Senator Kevin Keeley Quotes in The Birdcage (1996)

Senator Kevin Keeley: [in drag] Meet me in 20 minutes at the corner of El Dorado and Palm.

Keeley's Chauffeur: Lady, not for a million dollars.

Senator Kevin Keeley: [in drag] No one will dance with me. I think it's this dress. I told them white would make me look fat.

Barbara Keeley: [in female drag] What about me? I'm just as pretty as the rest of these guys!

Agador: Senator, another shot for you?

Senator Kevin Keeley: I don't really drink...

Agador: Yeah, but now's the time to pretend!

Senator Kevin Keeley: Louise, I'm the Vice President of the Coalition for Moral Order! My co-founder has just died in the bed of an underage black whore!

Louise Keeley: Who is this boy, Barbie? When was the last time you saw him?

Barbara Keeley: Please don't call me Barbie. This afternoon at two o'clock. We've been sleeping together for a year.

Senator Kevin Keeley: Oh God, has he been tested?

Louise Keeley: Oh, Kevin!

Barbara Keeley: Yes, and so have I.

[Louise screams]

Louise Keeley: It's so dangerous! You could've fallen!

Senator Kevin Keeley: I did!

Senator Kevin Keeley: Louise, people in this country aren't interested in details. They don't even trust details. The only thing they trust is headlines.

Senator Kevin Keeley: [in drag] Don't leave me. Don't leave me here. I don't want to be the only girl not dancing!

Senator Kevin Keeley: Oh, I got to fire this woman. Uh, Miss Porter, page two, second paragraph, it's "porno", not "pronto".

[on the phone]

Senator Kevin Keeley: Hello, Ben. Ready for what? WHAT?

Louise Keeley: What's the matter, Kevin?

Senator Kevin Keeley: Jackson's dead.

Louise Keeley: Oh my God!

Senator Kevin Keeley: He died in bed? Whose bed? A prostitute?

Louise Keeley: No!

Senator Kevin Keeley: A minor? And black?

Louise Keeley: What?

Senator Kevin Keeley: I don't believe this! I don't FUCKING believe this!

Louise Keeley: I noticed you didn't have this kind of blind sympathy for Bessy Jackson!

Senator Kevin Keeley: Bessy Jackson is an insensitive cow!

Senator Kevin Keeley: She's a small town girl and he's a pretentious European. The worst kind. Him and his Cold' whatever... his decadent china. I've seen this all before. Aristotle Onassis was like this. And all of the French. Especially Mitterand. And the English. Not Margaret Thatcher, of course. But you can't tell me John Major doesn't have something on the side.

Senator Kevin Keeley: That's just what Rush Limbaugh said!

Senator Kevin Keeley: I'm so glad I got on Jackson's bandwagon instead of Dole. Dole is just too, too...

Louise Keeley: Dark.

Senator Kevin Keeley: Well, I was gonna say liberal, but he's dark, too.

Senator Kevin Keeley: I feel like I'm insane.