Shaft Quotes in Shaft (1971)

Shaft: Sorry, I can't make it.

Ellie Moore: You got problems, baby?

Shaft: Heh. Yeah, I got a couple of 'em. I was born black... and I was born poor.

Vic Androzzi: Have a chair, John.

Shaft: I don't like your chair.

Shaft: I got to feeling like a machine, and that's no way to feel.

Shaft: Up yours, baby.

Vic Androzzi: Call me when you get home.

Shaft: I will.

Vic Androzzi: [leaves, motions as if to close the door, and then... ] Close it yourself, shitty.

[cackles]

Jazar: How long is your phallus, Mr. Shaft?

Shaft: My what?

Jazar: Your cock?

Shaft: Baby, by now it shrunk down to 20 inches.

Shaft: Now, wait a minute. Now, I'm not James Bond. Simply, Sam Spade.

Col. Gonder: Well, Mr. Shaft, it seems we've brought you a long distance for nothing. Obviously the opposition knows about you. If you choose to call it off, we'll understand.

Shaft: What? And blow 25 grand?

Col. Gonder: Only money brings you here?

Shaft: Hell no! I just love to have my picture taken with lions.

Zubair: You know how to ride camel?

Shaft: No ride camel. Ride ass!

Wassa: Where did you study stick fighting, Mr. Shaft?

Shaft: Conducting the New York Philharmonic.

Wassa: The Emir will be pleased. Also, by the fact you're already circumcised.

Emir Ramila: How good are you with a stick?

Shaft: Cat named Shaft ain't gonna be bad with a stick.

Shaft: Look, why don't you get rid of that jolly giant over there, so you and I can get down to the finer strokes.

Aleme: Oziat has guarded me since I was a child. Sometimes I think of him as my living chastity belt.

Shaft: Damn! - A man that size, baby, that's a whole lot of chastity!

Aleme: I'm still on my first age grade. We call that fareita. No one is permitted to marry while they are in fareita.

Shaft: What do you do for relaxation?

Aleme: I enter chala, my second age grade, this February. Then, even the emir's daughter may have sex and marry, after my clitoradectomy.

Shaft: Your what?

Aleme: My clitoradectomy. Female circumcision.

Shaft: You mean when they cut off your...?

Aleme: Are you afraid to say the word? My clitoris! Yes! That's what they do in the time of chala.

Shaft: Hell, no wonder the natives get restless!

Aleme: Mr. Shaft, the emphasis in our marriage is not about sexual pleasure, but on the rearing of children.

Shaft: Listen, baby. Now, February is just around the corner. Now how the hell are you gonna know what you are missing unless you give it a little wear and tear before they take it away?

Aleme: Are you volunteering?

Shaft: You're damn right!

Osiat: Where are your stick?

Aleme: It's time for your lesson.

Shaft: [looking at a naked prostitute with her arms crossed propping up her breast] No wonder they call Africa the mother country! Mama, I ain't gonna fight it.

Parking Garage Attendent: Hey, some Africans are lookin' for you, brother.

Shaft: I don't know any Africans, brother.

Emir Ramila: Mineral water, Mr. Shaft. Quite pure.

Shaft: Give me some Scotch, man.

Shaft: What's this - slave jive?

Shaft: I was 21 before I found out that isn't is another way of sayin' ain't.

Aleme: They vanished as mysteriously as they appeared. But, they left behind our spoken culture, their drums, their copper spears, their beaded crowns. Nobody knows what happened to them. But, our tribes are descendant from these proud... ancestors. Don't laugh, Mr. Shaft. Your survival depends on how much you can remember.

Shaft: Who's laughing? I was just thinkin', they made us study Shakespeare in school. Man, was he a Johnny-Come-Lately, compared to your Cats groovin' on poetry a thousand years ago.

Shaft: Who was the cat in drag who tried to kill me?

Col. Gonder: A Sardinian named Boko, an assassin, long criminal record.

Shaft: And the dude that - saved my ass?

Col. Gonder: He works for us.

Shaft: Now, you're wrong. See, my folks weren't in cotton, they were in tobacco.

Shaft: Okay, what about some iron?

Col. Gonder: Iron?

Shaft: A piece.

Col. Gonder: No gun. Too difficult to hide and a dead giveaway if somebody searches your bag. Anyway, you've got your stick.

Aleme: Were you disappointed I wasn't a virgin? Hmm?

Shaft: Hell no, baby, you had some good teachers.

Shaft: Nobody's ever cried for ya, have they baby? Nobody even knows you're gone.

Shaft: Next time, you mutha, don't bite off more than you can chew!

Jazar: If you help me, I'll help you.

Shaft: Your place or mine?

Shaft: You can usually tell by the size of a man's nose or the length and thickness of his thumbs. I always look for a man with prominent nose and long, thick thumbs.

Shaft: Baby, you're not turning me on. I got too many things on my mind.

Jazar: [Strips] A man who has been in the desert as long as you have? You know, the man who pays my bills, thinks I'm oversexed.

Shaft: And whatever gave him that idea?

Shaft: Baby, this may blow your mind, but, I ain't about to f*ck you. I'm taking you out of here right now, as a hostage.

Jazar: Do it later, please. Please.

Shaft: Move it, baby.

Jazar: You've been recorded.

Shaft: By what network?

Jazar: He asked me to put our love affair on tape.

Shaft: What's his name?

Jazar: If I tell you, will you come to bed?

Jazar: [Shaft takes off his pants] My God!

Shaft: Baby, my nose may not be too prominent. But, I got two of the longest, thickest thumbs.

Jazar: You know something? You are the first man who's ever made love to me the way a man should.

Shaft: Fantastic, baby. Write my Congressman later. Come on, get dressed.

Jazar: What ever you say, John. Oh!

Shaft: Look, get your stenographer in here and I'll give her ten minutes. And then I've got things to do.

Cusset: The law will punish him, Monsieur.

Shaft: F*ck the law! What is the law doing about the sh*theads who charge a hundred francs a month to stay in a crap house like this. Why don't you really clamp down on the slave trade? I'll tell you why. Because the black ghettos of Paris is as far away from the Champs Elysees as 125th Street is from Park Avenue! You need a bunch of po' bastards to work on your roads and your god damn kitchens! So, don't lay any of that law will punish 'em sh*t on me!

Aleme: [Last lines] Excuse me, sir. One of our passengers has asked if you'd mind comforting?

Shaft: Put it right here, baby.

Shaft: [carrying a semi-automatic shotgun] Drop the guns and freeze! When this baby starts kicking, it won't stop. So, nobody get cute!

[a thug goes for his gun and Shaft blows him away]

Shaft: Who's Next?

Shaft: What are you buzzards doing here?

Bumpy Jonas: Well, well. Ha. We go to a lot of funerals, Shaft, Willy and me. One day, we'll drop in on yours.

Willy: Real soon.

Shaft: You're not invited.

Shaft: Do you just sit around and think these things up, or do they just come to you in a flash?

Shaft: [after beating two men unconscious] Let's get the hell outta here.

Willy: You gonna leave him like that? A man can fall out the window, you know. And him, too.

Shaft: Man, don't you know we already got enough shit on the sidewalk?

Capt. Bollin: What did he tell you, Shaft?

Shaft: Stay away from black honkies with big, flat feet.

Shaft: So, what do you want from me, Captain?

Capt. Bollin: Put the word out. Nobody better try to come in here and mess up the status quo. And nobody's comin' in here to sell sh*t to our kids or put whores on our streets.

Shaft: Obviously, you're not a friend of the famiiy.

Rita: Not any more, I'm not. Not after a nasty slap in the face.

Shaft: Best thing for that is an ice pack.

Rita: Why thank you, Mr. Shaft. Why don't you come in and show me how to apply it.

Shaft: You might catch cold.

Rita: I suppose its immodest of me to walk around like this in front of a stranger. But, any enemy of John Kelly's, is an old friend of mine.

Rita: So, what am I doing in a place like this?

Shaft: Why don't you tell me.

Rita: Why don't you take your things off.

Rita: Do you have to go?

Shaft: Gotta split, baby.

Cigarette Girl: Cigarette?

Shaft: No, thank you. What else can you help me with?

Cigarette Girl: Well, I'm off at four o'clock.

Cabaret Dancer: I'm not a gamblin' woman.

Shaft: I'm a gamblin' man.

Cabaret Dancer: I thought it was my action you were diggin' here. I never took you for a gambler.

Gus Mascola: You looking for me? I've been hearing quite a bit about you, Mr. Shaft. You're a - quite a boy.

Shaft: I prefer man.

Gus Mascola: Alright, man.

Willy: What round did you go out in, man? You ain't pretty as you used to be.

Shaft: You better see a plastic surgeon about your condition.

Willy: What condition?

Shaft: Your mouth is too close to your asshole.

Shaft: Has Kelly been around here to see you lately?

Bumpy Jonas: Lots of cats come and go around here.

Willy: What are they doing?

Shaft: They've already done it. Now, it's our turn.

Rita: You sure are a hard man to find.

Shaft: Too many people lookin' for me, baby.

[points to his car]

Shaft: Look, can you drive that thing?

Rita: Anything with a stick shift is my meat.

Shaft: Is that right?

Rita: Hey, is that snow?

Shaft: It sho ain't cotton.

[last lines]

Capt. Bollin: Adios.

Shaft: Yeah, adios mother - - Captain Bollin.