Septimus Quotes in Stardust (2007)

[Septimus walks towards the sea-shore]

Lackey: Your Highness, the soothsayer, as you requested.

Septimus: [to the soothsayer] South you said. South we went. Still no stone. Do you now propose we start swimming?

Soothsayer: Sire, I've merely relayed to you what the runes have told me. I can do no more.

Septimus: Well, consult them again.

[the soothsayer is about to do so when Septimus halts him]

Septimus: Wait! Before we seek the stone... I have another question: Am I the seventh son?

[the soothsayer throws the runes and reads them after they fall with three joined together and one leaning away, with the runic symbols uppermost]

Soothsayer: Yes.

Septimus: Another question. Is my favourite colour blue?

[the soothsayer throws the runes once more and reads them]

Soothsayer: Yes.

Septimus: Has excessive begging or pleading ever persuaded me to spare the life of a traitor?

[the soothsayer nervously throws the runes and is afraid when they turn over scattered away from each other, with the blank side uppermost]

Soothsayer: Um...

Septimus: What does that mean?

Soothsayer: That means "no".

Septimus: Good! Throw them again. This time throw them high.

[the soothsayer throws the runes high in the air]

Septimus: [while the runes are mid-air] Do you work for my brother?

[the runes come down. Septimus removes his dagger and kills the luckless soothsayer, implying that indeed, the runes say "yes."]

Septimus: So, do we continue west?

[He throws the runes up again]

Bishop: [toasting the princes] To the new King of Stormhold. Whichever of you fine fellows it might be.

[they acknowledge him and sip their grog. The Bishop chokes and collapses forward, dead]

Tertius: Hmm.

[Tertius chortles nervously as they eye each other suspiciously; his eyes suddenly open wide; he chokes and falls forward, dead]

Septimus: [to Primus] You!

[Septimus clutches his throat and chokes, falling backward onto floor; Primus smiles, incredulous, picks up the crown as if to put it on his head. Just as he is about to put it on, Septimus bursts out laughing and rises to his feet]

Septimus: You really thought you were king!

Primus: *You* killed the bishop.

Septimus: No, Primus, I think you'll find that *you* killed the bishop, by drinking out of the wrong cup. Oh look... when you finish wrestling with your conscience, may I suggest you return to your chamber. Leave the quest for the stone to me.

Septimus: [briefing his men] Now remember Captain Shakespeare has a fearsome reputation.

[cuts to scenes of Captain Shakespeare painting a heart on his face and then dancing to the Can Can, dressed in a frock and a feather boa, intertwined with scenes of Septimus's men attacking Shakespeare's crew only to get overpowered]

Septimus: [enters the cabin and sees the Captain in drag] What the hell is this?

[outside the witches' castle]

Septimus: [as he holds a sword to Tristan's throat] Who are you? What business do you have here?

Tristan: [he sees the number 7 mark on Septimus' hand] Septimus... I knew your brother, Primus.

Septimus: Unless you wish to meet him in the afterlife, I suggest you answer my question. What are you doing here?

Tristan: I might ask you the same thing!

[Septimus realises that Tristan is holding a butter knife to his gut]

Septimus: Ah...

[they both lower their weapons and peer through the window]

Septimus: There are four of them. Do as I say and we may stand a chance.

Tristan: Wait! How do I know you can be trusted?

Septimus: You don't. Why? Do you have a choice?

Tristan: No.

Septimus: Well then, let's go.