Sergeant Francois Duval Quotes in Curse of the Pink Panther (1983)

Sergeant Francois Duval: [Visiting Dreyfus in hospital after Sergent Sleigh knocked him out his office window] Is there anything I can do for you?

[Dreyfus groans in pain]

Sergeant Francois Duval: Are you in much pain?

Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: My leg hurts, but my throat is killing me.

Sergeant Francois Duval: You nearly choked to death on a goldfish

Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: Where is he?

Sergeant Francois Duval: I don't know, I don't think they kept it.

Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: Not the fish! Detective Sleigh!

Sergeant Francois Duval: [answers call] Oh it's you, good afternoon, where are you?

Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: [lying in a hospital bed and wrapped in heaps of bandages] I am in agony.

Doctor: The explosion severely traumatized your left eardrum, but if you are careful and avoid all loud noises, partial hearing should be restored in a few days.

Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: What about the ringing?

Doctor: I'm afraid that might take longer.

Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: It's very loud, I keep wanting to answer the telephone.

Doctor: Just take the medicine I prescribe, and plenty of rest.

Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: All right, thank you Doctor.

Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: [after the doctor has left, and Francois is wheeling Dreyfus down the corridor of the hospital] What if I can't distinguish the difference between the ringing in my ear and the phone?

Sergeant Francois Duval: That could be a problem.

Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: What?

Sergeant Francois Duval: It may not last much longer.

Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: I couldn't stand it if it did. Where is Sleigh?.

Sergeant Francois Duval: On his way to Valencia

Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: Valencia?

Sergeant Francois Duval: A tip from Sir Charles.

Chief Insp. Charles LaRousse Dreyfus: [Phone on wall starts ringing] There! It's getting worse.

Sergeant Francois Duval: Clouseau was trying to fix the lighter. He is sure that someone planted a bomb in the car.

Chief Insp. Charles Dreyfus: Yes. Someone should have... I mean, could have done that.

Chief Insp. Charles Dreyfus: Miss Jouvet, may I suggest that you go home and forget all about this.

Sergeant Francois Duval: Excuse me.

Marie Jouvet: I shall tell you exactly where I am going to go - directly to me office, where I shall write my next broadcast about the Mafia boss who kidnapped me, and about the chief inspector of the surute who refused to do anything about it.

Chief Insp. Charles Dreyfus: In my opinion, that would be most unwise.

Marie Jouvet: What it boils down to, Inspector, is, I don't trust your opinion.

Sergeant Francois Duval: Clouseau called. He wants me to take him to the airport.

Chief Insp. Charles Dreyfus: [taking his blood pressure] Then take him. Let the president of Lugash worry about his blood pressure a while.

Sergeant Francois Duval: He's not going to Lugash.

Chief Insp. Charles Dreyfus: What?

Sergeant Francois Duval: He's booked on the 12:15 flight to London. He suspects the Phantom to be responsible for the robbery. He said that since Sir Charles lives in England...

Chief Insp. Charles Dreyfus: Sir Charles Litton lives in the south of France.

Sergeant Francois Duval: Yes, sir. Shall I tell him?

Chief Insp. Charles Dreyfus: Don't bother. He would just say, "I know that."

Chief Insp. Charles Dreyfus: [still taking his blood pressure, the mercury begins to bolt higher]

Chief Insp. Charles Dreyfus: Trying to talk sense to Clouseau, is like Einstein trying to explain relativity to a "minkey."

Chief Insp. Charles Dreyfus: [the mercury from the blood pressure meter explodes, Dreyfus freaks out]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Jacques' bicycle bumps into Dreyfus's car] Ha! That felt good! Now then, is anyone hurt?

Sergeant Francois Duval: Yes, in the van.

Hans Zarba: My sister... is unconscious.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: She is?

Hans Zarba: She should be taken to a near hospital.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Where is she?

Sergeant Francois Duval: Uh, in the van.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Excuse me, your sister is in his van?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: No...

Sergeant Francois Duval: No, it is not my van.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Look, I'm Commissioner Dreyfus, if you will allow me...

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Excuse me just a moment, just a moment. When - excuse me - When I asked you if anyone was hurt, you replied, "Yes, in' my' van".

Sergeant Francois Duval: No, no, I said "Yes, in 'the' van", not "in 'my' van".

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: No, no, you did not say "Yes, in the van", not "Yes in the van", you said yes; you did not say "Yes, my van", not "Yes, the van"...

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Look...

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: You said "Yes, my van", not "Yes, in the van".

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Did you hear what I just said?

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Yes, I heard.

Hans Zarba: It's my van - my van.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Oh, now we're getting someplace.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Listen, you imbecile, you're...

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Hey, hey, watch your tongue, monsieur! I am an officer of the 'lauw'.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: What?

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: I said, I...

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: I know what you said, you said you're an officer of the -

[Dreyfus's face starts twitching as he repeats Jacques' mispronunciation]

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: 'lauw'.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Jacques is riding his moped when Dreyfus's red car passes him] Hey, stop! I said stop!

[Jacques' moped backfires]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Hey! Hey! Hey!

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: [to François] We haven't time to humor some bumpkin cop, lose him.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: I said, stop! Hey! Can you hear me? Hey!

Sergeant Francois Duval: I think we've lost him.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Yeah.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [François makes a sharp downhill turn, and hits Hans's Avis van at its front bumper] Look out!

Hans Zarba: [Hans gets out of his van, Dreyfus and François get out of their car] Are you all right?

Sergeant Francois Duval: Yes.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: No!

Hans Zarba: One of my passengers is hurt.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: No wonder; the way you drive, you are lucky they are not all dead.

Hans Zarba: The way I drive?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Yes!

Hans Zarba: Could we please settle this at the hospital?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: No. I am Police Commissioner Dreyfus, and I demand to see your driver's license.

Hans Zarba: [Yussa loads a clip into her gun] As you wish.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Jacques's moped bumps into Dreyfus's car, he tumbles over it] Hey! Ha! That felt good! Now then, is anyone hurt?

Sergeant Francois Duval: Yes, in the van.

Hans Zarba: My sister... is unconscious.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: She is?

Hans Zarba: She should be taken to a near hospital.

Sergeant Francois Duval: Where is she?

Hans Zarba: Uh, in the van.

[He points to the van]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Excuse me: your sister is in his van?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: No...

Sergeant Francois Duval: No, it is not my van.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Look, I'm Commissioner Dreyfus, if you will allow me...

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Excuse me just a moment, just a moment.

[to Sgt. Duval]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: When - excuse me - When I asked you if anyone was hurt, you replied, "Yes, in 'my' van".

Sergeant Francois Duval: No, no, I said "Yes, in 'the' van", not "in 'my' van".

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: No, no, you did not say "Yes, in the van", not "Yes in the van", you said yes, you did not say "Yes, my van", not "Yes, the van"...

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Look...

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: You said "Yes, my van", not "Yes, in the van".

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Did - did you hear what I just said?

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Yes, I heard.

Hans Zarba: It's my van - my van.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Oh, now we're getting someplace.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Listen, you imbecile, you're...

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Hey, hey, watch your tongue, monsieur! I am an officer of the 'lauw'.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: What?

[Dreyfus is startled when he hears Gambrelli's pronounciation of the word 'law', as if he has heard it somewhere else before]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: I said, I...

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: I know what you said, you said you're an officer of the -

[Dreyfus's face starts twitching as he repeats Jacques's mispronunciation]

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: 'lauw'.

Sergeant Francois Duval: [Sgt. Duval and Commissioner Dreyfus are waiting for Gambrelli in Duval's car outside the hospital] What makes you think he'll show up?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Oh, just a hunch. Look.

[Gambrelli rides his moped, and gets his bicycle stuck in wet cement]

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: [Gambrelli walks through the wet cement to the hospital entrance] He won't be long.

Sergeant Francois Duval: Why not?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Because there was something phony about "Mr. Jones", and those hunters with their automatic weapon; I think Mr, Jones just wanted to get out of there. I don't believe he had any intention of taking his sister to the hospital.

Sergeant Francois Duval: Looks like you might be right.

[Gambrelli walks through the cement to his moped, carrying his handlebars, and dragging his moped away]

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: [the handlebars of Gambrelli's moped come loose as he heads down the stairs towards the harbor on his moped] Oh, no. Ohhh!

Sergeant Francois Duval: [Gambrelli and his moped land in the harbor; Duval's car follows, to be stopped by a harbor barricade pillar; Dreyfus and Duval get out of the car] What if he drowns?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: He can't, not yet!

[Dreyfus jumps in to rescue Gambrelli]

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: What am I doing? I can't swim! Help! Help! Oh!

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [Gambrelli stands up] What's wrong?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: I can't swim!

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Ha ha, neither can I!

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: But then, why aren't you drowning?

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Because it's easier to stand.

[Dreyfus notices that Gambrelli is standing in shallow water]

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: What?

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Yes.

[Dreyfus stands up after he sees that the waters are shallow; Dreyfus and Gambrelli laugh at the incident]

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Who are you?

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli, second class. Who are you?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Commissioner Dreyfus, police.

[Gambrelli salutes Dreyfus]

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Come on, Gambrelli., I'll give you a lift home.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Oh, dear.

Maria Gambrelli: [Dreyfus tries to get up, but Maria makes him lie down] No, no, no, you should relax now!

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: No, I can't - I can't relax, I - I have to tell... him something. What's his name, your son?

Maria Gambrelli, Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Jacques.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Jacques - Listen, Jacques... I wanted to tell you, you are in great danger.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: I am?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: François, where's the Chief's report?

Sergeant Francois Duval: Ah, here.

[François hands the Chief's report to Dreyfus]

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: There... do you remember the unconscious girl you saw in the van?

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: [dreamily] Oh, how could I ever forget her?

[Jacques recites a line of poetry in English, then Italian]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: "Beauty to reach for you,

[in Italian]

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: spirete dia."

Maria Gambrelli: Jacques loves poetry.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Yes, I know.

[Dreyfus hands the photo to Jacques]

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: I want you to look at this photograph.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: My God, that is she! But how did you know?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: A hunch.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: A what?

Maria Gambrelli: Hunch.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: A hunch? Who is she? What is she doing in the Chief's file?

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: She's Princess Yasmin.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Princess... kidnapped. Isn't she beautiful, mother?

Maria Gambrelli: Hmm... not bad for a princess.

Gendarme Jacques Gambrelli: Ah.

[Chief Lazar enters Dreyfus's hospital room, Jacques salutes him]

Police Chief Charles Lazar: Commissioner.

[to Jacques]

Police Chief Charles Lazar: At ease, Gambrelli.

[to Maria]

Police Chief Charles Lazar: I'm glad to see that you are not hurt, Madame.

Maria Gambrelli: Thank you, Chief.

Police Chief Charles Lazar: And I'm particularly happy that you are still with us, Commissioner.

Police Commisioner Charles Dreyfus: Oh, I'm sure you are. And I'm particularly happy that you've assigned me Officer Gambrelli.

Sergeant Francois Duval: His plane to Lugash is on schedule. He will be met at the airport and, uh, taken to the hotel, where he will be contacted by one of our agents.

Andre (anchorman): We interrupt this broadcast to bring you an important news flash: A breaking story out of Nice reveals that Clouseau may have had a son.

[Dreyfus spits the soup out of his mouth when he hears the news]

Andre (anchorman): An anonymous phone caller has stated that Gendarme Second Class, Jacques Gambrelli, was, in fact, First Class Detective, Jacques Clouseau of the Nice Police force, who had recently paid a visit...

Maria Gambrelli: [enters Dreyfus's room carrying a newspaper] Charles, have you seen the morning paper?