Selridge Quotes in Biloxi Blues (1988)

Eugene Morris Jerome: Carney, you're first. You're gonna be dead. Killed in action. What do you want to do with the last few days of your life?

Carney: I'd sing at Radio City Music Hall. Five shows a day, my own spot. In the audience are five thousand screaming, gorgeous girls and every one of them wants me. And there's one man, the president of Decca Records, and he wants to give me a big contract, and I have to make a choice.

Selridge: [whispering] Take the record contract. I would take the record contract.

Carney: Right. Right, I'd take the record contract.

Selridge: Ha! Moron! He coulda humped five thousand girls and now he's got a record contract that ain't worth shit!

Carney: Wrong. 'Cause now I'm a big star and everyone knows that stars get all the girls they want.

Selridge: Oh, yeah? How? You're dead! Girls don't go out with dead record stars!

[the boys are waiting their turn to see a prostitute]

Eugene Morris Jerome: Hey, what if she's ugly. I mean, really ugly.

Selridge: Then you close your eyes and you think of some cheerleader.

Eugene Morris Jerome: I don't want to close my eyes, that's the same as doing it to yourself.

Selridge: Not if you're feeling someone underneath you, or on top of you.

Eugene Morris Jerome: On top of me? Who would be on top of me?

Selridge: She would. She could be anywhere. Under a table, on a chair, or an ironing board.

Eugene Morris Jerome: On an ironing board? What kind of girl is this? I thought we were going to a regular place.

Selridge: Don't you know anything?

Eugene Morris Jerome: Maybe not in actual experience, but I have all the information I need.

Selridge: You don't know shit, Jerome. Do you know how many positions there are?

Eugene Morris Jerome: American or worldwide?

Carney: (laughs) This guy is a riot.

Selridge: For five bucks, how many positions are there?

Eugene Morris Jerome: Let me think.

Selridge: Do you want me to tell you?

Eugene Morris Jerome: No.

Selridge: I'm gonna tell you. There are seventeen acceptable positions.

Eugene Morris Jerome: Acceptable? What is there, an Olympic committee that votes on positions.

Carney: I can't believe this guy is from New York.

Eugene Morris Jerome: Besides, you're wrong. There's fifty-two positions.

Selridge: Fifty-two? You're crazy. Where did you ever get that from?

Eugene Morris Jerome: I saw a dirty deck of cards once.

Selridge: This jerk is worse than Epstein.

Eugene Morris Jerome: You owe me five bucks.

Selridge: Hey, listen, twerp. You're lucky if you do one position.

Eugene Morris Jerome: I'm not doing anything if it's on an ironing board.

Carney: Why not? You'll get your shirt pressed for free.

Joseph Wykowski: I've got three enemies now, Jerome. The Japs, the Germans, and you!

Eugene Morris Jerome: I wasn't in on that Pearl Harbor thing.

[Epstein, who has a problem with flatulence, selects the bunk next to Selridge]

Arnold Epstein: Is this bunk taken?

Selridge: Oh, no! I don't mind dyin', but I don't wanna get my nose blown off...