Schoolteacher Quotes in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)


Schoolteacher Quotes:

  • Reese Bobby: [walks into the classroom] Excuse me, darling. I'm Reese Bobby. I'm here for career day with my son, Ricky.

    10-year-old Ricky: Dad!

    Reese Bobby: Hey there, boy! Man, you got big. How long's it been? Three, four months?

    10-year-old Ricky: Ten years.

    Reese Bobby: Ten years? Man, I gotta lay off the peyote.

    [puts a cigarette in his mouth]

    Schoolteacher: Mr. Bobby, there's no smoking in here.

    Reese Bobby: Oh, it's all right, darling, I'm a volunteer fireman. Okay, I am a semi-professional racecar driver and an amateur tattoo artist.

    Classmates: OOOOHHHH!

    Reese Bobby: And the first thing you gotta learn if you're gonna be a racecar driver, is that you don't listen to losers like your know-it-all teacher here.

    Schoolteacher: Okay, I think that's enough.

    Reese Bobby: Your teacher wants you to go slow, and she's wrong because it's the fastest who get paid and it's the fastest who get laid.

    [classmates all cheer]

  • Schoolteacher: Okay, next up is Ricky Bobby. Ricky, is your father here?

    10-year-old Ricky: No, ma'am. I haven't seen my daddy in years. But, my mama say he's out racing cars, and, well, dipping his wick in anything that moves.

    [classmates laugh at what Ricky said]

    Schoolteacher: Okay, kids, that's enough. Were gonna move on to Brennan.

    10-Year-Old Cal: Don't pay them no mind, Ricky.

    10-year-old Ricky: Thanks, Cal. Shake and Bake. You'll be my best friend forever.

  • Waffle House Manager: [it's career day at Ricky's school and a girl is introducing her father] I'm happy that Waffle House was okay with me coming here to talk to y'all about my day-to-day. And, y'all, that's pretty much, in a shell what it's like to manage a Waffle House. Ma'am, I don't know what else you want me to say to them. And I'm also gonna need to know where your commode's at.

    Schoolteacher: Okay, let's give him a round of applause. Thank you.

  • Schoolteacher: Mrs. Delle Rose. I don't understand how a woman that acts like you could have such a sweet and refines young girl for a daughter.

  • Schoolteacher: Miss Flagg, I represent 100,000 young matrons. We switched a whole study course from the menace of Communism to the inspiration of Hazel Flagg.

  • Schoolteacher: You spell "Needle"!

    Oliver: [pause] N-E-I-D-L-E.

    Schoolteacher: There is no "I" in needle!

    Stanley: Then it's a rotten needle.

  • Schoolteacher: Now, what is a comet? You!

    Prisoner: A comet. A comet is a star with a tale on it.

    Schoolteacher: Right.

    [points to Stan]

    Schoolteacher: Name one.

    Stanley: Rin Tin Tin.

    Schoolteacher: D'oh!

  • Schoolteacher: We will now have the roll call. Those that are here will answer "present". Those that are not here will say "yes."

  • Schoolteacher: We shall now have an intelligence test. Who was Columbus?

    Prisoner: The mayor of Ohio.

    Schoolteacher: [pause] What did he do?

    Insurgent Convict: He died.

    Schoolteacher: Well, of course he died. Who killed him?

    The Tiger: Cock Robin.

    Schoolteacher: Who said *that*?

    The Tiger: I did.

    Schoolteacher: [pause] Correct.

  • Schoolteacher: What is a blizzard?

    Stanley: A blizzard? A blizzard is the inside of a buzzard.

    Schoolteacher: Fresh, huh?

  • Schoolteacher: How many times does three go into nine?

    Stanley: ...Three times.

    Schoolteacher: Correct.

    Stanley: And two left over.

    Schoolteacher: [nods; Ollie begins to giggle] What are you laughing at?

    Oliver: There's only one left over.

    Schoolteacher: D'oh!

  • Schoolteacher: [watching a Nazi bookburning] I'm writing a novel myself. I'd be very disappointed if you gentlemen don't burn it.

Browse more character quotes from Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)