Sergeant Toomey Quotes in Biloxi Blues (1988)

Sergeant Toomey: Hey, Fred Astaire, you tryin' to tell me something?

Arnold Epstein: I have to go to the bathroom, sergeant.

Sergeant Toomey: You can't do that. We don't have "bathrooms" in the Army.

Arnold Epstein: They had them at Fort Dix.

Sergeant Toomey: Not bathrooms, they didn't

Arnold Epstein: Yes, they did. I went in them a lot.

Sergeant Toomey: I'm tellin' you, we don't have any "bathrooms" on this base. Do you doubt my veracity?

Arnold Epstein: No, sergeant.

Sergeant Toomey: Then you've got a problem, don't you Epstein?

Arnold Epstein: Ho ho.

Sergeant Toomey: You bet your ass ho ho. You know why you've got a problem?

Arnold Epstein: Because I've got to go real bad.

Sergeant Toomey: No, son. You've got a problem because you don't know Army terminology. The place where a U.S. soldier goes to defecate, relieve himself, open his bowel, shit, fart, dump, crap, and unload, is called the latrine. The la-trine, from the French.

Sergeant Toomey: What would you do if the entire Japanese Army were behind you?

Eugene Morris Jerome: Surrender and get some sleep.

Sergeant Toomey: You would need three promotions to get to be an asshole.

Sergeant Toomey: Tell me, Jerome, if a piss drunk sergeant has a loaded .45 pointed at the head of a piece of dung that the piss drunk sergeant hates and despises, how would you describe the situation?

Eugene Morris Jerome: Delicate. Extremely delicate.

Sergeant Toomey: Right. I'll be honest with you, Jerome. It was my intention of getting Epstein in here, and putting this pistol to his ear, and blowing a tunnel through his head. But you'll do just as well.

Eugene Morris Jerome: I'm sorry to hear that.

Sergeant Toomey: There's something about you New York boys that riles my ass. You don't appreciate the Army, do you?

Eugene Morris Jerome: There are some things I like.

Sergeant Toomey: Such as?

Eugene Morris Jerome: Mail. I like getting my mail.

Sergeant Toomey: You shittin' me, Jerome?

Eugene Morris Jerome: A piece of dung would never shit a piss drunk sergeant with a loaded .45.

Sergeant Toomey: In the past twenty-one days, you boys have made some fine progress. You're not fighting soldiers yet, but I'd match you up against some Nazi cocktail waitress anytime.

Sergeant Toomey: [to Epstein] I'm out there trying to save those boys' lives, you crawling bookworm. Stand in my way - and I'll PULVERIZE YA! Into chicken droppings!

Sergeant Toomey: I never had men do push ups in bed before but I could start tonight.

Sergeant Toomey: Epstein, Arnold B.

Arnold Epstein: Ho, ho!

Sergeant Toomey: Are there two Arnold Epsteins in this company?

Arnold Epstein: No, Sergeant.

Sergeant Toomey: Then just give me one Goddamn ho!

Arnold Epstein: Yes, Sergeant.

Sergeant Toomey: Epstein, Arnold B.

Arnold Epstein: Ho!