Scientist Quotes in Pineapple Express (2008)

Scientist: Private Miller, you've been smoking item nine for seven minutes and thirteen seconds. We're going to ask you several questions. How do you feel?

Private Miller: Ah, well, sir, I feel like a, like a slice of butter... melting on top of a big-ol' pile of flapjacks... yeah.

General Bratt: When did it start?

Scientist: At 0500. We're seven minutes in.

Scientist: Okay, Private Miller, you've been smoking Item 9 for seven minutes and 13 seconds. We're going to ask you several questions. How do you feel?

Private Miller: Well sir... I feel like a... like a slice of butter... melting... on top of a... big old pile... of flapjacks... yeah.

Scientist: Okay, Private Miller, when you think of your superiors, what emotions do you feel?

Private Miller: [giggles and starts to beat box a swinging big band]

Scientist: [losing patience] Okay, Private Miller?

General Bratt: Is this normal?

[First lines]

General Bratt: When did it start?

Scientist: At 0500. We're seven minutes in

Scientist: Okay, Private Miller, you've been smoking Item 9 for seven minutes and 13 seconds. We're going to ask you several questions. How do you feel?

Private Miller: Well sir... I feel like a... like a slice of butter... melting... on top of a... big old pile... of flapjacks... yeah.

Scientist: Okay, Private Miller, when you think of your superiors, what emotions do you feel?

[Private Miller giggles and starts to beat box a swinging big band]

Scientist: [losing patience] Okay, Private Miller?

General Bratt: Is this normal?

Scientist: I see. Why waste your time?

Colonel: It's a Soldier's Duty. You wouldn't understand.

[first lines]

Scientist: We had such potential. Such promise. But we squandered our gifts, our intelligence. Our blind pursuit of technology only sped us quicker to our doom. Our world is ending. But life must go on.

Scientist: 9, you shall protect the future.

Scientist: We dreamed of creating the world's most powerful Pokemon...

[Mewtwo prepares to fire]

Scientist: ... and we succeeded.

Mewtwo: So I am simply the end result of your experiment. What becomes of me now that your experiment is over?

Scientist: Oh our experiment isn't over yet, it's just beginning. Now the serious testing begins!

Mewtwo: [feeling betrayed] These humans... they care nothing for me.

Rohit Mehra: This virus wasn't born, it was made.

Scientist: Who would do something like that?

Rohit Mehra: A really sick person.

Scientist: Wait! You can't! This is impossible!

Phantom of Krankor: Be silent. I am Dictator of Krankor. I assure you that the word "impossible" is a word which for me... does not exist!

Phantom of Krankor: Now, gentlemen, your time has come. Prepare to leave Krankor.

Scientist: What's that?

Phantom of Krankor: Prepare to leave. Each of you will enter a space capsule.

Scientist: What?

Scientist: You're next, little Podling!

[puts Podling in chair]

Scientist: This won't hurt. We just want to drain your living essence. Then you can be the same as the other Podlings here, a slave.

[turns to his assistant]

Scientist: Open the wall!

[wall opens revealing fiery shaft]

Scientist: Now, Podling. Out there is the great shaft of the castle. Position the reflector.

[reflector moves into position]

Scientist: The reflector will capture the beams of the Dark Crystal floating high above. Look into the relfector, Podling. Feel the power of the Dark Crystal!

[the reflector shines purple light into the Podling's eyes]

Scientist: Mmm, yes, and now the beam will rid you of your fears... your thoughts... your vital essence.

Scientist: Like all successes of science that have been achieved before, this also is due to the pitiful sacrifice of one of the humans we have kept under observation. He was 100 years old.

Il re Yotar: What does the sacrifice of a man matter when it serves to further the progress of science? Nothing.

Thurgood Jenkins: If you ever need a guinea pig, let me know. My grandfather was in the Tuskegee experiments.

Scientist: [Nervously] Oh really...

Local News Anchor: [overlapping narrations] If a clock could count down to the exact moment you meet your soul mate, would you want to know? That's the claim of manufacture's of a new devices called, the TiMER. The next evolutionary step in computer match making, the TiMER lets you know when your perfect match has entered you life...

Scientist: ...discovered that all humans are on a path to true love, implanted just after the onset of puberty, and powered by body heat, the TiMER monitors level of oxytocin, the hormone of love...

man: ...it zeros-out at midnight the night before, and then the next day it could go off at any second, and you get your soul mate...

CEO: Are you tired of sitting around waiting for love? Your days of watching and wondering are over. Say goodbye to heartache and disappointment. Now you can be on the clock - true love on a schedule. Introducing TiMER, and revolutionary device that tells you not only *who* your soul mate is, but *when* you'll meet them. TiMER, take the guess work out of love.

Scientist: I've invented a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends.

Don: Uh, right, and what's positive about that?

Scientist: Well, it's a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends.

Don: Couldn't it also give worms to ex-boyfriends?

Scientist: This is a drug... for the world... to give worms to ex-girlfriends.

Don: Well, great. Thanks for stopping by.

Scientist: You just don't get it here! Huhoooo!

Scientist: Please don't take my monkeys!

Scientist: [as he's dragged away] It was only a couple of flipper-babies!

[the scientist tries to tell the animal activists that the apes are infected]

Scientist: In order to cure. You must understand.

Activist: Infected with what?

Scientist: [the scientist hesitates to answer] Rage.

[the female activist is bit by the infected ape]

Activist: [as she screams] I'm burning!

Activist: What the fuck is a matter with her?

Scientist: We have to kill her!

Scientist: That's a 2500 dollar globe! What are you guys doing?

Scientist: Do you know how much depends on this? We had to shut down the Buzz Lightyear!

Scientist: Pull the string! Pull the string!

Scientist: Beware. Beware. Beware of the big, green dragon that sits on your doorstep. He eats little boys, puppy dog tails and big, fat snails. Beware. Take care. Beware.

Scientist: People... all going somewhere... all with their own thoughts... their own ideas... all with their own personalities.

Dr. Alton: Therefore two entirely different cases, handled in two entirely different ways have a happy ending.

Inspector Warren: Yeah, those two. But what of the hundreds of other less fortunate Glens, the world over?

Scientist: Yes. But what of the others, less fortunate Glens, the world over? Oh, snips and snails and puppy dog tails.

Scientist: Beware! Beware of the big green dragon that sits on your doorstep. He eats little boys... Puppy dog tails, and BIG FAT SNAILS... Beware... Take care... Beware!

Scientist: No one can really tell the story. Mistakes are made. But there is no mistaking the thoughts in a man's mind. The story is begun.