Sean Armstrong Quotes in Collateral Damage (2002)

[as Armstrong notices Guerillas]

Sean Armstrong: Don't even look at those guys unless you can kill 'em.

Sean Armstrong: I hate kids!

Sean Armstrong: [Corinne almost hacks off Sean's hand for touching her pie] Nice shot.

Corinne: What do you mean nice? I was aiming for your wrist, what are you doing in my kitchen?

Sean Armstrong: I'm Sean Armstrong, the bodyguard.

Corinne: Mr. Nanny!

Sean Armstrong: [Corrine's writing Sean's name on a list of nannies] What're you doing?

Corinne: This place is like the roach motel, the nannies check in...

Sean Armstrong: But they don't check out. Yeah... that's not so many names.

Corinne: Kuh!

[Presses a button, causing the list to drop down several sheets]

Sean Armstrong: Oh... I can handle myself.

[Walks into a door]

Corinne: I hope your Blue Cross is paid up!

Sean Armstrong: Show some respect, Burt saved my life.

Burt Wilson: Oh yeah, I took a bullet for this guy, nicked an artery, you should've seen the blood pumping out, ka-bloom, ka-bloom, ka-bloom - nearly hit the ceiling.

Kate Mason: Eeeew!

Alex Mason, Jr.: Cool!

Thanatos: I ordered you to throw that match, cost me money, big money!

Burt Wilson: Oh yeah? Bigger than your hair?

Sean Armstrong: We don't throw matches.

Burt Wilson: Yeah, tell ya what, if you was soaked in some gasoline, we'd throw some matches, y'know the flaming kind, and with that fur-ball on top of your head, you'd make one hell of a torch.

[laughs]

Sean Armstrong: Must've hit him pretty hard, he landed head first in the swimming pool of the hotel next door.

Alex Mason, Jr.: Must've made a killer splash!

Sean Armstrong: Na, the pool was empty, it would've killed him, but his hair cushioned the fall.

Burt Wilson: Of course they couldn't scrape up all of his brain goo but he got a nice metal plate in the slammer.

Sean Armstrong: If you're getting ready for a fight, you just need attitude, not muscles.

Alex Mason, Jr.: That's easy for you to say when you're the size of a redwood.

Sean Armstrong: I was a big kid, I still got whooped every day. My old man never taught me to take care of myself, he never taught me nothing.

Alex Mason, Jr.: So how'd you get them to stop beating on you?

Sean Armstrong: I graduated.

Alex Mason, Jr.: Oh.

Sean Armstrong: Then this little guy Burt taught me some attitude.

Sean Armstrong: You survived.

Corinne: I'm tough, I raised my 4 kids by myself.

Sean Armstrong: [Corinne hits him with a frying pan] What'd you do that for?

Corinne: For making a mess, Porky!

Sean Armstrong: You could've asked me to clean it up.

Corinne: Sure but where's the fun in that?

Burt Wilson: You know I'm going to need a partner here.

Sean Armstrong: Thanks but you know I haven't had a vacation since... since I met you.

Burt Wilson: Vacation? Well you know if you need me I can get out of this monkey suit at any time.

Corinne: And how far do you think you're going to get on TWO broken legs?

Sean Armstrong: [drives up near the kids' school] This is my old school, you mean to tell me you guys go to public school?

Alex Mason, Jr.: Ooooooohhh, he can read. Our dad did think it was a great place... but when he finds out you used to go here...

[Sean drives up to the school]

Alex Mason, Jr.: Hey what're you doing? It's hard enough fitting in without everyone knowing we have a Rolls Royce.

Sean Armstrong: What're you talking about?

Kate Mason: Alex has no friends.

Sean Armstrong: Like I'm so surprised.

Kate Mason: I can't sleep.

Sean Armstrong: Do what you did last night.

Kate Mason: I couldn't sleep then either.

Sean Armstrong: You must've slept sometime.

Kate Mason: Yeah, before my mommy went to Heaven.

Sean Armstrong: You know, my dad died when I was a kid, but I don't think he went to Heaven.

Kate Mason: You mean he went to...

[Sean nods]

Kate Mason: Oh.

Sean Armstrong: [after getting drenched in the bathroom] Kids. They're just...

Alex Mason, Jr.: [from downstairs] Sean, dinner! Here, piggy, piggy, piggy, piggy! SOOEY!

Sean Armstrong: kids.

Guard #1: Where do you think you're going?

Sean Armstrong: I'm looking for Mr. Mason.

Guard #1: Is that so? Get off the bike.

Sean Armstrong: What for?

Guard #1: Just do it, butthead!

Sean Armstrong: Forget it.

Guard #1: Are you deaf or just plain stupid?

Sean Armstrong: No, I've just got a real low tolerance for gorillas in rent-a-cop suits.

Guard #1: Gorillas, huh?

[hits Sean's bike with nightstick]

Sean Armstrong: Shouldn't have done that.

[fights back]

Sean Armstrong: [throws Guard #4 through wall of security booth] So where's Mason's office?

Burt Wilson: [when Sean wants to quit] Do me one last favor.

Sean Armstrong: What's that?

Burt Wilson: Go by my house and turn off the gas in my oven.

Sean Armstrong: Why can't you turn it off?

Burt Wilson: BECAUSE MY HEAD'S GONNA BE IN IT!

Burt Wilson: Give me 20 bucks for the cabbie, quick.

Sean Armstrong: Keep the change.

Cabbie: [sarcastically] Gee! A whole quarter.

Burt Wilson: A quarter? Gimme that! This ain't Christmas!

Sean Armstrong: [playing ballerinas with Kate] Burt, lovely to see you. You look positively effervescent. May I offer you tea? Perhaps a watercress sandwich?

Burt Wilson: Knock it off! And get outta that thing!

Sean Armstrong: Oh! You mean my leotard? Ah, the ballet. It enhances grace. I'm a changed man.

[Sean picks Burt up]

Burt Wilson: Aah! Hey! Put me down, you klutz!

Sean Armstrong: I'm not a klutz anymore, Burtinsky.

[trips over rolled-up rug]

Sean Armstrong: Oh!

[crashes into potted plants]

Kate Mason: He's not as far along as I thought.

Sean Armstrong: Darn, I jet'ed when I should've pli'ed.

Burt Wilson: And I used to share a hotel room with you?

Alex Mason, Jr.: [Armstrong has just fallen into a swimming pool of red dye] Wow! Now all he needs is a pitchfork and a pointy tail.

Sean Armstrong: That... is... it.

[slips back into pool]

Sean Armstrong: Whoa!

Alex Mason, Jr.: See ya!