Shannon Quotes in Pineapple Express (2008)

Robert: Are you high?

Dale Denton: What? No!

Shannon: You are high as a fucking kite!

Robert: [at dinner] What the hell happened to you?

Dale Denton: Nothing, I'm supposed to be here right now, so I'm here!

Robert: You're all dirty and bleeding.

Dale Denton: No I'm not, I'm here for dinner.

Shannon: You have scratches on your forehead...

Robert: Dude, you smell like shit.

Angie Anderson: Dale, what happened to you?

Dale Denton: I was in the woods!

Shannon: In the woods?

Dale Denton: Yeah, isn't that weird? I was... I was in the woods!

Shannon: What were you doing in the woods?

Dale Denton: I bird... watch... I don't. No, I don't. Look, I'm gonna come clean. I witnessed a murder. Ok? I saw someone murder... someone else.

Shannon: I'm so tired of running. Why can't we put the goddamned seeds in the ground here?

Rick: What if they come?

Shannon: What if they don't?

Shannon: That's for Rick you cunt

Endean: Shannon, get him out of here! This whole country's bought and paid for!

Shannon: You're gonna have to buy it all over again.

[shoots Col. Bobi]

Shannon: In my jungle, you'd be just another asshole.

Customs Officer: [finding two large bottles of whisky in Shannon's luggage] Do you have a drinking problem, Mr Brown?

Shannon: I thought there might be a problem with the water.

Customs Officer: [confiscating one of the bottles] There is.

Shannon: [to the other mercenaries] Remember; you have to make it home to get paid.

Col. Bobi: [of his troops] They'll die for Zangaro!

Shannon: Be more help to me if they fight.

Col. Bobi: If there is one who doesn't, I'll take his head and mount it on the palace gates.

Shannon: You and your brother both have the same easy way of doing business.

Col. Bobi: Olu Kimba did not do business. So now Secu Bobi will be president. He wants to be God... I want to be RICH!

Drew: [Shannon is recruiting men] Count me in; I'll go.

Shannon: Don't you want to know where and what?

Drew: Doesn't matter. My wife's six months pregnant. Wherever we're going, it's gotta be better than sittin' around watchin' her get fat.

Shannon: [about his mercenaries] Everybody comes with me, goes home.

Shannon: [to Endean and Bobi, who have arrived after the fighting is over] You're late!

Shannon: Anything that starts with "d" I didn't get yet?

Dr. Oaks: Yeah... DEAD!

Shannon: Wait. I just thought of something.

Frances: What?

Shannon: You're a woman.

Frances: ...Yeah.

Shannon: Guys like that won't take orders from women. They just pulled off a multi-million pound bank robbery and some woman rings them up asking for 300,000 pounds? I don't think they're gonna take you seriously.

Frances: It's the 21st century. Women are doing every kind of job. We can do extortion.

Shannon: What are you trying to do? Raise their consciousness or get the money?

Frances: Ideally, both.

Frances: 300 grand or the cops'll be on ya like a ton of... cops...

Shannon: Bricks.

Frances: ...bricks.

Frances: We'll have them bury it in the sand pit.

Shannon: No sand. Got stolen.

Frances: Someone stole the sand? That is just sick.

Frances: What are you doing? You're supposed to be the good cop.

Shannon: Well I'd like to be the bad cop.

Frances: There can't be two bad cops, it doesn't work.

Brodie: Hey, you know where you're going, they screw people in a very uncomfortable place.

Shannon: Really?

Brodie: Yeah.

Arresting Cop #2: Hey, hey! You can't strike a prisoner in police custody.

Brodie: Oh, come on. Just once?

Arresting Cop #2: All right, but make it fast.

[punches Shannon in his stomach]

Shannon: Hey Jana, isn't that your muff diving little sister over there with her disgusting boscoe-flavored girlfriend?

Jana: Insert it in your clammy crevice, will ya, Shannon?

Shannon: Kid, I want you to meet Mr. Bernie Rose!

Bernie Rose: Nice to meet you.

[Bernie sticks out his hand to shake; Driver does not take it]

Driver: My hands are a little dirty.

Bernie Rose: So are mine.

Shannon: [to Driver] A lot of guys mess around with married women, but you're the only one I know who robs a joint just to pay back the husband. Crazy.

Nino: You paid three-hundred fucking grand for this piece of shit?

Bernie Rose: I paid for it - out of my own pocket. This is just the shell; it's the inside that counts, not the outside, right Shannon?

Shannon: You are correct, sir.

Nino: Fuck that shit; I pay three-hundred for something, I want everybody to fucking see it!

Bernie Rose: Of course you do.

Nino: [Nino sees an collectible car] Now this... that is one motherfucking, fine-ass, pussy-mobile, motha-fucka'! Damn!

Bernie Rose: Shannon, sell him the car.

Shannon: He wouldn't be able to find pussy in a whore house...

Shannon: [Shannon begins hobbling over to Nino] You know what? This car will even make you good-looking.

Nino: I'm already good-looking, pal.

Shannon: [to Driver] You look like a zombie, kid. You getting any sleep? Can I offer you some benzedrine, dexedrine, caffeine, nicotine? Oh, you don't smoke. That's right. Better off.

Shannon: You two know each other?

Driver: [smiling while walking by] Don't.

Shannon: [excited] Oh, look at that!

Irene: We're neighbors.

Shannon: Neighbors? Very good. Well, we'll try to be neighborly too.

Bernie Rose: What do you got that the big professional race teams don't?

Shannon: I got the driver.

Bernie Rose: You just told me they had half a dozen drivers.

Shannon: Not like this. This kid is special. I've been working with him for a while. I've never seen anything like it. If I had the money, I'd back him myself.

Bernie Rose: Yeah, but you don't have the money.

Shannon: Mr. Rose, you put this kid behind the wheel, there's nothing he can't do.

Nino: Take a fucking hike. I want to talk to my partner.

[pause]

Nino: I'm just fucking with you. How you doing, Shannon? How's the fucking leg?

Shannon: I paid my debt.

Shannon: [about Driver] You know, he walked into my shop here about five or six years ago. Right out of the blue. Asking for a job. So I put him to the test to see what he could do. The kid's amazing.

Irene: Yeah.

Shannon: So I hired him on the spot. Boom.

[snaps fingers]

Shannon: At about half the wages I normally pay. He didn't blink an eye.

[to Driver]

Shannon: Hey kid, come over here for a second, will you?

[back to Irene]

Shannon: And I have been exploiting him ever since.

[Shannon laughs]

Shannon: Don't tell him.

Driver: You get out of here and you never fucking come back. You never come back.

Shannon: What are you going to do?

Shannon: What happened to all the ashtrays in this town?

Shannon: You look like a zombie kid, you getting any sleep?

Shannon: He wouldn't be able to find pussy in a whore house.

Allison: Where have you been?

Shannon: [gasps] You scared me to death!

Allison: [laughs] Sorry.

Shannon: Only taking care of all these lonely love-starved devils.

Shannon: Tell me you want me to stay.

Trey: I want you to stay.

Shannon: Why?

Trey: Because you've made every day like a sleepover with my best friend. And I really love you.