Scientific Pedant Quotes in Hollywood Party (1934)

Scientific Pedant: No no no, Professor, your dissertation refutes every scientific theory.

Scientific Pedant: But Doctor, please reflect on the profounder aspects of the matter and consider the vital points of my thesis.

Scientific Pedant: But gentlemen, your theories are distinctly contradictory.

Autograph Seeker (Larry): Are you guys actors or hillbillies?

Autograph Seeker (Moe): Come out from under the spinach Gable, we know you.

Scientific Pedant: [Moe pulls the professor's beard] Yow-ow-ow!

Scientific Pedant: Out of the way, morons. We are of the scientific world, not of Thespis.

[leaves]

Scientific Pedant: Look, look, this proves my point: a perfect specimen of the Neanderthal man.

Scientific Pedant: [points at Curly] What, that? Oh no, look at the measurements.

[examines Curly's head]

Scientific Pedant: Look at that, look at that. Why, that's the androgynous type. I can prove it. The androgynous cranium is always hollow, now just listen.

[hits Curly on the head with the cane with a hollow "thud" ]

Scientific Pedant: No, no, no, no, Professor, you're wrong.

[examines Curly's head]

Scientific Pedant: That is the skull of the anthropedal.

Scientific Pedant: No, that's more like the skull of the anthropedia.

[examines Moe]

Scientific Pedant: Listen.

[hits Moe's head with his cane, with a "bonk", turns to Larry]

Scientific Pedant: Ah, the obvious Neanderthal type, now.

[hits Larry's head with his cane, making a "click"]

Scientific Pedant: Now just note the difference: Neanderthal,

[hits Larry]

Scientific Pedant: anthropedial,

[hits Moe]

Scientific Pedant: androgynous.

[hits Curly]

Scientific Pedant: Well, there you are.

Reporter: Hey fellas, seen any prominent people? There's a lot of prominent people here.

Autograph Seeker (Larry): Yeah: neanderthal!

[hits reporter with cane, making a "ding" sound]

Reporter: Who?

Autograph Seeker (Moe): Andro-phobia.

[takes cane, hits reporter]

Reporter: What?

Autograph Seeker (Curly): Androgenes.

[takes cane, hits reporter]

Reporter: What, are you kidding?

[gives Moe, Larry and Curly a sweeping slap with xylophone sound effects]

Reporter: Hold it!

[takes a picture of Moe, Larry and Curly]

Reporter: Okay.

[goes to the door, turns away after seeing the butler]

Reporter: Heh-heh, I'll skip this joint.

Scientific Pedant: What about Mendelism?

Scientific Pedant: But from the Neanderthal man to the Cardiff giants, it has been an absolute theory!

Scientific Pedant: You are speaking pragmatically.

Scientific Pedant: Peripetatically.

Scientific Pedant: In spite of all that, you still insist that Huxley's theory is authentic?

Scientific Pedant: Most emphatically, I do.

Durante: [Jimmy rises from his chair] I differ.

Durante: [background music starts to play] Doing some research work for the Smithsonian Institute, I was called in consultation by Professor Ebbleworth, that eminent philantherist who had heard what I did for Einstein and his relatives. Professor Ebbleworth says "Jimmy, I need you. I want to consult with you about a subject which has baffled all the scientists of the world: namely reincarnation." Not the carnation I'm wearing so jauntily in my buttonhole, no. Not the carnation of a king, but reincarnation, a ponderous question.

[chuckles]

Durante: Professor Ebbleworth and me, being the only two guys who knows the lowdown - What is reincarnation, you mugs? You earthworms, you incompoops, you chuckleheads? Last night, with my head on my lacy pillow, I was a man dreaming I was a butterfly, sipping the sap from flower to flower, just like a little butterfly. I had butterfly worries, butterfly desires, just a man dreaming I was a butterfly. How do I know now that I'm not a butterfly, dreaming that I'm a man? Wait, I can see myself now:

Durante: [sings] I go way back to Adam, Adam and his madam, Boys, I was Adam!