Seymour Quotes in Happy Feet (2006)

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Seymour Quotes:

  • Seymour: [singing to Gloria] Gloria, I adori ya, I'd like to see more o' ya!

  • Seymour: [Gloria is singing "Somebody To Love"] Hey! I'm somebody!

  • Seymour: It's like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep from goin' under!

  • Noah the Elder: So, you dare come back?

    Seymour: He says he's found aliens and they're taking our fish.

  • Enid: I think only stupid people have good relationships.

    Seymour: That's the spirit.

  • Seymour: I can't relate to 99% of humanity.

  • [Seymour is trying to interest a fellow collector in a record he's selling]

    Paul, the Fussy Guy - Record Collector: It has a enlarged centre hole and a hair-crack.

    Seymour: But the crack is so tight it's completely inaudible.

    Paul, the Fussy Guy - Record Collector: But a tight hair-crack is just that - a crack. I don't collect cracked records. I only pay premium on mint records. Seymour, you know that. Please.

    [he walks away. Enid, who has been listening, goes up to Seymour]

    Enid: So what was all that about enlarged holes and tight cracks?

  • Enid: You know what my number one fantasy used to be?

    Seymour: What?

    Enid: I used to think about one day, just not telling anyone, and going off to some random place. And I'd just... disappear. And they'd never see me again. Did you ever think about stuff like that?

    Seymour: I guess I probably did when I was your age.

    Enid: You know what we should do? We should just get in your car right now, and just drive off. Just find some totally new place and start a whole new life. Fuck everybody.

    Seymour: I'm, uh, I'm not in any good condition to drive.

    Enid: I'm serious! I'm just so sick of everybody. Why can't I just do what I want?

    Seymour: What do you want?

    Enid: What do you want?

    [a pause. They look into each other's eyes]

    Enid: Don't you like me?

  • [Seymour shows Enid his "record room"]

    Enid: [looking at Seymour's record cabinet] Are all these records?

    Seymour: I've got about 1500 78's at this point. I've tried to pare down my collection to just the essentials.

    Enid: [looking at all the classic memorabilia in the room] Look at this room. This is like my dream room! Look at all this stuff... You are, like, the luckiest guy in the world. I would kill to have stuff like this.

    Seymour: Please, go ahead and kill me.

    Enid: Oh, come on, what are you talking about?

    Seymour: Well, you think it's healthy to obsessively collect things? You can't connect with other people, so you fill your life with stuff. I'm just like all the rest of these pathetic collector losers.

    Enid: No, you're not, you're a cool guy, Seymour!

    Seymour: If I'm so cool how come I haven't had a girlfriend in like four years? I can't even remember the last time a girl talked to me.

    Enid: I'm talking to you. You know, I bet there are tons of women who go out with you in a minute. I know I could you a date in, like, two seconds.

    Seymour: Good luck.

    Enid: I mean it. You leave everything to me. I'm gonna be your own personal dating service.

    Seymour: Yeah, well, we should get back.

    Enid: By the end of this summer, you're gonna be up to your neck in pussy.

    Seymour: Jesus!

  • Enid: How come in all that time I was trying to get you a date, you never asked me out?

    Seymour: [surprised] You're a beautiful young girl, I couldn't imagine you'd have any interest in me except as an amusingly cranky eccentric curiosity.

    Enid: At least you're not like every other stupid guy in the world. All they care about is guitars or sports.

    Seymour: I hate sports.

  • Enid: You know, we need to find a place where you can go to meet women who share your interests.

    Seymour: Well maybe I don't want to meet someone who shares my interests. I hate my interests.

    Enid: Yeah, yeah, just list your five main interests in order of importance.

    Seymour: Uh... I'd have to put traditional jazz, blues and then ragtime at the top of the list...

    Enid: Right, so, let's just say music. That way we only use up one.

  • [Seymour can't wait for two mothers and their many kids to cross an intersection]

    Seymour: What are we, in slow motion here? C'mon, what are you, hypnotized? Have some more kids, why don't you? Jesus Christ, *move it*!

  • Enid: [looking at the racist logo of Coon Chicken Inn] So, I don't really get it... Are you saying that things were better back then, even though there was stuff like this?

    Seymour: I suppose things are better now, but... I don't know, it's complicated. People still hate each other but they just know how to hide it better. Or something.

  • Seymour: So, was that your boyfriend?

    Enid: Josh? He's nobody's boyfriend. He's just this guy that Becky and I like to torture.

  • [Seymour's phone rings]

    Enid: Aren't you going to get that?

    Seymour: Let the machine get it. I have no desire to talk to anyone who might be calling me.

  • Enid: [a busty young blonde woman is walking down the street in their direction] What about her? Are you into girls with big tits?

    Seymour: Jesus!

  • Seymour: Well, I have to admit that things are really starting to look up for me since my life turned to shit.

  • [Enid is looking through some posters at Seymour's place and discovers this grotesque, racist caricature of a black man's face - the logo of Coon Chicken Inn]

    Enid: What the...? What is this, Seymour?

    Seymour: Oh, that. I borrowed that from work about 15 years ago. I guess it's mine now.

    Enid: What, are you a... Klansman or something?

    Seymour: [sarcastically] Yeah, I'm a Klansman.

  • Enid: [picking up a swinging metal ornament of a cowboy on a horse] What is this?

    Seymour: Dana got it when we went shopping for antiques. She said it didn't go with her stuff, so she gave it to me. Said it would go better with my 'old-time thingamajigs'.

    [he sighs]

    Enid: Jesus, how can you stand her?

  • [When asked what kind of women he likes]

    Seymour: Well, as long as she's not a complete imbecile and she's even remotely attractive.

  • Joe: It's a waste of time trying to logically figure out the female brain, that's for sure. Maybe she got another boyfriend.

    [farts]

    Seymour: Well... thanks for cheering me up!

  • Dana: I am so excited to see this film. Dustoff Varnya is such a brilliant director. Did you see his last film, The Flower that Drank the Moon? It was... glorious.

    Seymour: I must have missed that one. Then again, what do I know? I like Laurel and Hardy movies.

    Dana: Really? I never really cared for those. I mean, why does the fat one always have to be so mean to the skinny one?

  • Seymour: The Audrey Two is not a healthy girl.

    Mr. Mushnik: Strictly between us - neither is the Audrey One.

  • Audrey II: Feed me!

    Seymour: Does it have to be human?

    Audrey II: Feed me!

    Seymour: Does it have to be mine?

    Audrey II: Feeeed me!

    Seymour: Where am I supposed to get it?

    Audrey II: [singing] Feed me, Seymour / Feed me all night long - That's right, boy! - You can do it! Feed me, Seymour / Feed me all night long / Ha ha ha ha ha! / Cause if you feed me, Seymour / I can grow up big and strong.

  • Seymour: [singing] Poor/All my life I've always been poor/I keep asking God what I'm for/And he tells me, "Gee, I'm not sure"/"Sweep that floor, kid!"/Oh, I started life as an orphan/A child of the street/Here on skid row/He took me in/Gave me shelter, a bed/Crust of bread and a job/Treats me like dirt, calls me a slob/Which I am/So I live...

    Company: Downtown!

    Seymour: That's your home address/You live...

    Company: Downtown!

    Seymour: When your life's a mess/You live...

    Company: Downtown!

    Seymour: Where depression's just status quo.

    Company: Down on Skid Row.

  • Seymour: It's true! I chopped him up. But I didn't kill him!

  • Seymour: Every household in America? Thousands of you eating... that's what you had in mind all along, isn't it?

    Audrey II: No shit, Sherlock.

    Seymour: We're not talking about one hungry plant here, we're talking about world conquest.

    Audrey II: And I want to thank you.

  • Seymour: [singing] I don't know.

    Audrey II: Come on, boy!

    Seymour: [singing] I don't know!

    Audrey II: Lighten up!

    Seymour: [singing] I have so, so many strong reservations.

    Audrey II: Tell it to the Marines!

    Seymour: [singing] Should I go and perform mutilations?

  • Orin: [holding a dentist's tool] Let me ask you something! Does this scare you? Would you like if I took this and headed right for your damn incisors?

    Seymour: [looks terrified]

    Orin: It'd hurt, right?

    Seymour: Uh huh.

    Orin: You'd scream, right?

    Seymour: Uh huh.

    Orin: Well get your ass in here!

  • Seymour: Wait a minute, Audrey II, that's not a very nice thing to say!

    Audrey II: But it's true, isn't it?

    Seymour: No! I don't know anybody who deserves to get chopped up and fed to a hungry plant!

    Audrey II: Mmmmmm, sure you do!

    [Turns Seymour around to look out the window. They see Orin and Audrey. Orin yells at Audrey and at last hits her]

  • Seymour: [singing] Suddenly Seymour / Is standing beside you

    Audrey: [singing] Suddenly Seymour / Showed me I can...

    Audrey: [singing over sustain] Yes you can...

    Patrick Martin: Excuse me! Pardon me, beg your pardon, if you two kids would stop singing for just a moment I've got something I want to discuss with you.

  • Patrick Martin: Me and the guys at the home office have been following this plant of yours. We've come up with one incredible idea. We're very proud of it. Picture this: we take leaf cuttings, develop little Audrey IIs and sell them to florist shops across the nation. Pretty soon every household in America could have one.

    Seymour: [concerned] Every household in America!

    Patrick Martin: For starters, kid. Why, this thing could go... worldwide!

    SeymourAudrey: [to each other, panicked:] *Worldwide*?

    Patrick Martin: With the right advertising, this thing could be bigger than Hula-Hoops.

    Audrey: [to Seymour, intrigued:] Bigger than Hula-Hoops?

  • Seymour: The guy sure looks like plant food to me.

  • Seymour: Wait for me, Audrey. This is between me and the vegetable!

  • Audrey: All I ever wanted was you and a sweet little house.

    Seymour: Oh Audrey, you're the most wondeful person that ever lived. We're gonna get that little house and everything's gonna be alright, you'll see.

  • [Seymour is attempting to put a plant on a high shelf. The shelving unit falls and the plants crash to the floor]

    Mr. Mushnik: Seymour, what's going on?

    Seymour: Very little, Mr. Mushnik.

  • Patrick Martin: Whaddya say, Seymour? Do we have a deal?

    Seymour: No! Keep your contract. Nobody's touchin' that plant, you hear?

    Patrick Martin: Hey, we're offerin' a lotta money here!

    Seymour: Forget the money. Take the money and leave!

    Patrick Martin: Whaddya, nuts?

    Seymour: Yeah, I'm nuts! Get outta here!

    Patrick Martin: Hey, now, come on!

    Seymour: Go on! Get outta here!

    Patrick Martin: You're a loon!

    Seymour: Go on and get out!

    Patrick Martin: Look, I'll come back when you're in a better mood!

    Seymour: Go on, get outta here now!

    Patrick Martin: Alright!

  • Orin: Look Seymour, this could happen to you. Unless I take immediate action.

    Seymour: [helpless in dentist chair] What's that?

    Orin: [enthusiastically] A drill.

    Seymour: It's rusty!

    Orin: It's an antique. They don't make 'em like this any more. Sturdy. Heavy. Dull!

    Orin: I'm gonna want some gas fer this.

    Seymour: Oh, thank God. I thought you weren't gonna use any.

    Orin: Oh, the gas isn't for you Seymour, it's for me. You see, I wanna really enjoy this.

  • Audrey II: [Seymour quietly tries to sneak out of the shop with suitcases while the plant is asleep. As he slowly opens the door... ] Feed me.

    Seymour: Under NO circumstances.

    Audrey II: FEED me.

    Seymour: [annoyed] I will not, so stop asking.

    Audrey II: Feed me!

    Seymour: [puts down suitcase] No! No more! I can't keep living with the guilt

    Audrey II: [coldly] Tough titty.

    Seymour: You watch your language.

    Audrey II: [stands up to full height] Ooooh, cut the crap! Bring on the meat!

  • Audrey II: Tough titty!

    Seymour: You watch your language!

    Audrey II: Aw cut the crap and bring on the meat!

  • [Seymour points a gun at him]

    Orin: [while wearing a gas mask, sees it] Huh? What the hell's that? A gun?

    [laughs out of control]

    Orin: [sarcastically while laughing still] Kid's got a goddamn revolver Oh, Jesus! I'm in trouble now, huh?

    [Orin laughs still as Seymour goes nervous still pointing the gun at him]

    Orin: Oh, wait till I turn this gas off.

    [takes the cap off by accident]

    Orin: Uh-oh! Oh, give me a hand, would you? No, I guess you wouldn't, would you?

    [laughs again but coughs as he tries to take the mask off]

    Orin: You see, Seymour, I could asphyx...

    [coughs out of control]

    Orin: I could asphyx...

    [continues laughing and coughing until he collapses on the floor]

    Orin: [stops laughing] What'd I ever do to you?

    Seymour: [lowers the gun] Nothing. It's what you did to her.

    Orin: Her who?

    [Seymour does not answer]

    Orin: [finally gets it] Oh... her...

    [Orin then dies from too much nitrous oxide as Seymour goes puzzled]

  • Mr. Mushnik: [after Seymour asks why Mushnik is angry at him] Little red dots all over the linoleum, little red spots on the concrete outside - I'm talking blood, Krelborn! I'm talking under my own roof!

    [grabs an axe]

    Mr. Mushnik: An axe murderer!

    [Seymour goes alarmed]

    Audrey II: [sings off-screen] He's got your number now.

    Mr. Mushnik: I saw everything!

    Audrey II: He knows just what you've done.

    Mr. Mushnik: Everything you did to her boyfriend!

    Audrey II: You've got no place to hide.

    Mr. Mushnik: [swings the axe] I saw you chopping him!

    Audrey II: You've got nowhere to run.

    Seymour: [innocently] It's true! I chopped him up, but I didn't kill him!

    Audrey II: He knows your life of crime.

    Mr. Mushnik: [points a gun at him] Tell it to the police!

    Audrey II: I think it's suppertime!

  • Seymour: You okay?

    Audrey: Yes... no...

    [Audrey falls to the ground. Seymour helps her up and holds her in his arms]

    Seymour: Don't die, Audrey! Please don't die!

    Audrey: You know, the plant just said the strangest thing just now. It said Orin and Mr. Mushnik are already inside!

    Seymour: It's true. I did it. I fed them to it.

    Audrey: And that's what made it so big and strong, and you so famous?

    Seymour: I've done terrible things, Audrey, but not to you. Never to you.

    Audrey: But... I want you to, Seymour.

    Seymour: What?

    Audrey: When I die, which should be very shortly, give me to the plant, so that it will live and bring you all the wonderful things you deserve.

    Seymour: You don't know what you're saying.

    Audrey: But I do! It's the one gift I can give you. And if I'm in the plant, then I am part of the plant, so in a way... we'll always be together.

  • SeymourAudrey: [singing] Gee, it sure would be swell to get outta here/Bid the gutter farewell and get outta here/I'd move Heaven and Hell to get outta Skid/I'd do I don't know what to get outta Skid...

    Company: Downtown!

    SeymourAudrey: But a hell of a lot to get outta Skid...

    Company: Downtown!

    SeymourAudrey: People tell me there's not a way outta Skid...

    Company: Downtown!

    SeymourAudrey: But believe me/I gotta get outta Skid...

    SeymourAudreyCompany: ...Row!

  • [Seymour recounts how he found Audrey II]

    Seymour: You remember that total eclipse of the sun about a week ago?

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: [singing] Da-doo!

    Seymour: I was walkin' in the wholesale flower district that day...

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: Shoop da-doo.

    Seymour: And I passed by this place, where this old Chinese man...

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: Chang, da-doo.

    Seymour: He sometimes sells me weird and exotic cuttings...

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: Snip, da-doo.

    Seymour: 'Cause he knows, you see, that strange plants are my hobby.

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: Da da da da da da-doo.

    Seymour: He didn't have anything unusual there that day.

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: Nope, da-doo.

    Seymour: So, I was just about to, you know, walk on by...

    Doo-Wop Street Singer: Good for you.

    Doo-Wop Street SingerDoo-Wop Street SingerDoo-Wop Street SingerDoo-Wop Street Singer: [scatting]

    Seymour: When suddenly, and without warning, there was this...

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: ...total eclipse of the sun!

    Seymour: It got very dark, and there was this strange humming sound, like something from another world.

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: Da-doo!

    Seymour: And when the light came back, this weird plant was just sitting there...

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: Whoop, see-doo.

    Seymour: Just, you know, stuck in, among the zinnias.

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: Audrey II!

    Seymour: I coulda sworn it hadn't been there before, but the old Chinese man sold it to me anyways, for a dollar ninety-five.

  • [director's cut]

    Seymour: 'Every household in America'! That's what you had in mind, isn't it?

    Audrey II: No shit, Sherlock!

    Seymour: We're not talking about one hungry plant here; we're talking about world conquest!

    Audrey II: And I wanna thank you!

    Seymour: [distraught] You ate the only thing I ever loved!

    [Audrey II laughs at him]

    Seymour: You're a monster, and so am I! It's gotta end! It's gotta stop right here!

  • [theatrical cut]

    Seymour: [after saving Audrey from Audrey II] Are you okay?

    Audrey: Yes... No...

    [Audrey collapses]

    Seymour: Audrey! Audrey!

    Audrey: [gets back up] No, really, I'm okay.

    Seymour: I'm sorry, Audrey, I'm just so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to hurt anyone. It's just that somehow it makes things happen - terrible things. Well, I guess I should've stopped when I found out what it lived on, but it was cute and harmless, and we started doing business and making money and you like me...

    Audrey: Seymour! Do you really think I liked you because of that?

    [Seymour goes silent]

    Audrey: I liked you from the day I came to work here.

    Seymour: You mean you still like me, even if I wasn't famous?

    Audrey: [smiles] I'd still love you Seymour.

    Seymour: Really?

    Audrey: Yes. All I ever wanted was you... and that sweet little house.

    Seymour: [happily] Oh, Audrey, you're the most wonderful person that ever lived! We're gonna get that little house and everything will be okay somehow, you'll see!

    [sings]

    Seymour: Suddenly Seymour is standing beside you.

    Audrey: [sings] Suddenly Seymour showed me I can!

    Audrey: Yes, you can!

  • Nicholas Arden: [muttering as he walks through the hotel lobby] My wife is alive. My wife is alive. My wife is alive.

    Seymour: So's mine, buddy. That's why I drink!

  • Al: Your time will come, son. Have to hold you back a little. Don't want to push you too much. Save you for a rainy day.

    Seymour: Rainy day? I got some news for you, Al. I get hungry in clear weather!

  • Professor Kropotkin: My little pigeon!

    Seymour: Who's a pigeon?

    Professor Kropotkin: It's only me, Professor Kropotkin.

    Jane Stacy: Well, hello, Professor.

    Irma Peterson: Hi, Professor.

    Professor Kropotkin: Oh, Jane and Irma, my two little proud beauties! One with her head in the air and the other with air in her head.

  • Al: Now, there's the mirror. Take a look at yourself. Now, if you notice, you have deep expression in your eyes and a very sensitive chin - all the qualities of a legitimate actor - maybe even a great lover.

    Seymour: Yeah, but isn't my voice too high?

    Al: Not necessarily. You can make love to tall girls.

  • Seymour: The least you could do is show me some sympathy, Steve. When you was sick, I was very considerate. Remember when the doctor gave you only 30 days to live?

    Steve Laird: Yes!

    Seymour: Didn't I go out and get you a calender?

  • Seymour: And that's how Steve and I became pals. But he's too easygoing. He's not like me. Somebody does something I consider an offense, I don't take it. I fight back. I revolt.

    Irma Peterson: Oh, Seymour that's a sign of character and I admire you for it. I like men who are offensive and revolting.

  • Seymour: Hear, hear! I hear there's a call for able-bodied men.

    Sheriff: Yeah! Do you know one?

    Seymour: I know me! I'm able! I'm a man, and despite what you think, this is a body!

    [the crowd in the station laughs]

    Sheriff: Sorry, son, I can't take you without your mother's permission.

Browse more character quotes from Happy Feet (2006)

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