Schlemmer Quotes in Beerfest (2006)

Otto: Despite your thievery, we are prepared to buy it from you right now... in cash.

[opens suitcase of euros]

Jan Wolfhouse: Big deal. A suitcase full of monopoly money.

Schlemmer: Come on, those are euros.

Landfill: What's that, like pesos?

Otto: That is legal European tender!

Rolf: I told you we should have brought Deutsch marks.

Gunter: But they are so hard to find!

Chief Petty Officer Dowdy: [after Schlemmer crashes police motorcycle off end of dock] Schlemmer! Get up here, you idiot! What're you tryin' to do?

Schlemmer: [jumping back in the water] I forgot my motorcycle!

C.R. MacNamara: Schlemmer, I want all those people out there to drop everything and stand by for orders! General alarm, complete mobilization!

Schlemmer: Ah, like the good old days, yes, sir!

[But later, Schlemmer recognizes the reporter Untermeyer (played by Til Kiwe)]

Schlemmer: Herr Oberleutnant!

C.R. MacNamara: You two know each other?

Schlemmer: He was my commanding officer.

C.R. MacNamara: In the subway?

Schlemmer: No, after that, when I was drafted.

C.R. MacNamara: Aha! Gestapo!

Schlemmer: No, no, SS.

C.R. MacNamara: Just between us, Schlemmer, what did you do during the war?

Schlemmer: I was in der Untergrund: the underground.

C.R. MacNamara: Resistance fighter?

Schlemmer: No, motorman. In the underground, you know, the subway.

C.R. MacNamara: Of course you were anti-Nazi and you never liked Adolf.

Schlemmer: Adolf who?

C.R. MacNamara: No, don't pack his old clothes!

Schlemmer: What shall we do with them?

C.R. MacNamara: Burn them! But first have them disinfected!

C.R. MacNamara: [Schlemmer has returned from East Berlin wearing Ingeborg's dress] Schlemmer!

Schlemmer: Yes, sir? I'm sorry I didn't shave this morning.

Ingeborg: Look at my dress! It's ruined!

C.R. MacNamara: Did you have any trouble getting out of East Berlin?

Schlemmer: No, but I had a little trouble in West Berlin. I was picked up by an American soldier in a Jeep. He was very fresh, wanted to take my picture for something called "Playboy?"