Seaman Buckman Quotes in Down Periscope (1996)

[while all the other crew members are working hard cleaning the boat, Stepanak is sitting in a lawn chair and sunning himself]

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Stepanek, what are you doing?

Stepanek: As little as possible, sir. I'm a detriment to the entire operation. Total morale crusher.

Lt. Comd. Dodge: You know, of course, that the submarine service is entirely volunteer. All you have to do is quit.

Stepanek: My old man won't let me.

[Sarcasticly]

Stepanek: He's an admiral. Thinks sub duty will shape me up. Ha!

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Well, I'm afraid you leave me no choice, son, but to relocate you.

Stepanek: Really?

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Really.

[Seaman Buckman passes by]

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Buckman!

Seaman Buckman: [suddenly stops and spins around... ] Yes, Sir?

[... and accidentally knocks Stepanek over the side and right into a trough of oil waste]

Lt. Comd. Dodge: Thank you, Buckman. That'll be all.

Lt. Comd. Dodge: All right, everybody, it's time to kick this pig! Leave Graham squealing from the feeling!

Planesman 1st Class Jefferson 'R.J.' Jackson: Squeaking from the freaking.

Seaman Buckman: Oinking from the boinking.

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: Jesus, Buckman! This stuff's been on the Stingray since Korea! This can expired in 1966!

Seaman Buckman: [tasting contents of can] What's the matter, sir? It still tastes like creamed corn.

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: Except it's *deviled ham*!

Seaman Buckman: Now that would be a problem.

Seaman Buckman: The name's Buckman.

Seaman Nitro 'Mike': Uh... Nitro, hi.

Seaman Buckman: Interesting nickname, what's your real name?

Seaman Nitro 'Mike': Nitro.

[pauses]

Seaman Nitro 'Mike': I'm working on a nickname, though.

Seaman Buckman: Oh yeah?

Seaman Nitro 'Mike': Yeah. Listen to this... Mike.

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: [loudly] Buckman! What the hell are you doing?

Seaman Buckman: Stocking the pantry, sir!

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: You forgot like an idiot, Buckman, because you're stocking the pantry like an idiot!

[grabs two cans]

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: What are in these cans?

Seaman Buckman: That one's coffee, and that one looks like cooking lard, sir.

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: And which one do you think we're gonna be using more often, sailor? The coffee or the lard?

[Buckman shakes his head uncertainly]

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: You think we're all gonna jump out of bed in the morning and have a big, hot, steaming cup of pig fat?

Seaman Buckman: Well, it depends. If it's a cold morning, sir, you might go either...

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: [knocking down the cans] The lard is in your head, Buckman! Now you take a look at that galley chart, because I want that cabinet repacked, regulation style, by 1100! Do you know what time 1100 is?

Seaman Buckman: That would be after 1000, sir!

[from trailer]

Seaman Buckman: You ever hear of the mile deep club?

Lt. Emily Lake, Diving Officer: You ever hear of the salad bar?

Lt. Comd. Dodge, Stepanek, "Sonar" Lovacelli, Planesman 1st Class Jefferson 'R.J.' Jackson, Seaman Buckman, Seaman Stanley 'Spots' Sylvesterson, Seaman Nitro 'Mike': [singing] It's a short little walk bound for eternity/ Yo-ho and blow the man down.

Seaman Nitro 'Mike': [Sinatraish] Blow that nutso kooky punk back downtown!

Seaman Buckman: Hey, Nitro, isnt't that one of my chickens?

Seaman Nitro 'Mike': No, it's a, uh, parrot, uhh, from the Carribean.

Seaman Buckman: Well, don't let it fly away. That's supper.

Seaman Nitro 'Mike': Arr.

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: [yelling] Buckman! There was a fingernail in my food, ya fatass moron! Yesterday, it was a Band-Aid!

Seaman Buckman: Sorry, sir. The Band-Aid was holding the fingernail on.

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: What else do you put in your sauce, Buckman?

Seaman Buckman: It's an old family recipe, sir. It's a secret.

Executive Officer Martin T. 'Marty' Pascal: Oh, my God! There's cockroaches in the flour! Your cigar ash is in the spaghetti!