Schatze Page Quotes in How to Marry a Millionaire (1953)

[Referring to older men marrying young women]

Schatze Page: Look at Roosevelt, look at Churchill, look at that old fella what's his name in The African Queen.

Schatze Page: I can't shack up with a dame I've never met before and she's crazy too!

Pola Debevoise: You don't have to. She'll come up and you'll see if you like her. If you don't...

Schatze Page: Is she any help to this?

Pola Debevoise: Let's see

[over the phone to Loco]

Pola Debevoise: Hey Loc, how much money you got?

Loco Dempsey: [on the phone] I got a quarter.

Pola Debevoise: Great. Pick up lunch on your way over.

Loco Dempsey: Ok, how many.

Pola Debevoise: Three

Loco Dempsey: Ok, I'll be there in 15 minutes.

[hangs up]

Schatze Page: Well that's a big contribution to a million dollar proposition. One whole quarter!

Pola Debevoise: Maybe, but she's awfully clever with a quarter.

Loco Dempsey: I wouldn't mind marrying a Vanderbilt?

Pola Debevoise: Or Mr. Cadillac.

Schatze Page: No such person. I checked.

Loco Dempsey: Is there a Mr. Texaco?

Loco Dempsey: You don't think he's a little old?

Schatze Page: Wealthy men are never old.

Pola Debevoise: I want to marry Rockefeller.

Schatze Page: Which one?

Pola Debevoise: I don't care.

Schatze Page: You wanna catch a mouse, you set a mouse trap. All right so we set a bear trap. Now all we gotta do, is one of us has got to catch a bear.

Loco Dempsey: You mean marry him?

Schatze Page: If you don't marry him, you haven't caught him, he's caught you.

Schatze Page: Most women use more brains picking a horse in the third at Belmont than they do picking a husband.

Schatze Page: We'd better put a check on that one. Nobody's mother lives in Atlantic City on Saturday.

[repeated line]

Schatze Page: [to Tom Brookman] Just as soon as I finish this, I never want to see you again.

Schatze Page: Next thing you got to remember is the gentlemen you meet on the cold cuts may not be as attractive as the one you meet in the mink department at Bergdorf's.

Loco Dempsey: But he was cute, don't you think?

Schatze Page: Sure he was. But then I never met one of those gas pump jockey that wasn't.

Loco Dempsey: Is that what he is?

Schatze Page: You bet your life he is. I know those guys. I married one once.

Schatze Page: I was nuts about him. Know what he did to me. First he gave me a phony name. Second, he was already married. Third, the minute the preacher said amen, he never did another tap of work. Then he stole my TV set and gave it to a car hop. When I asked him about that, he hit me with a chicken.

Pola Debevoise: A live chicken?

Schatze Page: No, a baked chicken; stuffed.

Schatze Page: The first rule is, gentlemen callers have got to wear a necktie!

Schatze Page: Wait a minute I want to hear from Mr Filler-up. Just what would you estimate your fortune at?

Tom Brookman: Oh, about $200,000,000 I should imagine.

Schatze Page: Might that all be in cash?

Tom Brookman: I suppose I could dig up a couple of million in cash if I wanted to.

Schatze Page: And what might the rest be in?

Tom Brookman: Some oil, some airline stock, a little steel, some cattle down in Texas, a couple of coal mines in Alabama, a bit of real estate here and there, some automobile stock, the Brookman building and of course Brookman Pennsylvania.

Tom Brookman: [addressing the short order cook] Give me the cheque Mac

Tom Brookman: [as he peels off a $1000 bill from a roll of notes] Keep the change Mac

[Crashing of glass Schatze Page, Pola Debevoise and Loco Dempsey fall from their chairs at the counter in an unconscious state]

Tom Brookman: [as the three men raise their beer glasses] Gentlemen, to our wives