Shazzer Quotes in Bridget Jones's Baby (2016)

Shazzer: Oh, God! You didn't use those? The vegan condoms?

Bridget: "Biodegradable and dolphin-friendly." If I'm going to be slutty, it's nice to think I'm helping the environment.

Tom: Well done Bridge, four hours of careful cooking and a feast of blue soup, omelette and marmalade. I think that deserves a toast, don't you? To Bridget, who cannot cook, but who we love

[in an undertone]

Tom: just as she is.

Tom, Shazzer, Jude: To Bridget, just as she is.

Jude: Just as you are? Not thinner? Not cleverer? Not with slightly bigger breasts or slightly smaller nose?

Bridget: No.

Shazzer: Well, fuck me.

Tom: This is someone you hate right?

Bridget: Yes, yes, I hate him.

Tom: Whose side are we on?

Shazzer: Mark's, of course. He never dumped Bridget for some naked American.

Bridget: But he did shag Daniel's fiancée and left him broken-hearted.

Tom: You're right, it's a tough one to call.

Shazzer: Look, are you coming to fucking Paris or not?

Bridget: Um, not.

Shazzer: No fucking room, anyway.

Shazzer: Fuck 'em. Fuck the lot of 'em. Tell 'em they can stick fucking Leevis up their fucking asses.

Bridget: [narrating] Shazzer. Journalist. Likes to say "fuck."

Shazzer: Introduce people with thoughtful details. Such as: "Sheila, this is Daniel. Daniel, this is Sheila. Sheila enjoys horse-riding and comes from New Zealand. Daniel enjoys publishing and comes..."

Bridget: ...all over your face?

Shazzer: Exactly. I mean there's been all these bloody hints and stuff, but has he ever actually stuck his fucking tongue down your fucking throat?

Bridget: No. Not once!

Shazzer: What about a wig? They're lawyers aren't they? Lawyers love wigs.

Shazzer: [on Daniel Cleaver] You wouldn't sleep with him?

Bridget Jones: No, of course not. Absolutely not.

[pause]

Bridget Jones: But he is clever.

Shazzer: Yes?

Bridget Jones: And handsome.

Shazzer: He's also a dysfunctional, fucked-up, middle-aged lost boy!

Bridget Jones: [pause] Well, no one's perfect.

Shazzer: [Whisper to Bridget] Jellyfisher alert. Jellyfisher alert.

[turns away]

Bridget Jones: Janey Osbourne. Talking to her is like swimming in a sea and being stung repeatedly by an enormous jellyfish.

Shazzer: [suitcase won't shut] Fuck!

Bridget Jones: What?

Shazzer: There's no fucking room in the fucking suitcase.