Scott Dantley Quotes in Head Office (1985)

Max Landsberger: Since the 1984 oil discovery in New Guinea, we have sold the Bu!kais hill tribesmen 20 of our S-24 fighters. At $21 million per unit, that's $252 million. This has started a local arms race between the Bu!kais, and their local neighbors the Kla!klalas. Now the Kla!klalas also happen to be sitting an a large amount of oil. And now the Kla!klalas want to buy 20 of our new X-24/X-Ray Ultra Pursuit fighters for a total of $480 million.

Pete Helmes: What are the chances of war between them?

Bob Nixon: Very good sir. Our spare parts replacement contracts could be very lucrative.

Pete Helmes: Who trains their flight personnel?

Max Landsberger: Well, as near as we can assess it... well... they don't actually fly the planes. They sort of roll them down hills... crashing them into each other.

Scott Dantley: Personally, I think that it's a shameful waste of incredible kill power.

Pete Helmes: Make the deal.

Bob Nixon, Scott Dantley: Absolutely.

Pete Helmes: In the old days, I'd-a had that son of a bitch in cement and dumped into the river before you can say Henry Ford!

Scott Dantley: Unfortunately, these are the post-Watergate '80s.

Pete Helmes: Well, then shoot him!

Scott Dantley: Not a wise idea, sir.

Pete Helmes: I'm one of the most powerful men in the world, and if I can't have someone shot, then what the hell does it mean to have power anymore!

Pete Helmes: Okay now, what do you say Jack?

Jack Issel: I say that you two guys, are two of the biggest assholes I've ever met.

Scott Dantley: You're way out of line, Mister Issel!

Pete Helmes: Jack, this is a very complicated foreign policy issue at stake here!

Jack Issel: Don't give me this "foreign policy" stuff. I call it contemptible horse shit... sir! You just want to buy yourselves a country as if it was a stolen TV set. Then you launder hot goods and dirty dealings through something you call "foreign policy." My God. America's a democracy. We're not some international fried chicken chain!

Bob Nixon: We have a very *nasty* terrorist problem in San Marcos, don't we, Senator?

Sen. Issel: Mm-hmm.

Scott Dantley: If the army had the guns, we just might be able to stop the killing.

Pete Helmes: It's a bitch of a problem, isn't it, Jack?

Jack Issel: Well, actually, I've been reading that it's the *army* that's doing most of the killing.

Bob Nixon: Ha.

Sen. Issel: Jack, the army has been busting its ass to eliminate the murder and the torture and the human rights violations down there.

Scott Dantley: Left-wing terrorists fire-bombed our 26th Mr. Chicken franchise just yesterday.

Pete Helmes: The Marxists are denying the people of Latin America their right to eat Mr. Chicken. And, they're denying Mr. Chicken his human right to franchise and make a profit.

Scott Dantley: Well, I sure as hell don't want some made-in-Moscow Mr. Cabbage Roll shoved down my throat against my will.

Bob Nixon: Absolutely. Those peasants deserve the dignity and human right to eat Mr. Chicken when and where they please.

Pete Helmes: And Jack, when that right is threatened in the Western Hemisphere, it becomes a national security issue for the United States of America. We're talking of the very survival of the entire concept of internationally franchised chicken, Jack! You've got work to do.

Scott Dantley: Jack Issel? Scott Dantley, chief executive officer of INC. Welcome aboard.

Jack Issel: Thank you, sir. It's good to be here.

Bob Nixon: Bob Nixon, chief financial officer. My pleasure.

Scott Dantley: [to Jack] I know your father. Great senator, great American, outstanding human being.

Jack Issel: Well, he's managed to stay out of jail despite the bribery, corruption, tax evasion, solicitation, and domestic abuse charges that have been brought against him. At least me and my Mom are proud of him for that, sir.

Scott Dantley: Mr. Helmes wants Senator Issel's, um, full cooperation when we make our Latin American move. What did you get on him?

Bob Nixon: [as he hands Dantley papers] Yes, sir. He's, uh, Washington's strongest supporter of big business: that's his voting record. We've contributed a hundred fifty thousand to his last campaign, and laundered it through our Mexican banks: these are the canceled checks. His wife is a heavy boozer: those are copies of her liquor store bills. He's having an affair with a DC hooker named Kitten Davis: those are the Polaroids. He's been bribed by all the major oil companies: these are telephone transcripts. And of course, the standard men's room shots.

Scott Dantley: Fine.

Bob Nixon: And his son's graduation is this morning.

Scott Dantley: Perfect.

Scott Dantley: God, I love this company. I love the action. I love how it test you ever minute of every day. Let your guard down for one second, and the entire system will run over your like a Mac truck. It's merciless.

[as Dantley is talking we cut to Steadman throwing a chair out of his office window]

Scott Dantley: But when you're up there in that cab, gripping that wheel, pedal to the metal, foot to the floor, flat out screaming down the highway, wind at your heels, the entire power of a multinational corporation pounding on the hood. Ha! Nothing like it. Nothing in the world.

[there is a WHOOSH as a body falls past the window and lands in the plaza fountain far below. Jack, Nixon, and Max run forward and look out the window with Dantley who continues to talk in a casual tone]

Scott Dantley: Uh... Bob? What was Frank Steadman wearing this morning?

Bob Nixon: [also talking casual] An old blue suit, sir.

Scott Dantley: That's what I thought. Steadman.

[shrugs]

Scott Dantley: Oh, well.

Jack Issel: My God!

Scott Dantley: The exhilaration of power, that what we're all here for, Jack. But you got to have what it takes. Am I right, Nixon?

Bob Nixon: Absolutely, sir. You're always right. Steadman's dead.

Scott Dantley: Looks like it. Anyway, the company is a world onto itself. Company givith, company taketh away. The strong survive, the weak fall. Jack?

Jack Issel: [turns back towards Dantley] Yes?

Scott Dantley: We won't be easy on you, but I promise you this... be a better man for it.

[Frank Stedman crawls out the window of his car and runs atop and then between cars to get to INC, passing the car carrying Scott Dantley and Bob Nixon]

Scott Dantley: [on phone] Hi, Sid, Scott Dantley. Sid, the SEC's really got us by the balls in this Stedman stock deal. Mr. Helmes wants him terminated. Uh-huh, wants his, uh, desk out, his- his chair out, carpet out, parking privileges revoked- hold, on Sid.

Scott Dantley: [to Bob Nixon] Turn it up.

Female Financial News Host: [on TV] Can the stockmarket survive a nuclear holocaust? Yes, says our next guest, and he'll tell us what stocks to buy and what to sell in the event of a thermonuclear exchange right after these messages.

Scott Dantley: [into phone] Listen, Sid, Mr. Helmes *is* the company, he doesn't give a flying *shit* about Stedman's loyalty, and, uh, he wants him out by lunch!