one.
Sherlock Holmes: That is exactly what you'd expect to see when I follow someone.
-
Dr. John Watson: But how on Earth did you get out of it, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: You know my methods, Watson, I am well known to be indestructable.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Would you stand up?
Dr. John Watson: Whatever for?
Sherlock Holmes: It is an old maxim of mine that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth, and therefore, you are sitting on my pipe.
-
Dr. John Watson: Holmes, there was an identical murder of a woman in Whitechapel just three days ago.
Sherlock Holmes: Aha, a second murder!
Dr. John Watson: Mm.-hmmm
Sherlock Holmes: Now, that is interesting.
Dr. John Watson: Why?
Sherlock Holmes: Because it is the second murder.
-
Doctor Murray: That is mere conjecture, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: All circumstantial evidence is conjecture, Murray, but it is often right.
Inspector Lestrade: Mr. Holmes is usually right.
-
[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: There's a new spirit abroad in the land. The old days of grab and greed are on their way out. We're beginning to think of what we *owe* the other fellow, not just what we're compelled to give him. The time is coming, Watson, when we shant't be able to fill our bellies in comfort while other folk go hungry, or sleep in warm beds while others shiver in the cold. And we shan't be able to kneel and thank God for blessing us before our shining altars while men anywhere are kneeling in either physical or spiritual subjection.
Dr. John H. Watson: You may be right, Holmes... I hope you are.
Sherlock Holmes: And, God willing, we'll live to see that day, Watson.
-
[Lestrade brings a suspect's shoe to compare to recovered footprints]
Insp. Lestrade: And that's Alfred Brunton's shoe.
Sherlock Holmes: Fits perfectly, Inspector.
Insp. Lestrade: Uh-huh.
Sherlock Holmes: But the fact that these prints were made by Brunton's shoes doesn't prove that Brunton's feet were in them.
Insp. Lestrade: Why not? Where should Brunton's feet be if not in his own shoes?
Dr. John H. Watson: Well, they're not in them now, are they?
-
[Inspector Lestrade is lost in a secret passage]
Insp. Lestrade: Get me out! It's me, Lestrade! I'm lost! I'm all turned around!
Sherlock Holmes: You have been for years. Get him out of there, will you, Mrs. Howells and give him a saucer of milk.
-
Dr. John H. Watson: Oh, Hurlston. It's a grim old pile, very spooky.
Sherlock Holmes: Don't tell me that you met a ghost.
Dr. John H. Watson: Well, not so spooky as that. Ghosts don't stab people in the neck, do they? Or do they?
Sherlock Holmes: Not well-bred ghosts, Watson.
-
Dr. John H. Watson: Yes. We told you, you were taking an awful risk.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, we had to have a confession and these egomaniacs are always so much more chatty when they feel they have the upper hand.
-
Dr. John H. Watson: Simple reasoning; a child could do it.
Sherlock Holmes: Not your child, Watson.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Alright Watson, you've had your little joke, now come along.
-
Dr. Watson: How do you know that?
Sherlock Holmes: Don't you ever read the Times, Watson? I've often advised you to do so, if you want to know something.
-
Dr. Watson: What do you suppose that is?
Sherlock Holmes: It looks remarkably like a grave.
Dr. Watson: A grave? But that's not large enough to burry a dog in.
Sherlock Holmes: Be careful, Watson, don't spoil the footprints. Leave that to the Inspector.
Dr. Watson: What could possibly be is buried there?
Sherlock Holmes: Clothes... very old clothes.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Before Blackburn died, he tried to write the name of his murderer on the top of the table, obviously with his wedding ring. M.O.R. does that convey anything to you, Inspector?
Inspector Cooper: M.O.R. Many words begin with M.O.R. Morgue, morning...
Sherlock Holmes: Or Moriarty.
Inspector Cooper: You told us that Moriarty has an alibi.
Sherlock Holmes: My dear Inspector, Blackburn had a secret. Moriarty wanted it and when he'd gotten it, he had him murdered.
Inspector Cooper: Do you know the secret, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: Naturally, I read the Times.
-
Prof. Moriarty: We are both men of logic and we possess extraordinary intellect. But we are both wasting our forces warring against each other and if I may say so, dear Holmes, this is illogical. We should unite our talents and forces. Such a partnership would be sure to succeed.
Sherlock Holmes: No doubt it would. Professor.
Prof. Moriarty: Then I may assume you accept?
Sherlock Holmes: The picture you paint is a very alluring one. There's only one answer that I can give. Much as I regret it, I shall have to continue to waste my energies. I have only one ambition at present: to see you hanged.
-
Inspector Cooper: Whiskey in the handle of a walking stick.
Prof. Moriarty: I always find it helps to take a small drink when it's chilly in London, Mr. Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: Thank you, I never drink before six.
Prof. Moriarty: Would the Inspector like one?
Inspector Cooper: [about to take a sip, but changes his mind] No, never on duty.
Prof. Moriarty: Doctor Watson?
Dr. Watson: No thanks, I am not in the least chilly today.
Prof. Moriarty: What a shame.
-
Det. Insp. Atherly Jones: I want to know where the pearls are.
Dr. John H. Watson: Yes, where are they?
Mary Morstan: Small's taken them.
Dr. John H. Watson: Then they are at the bottom of the river where we can find them... so now you'll be so terribly rich, I can't even claim you as a friend, much less ask you...
Mary Morstan: What?
Sherlock Holmes: Sorry the jewels are so distasteful to you, Ms. Marston, but I have the pearls. I took them from Jonathan Small when we first came to grips. I didn't want them to get wet, so I'm afraid you'll have to have them back
Dr. John H. Watson: Amazing!
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson, elementary.
-
[last lines]
Mary Morstan: Please... ask me.
Dr. John H. Watson: Will you, um...
Mary Morstan: Yes!
[they embrace]
Sherlock Holmes: Amazing!
Dr. John H. Watson: Elementary, my dear Holmes, elementary.
-
Sherlock Holmes: An amateur investigator like myself can't have too many facts of a case to work on.
-
Dr. John H. Watson: Well, now we know who did it. All we have to do is catch him.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, that's all. Yes, well you go out and catch him, and I'll wait here 'til you come back
Dr. John H. Watson: Yes!
[Watson turns to leave, but suddenly comes to a stop]
Dr. John H. Watson: Er, but where'll I go?
Sherlock Holmes: Exactly. Let's leave jumping to conclusions to the professional detectives.
-
Det. Insp. Atherly Jones: What I always says is, Mr. Holmes: an ounce of practice is worth a tonne of theory.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, yes. I've heard you say it.
-
Sherlock Holmes: You'd hardly thank me for theorizing over it.
Det. Insp. Atherly Jones: What I always say, Dear Mister Holmes, An ounce of practice is worth a ton of theory
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, Yes I've heard you say it.
-
Sherlock Holmes: [to Inspector Lestrade] We're old friends. I should hate to see you make such an ass of yourself as wrongfully to arrest the future son-in-law of Sir Henry Baskerville.
-
Sherlock Holmes: From your clothes I would deduce - you're going to a wedding.
Dr. John Watson: [laughs heartily] At last I've got you. For once in your life you're wromg.
Sherlock Holmes: Wrong?
Dr. John Watson: I'm not going to a wedding! I'm coming from one!
Dr. John Watson: [Watson again enjoys a hearty laugh]
Sherlock Holmes: [sardonically] Give them my congratulations or perhaps condolences.
Dr. John Watson: Rubbish! We all come to it, my dear fellow.
Dr. John Watson: [he laughs again] We all come to it. Goodbye.
Sherlock Holmes: [alone, ironically and sadly, after Watson has left] Not all, my dear Watson... not all.
-
Sherlock Holmes: My dear Mrs. Hudson, you've always been a temptation to me, but haddock after a good breakfast is not.
Mrs. Hudson: Lawd, and you do carry on!
-
Dr. John Watson: Oh, Holmes, you're marvelous!
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson, elementary.
-
Sherlock Holmes: [to Moriarity] It's very interesting, Moriarity, but your five minutes is up!
-
Sherlock Holmes: Rest assured, after he has seen me, he shall never gamble again.
-
Sherlock Holmes: May I offer you a piece of advice? Never give in to sudden impulses. They're even more dangerous than you and I am.
-
Sherlock Holmes: I've decided to write the story down; as it was, not as John made it. Get it right, before I die.
Roger: You're not going to die.
Sherlock Holmes: I'm 93.
Roger: I had a great-uncle who lived to be 102.
Sherlock Holmes: Well done. That seals my fate. What are the odds that you would know two men who would live that long?
Roger: Well, I didn't actually know him.
[Holmes laughs]
-
[Holmes and Roger tend to some bees]
Roger: You ever been bitten?
Sherlock Holmes: Stung! Bees don't have teeth!
[Mrs Munro appears]
Mrs. Munro: You ever been bitten?
Sherlock Holmes: No. I have never been bit.
-
[Holmes explains a series of deductions about his last client]
Roger: But all that just told you he was married. How did you know he'd come to see you about his wife?
Sherlock Holmes: [smiles] Because when you're a detective, and a man comes to see you, it's usually about his wife.
-
Sherlock Holmes: I have been alone. All my life. But with the compensations of the intellect.
Ann Kelmot: And is that enough?
Sherlock Holmes: It can be. If one is so fortunate as to find a place in the world. And another soul with whom one's loneliness can reside.
-
Sherlock Holmes: A man abandoned his family and wrote his son a story. He wouldn't be the first to cloak his cowardice in a flag of sacrifice.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Exceptional children are often the product of unremarkable parents.
-
Sherlock Holmes: There seems to be an outbreak of mortality.
-
[first lines]
Sherlock Holmes: You shouldn't do that. Tap the glass.
Boy: How did you know I was going to?
Boy's Mother: You must forgive my son, he loves bees.
Sherlock Holmes: It isn't a bee, it's a wasp. Different thing entirely.
-
Sherlock Holmes: My first foray into the world of fiction. One shouldn't leave this life without a sense of completion.
-
Sherlock Holmes: And so ends the story about a woman who died before her time, and a man who had long outlived his.
-
[waiting with Mrs. Munro outside Roger's hospital room]
Sherlock Holmes: There was a woman, once. I knew her less than a day. A quarter of an hour's conversation. She needed my help. She needed so desperately to be understood by someone... Me. So, I laid out the particulars of her case as I saw them... To her satisfaction, I thought. I watched her walk away. And within hours she'd ended her life. By identifying the cause of her despair with such clarity, I'd given her carte blanche to do just as she intended. I should've done whatever it took to save her. Lie to her, make up a story. Take her by the hand and hold her as she wept, and said, "Come live with me. "Let us be alone together." But I was fearful. Selfish. She's the reason I came here to my bees, so that I couldn't harm anyone ever again.
[pause]
Sherlock Holmes: I'm leaving you the house. You and Roger. House, grounds, apiary, everything within and without. And as I shan't change my mind on this point, you will see, I trust, that it will be greatly less complicated for all concerned if the two of you don't go off to somewhere like... Portsmouth.
-
Sherlock Holmes: I was given a small chest containing the Watson stories, none of which I'd ever actually read. They were, as John always described them, penny dreadfuls with an elevated prose style.
-
Dr. Barrie: What happens when you don't recall where the telephone is? Or you forget to turn off the gas? You can't live alone.
Sherlock Holmes: I don't live alone, I have the housekeeper!
-
Roger: She wants me to be a bootblack!
Mrs. Munro: Roger!
Roger: She wants me to do what she does!
Mrs. Munro: There's no shame in what I do!
Roger: You complain enough about it! Always going on about how hard things are.
[to Holmes]
Roger: She can barely read!
[Mrs. Munro storms out of the room]
Sherlock Holmes: Go after her. Apologize for saying things that were meant to hurt. You were cruel! If you don't apologize, you will regret it.
Roger: People always say that.
Sherlock Holmes: Because it's true.
Roger: Do *you* regret anything?
Sherlock Holmes: [with feeling] So much.
-
[Holmes sees Mrs. Munro pouring kerosene on his apiary, and rushes outside]
Sherlock Holmes: You mustn't do that!
Mrs. Munro: My son won't wake. He may never wake. They sent me away till morning. You didn't even have the decency to tell me what'd happened to him!
Sherlock Holmes: I didn't think it would make a difference.
Mrs. Munro: [screaming] I'm his mother! I'm his mother, and you stole him from me! He's all I had! And I've lost him now. Why wasn't it you they did it to? - It should've been you!
Sherlock Holmes: The bees were not to blame.
Mrs. Munro: They're all you care about!
Sherlock Holmes: No! I care about Roger. I care about him very much...!
[He breaks down sobbing]
-
[solving his last "case"]
Sherlock Holmes: The bees... didn't do it. The bees were not to blame. It was the wasps! Roger was trying to find out what was killing the bees. And he did. He found the wasps' nest. He had to stop them wiping out the bees. And so he did the worst possible thing. He tried to drown them with water from his can.
Mrs. Munro: How do you know it was them?
Sherlock Holmes: Bees leave their stings. Wasps don't. There were no stings left in Roger's face. And when they attacked, he dropped the watering can and ran up to protect the bees. There are his footprints from the apiary to the nest and back.
Mrs. Munro: He was trying to save the bees.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes.
[Together, they pour kerosene on the wasps' nest, and set it ablaze]
-
[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, but this is a great country, Watson.
Dr. John H. Watson: It certainly is, my dear fellow.
Sherlock Holmes: Look, up there ahead, the Capitol, the very heart of this democracy.
Dr. John H. Watson: Democracy, the only hope for the future, hey, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: "It's not given to us to peer into the mysteries of the future... but, in the days to come, the British and American people will, for their own safety and for the good of all, will walk together in majesty, and in justice, and in peace."
Dr. John H. Watson: That's magnificent. I quite agree with you.
Sherlock Holmes: Not with me, with Mr. Winston Churchill. I was quoting from the speech he made not so long ago in that very building.
-
Sherlock Holmes: [Ahrens of the Home Office is explaining the situation about Pettibone having secretly taken a legal document to Washington] What form is this document in?
Mr. Ahrens: It was typed... on two sheets of legal paper.
Dr. John H. Watson: Two sheets? That's too bulky to swallow.
Sherlock Holmes: And dry, Watson, fearfully dry. Especially *legal* papers.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, I shall write a monograph some day... on the noxious habit of accumulating useless trivia.
-
Sherlock Holmes: I assure you, Mr. Ahrens, that Dr. Watson is the very soul of discretion.
-
Sherlock Holmes: We've got it, Watson.
Dr. John H. Watson: Oh, have we?
Sherlock Holmes: Yes. Come along.
Dr. John H. Watson: Oh yes, well, it's clear as mud to me.
-
Sherlock Holmes: [on the pyjama suicides] Indubitably, these murders are the work of a well-organized gang and directing them is one of the most fiendishly clever minds in all Europe today.
Inspector Lestrade: Any notion who?
Sherlock Holmes: I suspect a woman. Do you have tobacco around this place, Watson?
Dr. John H. Watson: Yes, I've packed it. A woman? You amaze me, Holmes. Why a woman?
Sherlock Holmes: Because the method, whatever it is, is particularly subtle and cruel. Feline, not canine.
Inspector Lestrade: Poppy-cock. Canine, feline, quinine, when a bloke does himself in, that's suicide.
Sherlock Holmes: Unless the bloke is driven to suicide and then in that case it's murder.
Dr. John H. Watson: Driven? That *sounds* like a woman, doesn't it?
Sherlock Holmes: Definitely, a female Moriarty. Clever, ruthless... and above all, cautious.
-
Sherlock Holmes: I expect nothing... and everything.
-
Sherlock Holmes: I'm sorry, Watson, the pleasures of the chase are no longer for me. I'm through with crime now and forever.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Remarkable woman. Audacious and deadly as one of her own spiders.
-
Sherlock Holmes: He's gone.
Dr. John H. Watson: Blast his eyes!
-
[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, Watson, Miss Spedding deserves credit for picking the most logical spot in the world... to commit my murder.
Dr. John H. Watson: Oh, where is that?
Sherlock Holmes: In the middle of a crowd.
-
[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, Watson... the needle.
-
Sherlock Holmes: There are still some gaps to be filled in, but all in all, things are becoming a little clearer.
Dr. Watson: Not to me, I assure you. It's still a hopeless jumble. Mr. Franklin, Doctor Mortimer, the Barrymans... put it all together and what have you got?
Sherlock Holmes: Murder, my dear Watson. Refined, cold-blooded murder.
Dr. Watson: Murder?
Sherlock Holmes: There's no doubt about it in my mind. Or perhaps I should say, in my imagination. For that's where crimes are conceived and where they're solved... in the imagination.
-
Dr. Watson: It's a pity you didn't think about bringing that infernal violin of yours... to regale me with some of your enchanting music!
Sherlock Holmes: I *did*, my dear Watson! Anything to oblige!
[he whips out the violin and begins to play]
-
Sherlock Holmes: Did he tell you his name?
Cabby: Yes sir.
Sherlock Holmes: What did he say it was?
Cabby: Sherlock Holmes, sir
Sherlock Holmes: What?
Cabby: Well, that's the name what he give me, sir. Sherlock Holmes!
[all laugh]
Sherlock Holmes: Well, whoever it is, at least has a sense of humor!
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James Mortimer, M.D.: Mr. Holmes, you're the one man in all of England who can help me.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, won't you sit down.
James Mortimer, M.D.: Thank you. A friend of mine is in grave danger.
Sherlock Holmes: May I inquire his name?
James Mortimer, M.D.: Sir Henry Baskerville. Hier to the estate of Baskerville Hall.
[Holmes and Watson exchange a look]
James Mortimer, M.D.: I am in mortal fear Sir Henry's life will be... snuffed out.
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Dr. Watson: Then, why are we rushing up to London, leaving Sir Henry entirely unprotected?
Sherlock Holmes: We're not, my dear Watson. We're just giving the impression of rushing up to London.
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Sherlock Holmes: The only way is to catch him red handed. To catch him in such a way that there's no escape, no alibi. That means gambling with Sir Henry's life.
Dr. Watson: [horrified] But you can't poss...
Sherlock Holmes: Gambling to save his life. But we've got to take that chance.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Do you remember that missing boot, Watson? Why do you suppose the brown one, the one that had never been worn, was so mysteriously replaced and the black one taken?
Dr. Watson: Why?
Sherlock Holmes: Because a boot that had never been worn wouldn't have had the scent of the owner... and the black one had!
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Sherlock Holmes: [a portrait that he has just seen fascinates him] You must... you must dine with us before you sail.
Sir Henry Baskerville: Well, there's the old boy himself... Sir Hugo. Hugo, the Beast of the Baskervilles.
Dr. Watson: Not a bad bit of brush work. By Ransome, one of the minor painters.
Sir Henry Baskerville: Oh, I don't imagine it's very valuable.
Sherlock Holmes: I can't quite agree with you, Sir Henry.
Sherlock Holmes: [ominously] One day, it might prove to be of the greatest value.
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Sherlock Holmes: Do you imagine that I can prevent the Powers of Darkness?
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Sherlock Holmes: This is, I think, a two-pipe problem.
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Sherlock Holmes: My professional charges are upon a fixed scale. I do not vary them, except when I remit them altogether.
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Doctor Richard Mortimer: But this is remarkable!
Sherlock Holmes: Superficial. There is nothing remarkable about using one's eyes.
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[to Sir Henry Baskerville]
Sherlock Holmes: I must insist upon one thing. Under no circumstances are you to go out onto the moors at night.
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Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson. Tarantulas are not from South Africa.
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[last lines]
Sherlock Holmes: It's elementary, my dear Watson, elementary...
[Extending it to Watson]
Sherlock Holmes: Muffin?
Doctor John Watson: Thank you.
-
Sherlock Holmes: I never relinquish a case!
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Stapleton: What do you expect to find down here, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: What one expects to find under the ground. Bones, perhaps?
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Sherlock Holmes: There is more evil around us here than I have ever encountered before.
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[of Sir Henry Baskerville]
Sherlock Holmes: I warned him! What could have possessed him to come out here alone?
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Sherlock Holmes: We shall avenge his death, not mourn it.
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Sherlock Holmes: The depth a human being can sink to!
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Sherlock Holmes: In a case such as this, everyone is suspect - even Sir Henry.
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Sherlock Holmes: The dagger's gone! Don't you realize what that means? Sir Henry is to die tonight!
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Sherlock Holmes: The powers of Evil can take many forms. Remember that, Sir Henry, when you're at Baskerville Hall. Do as the legend tells and avoid the moor when the forces of darkness are exalted.
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Sherlock Holmes: Sir Henry, keep perfectly still...
[Pointing to him]
Sherlock Holmes: if you value your life.
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Sherlock Holmes: You had better be off. You mustn't be late for your peasant friends... I hope you enjoy their rabbit pie.
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Sherlock Holmes: You came to see me professionally.
Inspector Lestrade: Well, er, unofficially.
Sherlock Holmes: I see. Heads you win, tails I lose.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Come, Watson; the game is afoot.
-
Mrs. Murphy: Then you've had to take me, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: I'll, ahh, take up your case.
Mrs. Murphy: Mind you, it'll have to be for love.
Sherlock Holmes: Love?
Mrs. Murphy: For nix. I've noticed how you like workin' for nothin'.
Sherlock Holmes: My interest is to bring the criminal to justice.
Mrs. Murphy: Well, never mind about justice, never mind about the crime. All I want is my husband's lawful money. And I want you to slap that thievin' lawyers face right across, between his greasy fat chops. Good night, Mr. Holmes. I'll be seeing you and thank you kindly.
-
Sherlock Holmes: This, my friend, is the layout of the house where two swindlers are holding a young woman against her will.
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Sherlock Holmes: I have a weakness for dawdling, the better to observe.
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Sherlock Holmes: My name is Sherlock Holmes. I-I am a student - a student of life. Its complexities fascinate me...
-
Sherlock Holmes: I merely wanted to know you a little better.
Prof. Moriarty: Several Scotland Yard Inspectors tried that. Their lifeless bodies were found floating in the Thames.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh! - Well, of course, if you're as difficult to know as all that, I'd better be getting back my microbes.
-
Dr. Watson: I say, Holmes, you are an odd chap, why have you kept that photograph all these years?
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, I don't know - there was a familiar - charming something - about the eyes - that reminded me of her sister - the girl I met on the roadside that day. I don't know what ever became of her. After her sister's death, I wrote, asking if I could be of assistance - but she never answered - I...
-
Sherlock Holmes: Please don't think me impertinent, but I know that revenge will only embitter your own life and in no way lessen the wrong that has been done.
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Sherlock Holmes: It was extraordinary Watson - seeing that girl again - made me almost forget my purpose - I wanted to take her away.
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Sherlock Holmes: Future is an invention of the winners.
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Sherlock Holmes: I think that maybe it's time to retire me. I miss London: his streets, his bikes, his cars, his buildings, his parks... Maybe I could to investigate about bees. Always I was intrigued about the reason they do hexagonal cells. I could live in the country beekeeping, and write a book about it.
John Watson: And maybe a woman?
Sherlock Holmes: [sarcastic] Don't be killjoy Watson! Don't add fog to the landscape.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Evil is the engine of our time.
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Ãngela: Do you think that men getting worse women?
Sherlock Holmes: More of what they already are?
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Sherlock Holmes: "From Hell", wrote Jack. He fell short.
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Enrique Valcárcel: How do you know that existed other victim?
Sherlock Holmes: The question is why you didn't know before.
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Irene Adler: How is Watson?
Sherlock Holmes: He's married.
Irene Adler: [ironic] Again?
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Sherlock Holmes: [about Irene Adler] How can you stand her?
Ãngela: Because I love her... and I accept her.
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Irene Adler: [after to see a copy of Fortunata y Jacinta in the Holmes room] From when you read Spanish literature?
Sherlock Holmes: I knew the author.
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John Watson: [about Crystal Palace in The Buen Retiro Park] It's so luminous, so bright.
Sherlock Holmes: It's so luminous that sun enters the palace to take a sunbathe.
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Sherlock Holmes: I think that we should finish our unfinished business.
Irene Adler: [suspicious] We aren't unfinished business.
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Irene Adler: Madrilenians have a proverb: "From Madrid to Heaven". I like to say "From Madrid the heaven".
Sherlock Holmes: Why?
Irene Adler: [suggestive] Because it's hot.
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Marqués de Simancas: We have many things in common.
Sherlock Holmes: I can't imagine only one.
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Sherlock Holmes: Even in beauty exists ugliness.
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Sherlock Holmes: Look out Wilson. Kill is an addiction very hard to get rid.
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Sherlock Holmes: How are his notions about Spanish language?
John Watson: [ironic] Excellents. I will not question about his notions: his Spanish language must be so perfect as his swahili.
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[last lines]
Dr. Watson: Amazing, Holmes!
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson, elementary.
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Sherlock Holmes: Surely you didn't travel from Dartmoor to read that to me?
Dr Mortimer: I hoped you'd advise me; you're regarded as the second highest problem expert in Europe.
Sherlock Holmes: The second highest--but who's the first?
Dr Mortimer: Well I've read of a Frenchman who--who--
Sherlock Holmes: Then why not consult him.
-
Sherlock Holmes: 'Inspector Grayson, I think you've been spending a little too much time with the mortician.'
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Sherlock Holmes: And now, Professor Moriarity, what can I do for you?
Professor Moriarty: Everything that I have to say to you has already crossed your mind.
Sherlock Holmes: And my answer has no doubt crossed yours.
Professor Moriarty: That's final?
Sherlock Holmes: What do you think?
-
Sherlock Holmes: If we could just trace those missing fingers.
Inspector Gregson: If? If we could just drain the English Channel, we might find a penny.
-
Professor Moriarty: We've had many encounters in the past. You hope to place me on the gallows. I tell you, I shall never stand upon the gallows. But, if you are instrumental in any way in bringing about my destruction, you will not be alive to enjoy your satisfaction.
Sherlock Holmes: Then we shall walk together through the Gates of Eternity hand-in-hand.
Professor Moriarty: What a charming picture that would make.
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, wouldn't it. And I really think it might be worth it.
-
[last lines]
Dr. John H. Watson: An evil man, Holmes, but what a horrible death.
Sherlock Holmes: Better than he deserved.
Dr. John H. Watson: What are you thinking of?
Sherlock Holmes: I'm thinking of all the women who can come and go in safety in the streets of London tonight. Stars keep watch in their heavens, and in our own little way, we, too, old friend, are privileged to watch over our city.
-
Lydia Marlowe: I was right, Mr Holmes. You are a difficult subject.
Sherlock Holmes: Thank you.
-
Sherlock Holmes: What a beautiful view, Watson. I'm quite enjoying it.
Dr. John H. Watson: No, you're not. Your hypnotized! You're under a spell. Stand still, don't move. Steady, Holmes, steady does it. Stand perfectly still where you are.
Sherlock Holmes: Nonsense, Watson.
Dr. John H. Watson: I, uh, you don't know what you're doing.
Sherlock Holmes: Of course I know what I'm doing.
Dr. John H. Watson: You mean you're not hypnotized?
Sherlock Holmes: Certainly not!
Dr. John H. Watson: Then get off the wall, you idiot!
-
Inspector Gregson: What are you looking at, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: Looking at a very handsome woman. Not born to the purple, but, uh, giving an excellent imitation.
-
Sherlock Holmes: I smell the faint, sweet odor of blackmail.
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Sherlock Holmes: [to Lestrade] When people are frightened, they turn to God, and when they have no help from him, they look to the Devil.
-
Prime Minister Lord Salisbury: You have my word.
Sherlock Holmes: [Acidly] I would prefer some more reliable authority.
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Sherlock Holmes: We've unmasked madmen, Watson, wielding scepters. Reason run riot. Justice howling at the moon.
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Sherlock Holmes: You create allegiance above your sworn allegiance to protect humanity. You shall not care for them, or acknowledge their pain. There lies the madness.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Watson, what are you doing?
Dr. John H. Watson: I'm trying to corner the last pea on my plate.
Dr. John H. Watson: [Holmes squashes the pea] You squashed my pea.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, now you've got it cornered.
Dr. John H. Watson: Yes but squashing a fellow's pea.
Sherlock Holmes: Just trying to help.
Dr. John H. Watson: I didn't want it squashed, I don't like it that way - I like it whole so that you can feel it pop when you bite down on it.
Sherlock Holmes: Sorry, I wasn't thinking.
-
Sherlock Holmes: [to a sleeping Watson] The games afoot! No time to lose!
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Dr. John H. Watson: [Offended by the booing of the Prince of Wales by the theater gallery] It's a damn disgrace!
Sherlock Holmes: On the contrary. I prefer bad manners in the theater to active violence in the streets.
-
Sherlock Holmes: [Reacting to the tardiness of the Prince of Wales] I suppose since, after all, he's only the Prince of Wales, we should not expect the same degree of courtesy.
Dr. John H. Watson: And since you are the Prince of Detectives, Holmes, I don't think you should presume to criticize a man who one day will be King of England.
Sherlock Holmes: [amused] Well done, Watson! You have cut me to the quick. Hmm! Only the Prince of Detectives, you say? Then who, pray tell, is the King?
Dr. John H. Watson: Lestrade, of course.
[Holmes laughs]
-
Prime Minister Lord Salisbury: You have us at a disadvantage, Mr. Holmes. I think it might be better if you tell us your story in your own way and permit me to be the judge of whether it is true or not.
Sherlock Holmes: [Assertively] You may take it to be true, sir!
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